The Meaning of Life

Another cheery day in the gringo's life... But seriously I mean I dont really look forward to anything anymore, going through drug evaluations and fighting speed and alcholism this is fucking stupid. I wake up every morning just hoping that today will be better than the last, didnt go to school today and Im so behind in every class that I am pondering not going back tomarrow Im sick of everything. Girlfriend hates me lately and even when she doesnt theres always something wrong, shes a drama queen. Im never really happy except when Im painting but I suck and I havent sketched in about a month. I dont even remember the last time I painted, I cant paint because I've got drug charges up the wazoo and Im too pussy to break probation on curfew and vandalism charges. Lol actually I dont even think Im happy when I am thinking about graffiti anymore cant concentrate on anything. I just sit around making top romen and listening to music. I cant play the guitar anymore and my voice is so fucked because of all the cigarettes I've been smoking. Keep making plans to quit smoking or start break dancing but I dont have the fucking modivations. But seriously nothing excites me anymore and there is not inspiration in my life. Did I mention Im too much of a pussy for suicide and I know thats not a good idea anyway. I cant cry anymore, Im emotionally dead. I dont even smile anymore cept when Im thinking about days when I was so drunk or stoned that I ended up doing stupid funny shit. Arrrr Im wondering if everyone in the world is feeling the same way I do now. I think we should just stop civilization and start little tribes and shit and kill each other with spears that would be phat. Put like war paint on my face and shit. This world is so complicated and stupid that its caved in on itself and became a living hell, well atleast for me, but I know there are a million other heads out there that feel the same way I do about life... wow this is a lot of writing no ones going to read this or else seeking is just going to shut it down. And even if he doesnt no one will respond because what can you say to this? "yea life sucks dude, get a helmet" and then people will just go off to talk about "pics of hot chicks" and how hard it is to take a skateboard on an "airplane" or some other randomly stupid shit... yea well fuck you all cause life sucks and i'd kill myself if I had the balls or if I didnt care about my friends and family so much. Speaking of that why is it so hard to talk to them? why why why "life sucks, die"

 

other thoughts I didnt mention:

 

- father is miserable and hates me too

 

- dont have time to go to aa meetings anymore because of choir?

 

- Im in a choir? isnt that some geeky shit?

 

-De Gringo

way to rule out all possible efforts to give you any support.

 

"yea life sucks dude, get a helmet"

Originally posted by ¿EL GRINGO?

Another cheery day in the gringo's life... But seriously I mean I dont really look forward to anything anymore, going through drug evaluations and fighting speed and alcholism this is fucking stupid. I wake up every morning just hoping that today will be better than the last, didnt go to school today and Im so behind in every class that I am pondering not going back tomarrow Im sick of everything. Girlfriend hates me lately and even when she doesnt theres always something wrong, shes a drama queen. Im never really happy except when Im painting but I suck and I havent sketched in about a month. I dont even remember the last time I painted, I cant paint because I've got drug charges up the wazoo and Im too pussy to break probation on curfew and vandalism charges. Lol actually I dont even think Im happy when I am thinking about graffiti anymore cant concentrate on anything. I just sit around making top romen and listening to music. I cant play the guitar anymore and my voice is so fucked because of all the cigarettes I've been smoking. Keep making plans to quit smoking or start break dancing but I dont have the fucking modivations. But seriously nothing excites me anymore and there is not inspiration in my life. Did I mention Im too much of a pussy for suicide and I know thats not a good idea anyway. I cant cry anymore, Im emotionally dead. I dont even smile anymore cept when Im thinking about days when I was so drunk or stoned that I ended up doing stupid funny shit. Arrrr Im wondering if everyone in the world is feeling the same way I do now. I think we should just stop civilization and start little tribes and shit and kill each other with spears that would be phat. Put like war paint on my face and shit. This world is so complicated and stupid that its caved in on itself and became a living hell, well atleast for me, but I know there are a million other heads out there that feel the same way I do about life... wow this is a lot of writing no ones going to read this or else seeking is just going to shut it down. And even if he doesnt no one will respond because what can you say to this? "yea life sucks dude, get a helmet" and then people will just go off to talk about "pics of hot chicks" and how hard it is to take a skateboard on an "airplane" or some other randomly stupid shit... yea well fuck you all cause life sucks and i'd kill myself if I had the balls or if I didnt care about my friends and family so much. Speaking of that why is it so hard to talk to them? why why why "life sucks, die"

 

other thoughts I didnt mention:

 

- father is miserable and hates me too

 

- dont have time to go to aa meetings anymore because of choir?

 

- Im in a choir? isnt that some geeky shit?

 

-De Gringo

 

i feel ya there bro

"the hollow men"

 

a bit long but well worth the read...one of my favorite poems

t.s. eliot

 

We are the hollow men

We are the stuffed men

Leaning together

Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!

Our dried voices, when

We whisper together

Are quiet and meaningless

As wind in dry grass

Or rats' feet over broken glass

In our dry cellar

 

Shape without form, shade without colour,

Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

 

Those who have crossed

With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom

Remember us--if at all--not as lost

Violent souls, but only

As the hollow men

The stuffed men.

 

 

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams

In death's dream kingdom

These do not appear:

There, the eyes are

Sunlight on a broken column

There, is a tree swinging

And voices are

In the wind's singing

More distant and more solemn

Than a fading star.

 

Let me be no nearer

In death's dream kingdom

Let me also wear

Such deliberate disguises

Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves

In a field

Behaving as the wind behaves

No nearer--

 

Not that final meeting

In the twilight kingdom

 

 

This is the dead land

This is cactus land

Here the stone images

Are raised, here they receive

The supplication of a dead man's hand

Under the twinkle of a fading star.

 

Is it like this

In death's other kingdom

Waking alone

At the hour when we are

Trembling with tenderness

Lips that would kiss

Form prayers to broken stone.

 

 

The eyes are not here

There are no eyes here

In this valley of dying stars

In this hollow valley

This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

 

In this last of meeting places

We grope together

and avoid speech

Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

 

Sightless, unless

The eyes reappear

As the perpetual star

Multifoliate rose

Of death's twilight kingdom

The hope only

Of empty men.

 

 

Here we go round the prickly pear

Prickly pear prickly pear

Here we go round the prickly pear

At five o'clock in the morning.

 

Between the idea

And the reality

Between the motion

And the act

Falls the shadow

 

For Thine is the Kingdom

 

Between the conception

And the creation

Between the emotion

And the response

Falls the Shadow

 

Life is very long

 

Between the desire

And the spasm

Between the potency

and the existence

Between the essence

And the descent

Falls the Shadow

 

For Thine is the Kingdom

 

For thine is

Life is

For Thine is the

 

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper.

one of these days ii'm just going to say "Fuck this shit" and lash out at myself or someoen else. i am on the verge of venting my frustations on anyone whenever the situation arises. oh wel.l yeah " life sucks,die" were and are once again becoming my life aspirations(that term makes no sense)but i dont care about anything anymore. my friendships are fucked i just sit in school even though i did do that already..i do well without even trying but i don't give a shit and my friendships with good friends are fucked. i owe my old friend who was a good friend money and once i pay him im going to punch him straight in the jaw because i'm sick of shit and just dont give a fuck about anything or anyone anymore. everyone including me can fuck off that is my attitude towards life and everything nowadays. and i never get to do al the shit that i enjoy anymore cus i dont have time or it ends up half assed

well i'm sorry for wasting time i dont even know why i'm typing now so hopefully something wil stop me form typing or living anymore.............................

at least i'm not the onnly one

yeah dude i know kinda how you feel. nothing to look forward too, just to go to sleep. but then il just have to get up and go to the same classes, tag the same spots, like the same girls, take the same retarded tests. i cant cry. crying feels so good, but i just cant. a couple weeks ago i beat my self untill i bled. i was seiously pacing back and forth arguing with my self over all this dumb shit i do to myself. everything bad i feel, its all my fault. this love that hurts so much is all my fault just for thinking i had a chance in the first place and letting my self get out of control. i mean really what is the point of life? no one is going anywhere when they die. yeah its a nice thought, going to heven, but its all a load of shit that children are blinding dragged into at young ages. thats how it keeps going. i wish there was something i could do for you, do for all of us, do for any of us, buts its all hopeless. fuck

alright you depressed motherfuckers....if it makes ya happy I read what you wrote and feel for you....I've felt similarly myself in the past...and the best I can think to say is that it'll pass...

and also it helps to consider how much freedom you still have...like the fact that just being able to walk down the street -without anyone stopping you!...is a wonderful thing to be appreciated...the simple pleasures and whatnot

for what it's worth...I pray...and things always seem to work out for the best...but I won't get into that here....just maybe try and find something you believe in that can give you direction...in case you don't already...after all..who can really say any particular faith is just propaganda or "shit"? it's a big mystery..a big problem..and we're not the first, nor the smartest to have had to struggle with it...

 

....but if worse comes to worse you could just look at the "rabbit/pancake" thread:D

Originally posted by beardo

way to rule out all possible efforts to give you any support.

 

"yea life sucks dude, get a helmet"

 

 

Damn Im good, feeling a little better now, Depression comes in cycles, soon enough you'll find something stupid that will grab attention to your mind and you'll give up the self pity for awhile... peace out Gs :spent:

I don't want to tsay that I know how oyu feel because everyones situations are different. I can say that I am at that point in my life where

Things aren't really going my way. My father hates me too, i don't have job, I am not going to school and it seems as if life is leaving me behind just to wroght and decay..i see other people advancing in life being successful and being just happy in general. I know that life is a cycle and that everyone hit this point at least once in thier life. I suppose it builds character and defines what you are. I was told once that the definition of hell is what you are right now meeting what you could of become! It is so hard to keep focus on goals and juggle lifes adversities. It is just extremely hard to go to school just for a piece of paper that said look at me I complete this course, so now give me my degree. Getting a job is similar, in thatyou must show that piece of paper and if you don't have it it automatically disqualifies you from having any chances! This frustrates me the most because it limits you capabilities, even though you posses the knowledge and talent to preform the job..All I can suggest it to look back on the goals that you set! If you have none, make some. Painting for me is temporary satisfaction, it does justice to my life for about three hours and then I remember I have to come home to a house ful of hate and disgust! painting soothes that, but it lasts only for that period of time when i am actually not thinking about life and focussing on my piece...

I honestly hope you get some help for some of those things that bring you down kid(s) cause if you can kick a habbit then you can get on track an keep on keep'n on! Lifes a garden, dig it!!!!!!!!

word!! big ups to my boy asic for helping a kid out when i need it! i appreciate all the things you sacraficed and time you spent on tryingto help!!!!! one love...

are all u guys emo or something?!

 

gosh all i do read on 12oz is someone complaining and what not. some one who thinks that their life is so terrible that they wanna commit suicide, but yet go on here and talk about it. it may be some kinda outlet for you guys, but are you kiddin yourselves here? its life ...get over it. i dont mean to be harsh at all, but it seems that you are complaining about so many petty things!! there are so many people far worse than u are at this point. you chose to take the drugs, so take the consequences and deal with it. you chose to be lazy and not go to school, sufer the consequences. gosh, do something about it!! i am not going to front like i have had the best life. i have thought about those things, when i was a teenager. then i realized, that i was being selfish and petty and trying to find something to blame. and it seems that u are doing that. so what did i do? i got off my ass and made my life happy and changed everything from sad to positive. and excluded shit in my life that will fuck me up. so why arent u doing it? doesnt matter what age either....get off your ass and and do something instead of complaining about it.

people that complain are annoying..

Re: are all u guys emo or something?!

 

Originally posted by Devilush

so what did i do? i got off my ass and made my life happy and changed everything from sad to positive. and excluded shit in my life that will fuck me up. so why arent u doing it? doesnt matter what age either....get off your ass and and do something instead of complaining about it.

 

 

Whos kidding now....how the hell did you do that?

 

Two things that annoy me is extrawhinning and extraoptimism,

Gringos post is all about whinning, beardos advise is wise and the closest thing that can help him.

Devilush's post is the same nayve in the other way round.

aw come on now. it is so pointless to be complaining about something that you can change. life is about choices. i choose to exlude the shit that was making my life hell. which isn't much if you are a teenager if you really think about it. so life throws you shit, well slap it back, deal with it, or let it roll off your shoulders and hope it the smell goes away. it's your choice of what you want to do with it.

Re: are all u guys emo or something?!

 

"are all you guys emo or something?!" <--- hahahahahaha... man that's funny! i was just talking about emo too! hahahaha.. shit..

 

cornelius:"yeah, my weekend is gonna be pretty emo.. tilley and i are goin out... gonna do some graffiti type rowdiness.."

friend:"man... my weekend is gonna be emoer than yours... i have to drive allie and mark to a get up kids show, she got me a ticket, so i have to go too..."

cornelius: "UGGGGGGHHHHH EWWWWWWW EWW EW!!!"

friend: "yeah man, you don't have to tell me twice.."

cornelius: "man... i'm sorry...."

word devilush! thats what i'm saying....When life gives you lemons, make lemonaide!!!

Re: are all u guys emo or something?!

 

Originally posted by Devilush

gosh all i do read on 12oz is someone complaining and what not. some one who thinks that their life is so terrible that they wanna commit suicide, but yet go on here and talk about it. it may be some kinda outlet for you guys, but are you kiddin yourselves here? its life ...get over it. i dont mean to be harsh at all, but it seems that you are complaining about so many petty things!! there are so many people far worse than u are at this point. you chose to take the drugs, so take the consequences and deal with it. you chose to be lazy and not go to school, sufer the consequences. gosh, do something about it!! i am not going to front like i have had the best life. i have thought about those things, when i was a teenager. then i realized, that i was being selfish and petty and trying to find something to blame. and it seems that u are doing that. so what did i do? i got off my ass and made my life happy and changed everything from sad to positive. and excluded shit in my life that will fuck me up. so why arent u doing it? doesnt matter what age either....get off your ass and and do something instead of complaining about it.

 

Yea, Its not like I post a million of these, like you said it was a vent. Yesterday was shitty and today was worse and none of my friends wanted to talk cause they are all to occupied with their lives and dealing with they're own shit to listen to mine. So rather than go insane and shoot up a school or something I chose to bitch and complain openly and if anyone wanted to reply so be it; Throwing a pity party and everyones invited. Dont get me wrong Im not saying that my problems are so bad and life is oh so hard, just general complaining about stupid shit thats bothering me and the hardships of being a teen (as corny as that sounds). I know Im very lucky to have the life I have and I am aware of how much I take it for granted, I need to get out of this American Bubble Im living in and notice how lucky I am. Anyway thanks for the input didnt expect this thread to even go this far. Well 13 hours and 2 packs of cigarettes later Im now cured and ready to move on to tomarrow, yeehaw... Anyway thanks again for the input :dazed:

I can see you have already joined the club.Good luck.

check ot the pancake rabbit thread that'll cheer you up......

A SERIOUS RESPONSE.

 

I was there, so I know.

Here's the real deal. I'm surprised more people haven't figured this out and made it public knowledge.

ALCOHOL & DRUGS, used the way most young people use them (binge style, and/or fairly often), gradually fuck up a part of the brain called the LIMBIC. It's a physical corner of your brain responsible for governing your emotions. The damage is very physical: corroded nerve endings, the wrong amounts of certain mood affecting chemicals being produced by the damaged sector, etc. The result is depression. Your moods will mostly be bad (anger, despair, frustration, complete lack of motivation, loss of enjoyment of various activities, difficulty getting up from the couch, etc.). Some days will be better than others, but the TENDENCY will strongly favor bad feelings. You've physically damaged your emotional control center, so it's going to spit out the "wrong" emotions until it's fixed. A lot of people don't like to think of their brain in those strictly mechanical terms, but it's true.

There's one cure: TWO YEARS of sobriety. Your brain needs a long time to heal and completely rebuild the limbic and get it running like new again. It's not enough to be sober a couple months, then go back to substances. Back to square one if you do.

The first three months are hell. Your moods don't really improve, and you're denied your usual escape route (your favorite drug).

The second three months suck. But you'll notice more good days, and a slight reduction in the severity of the bad days.

The next six months you'll see big improvements in mood and stability. At the end of one year, you should be 90% there.

The last 10% comes slowly - taking about another year - but it's a lot easier to deal with, because you're most of the way and your emotions are much more on an even keel. You'll even get back that ability to laugh hard for almost no reason - something small strikes you funny and you can enjoy it fully.

After two years you're back to normal (emotional stability like you had before you started drinking & drugs, whenever that was). Sobriety DOESN'T solve all your problems - just gives you a much more serene, stable emotional state, in which you can deal with your problems a lot better.

This is the real deal, medically certified. THERE ARE NO SHORTCUTS. And the hardest thing is that, starting from a depressed and weak state, you're in the worst possible shape to gather the willpower to stay sober day after day with no immediate improvement. It took me a few tries. I just passed the 5-year mark, and it's not even a big deal - the last 3 years it's been easy to avoid substances, since I felt what they did and I know how long it takes to fix the damage.

I don't know if they mention this in AA. I never went, because I heard they had a god angle - making you admit you don't have the power over your drinking or whatever, and you had to believe in a higher power, which I never did. I just believed that the brain is a machine, and a damaged machine gives fucked up output, and that I had to give it time to work out all the crap I threw into it. When I was 30 or 60 days sober and having a terrible day, I just said to myself, "My current emotions are exaggerated due to brain damage. They're false emotions and I'm not going to act on them. If I still have days like this after 2 years of sobriety, I'll kill myself, but not until then." I won the bet.

 

(P.S. I'm not shitting on AA, I just heard their philosophy was something I couldn't sell myself, so I did it my own way. If it works for others, more power to them and to the AA system.)

I encourage people to print out my last post and stash the paper away deep in their belongings. Maybe you feel OK today, like your original complaint wasn't that bad and this advice is "heavier" than your life requires right now. But you might hit a lower point in a few years, and be deeper in the clutches of addictive behavior and depression, and my advice will still be true then when you need it more.

What about being depressed and sober for years?http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon5.gif'>

Thats some serious shit

I used to be depressed and angry too, my suggestion is, get off the drugs, thats proabbly what put you here right now... I actually realized one day that being depressed is so stupid so when i start to get depressed ig et scared and then for some reason im happy. What you really should do, no joke, is become a hobo, or try hitchikeing around. Or just travel to some place to get away. And I know school is a total bitch and its hard to keep up, but if you do you will be greatful, summer will be here sooner then you think.

 

YOu need to take a trip to some beautiful outdoor place, like the rocky mountains, then you can appriciate the beuty of life. Humans, and citys are such bullshit, and very depressing, get out and do something.

 

Hope I could help....

and man try to cut down a lot on the ciggs, i realize its hard to quit, but at least a pack a day reduction will do you well.

I really wanna do that actually just be a hobo and go on a road trip to whatever and back without dieing haha, gimme something to live for or talk about. I dunno just so me a different side of life, who knows, anyone got any suggestions of this being a good/bad idea?