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Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by boogie hands, Jun 27, 2002.

  1. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    do to the suggestions of a certain Mental Invalid i have indeed decided to run for election in '04 with, yes, you guessed it....Mental Invalid as my running mate. during this time i will breifly go over my veiws on the major issues affecting our country, after which i will feild questions and then be whisked away to my strech hummer for a afternoon of hennessy and victoria secret models.

    THE ENVIROMENT- gas powered vehicles will be a thing of the past. i will impose new guidelines for the automobile industry with an emphasis on alternative power sources. in the spirit of enviromentaly safe transportation i will also ban SUVs....that is excluding the escalade and the hummer which are mandatory for optimal balling.

    HEALTH CARE- i plan on following the route of our northern brothers and providing free health care for our nation. there will be no tax increase due to the amout of money that will be saved by using alternative power sources.

    EDUCATION- teachers will be paid more, sports players will be paid less. really...what are the sports players going to say? theyre going to find a new job? sure...ive got an opening in my janitorial staff that would be perfect for you....

    INCLIMATE WEATHER ON BARBEQUE DATES- this will be outlawed completly. a good barbeque takes careful planning, marinating the meat, renting the keg, etc. etc. and it is completly unacceptable for it to rain on the date of a scheduled barbeque. i fully realize that this could have some impact on farming which is why i have set aside rain date through out the year to keep mother nature "regular" while still providing dissapointment free cookouts.

    SHOES- i have planned to impose a 1 million dollar penalty on any shoe company found responsible for the manufacturing of shoes that in anyway resemble space boots. in addition i will require reebok to manufacture the reebok classic in 8 different color combinations.

    other less important issues....

    FLAVORED BEER- the consumtion of flavored or "iced" beer will now be a class A felony, in addition all males found guiltly of this act will be required to get breast implants and only wear baby tees with the words "i have no taste or class....please slap me for being a complete pussy".

    TOILET PAPER- all manufactuers of toilet paper will now be required to stay at a 2 ply minimum and the words "toilet paper" on the packaging will be replaced with the words "shit tickets" because its funny.

    i (and my running mate if he feels inclined) will now take questions from the press....
  2. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    uhhh... yeah... I love Grimby. Can I have some more bumper stickers?
  3. 455

    455 Guest

    haha.....fuck,you should run for the election.....you got 1(one) vote.
  4. Dyptheria

    Dyptheria Guest

  5. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,316 Likes Received: 138
    you got my vote. :)
  6. I was gonna say "Count me in!!", but then I noticed that the penalty on flavored beer was considered a "less important" issue. I'm not endorsing leadership with such faulty priorities. Beer,

    El Mamerro
  7. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    word beer,

    it should go like this....

    Beer, tax cuts, the national debt, Strippers, Health Care, Shit Tickets, Defence come last.
  8. No, it should go like this:

  9. ubejinxed

    ubejinxed Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 7,543 Likes Received: 3
    who is your opponent?

    is there someone running against you, or do u win by default.

    and i like flavored malt liquor/beer drinks so i don't know if i support that one.....

    can we add, no crying babies on airplanes??
  10. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,316 Likes Received: 138
    or anywhere??;)
  11. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    i win by default...im boogie hands goddammit

    you can drink flavored beer if you are a girl...its still a bit more sexy to have a nice pint of amstel though

    no crying babies in exchange for a fifth of bombay saphire and a night at the strip club on you....

    and zesto...your fucking crazy if you think shit tickets after the national debt...no way...not during my term
  12. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    you missed the 'all males' part. You can drink whatever you want.
    It's the men who are forbidden to consume "Spiced Apple - Berry Vodka Coolers"

    and mamerro... did you get that flick last night ?
  13. boogie hands

    boogie hands 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 15, 2001 Messages: 16,059 Likes Received: 13
    p.s.- calling the president a dildo will not be permitted and the assumption will be made that you are indeed a drinker of flavored beer.....
  14. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

    this shit will not be tolerated !!

    * can I get a seat on the senate ??
  15. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,316 Likes Received: 138