mental invalid Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 grandstanding has been taken to a whole new level....... Free Will Astrology horoscopes for week of May 1, 2003 Aries (March 21-April 19) Are you the kind of Aries who pushes on doors that have "pull" signs? Do you think it's a thrill to open cartons from the end that reads "open other end"? Do you love to drive in the carpool lane when you're alone in your car? If so, I hope I can convince you to use your rebellious energy more constructively. You're now in possession of the finest insurrectionary energy I've seen in many moons. Your brilliant disobedience could overthrow a status quo that's sorely in need of being replaced. Taurus (April 20-May 20) A fresh fad has broken out among university students in China: drinking milk from baby bottles. Psychologists decry this as regressive behavior, claiming it represents a subliminal yearning to return to childhood and avoid adult responsibilities. I suppose that may be true if it becomes habitual. But I'm going to recommend that you take up the practice for just one week, Taurus. Make it a ritual that helps you reclaim your innocence and see the world with the eyes of an unspoiled kid. Gemini (May 21-June 20) "I'm too frustrated to do what it would take to get myself unfrustrated." Has a thought like that crossed your mind recently? I bet it has. Or how about this: "I'm too confused to figure out what questions I'd need to ask to clarify the issues." Again, I'd be surprised if you haven't felt that way in the last few days. What to do about it? Here's my solution: Stop the world. Drop out of your trance. Run away to a sanctuary where you can make time stand still for a few days. Empty your mind, relax your ambitions, and steep yourself in primal silence. Cancer (June 21-July 22) From a psychological and spiritual perspective, Cancerian, it's harvest time. The moment has come to reap the fruits you've sown since last July. Judging from my astrological analysis, I believe your yield will include an abundance of ripe beauties and just a few ripe uglies. And even those uglies could serve you well if used as fertilizer for your next round of planting, which is scheduled for the weeks after your birthday. (P.S. Here's my guarantee: If you don't rake in emotional riches very soon, I'll eat your shoe. In the unlikely event your harvest is paltry, send your shoe to me at P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA 94915.) Leo (July 23-August 22) "Sometimes the mountain is hidden from me in veils of cloud," Denise Levertov wrote in her poem called "Witness." "Sometimes I am hidden from the mountain in veils of inattention, apathy, fatigue, when I forget or refuse to go down to the shore or a few yards up the road, on a clear day, to reconfirm that witnessing presence." This week, Leo, you're more likely to be hidden from the mountain than vice versa. If it happens, though, it won't be due to inattention, apathy, or fatigue, but because of your intense attunement to your own magnificence. This is not a bad thing in itself, of course, but it will be if it keeps you from communing with the mountain. Therefore, see if you can do both: Be an alert witness full of self-love. Virgo (August 23-September 22) In New York last January, a talking carp began shouting religious advice in Hebrew to an Hispanic food preparer who was about to turn it into a meal. The restaurant owner came in to investigate the commotion and became a second witness to the event. The New York Times reported the story, and soon a local Hasidic sect was proclaiming the fish's message to be a direct communication from God. Though many people laugh with derision when they hear this tale, I retain an open mind. The Divine Trickster has appeared to me in equally unusual forms. No doubt you will share my perspective by the end of this week, Virgo. You're about to have a visitation that's maybe a little less mysterious than a talking fish, but not by much. Libra (September 23-October 22) I never dreamed that one day I'd have a pet wasp. But here she is, buzzing tenderly around my head as I compose this horoscope. I call her Scheherazade. She has been here three weeks. I lost all fear she would sting me after the first day, when she landed on me several times without incident. She seems content with the food and drink I leave out for her, and I swear that now and then she performs aerial tricks for my entertainment. I love having this whirring ally around. Her presence leads me to imagine that I really have learned to get along with wild forces of nature without having to control or hurt them. I encourage you, Libra, to seek your own version of a wasp companion. Scorpio (October 23-November 21) Some people refer to me as an astrologer, novelist, or musician. Others call me a shaman, magician, or teacher. I don't mind their attempts to sum me up, but I never refer to myself by those terms. My business card says I'm an "Aspiring Master of Curiosity, Apprentice to Crazy Wisdom, and Macho Feminist." Why? First, I don't want to get trapped in the elitist egotism that can arise from identifying with a label like "shaman." Second, careerism is anathema to me. I want the freedom to keep mutating and not be enslaved to my past accomplishments. Third, I never want my life to be defined by my job. Fourth, I claim the exclusive right to name and title myself. No one else can have that power. I recommend that you Scorpios experiment with a similar approach in the coming weeks. Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) Every year around July 4, the county where I live stages a huge four-day fair. Along with carnival rides and live music, it sponsors amateur competitions in hundreds of categories, from quilt art to pickled vegetables to decorated birdhouses. Judges give out awards to the best entries. This summer's fair will add an unusual new class in the horticultural department: A prize will be awarded to the person who grows the tallest weed. Here's my prediction: The winner will be a Sagittarius who begins the project this week. As for the rest of you Archers: You're also primed to capitalize by cultivating things that are normally thought to lack value -- and you won't have to wait till July to cash in. Capricorn (December 22-January 19) "If the wrong man uses the right means, the right means work in the wrong way," says the ancient Chinese book, The Secret of the Golden Flower. Conversely, "When the right man uses the wrong means, the wrong means work in the right way." These thoughts, Capricorn, are all you need to succeed this week. You're free to come up with your own interpretation of their implications, but here's mine: High integrity and a noble purpose sometimes count for more than cleverness or skill. Aquarius (January 20- February 18) Literary critic Harold Bloom believes Finnegans Wake was James Joyce's masterpiece -- the closest thing our age has come to the genius of Shakespeare and Dante. Novelist Anthony Burgess called it "a great comic vision that makes us laugh aloud on nearly every page." Yet when Joyce was writing the book, his wife Nora hated it, calling it "chop suey." She asked him why he didn't make "sensible books that people can understand." Joyce's patron, Harriet Weaver, also derided Finnegans Wake, saying it was a waste of his genius. Luckily, like many Aquarians, Joyce was mainly loyal to the little voices in his head, not the little voices outside of his head. Draw inspiration from his example in the coming week. Pisces (February 19-March 20) To compensate for the fact that the amount of available time is steadily shrinking, I've intensified my multitasking. I now meditate while washing dishes. I pay bills and write poems and practice singing while stuck in traffic jams. I read the newspaper, surf the Web, make business calls, eat lunch, and organize my schedule while peddling my exercise bike. As a happy and unexpected result, my brain is definitely working better; I've gotten smarter. This regimen isn't for everyone, of course. But if you do have an interest in increasing your intelligence, Pisces, now is a perfect astrological moment to make it happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest beardo Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 thurst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumPuncher Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 oh no.... I'm supposed to listen to those litle voices in my head. OnionScope Aries: (March 21—April 19) Everyone needs to believe in something. You, for instance, believe in a omnipotent man who lives in the sky, and that you'll have another beer. Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) It turns out only one in every 200 Americans hates your guts. As you'll soon see, though, that's still quite a mob. Gemini: (May 21—June 21) You'll never smile again after the tragic loss of your lower jaw and lips. Cancer: (June 22—July 22) Mars' position in your sign indicates that only hard work and dedication can help you reach your goals. But don't worry: Mars will move by next week. Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) You've never been a big fan of being hosed down, but next week's non- stop barrage of hosings will give you a chance to change your mind. Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) You will finally develop soft, shiny, touchable hair, just moments before getting hit by a bus--which at first might seem unrelated. Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) Take a little time this week to think of those closest to you and the possibility that they're the ones behind the assassination attempts. Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) Sometimes, you just want to go someplace where nobody knows who you are. Luckily, this is easily accomplished by leaving your house. Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) The juxtaposition of sexual imagery and Catholic iconography has been done to death, but, hey, it's your personals ad. Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) You'll make it obvious whether you value quantity or quality when you live to the age of 113. Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) You will soon seek in death the peace and tranquility that has eluded you in life. Unfortunately, nobody told you about Six Flags Over Heaven. Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) Long-established patterns of behavior will not magically change for you this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Tesseract Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 IQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumPuncher Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Originally posted by Tesseract IQ that's my color !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VAITOMANOCU Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Originally posted by Kilo7-: Oh no... I'm supposed to listen to those litle voices in my head. same here. this is going to be a weird week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoshy Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 looks like i have to buy some new shoes/// Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secret Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Originally posted by Kilo7- oh no.... I'm supposed to listen to those litle voices in my head. Yeah, me three. When I'm alone in my thoughts is when I do bad things. Oh uh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCUMBAG Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 1 in 200 people hating me is better than i thought i was doing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swif1 Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 why is pisces always last? :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afraidoflife Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Originally posted by mental invalid keen....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mental invalid Posted May 2, 2003 Author Share Posted May 2, 2003 ha... "observation" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mental invalid Posted May 2, 2003 Author Share Posted May 2, 2003 pisces is last cause they are the last sign on the astrological chart....it starts with aries..... its nothing personal....;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swif1 Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 thanks for making my life easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest WebsterUno Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 I got a grip of wasps going to the club with me tonight. carload of heinas, and my boys in another car, we set tonight!! CINCO DE MINCO!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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