Harvey Wallbanger

“Case report: The patient was a 15-year-old girl employed in a local bar. She was admitted to hospital after a knife fight involving her, a former lover and a new boyfriend. Who stabbed whom was not quite clear but all three participants in the small war were admitted with knife injuries. The girl had some minor lacerations of the left hand and a single stab-wound in the upper abdomen. Under general anaesthesia, laparotomy was performed through an upper midline abdominal incision to reveal two holes in the stomach. These two wounds had resulted from the single stab-wound through the abdominal wall. The two defects were repaired in two layers. The stomach was noted empty at the time of surgery and no gastric contents were seen in the abdomen. Nevertheless, the abdominal cavity was lavaged with normal saline before closure. The condition of the patient improved rapidly following routine postoperative care and she was discharged home after 10 days. Precisely 278 days later the patient was admitted again to hospital with acute, intermittent abdominal pain. Abdominal examination revealed a term pregnancy with a cephalic fetal presentation. The uterus was contracting regularly and the fetal heart was heard. Inspection of the vulva showed no vagina, only a shallow skin dimple was present below the external urethral meatus and between the labia minora. An emergency lower segment caesarean section was performed under spinal anaesthesia and a live male infant weighing 2800 g was born… …While closing the abdominal wall, curiosity could not be contained any longer and the patient was interviewed with the help of a sympathetic nursing sister. The whole story did not become completely clear during that day but, with some subsequent inquiries, the whole saga emerged. The patient was well aware of the fact that she had no vagina and she had started oral experiments after disappointing attempts at conventional intercourse. Just before she was stabbed in the abdomen she had practised fellatio with her new boyfriend and was caught in the act by her former lover. The fight with knives ensued. She had never had a period and there was no trace of lochia after the caesarean section. She had been worried about the increase in her abdominal size but could not believe she was pregnant although it had crossed her mind more often as her girth increased and as people around her suggested that she was pregnant. She did recall several episodes of lower abdominal pain during the previous year. The young mother, her family, and the likely father adapted themselves rapidly to the new situation and some cattle changed hands to prove that there were no hard feelings. Comments A plausible explanation for this pregnancy is that spermatozoa gained access to the reproductive organs via the injured gastrointestinal tract. It is known that spermatozoa do not survive long in an environment with a low pH (Jeffcoate1975), but it is also known that saliva has a high pH and that a starved person does not produce acid under normal circumstances (Bernards & Bouman 1976). It is likely that the patient became pregnant with her first or nearly first ovulation otherwise one would expect that inspissated blood in the uterus and salpinges would have made fertilization difficult. The fact that the son resembled the father excludes an even more miraculous conception.” via BoingBoing Cliff notes: Girl blows dude, swallows, gets stabbed in stomach by former boyfriend when he walks in, sperm travels through stab wound and impregnates her. 15 years later, Tease asks us if this can happen, and we steer him wrong. Sorry dude.

* Edit-- this post was way funnier when the one above it said

Also, Earl, if your macaroons look like robot pussy, I think you're doing it wrong. Symbols, you can swing by my crib for the dark chocolate macadamia nut joints.

Awesome stuff! If those ice skates were boots, I would rock 'em.

Haha, it will be super hot and only give you handjobs. Then, six months down the line, Steve Jobs will show up mid HJ and fuck you in the ass.

I mainly stick to iced coffee, and it doesn't seem to have the same effect. It does, however, make me have to piss every twenty minutes or so, which I hate. But not as much as I love iced coffee.

Trash!

Seriously, if those turn up anywhere it's going to be on Somethingrotten.com.

I hear you-- I wear a plain black tee about 9 days a week, and Earl once described my style as "urban ninja"-- but I picked up a couple of UP shirts last time I was in SF, and all the girls I know went nuts for them.

I went to the NYC store yesterday, and they had just finished converting it to an Alex Pardee pop-up store for February. No other UP stuff, and no sale. Then I met up with some friends, had a few drinks, and went home. About 11 pm, I went on the website, picked out a dozen or so shirts, got distracted, got laid, fell asleep, woke up at 4 AM and saw that the sale was over and I had never checked out. RageGuy.jpeg I'm glad to see that some people came up on this though.

437 East 9th Street, right by avenue A I believe.

I don't know how many of you will be into this, but I'm sure someone will dig it. They're also donating a bunch of stuff to Haiti with every sale today. My wardrobe consists almost entirely of plain black t-shirts, but on the rare occasion that I cop a graphic tee, it's usually from UP. They have some dope hoodies and hats too, but the hats are unfortunately all New Eras which make my head look weird. Anyway, check it out, they have some pretty good deals right now. I'm about to head to the actual store and stock up (mainly 'cuz I just got paid and three of my favorite record stores happen to be in the same neighborhood). They also have skateboard decks, and a li'l something for the ladies...

It's probably pretty hard to stab through all that fat... dude would need like a ten inch blade just to scratch at any important organs.

Yeah, we're talking about a thread that's going to be on the front page steadily for years here. That shit needs a good title.

The mods still get free pizza, though... right?

Hang on, I think I have it bookmarked somewhere... Oh yeah... it was every single thread in 2008 and 2009.

Re: Official Jan 27 Apple Announcement Thread Islate?Itablet?Iphone4.0? Thread............ When the first ipods came out, everyone had the same reaction: "looks like a kinda cool toy, not gonna spend 400 bucks on it." Six years later, how many people do you know who don't have an ipod? Three years ago was the tipping point for me; a lot of people had them already by then, but everyone who didn't at that point got one for christmas that year. Yesterday was a somewhat anticlimactic introduction to what will probably become a totally ubiquitous tool in the next decade. I predict seeing most high school/ college kids replacing their textbooks, binders, and giant backpacks with a future generation of these. Once that happens, the next logical step will be to replace the current textbook content (mostly text, some pictures/ diagrams) with more multimedia content, such as streaming videos, interactive menus, and audio. Before long, kids who are currently lugging around 60 pounds of textbooks will be carrying a tablet, a stylus, and their headphones. Teachers will broadcast lessons over wifi or bluetooth, and kids will learn to do the same for presentations. No more worrying about that kid in the back who can't see the chalkboard, or can't hear the teacher. Everyone will have their own personal screen, calibrated how they want it. College kids who spend 400 bucks every semester on books will have no problem dropping 500 on something like this their freshman year, once there is a way to efficiently and (somewhat) less expensively access all of that information. Parents will buy these for their kids to watch movies on in the backseat (or in their rooms so mom and dad can watch what they want on the big screen), to listen to their obnoxious music, to play video games, to skype with their friends, grandmothers, etc., and to cruise the web without accidentally getting a virus or crash Daddy's work computer. Old people will buy them to look up recipes, check email, watch television in bed, share pictures of their kids, use as a GPS on roadtrips, and read books/magazines/newspapers. People with long commutes will spend 500 bucks to have one small device that can act as a kindle, internet access point, and portable dvd player on the plane/ train/ car ride. I'll probably get one eventually, just because I'm on my laptop all day long; it would be nice to have a separate device that I could use in the evening, for purely entertainment reasons. Don't even get me started on porn. There are certainly some features that will have to be added before it reaches a tipping point for total ubiquity, but this is a major first step. Ipods were in their fourth generation before everyone had one, but it happened, and it didn't take long.

Re: Official Jan 27 Apple Announcement Thread Islate?Itablet?Iphone4.0? Thread............ Yeah, the modbooks seem to be pretty much everything people were hoping for in this new iPad. I've been strongly considering one since Mams got his.

I thought so too, but it's not. 100 more posts and this thread goes 12 ounce gold.

Fuck. RIP

Triple Suplex, will you do me a favor and make one of your posts in this thread into your sig? I'm worried that a month from now, I'm going to forget what an asshole you sound like.

Re: Official Jan 27 Apple Announcement Thread Islate?Itablet?Iphone4.0? Thread............ I don't think this is for people who want a crazy computer; not everyone is a graphic designer by day, music producer/guerilla filmmaker by night. This is going to appeal to people who just want a simple, cool looking machine that can watch movies, display pictures, and fuck around on the internet. I'll bet a year from now, mad ten year olds will have these things.

Bummer. Glad the whole street art thing seems to be working out for you though.

Nigga, you work at the airport!