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Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by non-hetero, Jan 4, 2004.

  1. non-hetero

    non-hetero Member

    Joined: Jun 20, 2002 Messages: 685 Likes Received: 14
  2. non-hetero

    non-hetero Member

    Joined: Jun 20, 2002 Messages: 685 Likes Received: 14
    #11: Librarian meets Joe

    One of the few pleasures I have in life is my the Tuesday library sessions. Every Tuesday I get to herd the tards down to the library and watch them annoy the fuck out of the librarian. I'm supposed to help her handle the kids, but I get a kick out of watching the tards mutilate library materials and cause general mayhem.

    Today I was sipping my Pepsi and perusing the latest sunshine and rainbows bullshit from the "new books" shelf, when I hear yelling from the librarian and my students in the adjacent reading area. I stand up to peer over the little bookcases and I see Joe, one of my fat tards, running around the tables with his shorts around his ankles and a paper-back book held firmly between his ass cheeks. He was making high pitched squealing noises like an animal caught in a trap. He was also managing to evade the librarian who was chasing him, even though he had to occasionally stop to cram the book further up his crack.

    I briefly considered walking over and putting and end to the debacle, but since no one was getting hurt I soon decided to sit down and finish "Penguin Pete". If the librarian asks, I'm going to tell her I was in the bathroom.
  3. Æ°

    Æ° Senior Member

    Joined: May 12, 2002 Messages: 1,974 Likes Received: 6
    I hope someone figures out who they are.
  4. non-hetero

    non-hetero Member

    Joined: Jun 20, 2002 Messages: 685 Likes Received: 14
    This is so wrong but the writing style is funny and the shit these people pull can be comedic in the right light.

    1/10b: Retardism runs in Family:

    Trevor is in third grade. He was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and as a result if very slow. He is also very bad at reading. He guesses at words, and doesn't even know his sounds. The most frustrating part is that he doesn't care. It doesn't seem to bother him that, in his reading group are 3 kindergarteners, retarded ones no les, and him.

    Last year I had Trevor's brother in my class. He has since moved on to high school. He was scary. I guarantee he will be on America's Most Wanted in like 10 years. Him and I fought just about every day last year because he always wore bandanas to school, which is against school rules. He would always try to compromise with me regarding the bandana ("if I finish all my typing, can I wear it out to recess", etc.)

    The most annoying thing he would do was to constantly repeat song lyrics. At least fifteen times a day he would, out of nowhere, bust out with "Jiggah-Jiggah Slim Shady". I wanted to beat him. Near the end of last year he had changed it to "Notorious B-I-G- baby baby". This wasn't nearly as bad as "Jiggah-Jiggah Slim Shady" but was still annoying.

    Trevor has replicated this annoying habit. It is as if his brother and him concocted a New Years resolution to piss me off. Trevor was sent to the principal's office, then eventually home because he could not stop saying "Forty degrees when I tell that bitch please." This was his answer to anything and everything. During reading group I asked him to read one sentence from the book. The fucker puts his finger on the sentence, and says, while pretending to be reading, "Forty degrees when I tell that bitch please."

    Luckily, the kindergarteners are too young and retarded to comprehend this. Trevor is then sent to the principal's office after doing the same thing three more times.

    Today Trevor returns, and his new phrase is "Young and dangerous, ain't nobody can hang with us." This one isn't as bad, but it pisses me off because he is saying ain't. I don't want my kids to hear this, because they will be prone to repeating it.

    After several warnings, the behavior continues, so he goes back to the office. The principal asks him if he needs to call his mom to come get him.

    Trevor's response (I kid you not), "Nigga Please."

    He went home shortly after that.
  5. esp

    esp Member

    Joined: Aug 20, 2003 Messages: 315 Likes Received: 0
    :lol: :lol: :lol: oh and :lol:
  6. Telo

    Telo Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 3, 2003 Messages: 4,164 Likes Received: 37
    this is not entertaining
  7. krie

    krie Guest

  8. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    too fucking awesome
  9. non-hetero

    non-hetero Member

    Joined: Jun 20, 2002 Messages: 685 Likes Received: 14
    #7: Tards have food fight

    My tards usually aren't very adept at thinking for themselves. They tend to mimic. Occasionally you'll find that one of them does something the others view as "cool" and they all start in copying it. Unfortunately what that one person does isn't usually cool, in fact it's usually retarded.

    This was the case with our ice cream day. The entire class had been rewarded with an afternoon where we ate ice cream and played games. Just as a side note, no one other than the aides pointed out that ice cream day was actually a half day, but what do you expect. Anyway while the tards were eating their ice cream, and I was going around trying to make sure the ice cream went in their mouths, Kunte gets the brilliant idea of starting a food fight.

    Kunte grabs a scoop of ice cream from his bowl, screams "FOOD FIGHT!," and smacks himself right in the face with his ice cream. He didn't even know that a food fight meant you throw the food at OTHER PEOPLE!

    Almost as soon as he does this, all the tards in the room start grabbing ice cream and smashing their faces with it. It was absolutely amazing.

    Eventually my aides and I calmed everyone down. I was trying to figure out how I should punish Kunte, and I asked him where he got the idea for his food fight. He said he saw it on TV, and that someone grabbed a handful of food, stood up, and then he couldn't remember what happened. I considered explaining the concept of a food fight to him, but instead I just sent him home early with a note telling his parents what he did. Maybe they'll tell him.
  10. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 30, 2001 Messages: 9,021 Likes Received: 121
    It is actually kinda funny..It's good these people have a relief..I bet these are the nicest people in the world around all these students, but need some outlet to vent..I would hate to see what might happen if this blog didn't exist..Nigga Please....
  11. destroya

    destroya Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 30, 2002 Messages: 1,714 Likes Received: 2
    yeah, it's damn funny. anybody know the site that has anectdotes from porn store clerks? shit was hilarious, i wish i remmebered the url.
  12. S@T@N

    [email protected]@N Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 1,998 Likes Received: 0
    that was too incredibly good.

    call me a monster: evolution dictates these people should not exist.
  13. Crimsøn

    Crimsøn Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 18, 2003 Messages: 2,120 Likes Received: 1
  14. wiseguy

    wiseguy Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 1, 2002 Messages: 2,543 Likes Received: 1
  15. Coffie Crave

    Coffie Crave Senior Member

    Joined: Jun 21, 2003 Messages: 1,124 Likes Received: 0
    i dont know if its real or not, i dont care eather way...

    not that funny really kids will be kids

    but a grown woman haveing the time to write this, well i think shes a dike with no life...

    today miss.dike said we had homework cuzs billy flicked her boner...