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it's story time again at dozen oz ranch

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by beardo, Nov 2, 2001.

  1. beardo

    beardo Guest

    it's story time again at dozen oz ranch

    Discussion started by beardo - Nov 2, 2001

    another gem from the top secret files..
    (not my story)
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------



    Went to dinner at a great barbecue place with my parents. (I was 25)

    Ate A LOT. Hot stuff. Drank coffee for dessert. (known laxative)

    As we walked out to the car, I felt the greazy turds giggle through my intestines.

    "Dad, we need to race home" I said.

    We got in the car. My mother was laughing.

    "Dad, we need to go faster" I said.

    Suddenly I felt like I was poisoned. My stomach twisted and turned like a slutty disco dancer.

    "Maybe if I just fart a little, it will relieve the pain," I thought to myself.

    BAD IDEA.

    The faucet opened and a waterfall of kaka poured from my taco spout.

    I screamed and squatted so as not to ruin the upholstery in my parent's truck.

    "DON'T TELL ME YOU JUST-" screamed father.

    "DAD I JUST SHITT AND I'M GONNA SHITT MORE IF YOU DON'T GET ME HOME" I begged.

    Mama was laughing hysterically.

    "YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE 25 YEARS OLD AND YOU CAN'T HOLD IN YOUR SHITT? WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THE RESTAURANT?" yelled Pa Pa.

    This made me laugh, which contracted my stomach muscles and caused a mound of @!#$ to push through the scat gate. More was trying to escape. I looked in the back storage compartment and found a cardboard box. I sat on it and YUP...

    I LET GO THE BIGGEST @!#$ OF MY LIFE...

    in a car... in the middle of the city... going down the street with my dad and MOM!

    My father rolled down the window and was gagging because the smell was so spicy and rank.

    My mother was laughing so hard that she started farting.

    My pants were all the way down AND covered in turds. The box was full of slop. Strangely enough, in the middle of the slop was a long, round, well-formed turd that looked like an unexploded rocket crashed into a manure heap.

    When I got home, I threw the pants up in a tree.

    That's pretty much it...
     
  2. Dusty Lipschitz - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    that was the penthouse forum for scat.
    in how many different ways can you say shit?
     
  3. beardo

    beardo Guest

    beardo - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    thats what i've been trying to find out dusty..
     
  4. HESHIANDET

    HESHIANDET Guest

    HESHIANDET - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    hahahah lol. too bad its a true story.
     
  5. Lush

    Lush 12oz Member

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    Lush - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    it's sad, but my boyfriend has a few of those stories, where he just wanted to fart but ended up shitting his pants. eugh. In the car of course (no, thank god I was not there).
     
    Lush - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  6. Dusty Lipschitz - Replied Nov 2, 2001

  7. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic 12oz Veteran Member

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    fr8oholic - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    YOU NEVER WANT TO GAMBLE AND LOSE GENTS...

    AND LADIES...


    -whose mom farts when the laugh??
     
    fr8oholic - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  8. beardo

    beardo Guest

    beardo - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    Q & A

    Is it possible to vomit poop?


    It is not possible unless the person is suffering from some extremely rare condition or disorder. I had a roommate once whose summer job was to administer barium enemas to patients in a hospital. She told me that one patient vomited the enema.
     
  9. beardo

    beardo Guest

    beardo - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    god bless that website dusty. i owe you one.
     
  10. Fox Mulder

    Fox Mulder 12oz Loyalist

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    Fox Mulder - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    i've had my share of holding in bad shits. but so far none have resulted in going in my pants. the key is never think if you just let a little fart out it will relieve some pressure. if its hurting that bad it isn't gonna be a fart.
     
    Fox Mulder - Rank: 12oz Loyalist - Messages:
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  11. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic 12oz Veteran Member

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    fr8oholic - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    wow i spent about 15 mins learning a lot about poop and farts. the beard is to thank!! hip hip!!

    hip hip!!

    hip hip!!



    pbpbpbbpbaaananaahahah ahahah
     
    fr8oholic - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  12. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

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    suburbian bum - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    What other colors of poop are possible?
    Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.
    One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.



    HAHAHAH oh man, im gonna eat a bunch of food coloring and try to get blue poop. that would be awsome.
     
    suburbian bum - Rank: 12oz Loyalist - Messages:
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  13. seven.13

    seven.13 Dirty Dozen Crew

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    seven.13 - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    if i wasnt so tierd id be laughing very hard
     
    seven.13 - Rank: Dirty Dozen Crew - Messages:
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  14. Boring Bastard

    Boring Bastard 12oz Elite Member

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    Boring Bastard - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    I'm laughing so fucking hard right now!!!
     
    Boring Bastard - Rank: 12oz Elite Member - Messages:
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  15. CATS

    CATS 12oz Senior Member

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    CATS - Replied Nov 2, 2001

    I have tears in my eyes after reading that. Thanks beardo, a bump for hilarity.

    I think I wil shit before I leave any dining establishment.
     
    CATS - Rank: 12oz Senior Member - Messages:
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