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it's story time again at dozen oz ranch

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by beardo, Nov 2, 2001.

  1. beardo

    beardo Guest

    another gem from the top secret files..
    (not my story)
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------



    Went to dinner at a great barbecue place with my parents. (I was 25)

    Ate A LOT. Hot stuff. Drank coffee for dessert. (known laxative)

    As we walked out to the car, I felt the greazy turds giggle through my intestines.

    "Dad, we need to race home" I said.

    We got in the car. My mother was laughing.

    "Dad, we need to go faster" I said.

    Suddenly I felt like I was poisoned. My stomach twisted and turned like a slutty disco dancer.

    "Maybe if I just fart a little, it will relieve the pain," I thought to myself.

    BAD IDEA.

    The faucet opened and a waterfall of kaka poured from my taco spout.

    I screamed and squatted so as not to ruin the upholstery in my parent's truck.

    "DON'T TELL ME YOU JUST-" screamed father.

    "DAD I JUST SHITT AND I'M GONNA SHITT MORE IF YOU DON'T GET ME HOME" I begged.

    Mama was laughing hysterically.

    "YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE 25 YEARS OLD AND YOU CAN'T HOLD IN YOUR SHITT? WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THE RESTAURANT?" yelled Pa Pa.

    This made me laugh, which contracted my stomach muscles and caused a mound of @!#$ to push through the scat gate. More was trying to escape. I looked in the back storage compartment and found a cardboard box. I sat on it and YUP...

    I LET GO THE BIGGEST @!#$ OF MY LIFE...

    in a car... in the middle of the city... going down the street with my dad and MOM!

    My father rolled down the window and was gagging because the smell was so spicy and rank.

    My mother was laughing so hard that she started farting.

    My pants were all the way down AND covered in turds. The box was full of slop. Strangely enough, in the middle of the slop was a long, round, well-formed turd that looked like an unexploded rocket crashed into a manure heap.

    When I got home, I threw the pants up in a tree.

    That's pretty much it...
     
  2. that was the penthouse forum for scat.
    in how many different ways can you say shit?
     
  3. beardo

    beardo Guest

    thats what i've been trying to find out dusty..
     
  4. HESHIANDET

    HESHIANDET Guest

    hahahah lol. too bad its a true story.
     
  5. Lush

    Lush Member

    Joined: Oct 31, 2000 Messages: 703 Likes Received: 0
    it's sad, but my boyfriend has a few of those stories, where he just wanted to fart but ended up shitting his pants. eugh. In the car of course (no, thank god I was not there).
     
  6. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2000 Messages: 9,256 Likes Received: 2
    YOU NEVER WANT TO GAMBLE AND LOSE GENTS...

    AND LADIES...


    -whose mom farts when the laugh??
     
  7. beardo

    beardo Guest

    Q & A

    Is it possible to vomit poop?


    It is not possible unless the person is suffering from some extremely rare condition or disorder. I had a roommate once whose summer job was to administer barium enemas to patients in a hospital. She told me that one patient vomited the enema.
     
  8. beardo

    beardo Guest

    god bless that website dusty. i owe you one.
     
  9. Fox Mulder

    Fox Mulder 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Nov 23, 2000 Messages: 12,434 Likes Received: 86
    i've had my share of holding in bad shits. but so far none have resulted in going in my pants. the key is never think if you just let a little fart out it will relieve some pressure. if its hurting that bad it isn't gonna be a fart.
     
  10. fr8oholic

    fr8oholic Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 23, 2000 Messages: 9,256 Likes Received: 2
    wow i spent about 15 mins learning a lot about poop and farts. the beard is to thank!! hip hip!!

    hip hip!!

    hip hip!!



    pbpbpbbpbaaananaahahah ahahah
     
  11. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    What other colors of poop are possible?
    Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.
    One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.



    HAHAHAH oh man, im gonna eat a bunch of food coloring and try to get blue poop. that would be awsome.
     
  12. seven.13

    seven.13 Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Oct 5, 2000 Messages: 3,572 Likes Received: 19
    if i wasnt so tierd id be laughing very hard
     
  13. Boring Bastard

    Boring Bastard Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 3,784 Likes Received: 1
    I'm laughing so fucking hard right now!!!
     
  14. CATS

    CATS Senior Member

    Joined: May 30, 2001 Messages: 1,600 Likes Received: 0
    I have tears in my eyes after reading that. Thanks beardo, a bump for hilarity.

    I think I wil shit before I leave any dining establishment.
     
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