Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
Guest beardo

it's story time again at dozen oz ranch

Recommended Posts

Guest beardo

another gem from the top secret files..

(not my story)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

Went to dinner at a great barbecue place with my parents. (I was 25)

 

Ate A LOT. Hot stuff. Drank coffee for dessert. (known laxative)

 

As we walked out to the car, I felt the greazy turds giggle through my intestines.

 

"Dad, we need to race home" I said.

 

We got in the car. My mother was laughing.

 

"Dad, we need to go faster" I said.

 

Suddenly I felt like I was poisoned. My stomach twisted and turned like a slutty disco dancer.

 

"Maybe if I just fart a little, it will relieve the pain," I thought to myself.

 

BAD IDEA.

 

The faucet opened and a waterfall of kaka poured from my taco spout.

 

I screamed and squatted so as not to ruin the upholstery in my parent's truck.

 

"DON'T TELL ME YOU JUST-" screamed father.

 

"DAD I JUST SHITT AND I'M GONNA SHITT MORE IF YOU DON'T GET ME HOME" I begged.

 

Mama was laughing hysterically.

 

"YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE 25 YEARS OLD AND YOU CAN'T HOLD IN YOUR SHITT? WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THE RESTAURANT?" yelled Pa Pa.

 

This made me laugh, which contracted my stomach muscles and caused a mound of @!#$ to push through the scat gate. More was trying to escape. I looked in the back storage compartment and found a cardboard box. I sat on it and YUP...

 

I LET GO THE BIGGEST @!#$ OF MY LIFE...

 

in a car... in the middle of the city... going down the street with my dad and MOM!

 

My father rolled down the window and was gagging because the smell was so spicy and rank.

 

My mother was laughing so hard that she started farting.

 

My pants were all the way down AND covered in turds. The box was full of slop. Strangely enough, in the middle of the slop was a long, round, well-formed turd that looked like an unexploded rocket crashed into a manure heap.

 

When I got home, I threw the pants up in a tree.

 

That's pretty much it...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Dusty Lipschitz

that was the penthouse forum for scat.

in how many different ways can you say shit?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest beardo

thats what i've been trying to find out dusty..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest HESHIANDET

hahahah lol. too bad its a true story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

it's sad, but my boyfriend has a few of those stories, where he just wanted to fart but ended up shitting his pants. eugh. In the car of course (no, thank god I was not there).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest beardo

Q & A

 

Is it possible to vomit poop?

 

 

It is not possible unless the person is suffering from some extremely rare condition or disorder. I had a roommate once whose summer job was to administer barium enemas to patients in a hospital. She told me that one patient vomited the enema.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest beardo

god bless that website dusty. i owe you one.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i've had my share of holding in bad shits. but so far none have resulted in going in my pants. the key is never think if you just let a little fart out it will relieve some pressure. if its hurting that bad it isn't gonna be a fart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wow i spent about 15 mins learning a lot about poop and farts. the beard is to thank!! hip hip!!

 

hip hip!!

 

hip hip!!

 

 

 

pbpbpbbpbaaananaahahah ahahah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What other colors of poop are possible?

Poop is mostly shades of brown or yellow, but other colors can arise under certain circumstances. For example, someone with a bleeding ulcer might have tarry black poop from the presence of partially digested blood. Bleeding in the intestine, from an anal fissure or split, for example, can stain the poop red. Some illnesses in babies gives them green or even blue-green poop. But another source of blue poop in children is more innocent: it can come from eating a concentrated source of blue food coloring such as ice cream. Intense red food coloring can produce bright red poop. Sometimes brightly colored foods pass through the gut almost unchanged, and the turd may be speckled with bright red fragments such as pimentos, or bright yellow kernels of corn.

One can experience white poop after consuming a barium milkshake for the purposes of getting an x-ray of the upper gastrointestinal tract.

 

 

 

HAHAHAH oh man, im gonna eat a bunch of food coloring and try to get blue poop. that would be awsome.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have tears in my eyes after reading that. Thanks beardo, a bump for hilarity.

 

I think I wil shit before I leave any dining establishment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest beardo

im more of an angel, a delivery man of sorts.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by beardo

The faucet opened and a waterfall of kaka poured from my taco spout.

 

 

 

classic.. i once shit my pants in the middle of the day on the busiest pedestrian street in the city

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Dusty Lipschitz

i shit myself at my senior prom

silk boxers

way too much to drink, smoke, snort...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest platapie

a simple haha dosent explain how hard i was jus laffing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Register for a 12ozProphet forum account or sign in to comment

You need to be a forum member in order to comment. Forum accounts are separate from shop accounts.

Create an account

Register to become a 12ozProphet forum member.

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×