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Kids In the Hall Appreciation Thread

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Weapon X, Jun 16, 2004.

  1. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    I remember I started a “Kill Danny” thread in Brick Slayers as a joke once, and only ese bumped it. Surprisingly, no kith thread could be found when I searched for it.

    Gavin, The Annoying Boy (Bruce McCulloch)
    · (To butcher) "You know what's in wieners? Well, there's cow's eyes, and dog's heads, and old phone books, and, of course, *wiener flavor*.... " (licks lips)

    Gavin: "(To man painting a chair) "Oh, yeah, the government wanted me to tell you that in the sewer there's this animal that's killing everything and nothing can stop it, and the only thing that can even slow it down...is REALLY EXPENSIVE PERFUME! Do you wanna know why?"

    Man (tries to ignore him)

    Gavin: "You wanna know WHY?"

    Man (exasperated) "Why?"

    Gavin: "CAUSE ITS GOT A METAL HEAD!!! (laughs goofily) Scary, eh? Yeah..."

    Master Simon Milligan, host of "The Pit of Ultimate Darkness":

    "Yes, I have walked along the path of evil many times, it's a twisting curving path, that...actually leads to a charming block garden -- but beyond that EVIL!"

    Simon, after sidekick Hecubus (Dave Foley) injects him with truth serum:
    "Master, do you like 15-year-old girls?"
    (Pause) "Why... no, I don't LIKE 15-year-old girls."
    (Immediately) "I'll rephrase the question."
    "Oh, you BASTARD!"

    Cabbagehead, the loathsome guy who trades on sympathy for his namesake affliction:
    · "I guess I've just been touchy about things....since birth."
    · (To his date) "Listen, I just don't want to be alone tonight." (Aside to camera) "Although I do want to be alone when I wake up, if you know what I'm saying."

    Bruce McCulloch, sharing his thoughts...:
    · Bruce: "...I stood and watched as I saw the buildings and burger joints begin to swirl and collapse into a whitewater river of Armageddon. [scene in window--rushing waterfall] Huh, God, I hadn't noticed that before! And then a tingle in my spine and it shook. I sense the sour scream of the voices. The. . .voices!"

    Voice (Dave, sounding like an dementedly upbeat uncle): "Hey there, buddy. How ya goin'? How's it doin' there, bud? How ya been?"

    Bruce: "What beast from Hell is stalking me? Why is there no stillness in this volcano? Do the voices crave the marrow from my bones? Do the voices wanna gargle the last vestiges of my sanity and swallow it like so much flavorless gum? What is wanted by the voices?"

    Voice: "I just thought we'd sit. Yak. You know, sit. Yak. Watch some TV. Whaddya say, huh, chief?"

    Bruce(screaming): "Uhh!!..."

    Voice: "I never get bored of them rock videas."

    If people could please post some quotes, or whatever. This show rocked!
  2. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    Buddy Cole In Jail
    Transcribed from: Comedy Central
    Transcribed by: Laura Cihocki
    [Scott sits on a stool in a jail cell, dressed in prison stripes, a big metal cross on a chain, and a gray prison hat with a feather poked through the brim. He is holding a metal martini glass.]
    Scott: About six months ago, on my birthday-none-of-your-business, some of my straight friends took me to one of those places where chorus boys lip-sync songs by famous ladies for tourists. The evening was disaster from the get-go. We had the best table in the house. The place was filled with men in big ???? suits, and women in ???? fashions from K-Mart. Veeeery sexy! All of a sudden the lights went down, and a spotlight appeared center stage. Showtime! And into the light stepped...Miss Peggy Lee! Or...a reasonable facsimile thereof. She began to sing directly to me! I was disgusted, of course. But I didn't want to let on...because an angry drag queen is scarier than a minotaur. So I smiled at her, but without using my eyes? Like this.

    [Scott grins into the camera, eyes wide and blank.]

    That's when the acid kicked in.

    [The camera shows several Scott-heads in a kaleidoscope pattern.]

    The next thing I remember was flying at the queen, screaming, "You're not really singing! Who cares?" A scuffle ensued, and in the melee, the knitting needles in her hairdo pierced her skull, and she was killed instantly. But it didn't seem to affect her act one bit! Oh, no, Miss Peggy Lee kept right on singing!...My trial was a zoo. Nude photos, ex-lovers, a mystery-witness in a hood...huge press. But the judge was a closet-case and resented my openness--he gave me twenty years. Why, I'll be almost forty when I get out! My appeal's coming up, and it seems hopeless. But, I don't have to pay rent...I'm in love...life is good! Oh, that--his name is Leon. I fell in love with him from his very first words to me [in a low, vacant voice:] "You might as well, you got no choice." [back to his normal voice] Our relationship is based a lot on fantasy. I pretend that he rapes me, and he rapes me. Sometimes I think I'm dreaming! It's not his fault that he's mean. He had a bad childhood. Oh, I know what you're thinking--didn't we all? Yes...but HIS was in the paper. So, we have a lot in common: we've both killed, and we love to sing in the choir. Oh, we make a great team, Leon and I, like...Bogey and Bacall...Siegfried and Roy...Hercules and Newt. People always ask me, "Buddy? What does it feel like to kill someone?" Well, the only thing I could possibly compare it to is winning an Oscar.

    [A siren begins to sound.]

    Oh! Riot...happens every Thursday. Back in ten!

    [Scott gets up and opens his cell door.]

    Leon, put down that stick! That's James Brown you're threatening!
  3. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    great stuff.
  4. BROWNer

    BROWNer Guest

    yes, they were hilarious..a truly great comedy team.
    i have a bunch on tape somewhere...and i still crush people's
    heads occasionally. we should get sctv up in this too..
  5. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
  6. MartySchemeR

    MartySchemeR Member

    Joined: Mar 19, 2004 Messages: 381 Likes Received: 0
    arnt they either all gay or all just social rejects... but nonetheless still a funny ass show.
  7. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    err... the gay gay is gay.. the other 4 are not.
    social rejects... maybe,..... but damn funny ones!

    let me rephrase the question - you bastard!!

  8. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    chicken lady and the smoking dog.


    funny shit. I've got brain candy at home. stummies anyone?
  9. Ski Mask

    Ski Mask 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 11,114 Likes Received: 209
    Man, some people just didnt appreciate that show. Even up here I can throw a refrence in somewhere and be met with a blank stare. Like when I joke about some guy being a total "Daryl" glasses, pony tail, the whole nine. Nobody fucking gets it. at least people here wonk.

    never pour salt in your eyes
    never pour salt in your eyes
    pour salt
    pour salt

  10. Brewster Baker

    Brewster Baker 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 13,024 Likes Received: 536
    fuck that show
  11. ment2

    ment2 New Jack

    Joined: Apr 16, 2002 Messages: 11 Likes Received: 0

    hahahha yesss... :lol:
  12. Ski Mask

    Ski Mask 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 11,114 Likes Received: 209
    the one where Hecubus gets fired for drinking on the job is classic.

  13. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
  14. MurderSluts

    MurderSluts Junior Member

    Joined: May 6, 2004 Messages: 221 Likes Received: 1
  15. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    mental note: wear coffee coloured ties.