shai

Re: Travel Log - 2011 - USA If you're in Oakland or in the Bay and need somewhere to stay for a bit, I got you covered. I'll PM you my contact info.

True...straighten things out where it counts. Graffiti should remain anonymous.

Good question...I do that a lot less than I used to and I don't do it like I used to but maybe I could chalk it up to "special cases" or something.

It's more about blaming bad behavior on drinking and not recognizing your limits. Some people totally fail at that and don't understand why I avoid them like the plague.

Okay, I'm not going to make myself out to be the exception to the rule, but... I have a pretty good idea of who I am and have for some time- 99.9% of what I do when I drink would be what I would do sober. Therefore I don't get caught up in the "Oh shit, I fucked up" remorse trap beyond maybe apologizing for being annoying directly to close friends, but that's part of drinking and everyone knows it. I don't feel bad about talking loud and catching tags in stupid places, I was having a good time and not making a secret of it. Paradoxically, something I've had a serious problem with is other people's accountability....they just write off their shitty behavior to drinking and don't bother examining what might actually be causing it. This might sound contradictory but we've never drank together...I'm a pretty happy drunk. High-spirited at times, but never a complete train wreck/social liability.

From what I remember from reading the big books, God IS specifically mentioned- a lot- but depending on what meeting you land at the interpretation definitely varies. It's weird how some people will attribute their recovery to some intangible factor instead of taking credit for facing their issues head on and dealing with them effectively, but that's me.

I just don't like certain aspects of it. I don't think it's a cult per se but it is a little reminiscent of deprogramming in the sense that it replaces learned social constructs with other learned social constructs with the carrot and stick approach (the whole "you have to stick to the program for it to work" thing). The anxiety/depression thing is what's really getting to me and that's been the main reason I'm taking it easy on the booze. Unfortunately it seems to be raising hell with certain aspects of my physical health, so I don't have as much energy these days because I can't seem to get a decent night's sleep. I'm also trying to steer clear of drugs, so that's a whole other thing. It's funny...basically I'm reprogramming myself in a way but it's taking a lot longer than I'd like it to. Part of that is that I've been talking to some other sober punks I know. I don't know how much it's helping but it's good to hear where other people are at and get some validation about what I'm feeling.

I'm considering doing just that but not till it gets dark. BTW, you back in town yet?

Had fun drinking this weekend but I'm definitely paying for it today. I think hangovers are going to be the eventual deal breaker for me...and compared to what I used to get up to I really didn't go overboard (six pack on Saturday, about that and a couple shots yesterday). As I may have mentioned earlier I'm going through some mental stuff (I was recently diagnosed with moderate anxiety with generalized depression) that makes partying kind of a gamble. I got lucky this weekend- I had fun, nothing bad happened- but then I have to feel like hell for at least a day and a half after the fact and I'm not sure it's worth it. Meetings aren't my thing, I'm too hard-headed for that....plus I've learned from experience that sitting in a room and hearing war stories and quasi-spiritual mumbo jumbo puts me in a drinking mood. Not knocking it if it works for anyone here, it's always my personal take on AA/NA.

It wasn't like that, they were reinforcing my decision to NOT drink to excess. I think I'm coming around to where my dad is at with booze- he can have one or two and be fine with that, and he used to drink a lot. I've been figuring a lot of things out lately...I'm not sure if it's connected to drinking less but it's been interesting. Not necessarily easy or pleasant, but long overdue.

I'm still on my moderation kick. The other day I had three tall Coors Lights and got fairly buzzed, so my tolerance is way down these days. I had a pretty bad experience dealing with other people's alcoholism this summer, which really put things in perspective. Now if I could only quit smoking...

I recently decided to move out of where I was staying temporarily because...well, because as strange as it sounds, I prefer being sober at home and when I'm around people who are partying non-fucking-stop (i.e., seemingly half of the people I was staying with) and I'm not it's annoying as shit. For various reasons I don't want to go into (Dow knows, he was there) I can't really cut loose at home the way I used to, which is good because going out and acting the fool then making it home in one piece is a lot more interesting than doing it and having to stare at the same four walls. I'm still drinking off and on, about 70/30 in that order. I'm getting to a point in my life where I seem to exhibit a lot more common sense and awareness than I used to...that's probably why going nuts and/or blacking out doesn't roll off my back the way it did when I was in my 20s and doing it at least once a week. I don't really care what people want to do as long as they can handle themselves and not blame their stupidity on booze or whatever their kick is. As soon as they start doing that I say "Well, you're apparently unaccountable and not worth my time" and move on.

Found a KIDS/VENT tag he caught in wet cement in front of where I'm staying in North Oakland the other day. I'll get a pic of it up here eventually. Anthony, you still run shit as hard than any of the current schmoes out right now. I dedicate this here beer I'm drinking to your memory and staying power.

Seriously considering getting this- Lenovo IdeaPad B575-1450A5U I'm fairly certain I won't find anything better than that for the money. I've been using an IdeaCentre workstation for the past few months, and so far that's been rock solid...Lenovo makes some good stuff.

I didn't know I owned a Civic. The blanked out parts look like hornborers.

Maybe he knows...either way, it's really none of your business even if it's not exactly a secret (and yes, it's the same girl). I know, ask yourself this- what would be accomplished by telling him? If he/she did you wrong I guess it would be an effective parting shot, but still. Or put the shoe on the other foot...what if you were dating her? Would you want him to air her out to you, never mind the reason? I've dated sex workers. As long as they don't have full blown Nigerian turbo-AIDS they're usually pretty fun girls who can fuck, but one thing they all have in common is that they don't want to be objectified by anyone they're dating.

They tend to be slower, more expensive, and heavy. I considered getting one myself for when I go traveling but I realized I'd be better off with a smartphone or a netbook. The Panasonic Toughbook is the standard, but there's a few commerical grade laptops that can take some abuse. Does your job require you using a laptop outside? If so, have them hook it up. If you work for yourself, write it off.

It's a Flash thing, you can turn it off in the Flash control panel.

That was a very illuminating synopsis of your dilemma. I'm sure that the necessary advice you seek is forthcoming.

Gingersnaps.

Hot dogs and goat's milk feta. Kind of weird but pretty tasty...

Finally got another Model M. If you've never used one of these, they're hands down one of the nicest keyboards ever made.

I don't know, this album is the business. Most 80s metal is terrible but when it's good it's amazing. The first Motley Crue album? Saint Vitus? Man. I have way too many (not so good) memories of the 80s and not enough of the 90s. I do know I skated a lot and went to a ton of punk shows in the 90s....I've seen the photos, so it must be true.

Drinking with this guy is fun, whereas some of the other people on here....I'm just glad I know how to walk away from situations I perceive as bad/sketchy and not look back. I've said it before and I'll say it again...if you want to quit it's the easiest thing in the world to do. Until then don't bother....you only live once, and unless you're a piss-pants wifebeater I probably won't judge you. Edit- My moderate lifestyle has been working out pretty well for me lately. I drink when I want to and only as much as I feel comfortable with, and I'm totally okay with that. Some people can't, and recognize that...or they don't, and I steer clear of them.