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the bearded woman saga....

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by SleepAnDream, Jun 15, 2003.

  1. SleepAnDream

    SleepAnDream Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 2, 2002 Messages: 3,078 Likes Received: 0
    a couple weeks ago i had a little problem i decided to share, if you dont know...heres a recap...

    "speaking of circus acts...youll like this one...
    oh god. im at this bar wednesday night, drinking and whatnot when these girls come up to me and a couple friends of mine. my friend starts whipping out his wallet, buying em shots left and right getting em all primed up and whatnot. so i get to talking with this one girl, and she was pretty fucking cute, thin, curvy hips, cute face, big titties, gorgeous eyes... so i was pretty happy about that. so were talking and flirting when 50 cent or some dumb shit comes on and this girl feels the need to dance, so i sit there as she dances all on me and whatnot...i ask her to go to the bar with me, we'll go do a shot or two. so we get a little drunk, start hooking up and whatnot when her other friend gets all sick and starts puking...so that one girls all "im sorry, heres my number" blah blah blah.i walk away feeling as if i had at least accomplished something decent for the night when my friend comes up to me, and asks me if i saw her "beard". all i noticed was that she kinda had some...slight sideburns i guess, but it was nothing to the point of odd or anything...i was like, uuuuh no, but shes italian, italians are furry creatures as it is, its in there genes yknow? so i tell this dude "i can overlook a little furryness". and thats that...
    skip to day two.
    she meets me and my boy at this restaraunt, nice place, mexican, dimly lit or whatever. and im still thinking, this girls cool as hell, pretty fine too...we eat then drive separate cars to that dudes house where there was a keg and whatnot, get drunk ,hook up a bunch and girl #2 starts puking again. a little perturbed i was but hey, i got over it...
    time warp: day three.
    im at work where i still am now, ive been here since 8am this morning and i still have 7 hours left. this girl calls me up, hey, im trying to come see you, whatever whatever, so i say come on over.. mind you, the last two days i saw her were at night, in a bar and restaraunt yknow...
    to this day im all stoked about this new hot girl i met...tell me why,
    i was waiting at the bottom of a set of stairs for her,i look up and see this girl has more facial hair than i do? im saying...its not a shadow...no...its not peach fuzz or furr...uh-uh...this girl had patches of dark black hair, as long as my fucking dickhair growing sparadically from under her chin. i was so shocked by this fact that i couldnt look her in the eyes the whole time she was here. this chicks all trying to hug me and all i could immagine was her fuckin facial mullet rubbing all over my chest. i was so grossed out. the thing is, this girls cool as shit, shes got a beachhouse in viginia beach, has horses, money, hot friends annnnnnnnd some goddamned muttenchops. how the fuck do i ask this bitch " hey baby, before we go ahead and do the adult, would you mind taking my electric razor to you furry ass face please?" yknow, i just dont feel like having sex with a chick that looks like shes fucking amish tonight ok? maybe another time. she just called me up all drunk thats why im writing this. sitting at work,i have this huge building to myself and a psuedo "hot" drunk girl calling me to see if she could stop by..."sorry hun, you can come in but im not supposed to let pets inside the building, youll have to check that ferret hanging from you chin at the door..." fuckin A. so someone help me out here, how can i ask the bearded lady to prune her facial hedges, cuz underneath, there is a hot, non scruffy girl waiting to be had...italians and mother nature, a plague on both your houses."

    if you read that and youre still here, im sorry. heh. heres the ending though...

    so this girl calls me back up on friday "hey whats up, ive been calling you all week, did you get my messages?" um. yeah sure did. "oh. ok, well what are you doing tonight?" so i tell her whats crackin, where were going to drink and whatnot and she ends up showing up. so we start drinking the beers, the beers turn into the shots and the beer and shots end up turning into the big fucking bill. so were all chilling finishing up our drinks and whatever, trying to bounce out. the whole time im trying to not look at this girl yknow...but i glance over, eh, more of a stare actually to check out how the ole' chin pets doing...its funny too, its like when you see an accident on the freeway, arms, legs and teeth scattered everywhere you dont want to be grossed out, but you try your damndest to see whats up yknow? but to my suprise, the abomination was gone. i was like, oh shit yknow? so i start talking to her and whatever, and shes super pressed on me, giving me psuedo lap dances and shit at this place, kissing up on me. i was all about it, no beard = hot chick. so we dip out, go back to the house, drink a few beers, start watching goodfellas, cuz what turnes girls on more than a couple good killings. iono, one thing turns into another and this girl lifts her skirt up and climbed on top of me, i look down and i fucking gasped (no, contrary to popullar belief, she didnt have a dick...) but what she DID have was bad enough. fuckin....buckwheat....i dont know. a fuckin genital mullet over the purple meat curtain. jesus. it fuckin scared me. i hate hair on girls. let alone hair on the face, this girl looked like bob ross was climbing out head first from the cooch. it was fucking sickening. anyways to conclude. we did the adult (somehow i managed to navigate...) and now that that shits over, mission accomplished. no more sacrificess and compromises on my part. fuck it. ehhh...im all agitated now. thats it for now....figured some of yall would like to know.
     
  2. podrido

    podrido Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 14, 2001 Messages: 9,182 Likes Received: 28
    hahah so what are you going to do now that she is going to stalk you
     
  3. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    i can't believe i read almost all of that. the funniest part.....picturing bob ross climbing out head first. :lol:
     
  4. NOUM

    NOUM Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 17, 2003 Messages: 3,966 Likes Received: 0
    :lol:
     
  5. Krook

    Krook Banned

    Joined: Oct 26, 2002 Messages: 1,922 Likes Received: 0
    i didn't read it...

    but it sounds funny;)
     
  6. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18

    Hahaha! Only shaved for me, please.
     
  7. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    i like'em shaved too. for me it's just so much nicer & more fun to eat.
     
  8. Jackson

    Jackson Veteran Member

    Joined: May 21, 2002 Messages: 7,345 Likes Received: 122
    You picky motherfucker, gash is verticle bacon sandwich is axewound is slit...no difference.
     
  9. SleepAnDream

    SleepAnDream Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 2, 2002 Messages: 3,078 Likes Received: 0
    dont get it fucked up, its evident that although i prefer shaved meat wallets, ill fuck just about anything warm. haha. about the bitches beard tho- she definetly shaved not waxed cuz that motherfucker was stuuuuubbbbllyyy as a muffucka. hahaha. and about the whole stalking thing, i think ill try and get her and her other slutty ass best friend to double up or something, i really think its a possibility. i dont know, we'll see what happens in the future. definetly not trying to make this an everyday thing yknow? fuck it. R.I.P bob ross.
     
  10. KING BLING

    KING BLING Guest

  11. Metro

    Metro New Jack

    Joined: Jun 14, 2003 Messages: 29 Likes Received: 0
    dude thats my mom!?!?!
     
  12. CRAMPS

    CRAMPS Senior Member

    Joined: Jun 6, 2003 Messages: 1,600 Likes Received: 0
    hey bro...tis is how you keep her but you keep her bald...


    you get all kinky on her ass and see if she wants to shave cool "patterns" on her crotch. then your all pleased and she then continues to "groom". and it works out for the both of you.


    dont let this one go. shes cute(when groomed) and has mad money n shit!

    mabby even links to the mob!!


    :king:
     
  13. Krook

    Krook Banned

    Joined: Oct 26, 2002 Messages: 1,922 Likes Received: 0
  14. JimmieWalker

    JimmieWalker Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 29, 2003 Messages: 1,345 Likes Received: 0
     
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