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Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by ass hairball, Nov 4, 2002.

  1. ass hairball

    ass hairball Junior Member

    Joined: May 5, 2002 Messages: 233 Likes Received: 0

    By AnneX, Bandersnatch Conspiracy Editor

    It starts out in elementary school. You have to make a visual for a school project, or you're making campaign signs, or you're just writing on fabric or plastic. The weapon of choice is a permanent marker. The philosophy behind these markers is pure genius: you can use them ANYWHERE, they will never rub off, and the black is the best reddish-black you have ever seen.

    And if you're used to using these markers often, you have developed a lasting relationship with the wonderful, modern-day odor known as "permanent marker smell."

    Permanent marker smell has that chemically-enhanced fruitiness to it, that at first makes your head throb, and then gives you a brief high that you barely even notice. But time after time, use after use, you begin to crave that smell, that slight head pain, until you find yourself with a marker at all times, and using it for impractical uses such as taking class notes.

    You have fallen victim to the permanent marker industry's goal: TO GET YOU HOOKED. You're an addict, nothing more and nothing less, and you will continue to buy those markers until you've killed so many brain cells that you can no longer be creative.

    They got their inspiration from tobacco companies. "Hey," one permanent marker exec said to the other permanent marker exec, "we should put a chemical like nicotine into markers so our customers will get addicted, and then our business will really boom!"

    "Great idea!" the other exec exclaimed, "we'll have so many people buying our product that it won't matter if the old ones die: there will always be young kids out there who need to do school projects!"

    Who would ever guess that permanent markers are addictive? Think about yourself. Think about how early you were exposed to permanent markers, and how often you were required to use them. Sure, you may have started out loathing the stench, but how do you feel about it now???

    You may not conciously crave it, but you notice that you get uneasy if you don't have a marker around the house.

    Here are some key symptoms that may mean you're addicted:

    1. You must always have two markers in your backpack at all times.

    2. You keep three on your desk.

    3. Whenever you go to office supply stores, you find yourself gazing longingly at the six-packs of markers and trying to remember if any of your markers were looking faint.

    4. You start carrying one in your pocket. This is a major warning sign. If you are doing this, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP.

    5. Multi-colored packs look very appealing. You imagine all the pretty things you could do with red, blue, and green markers.

    6. You begin to color the soles of your shoes with the black, just so you can see the pretty red shine it has when the light hits it right.

    If you or anyone you know is experiencing these symptoms, alert them to the fact that they are the victims of a lethal money making scheme, and switch to waterproof immediately.

    i think this is cool :rolleyes:
  2. fr8lover

    fr8lover Guest

  3. rip

    rip Elite Member

    Joined: Nov 10, 2001 Messages: 2,667 Likes Received: 0
  4. Naubzer

    Naubzer New Jack

    Joined: Nov 4, 2002 Messages: 64 Likes Received: 0
    Hell yeah I have every damn sympton and that is not a game.:D
  5. Anon

    Anon New Jack

    Joined: Jul 1, 2002 Messages: 69 Likes Received: 0
    I do not need proffessional help!!

    (or maybe I'm just in denial...):huh?:
  6. ~KRYLON2~

    ~KRYLON2~ 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 13, 2001 Messages: 10,475 Likes Received: 203
  7. FlamingHobo

    FlamingHobo Guest

    its any writer who walks around....
  8. amItoolate?

    amItoolate? Member

    Joined: Mar 5, 2002 Messages: 912 Likes Received: 0

    PAYROLL Guest

    I used to take down my notes in school with a brush and a gallon of bucket paint placed on the floor by my desk.
  10. dELiSs

    dELiSs Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 13, 2001 Messages: 2,898 Likes Received: 2
    i'm addicted to getting things for free.
    i go to michaels and theres 4 12 packsof prismas. i dont need them. i just thought they'd all come in handy. so in they went. then i see this perday 12 pack of sharpies. i don't even like sharpies. but hey in they wwent.... and a $35 paint brush for art class. i swear when i have money i'll buy these things..really... i should just work at michaels... hey brainstorm... naw...

    frosted flakes are fantastic..so is pie from marie calender's.