Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
Guest beardo

this one's for zesto

Recommended Posts

Guest beardo

ya hippie!

 

 

www.satirewire.com

 

CANADIAN WARSHIP SEIZES TANKER IN... WAIT...

CANADA HAS A WARSHIP?

Oh Right, and Switzerland Has Nuclear Weapons

 

Arabian Sea (SatireWire.com) — Canadian television reported Friday that a Canadian warship in the Arabian Sea had seized a tanker suspected of smuggling oil from Iraq, leading many to suspect that the report was a hoax.

 

 

The Halifax Class frigate Vancouver.

Honest.

"You're kidding, right? Canada has a warship?" asked U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. "Like for war?

 

"Does Canada know?" he added.

 

"Nobody was more stunned than we were," said Kali Omari, first mate of the seized vessel. "We saw this frigate steaming toward us, and we were worried, but then we saw the maple leaf on the flag, and we thought, 'Oh, Canadians. What the hell do they want?'"

 

When an officer of the HMCS Vancouver announced that the tanker was about to be boarded, the crew of the detained ship was confused, said Omari, but their confusion quickly turned to anger when they saw what the Canadians sailors were carrying.

 

"They were armed. With guns," said Omari. "Canadians. With guns. And a warship. What is this world coming to?"

 

"They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we wanted to know who gave them the damn warship."

 

According to Canadian defense officials, the Vancouver is one of four frigates deployed in the region to assist in the U.S.-led Afghanistan conflict. The tanker was stopped, officials said, because its cargo of crude oil violated United Nations sanctions, which prohibit Iraq from selling oil unless in exchange for food and medicine.

 

The U.N. said the incident is already under investigation, and promised swift action against those found responsible for giving the Canadians guns. Initial findings indicate that the Vancouver crew may have been watching too many American television shows.

 

RECOMMEND

THIS PAGE

Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest --zeSto--

This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct 1995.

 

Radio conversation released by chief of naval operations 10/10/95.

 

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.

 

Canadians: Negative. you will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

 

Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

 

Canadians: No. I say again, divert your course.

 

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

 

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. your call.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest --zeSto--

we may not have a warship... but we sure got a well defended lighthouse!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hahahah oh god thats great. canadians with guns? hahaha oh man you have no idea how much that made me laugh. i cant believe you didnt even think of me beardo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest beardo

i had to take a shot at zesto for the 'fuckin hippies' thing. trust me, i was thinking of all you canadians.. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hahaha... thats some pretty good satire there..

 

the funny thing is, is that we do have frigates. 10 of them to be exact, each one named for a capital city in each province.

 

"They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we wanted to know who gave them the damn warship." ... thats funny shit.. canadians rude??? yeah right... hahaha.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah i was laughing at the whole rudeness thing. god i dont know why we come off as such nice people, i mean im just normally like this. i guess its not standard practice around the world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest --zeSto--

'Oh, Canadians. What the hell do they want?'"

 

We dont get no respect!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...