Have you ever stayed up late

[blood fart]

I typically am tucked into bed by 11.

Because I am an Olde Fart.

 

I like to nap in the afternoon when I am at work.

When they harass me about sleeping on the couch, I go into the bathroom and pretend to take a 30 minute shit.

All I really do is curl up on the floor with a rolled up towel as a pillow and catch a sweet little nap.

 

I watch the sun come up when I am drinking.

I always have problems going to sleep when I am wasted because I think I am going to miss something totally amazing and have to hear about it the next morning and be completely bummed.

So I stay up and drink until there is no more to be drank.

Nothing super exciting ever really happens though because I am not allowed to leave the house when I am drunk.

They claim it is to protect me from going to jail or getting into a sticky situation.

I think they just want to ruin my good time.

All I ever really see is Mexicans fist fighting in the parking lot.

I learned they don't like it when you throw beer bottles at them.

I learned they like it even less when you throw a mason jar full of urine at them.

[CILONE/SK]

So you curl up next to the toilet?

[blood fart]

Yes.

 

The floor is clean.

How do I know this??

Because I clean it.

 

I work in a home.

Being a maid.

And a yard nigger.

And a nanny.

And a personal cook.

And an all-around-servant.

[CILONE/SK]

I find this funny because I can just see someone getting mad at you for sleeping on their couch and so you then go to sleep in their bathroom and let them think you are just shitting yourself in their bathroom for 30 mins.

 

Do you do all that for just one house or a bunch of houses?

[blood fart]

One house.

It takes up all my time, though.

They work me to the bone.

For minimal pay.

I can't complain though because of all the perks that come along with working here.

[groyn shmoyn]

this occurs usually on days when i dont have to be at work the next day.

 

unless i drink myself to sleep earlier.