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Rules of Man

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1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.


2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.


3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be

legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.


4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,

father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker,

you need not and should not provide any useful information

whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny

his very existence.


5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you

must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.


6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent

without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is

allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up

a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).


7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister

is off-limits forever.


8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy

who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required

to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on

the classic 1-10 babe scale.


9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies

refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature

is unsuitable.


10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for

another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is

strictly optional and slightly gay.



11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that

your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should

you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex

with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at

your bachelor party.


12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his

permission and he in return is required to grant it.


13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated

as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the

ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.


14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't

see nothin'.


15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move

is beer.


16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.


17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event,

you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you

may never ask who's playing.



18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her

whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead

only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time

to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.


19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only

when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered

by a topless supermodel... and it's free.


20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.


21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman

must remain sober enough to fight.


22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to

fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the

last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this

guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and



23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight


"Yeah, baby, push it!"

"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"

"Another set and we can hit the showers."

"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"isch aber schne


24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice

of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.


25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be

referring to his beer.


26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except

when she's withholding sex pending your response.


27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal

footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all

other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.


28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car,

you may not join him...too gay.

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although ive broken a few of those(own cats etc....), i was chuckling.

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