Hall of Fame

Ill try to keep it short, I tend to ramble on and on, and it usually takes me a long time to get to my point... my version of the short story, imput is welcome. The background: I met this girl in the fall of 2004, the where why how isnt important, but she seemed real into me at the time. First time I meet her, she comes over to hang out while me and a couple of guys are drinking. Its a good time hanging out on the porch drinking beer and whatever... she goes inside to grab more beer, we talk about her while shes gone, the common thought with the guys is that shes pretty hot and has an amazing ass... so the guys break off, go home, do their thing and its me and the girl. So, I decide to go have some fun (her and I had talked online for at least a month before this). I think its a really good idea to go explore this abandoned building... we go, she drives, its fun as hell (oh, ive been there before, its chill, not dangerous, but one hell of a first date). We hang out a few more times, 3 maybe and end up sleeping with each other... not that this has never happened before, but this beat every other girl ever... the downside? shes moving to another state in a few months, plans are already set... so we start this relationship anyway, knowing that both of us think we dont really want to do it but cant resist each other. The actual "we are together" relationship lasts maybe 3 months, we break up, I get wasted, cut my hair off with a knife, we get back together, we break up again, we get back together again... right, the short part.... 2004-2006 back and forth we go, never together, but we keep falling into this thing, this connection, this "togetherness"... its on and off forever... either we dont talk or we call each other every night... shes 2 hours away and wants to move back home, cant wait for her lease to be over... she doesnt want to go back to her parents house, but wants to come back to her, so I tell her she can have my extra bedroom... she starts slowly bringing stuff to my house, starts out staying in my room, eventually gets a uhaul and brings all of her stuff to my house... here is where things get tough... she has too much shit... should we have two seperate bedrooms or should we have one room as our bedroom and have the rest of our stuff in another room? we decide on having a shared bedroom.. so, now its OUR bedroom, OUR bed... funny, we arent together, we arent a couple... no commitment. damn it, this was supposed to be short... one night, my landlady has a party as she does every year, the girl isnt feeling well, and I promise her im only going to go to the party for a little bit, then i will be in to take care of her and go to bed early... somehow I ended up staying at the party drinking until runrise. When I finally walk in the house at whatever time it is, shes packing and taking stuff to her car - LEAVING (oh, after she moved in with me, she had no job, no income, no money, so im paying rent for two) ok, maybe i fucked up, maybe I shouldnt have stayed out all night drinking... but the other things that i wont get long winded about and explain in detail, i drove 2 hours in the middle of the night multiple times to go see her and bring her flowers or whatever just because she had a bad day... everytime something went wrong for her, i dropped my entire life to take care of her, any stupid thing to make her feel better.... anyway... she leaves, again we are on the not talking plan, at least until something big happens... i forget all the details, but its on and off forever... back and forth... FEB 2006 we are back on good terms, things are looking up, we act sorta like we are together, we talk on the phone every night that she isnt sleeping here, we hang out together on our lunch breaks, still sleeping with each other, all of that... valentines day is coming... now what? Im in a non-relationship... damned if I do, damned if I dont... gotta do something for this girl.... I get a brilliant idea on the friday before valentines day... instead of the typical take her out to eat buy chocolates and whatever, I decide, hey, im creative and thoughtful, ill MAKE her a teddy bear... i go to the fabric store, i get super soft and cuddly fabric, steal my landladys sewing machine and spend the ENTIRE weekend working on this thing... I havent used a sewing machine in at least 12 years... I finish the bear and decide that I need to make little tiny stuffed hearts too... I do about 8 or 10 of those, put the bear and the hearts in a box and wait until tuesday to give it to her... we havent had sex in at least two weeks at this point, shes always tired, or doesnt feel good or whatever, and im ok with that, its cool.... but i figure the bear it a surefire lay... guess what? nope..... she loves the bear, its kinda funny looking but cute, she laughs, we cuddle, and go to sleep.... then, the kicker... she hardly calls for the rest of the week, makes no plans ot see me... saturday night rolls around, and I finally call her and ask whats up... her answer, her heart isnt in it... great, all my effort just to get used when she needs me... keeping it short, her and I arent even friends now, shes not willing to hammer out the differences that have kept us apart in the past... I guess this is finally the end, i cant keep doing this... all my effort for nothing? I could have been doing anything else... I could have been painting....