called it how he saw it, and he was right.
I am looking into inpatient treatment now. My brain is my biggest enemy, it can change itself from moment to moment, and without help I will not be able to get out of this fog.
It's really fucking scary, and I'm not ashamed to say that I am scared to make a change like this in my life. But, for this addict, it's either I ask for help or off myself like a coward. I'd rather man up and ask for help. I like to think there is strength in asking for help when feeling weak.
This lifestyle sucks. If you are just starting to drink, and wonder if you have abnormal drinking patterns, STOP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE, whatever you have to do.
Thanks to everyone here for reading my bullshit throughout the years and showing me my own fucked logic. Hopefully my posts after I come home will seem more positive, and focused.
*edit - the possibility of being able to open my own business made me realize that, in this mind state and with these habits, I will absolutely fail. I need a clear mind….