dear "god"
why do you insist on letting my x girlfriend want to be with her other dumbass x boyfriend he treats her like shit make her realize hes an idiot and ill consider going to church at least once in the next year as a thank you ill set these cookies out for you to eat and if you would like me to eat them give me no sign.
p.s.
thank you homer simpson for your inspirational way to make an offer to "god"