High Priest

1. All Our Fans Are Gay Why do you think we throw stuff at you? You own all our cd's- you're gay, you're gay You own all our 7"s- you're gay, you're gay You bought all our t-shirts- you're gay, you're gay You go to all our shows- you're gay, you're gay [Chorus:] All our fans are gay [x4] You think you know what we are singing about- you're wrong You think we care about the underground- you're wrong You think we won't fuck up your club- you're wrong You think we care if you like us- you're wrong [Chorus] If we're nice to you, it's because we're broke Or unless you got some drugs to smoke When the drugs are gone, then we are too Then we'll go back to making fun of you [Fan voice:] "But I've supported you guys for so long" FAGGOT! 2. Limp Bizkit Think They're Black, But They're Just Gay Fred Durst is a fucking faggot He thinks he's black, but he's just gay He cancelled a show cuz he sprained his ankle He's also a fucking midget [Chorus:] You're not fucking black, you're just fucking gay (x2) You're fucking gay The guitarist wears a mask To hide the cum stains on his face They're the gayest band I've ever seen And I've seen the Culture Club live [Chorus] Fred wears a hat to hide his baldness I refuse to believe blacks think he's cool I wish he'd beaten and raped by some black guy And see if he still wants to be black 3. You Were Too Ugly To Rape, So I Just Beat The Shit Out Of You Rape [x4] I drank a case of whiskey And you looked like Jeanine Jizm I drank another case of whiskey And you looked like Roseanne Barr [Chorus:] You were to ugly to rape, so I beat you up When I looked at you, I had to throw up I drank a case of whiskey And you looked like Sheila Micheals I drank another case of everclear And you looked like Ileana Douglas [Chorus] 4. Hebosaurus You're such a fucking hebe You're always freebasing pennies You went to a plastic surgeon And got your nose enlarged [Chorus:] You've got a tattoo of a penny- you're a hebosaurus Your uncle's Murray Lender- You're a hebosaurus You know all the words to Yentil- you're a hebosaurus You're breath smells like a bagel- you're a hebesaurus You have a yamaka welded on your head You've tried to shoot up money You beat off inside of banks I want to stuff you in an oven [Chorus:] You've got a tattoo of a dradle- you're a hebosaurus You idolize Gene Simmons- you're a hebosaurus You think Scott Ian's cool- you're a hebosaurus Your breath smells like matzoballs- you're a fucking hebosaurus 5. Even Though You're Culture Oppresses Women, You Sill Suck You Fucking Towelhead You fucking towelhead You wear a towel on your head, you fucking towelhead I hate women, you do too But you have a mustache, you fucking towelhead [Chorus:] Towelhead, towelhead. Towelheaad, you fucking towelhead (x4) It's cool they beat up women when they show their head It's cool they beat up women when they show their face Those cunts have to cover their fucking ankle You think you're cool cuz' you ride a camel [Chorus] 6. If You Don't Like The Village People, You're Fucking Gay Jacques Morali wrote the heaviest music ever Glenn Hughes had a deeper voice than Will from Mortician He wore chains before Slayer and Venom Jacques Morali was portrayed by Steve Guttenberg [Chorus 1:] If you don't like the Village people- you're fucking gay If you think Jeff Olson was better cowboy- you're fucking gay If you think Ray Simpson was a better cop- you're fucking gay If you think Y.M.C.A. was their best song- you're fucking gay All death metal songs were ripped off from Village People "Evil dead" by Death is actually "Liberation" from the Village People Will Rahmer looks like he should be in the Village People No, Morbid Florist wasn't a reference to Will Rahmer [Chorus 2:] If you think Death were good after their demos- you're fucking gay If you think rape is wrong- you're fucking gay If you think the holocaust wasn't funny- you're fucking gay If you think of Hellhammer as the drummer of Mayhem- you're fucking gay Y-O-U-R-E-G-A-Y You're gay 7. Obviously Adopted You P.C. fucking faggot You're trying to win an oscar for adoption I hope your kids kill you and rape your wife Amistad is the stupidest movie I've ever seen [Chorus:] Obviously adopted, obviously adopted, obviously adopted, fuck you Spielberg [x2] How coma all the black extras and slaves Had names, but the white ones didn't I fucking hate you and your gay movies Amistad was an excuse to bully your way to an oscar 8. Walker, Texas Corpse Your characters supposed to be 40 But you have to be at least 80 The make-up department should win an emmy For making people think your alive [Chorus:] Chuck Norris- you're really fucking old You're the worst singer I have ever heard You're even worse than I am You should be climbing out of a grave While you sing the fucking theme song [Chorus] You look like you just got embalmed And were shopping for a coffin Your partner looks fucking stupid Being black and wearing a cowboy hat 9. The Word Homophobic Is Gay I'm not afraid of faggots But I like making fun of them It was made-up by some P.C. faggot To make fag haters look stupid Anti-homophobe by Brutal Truth Is a pathetic attempt to be P.C. Kevin's obviously not a homophobe Because he's a fucking faggot 10. You Converted To Judaism So A Guy Would Touch Your Dick You just broke up with Jaime from Hatebreed Even Chris Barnes won't blow you again You heard all kikes have to get circumcized You fantasized about some rabbi grabbing your dick [Chorus:] No one would touch you, now you're a jew You fucking hebe, now you're a kike After you got circumcized Guys still wouldn't touch you It's bad enough you were a fag before Now you're a gay faggot jew [Chorus]

1. I Became A Counselor So I Could Tell Rape Victims They Asked For It YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A WOMAN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD A CUNT YOU DESERVED IT CUZ YOU'RE A DUMB CUNT D-U-M-B C-U-N-T YOU DESERVED IT, YOU DESERVED IT, YOU DESERVED IT YOU'RE A DUMB CUNT YOU DESERVED IT, YOU DESERVED IT, YOU DESERVED IT YOU'RE A DUMB CUNT YOU SHOULD'VE WORN A CHASTITY BELT YOU SHOULD'VE VOLUNTEERED TO FUCK HIM YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN UGLY I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN D-U-M-B C-U-N-T YOU DESERVED IT YOU DESERVED IT YOU DESERVED IT YOU'RE A DUMB CUNT YOU DESERVED IT YOU DESERVED IT YOU DESERVED IT YOU'RE A DUMB CUNT 2. Easy E. Got A.I.D.S. From F. Mercury EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE BLACK, YOU LISTENED TO QUEEN YOU THOUGHT FREDDY WAS THE CUTEST GUY YOU'VE EVER SEEN YOU WENT BACKSTAGE AND GOT FUCKED IN THE ASS YOU TOOK A HIV TEST EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY EASY E. GOT HIV FROM FREDDY MERCURY YOU WENT TO DINNER, FREDDY WORE A LEASH YOU ATE FRIED CHICKEN, FREDDY ATE QUICHE NOW FREDDY'S DEAD AND HE'S IN HEAVEN AT HIS WAKE YOU ATE WATER MELON 3. I Like Drugs And Child Abuse I SMOKE LOTS OF CRACK AND MY GIRLFRIEND HAS A KID I LIKE DRUGS AND CHILD ABUSE WHEN SHE'S IN THE BATHROOM, I KICK HIM IN THE BALLS I LIKE DRUGS AND CHILD ABUSE WHEN SHE'S AT WORK, I TEACH HIM HOW TO SHOOT UP I LIKE DRUGS AND CHILD ABUSE WHEN SHE BEATS HIM UP, I SIT THERE AND LAUGH I LIKE DRUGS AND CHILD ABUSE WHEN HE WAS IN 3RD GRADE, HIS BEST FRIEND O.D'D BECAUSE I MADE HIM SELL HEROIN AND SPEED I LIKE BEATING KIDS FOR NO REASON AT ALL I LIKE DOING DRUGS AND BEATING UP KIDS 4. Laughing When Leonard Peltier Gets Raped In Jail I NEVER BOTHERED TO FIND OUT WHY YOU'RE IN JAIL BUT, I THINK IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU ARE I HOPE YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY DO IT AND YOUR LIFE GOT RUINED FOR NOTHING I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE IN JAIL AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE I HOPE YOU GET RAPED EVERY DAY I'M GLAD YOU'RE STUCK IN THERE YOU WHERE PROBABLY IN A DRUNKEN INDIAN BLACKOUT YOU WHERE DRINKING LISTERINE IN THE DESERT YOUR BARTENDER SHUT YOU OFF, SO YOU TRIED TO SCALP HIM THEN YOU TRIED TO SHOOT AN FBI AGENT 5. I Convinced You To Beat Your Wife On A Daily Basis BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE YOUR WIFE'S SO FUCKING POSSESSIVE, SHE COMPLAINS WHEN YOU'RE WITH FRIENDS SHE'S ALWAYS A WINING CUNT, YOU CAVE IN CUZ YOU'RE A FAG BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE IF SHE DOESN'T DO THE DISHES OR GET YOU ANOTHER BEER THEN PUNCH HER IN THE FACE, AND THROW HER DOWN THE STAIRS IF YOU DON'T BEAT THAT CUNT, SHE'LL WALK ALL OVER YOU BEAT HER EVERY DAY, IT'S LOTS OF FUN TO BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT YOUR WIFE 6. I Sent Concentration Camp Footage To Americas Funniest Home Videos MY UNCLE WAS BEST FRIEND WITH HITLER HE HAD SOME COOL FOOTAGE OF DACHAU I WAS WATCHING AMERICAS FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS ON DUST AND SENDT SOME FOOTAGE TO THAT FUCKING GAY SHOW I SENT CONCENTRATION CAMP FOOTAGE TO AMERICAS FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS I SENT CONCENTRATION CAMP FOOTAGE TO AMERICAS FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS I DIDN'T WIN THE $10,000 SO I SENT INTERMENT CAMP FOOTAGE I DIDN'T WIN AGAIN SO I SENT BIRTH OF A NATION 7. Rancid Sucks (And The Clash Sucked Too) SKA IS GAY, REGGAE IS GAY YOU'RE FUCKING GAY, AND YOU'RE NOT PUNK YOU SAY YOU HATE CORPORATIONS, BUT YOU WHERE ON NBC London's CALLING AND THEIR CALLING YOU GAY RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO IF KENNY G. HAD A MOHAVK, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK IF YANNI HAD DUMB TATTOOS, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK IF GARTH BROOKS PIERCED HIS NOSE, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK IF LIBERACE SOUNDED LIKE THE CLASH, HE WOULDN'T BE PUNK RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS RANCID SUCKS AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK YOU'RE GAY, YOU SUCK AND THE CLASH SUCKED TOO 8. I Paid J. Howell To Rape You JIM HOWELL BEAT HIS WIFE SO HIS BROTHER IN LAW FIRED HIM WE WHERE TRYING TO THINK OF WAYS WE COULD HELP HIM OUT I SAW YOU WEARING A 311 SHIRT AND READING FRENCH POETRY TO YOUR LESBIAN LOVER WHO WAS WEARING A BERET I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU FIRST WE GAVE HIM A FIFTH OF OLD CROW AND SOME SCHLITC WE TOLD HIM YOU'D PROBABLY BE AT THE RANDOM ROAD MOTHER SHOW WAIL YOU WHERE TALKING TO JOE BONNI ABOUT CLOVE CIGARETTES HE YANKED YOU AWAY AND FUCKED YOU UP THE ASS I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU I PAID JIM HOWELL TO RAPE YOU RAPED, RAPED, RAPED, YOU GOT RAPED BY JIM HOWELL RAPED, RAPED, RAPED, YOU GOT RAPED BY JIM HOWELL RAPED, RAPED, RAPED, YOU GOT RAPED BY JIM HOWELL RAPED, RAPED, RAPED, YOU GOT RAPED BY JIM HOWELL 9. I Pushed Your Wife In Front Of The Subway I WAS IN A BAD MOOD, BECAUSE MY CRACK HOUSE GOT BUSTED I SAW YOU, AND YOUR DUMB LOOKING WIFE WAITING FOR THE TRAIN I COULD TELL IT WAS TRUE LOVE SO AS THE TRAIN PULLED IN, I PUSHED HER INTO IT I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY IT WAS ON THE ORANGE LIME, BUT THE TRACKS WHERE RED I PUSHED THAT CUNT IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY YOU HAD TO TELL YOUR DAUGHTER, THAT HER MUMMY WAS DEAD I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY IT WAS SO CROWDED NO ONE SAW WHO DID IT THEN I SAW YOU CRYING LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY GOOD THING SHE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO TELL YOU SHE WAS PREGNANT AGAIN I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY 10. Extreme Noise Terror Is Afraid Of Us THERE 3 OF US, THERE 6 OF YOU WE'LL STILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU YOUR BAND SUCKS, YOUR BAND IS GAY YOU KICKED US OFF THE TOUR, CUZ WE BLOW YOU AWAY NET ARE SCARED OF US NET ARE SCARED OF US NET ARE SCARED OF US NET ARE SCARED OF US FIRST YOU RIPPED OFF DISCHARGE, THEN NAPALM DEATH YOU'RE GAY HOMOSEXUAL FAGGOTS, PLUS YOU'RE FUCKING GAY WERE FASTER THAN YOU, WERE HEAVIER THAN YOU WERE BETTER THAN YOU, AND DEAN HAS A DUMB HAIRCUT NET ARE SCARED OF US NET ARE SCARED OF US NET ARE SCARED OF US NET ARE SCARED OF US 11. You Rollerblading Faggot YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT I SAW YOU RIDING DOWN THE STREET ON YOUR ROLLERBLADES DRINKING A FRAPPOCINO, YOU'RE TOTALLY FUCKING GAY YOU GOT A KORN SHIRT, AND TRIBAL TATTOOS YOU ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT, I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU'RE ARE ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING, ROLLERBLADING FAGGOT 12. I Sent A Thankyou Card To The Guy That Raped You YOU JUST CAME FROM A BIKINI KILL CONCERT YOU FELT LIKE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN TWO GUYS WHERE HAVING A "RAPE THE UGLIEST CUNT POSSIBLE" CONTEST YOU WEREN'T A STRONG WOMAN ANYMORE I'M GLAD YOU GOT RAPED YOU STUPID DYKE CUNT I'M GLAD YOU GOT RAPED CUZ YOU'RE A STUPID DYKE CUNT I LAUGHED AS I WATCHED HIM RAPE YOU THEN I BROUGHT HIM A FEW BEERS EVERY YEAR ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR RAPE I SEND HIM A THANKYOU CARD, YOU STUPID FUCKING DYKE CUNT I'M GLAD YOU GOT RAPED YOU STUPID DYKE CUNT I'M GLAD YOU GOT RAPED CUZ YOU'RE A STUPED DYKE CUNT 13. I Lit Your Baby On Fire I SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON DRUGS, AND COULDN'T AFFORD TO FLY I TOOK A GREYHOUND BUS, YOU AND YOUR BRAT SAT NEXT TO ME IT WOULDN'T SHUT UP, SO I LIT IT ON FIRE FOR 30 SECONDS IT WAS LOUDER, THEN IT SHUT UP I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE YOU CAME BACK FROM THE BATHROOM, AND SMELLED SOMETHING BURNING YOU REALIZED IT WAS YOUR BABY, AND I STARTED TO LAUGH YOU ASKED THE DRIVER TO PULL OVER, BUT HE LAUGHED AT YOU TOO YOU YELLED AT ME, SO I ROSTED SOME MARSMELLOWS ON YOU'RE KID I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR, I LIT YOUR BABY ON FIRE 14. Body By Auschvitz YOU FAT SLOB, YOU FLUNKED JENNY CRAIG YOU FLUNKED WEIGHT WATCHERS, YOUR 500 POUNDS YOU HOARD CALORIES LIKE DIG HOARDS CASH HERE'S THE FINAL SOLUTION FOR YOU'RE FAT BODY BY AUSCWITZ BODY BY AUSCWITZ !CENCORED! BODY BY AUSCWITZ BODY BY AUSCWITZ 15. I Intentionally Ran Over Your Dog YOU'RE DOG WAS YOUR ONLY FRIEND YOU DEPEND YOUR LIFE SAVING FIXING IT'S BROKEN LEG YOU LOVED IT MORE THAN YOU'RE PARENTS LOVED YOU AND THEN I RAN IT OVER YOUR DOG WAS DUMB, AND NOW IT'S DEAD MY TIRE-TRACKS ARE TATTOOED ON IT'S HEAD MY TIRE-TRACKS ARE TATTOOED ON IT'S HEAD I DRAGGED IT 50 YARDS DOWN THE STREET AND YOU RAN AFTER ME IN TEARS I ALMOST CRASHED BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD THEN I TURNED AROUND, AND TRIED TO HIT YOU YOUR DOG WAS DUMB, AND NOW IT'S DEAD MY TIRE-TRACKS ARE TATTOOED ON IT'S HEAD MY TIRE-TRACKS ARE TATTOOED ON IT'S HEAD 16. Sweatshops Are Cool YOU CAME TO THIS COUNTRY FOR A BETTER LIFE YOU SPENT WEEKS HIDING IN A LEAKY BOAT YOU WORK 18 HOURS A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK FOR 50 CENTS AN HOUR, YOU SHOULD'VE STAYED HOME SWEATSHOPS- YOU CAN BARELY AFFORD RISE SWEATSHOPS- YOU'RE HOMES INFESTED WITH MICE SWEATSHOPS- 100 OF YOU LIVE IN ONE ROOM SWEATSHOPS- I HOPE YOU GET DEPORTED SOON I'M GLAD YOU'RE UNDERPAID I'M GLAD YOU GET RIPPED OFF YOU'RE TOO DUMB TO GO ON WEAL FARE YOU SUCK GUYS THAT LOOK LIKE DIG OFF SWEATSHOPS- YOU CAN BARELY AFFORD RISE SWEATSHOPS- YOU'RE HOMES INFESTED WITH MICE SWEATSHOPS- 100 OF YOU LIVE IN ONE ROOM SWEATSHOPS- I HOPE YOU GET DEPORTED SOON 17. Woman, Nature's Punching Bag WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG YOU DIDN'T GET ME A BEER YOU WHERE ONE MINUTE LATE WHIT DINNER YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG KIND OF BEER YOU WANTED A CAREER !CENCORED! YOU FORGOT TO CASH MY UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK YOU'RE HAVING YOU'RE PERIOD YOU WANT TO VISIT YOU'RE MOTHER YOU WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER KID !CENCORED!- WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG WOMAN, NATURE'S PUNCHING BAG 18. I Snuck A Retard In To A Sperm Bank YOU FUCKING DYKE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GET TOUCHED BY A MAN YOU WANTED TO BE A STRONG SINGLE MOTHER YOU ORDERED A SENSITIVE, GAY POETS SPERM I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK INSTEAD OF A BRIGHT POET OFFSPRING YOU'RE STUCK WITH A DROOLING RETARD YOU WENT BROKE PAYING FOR SPECIAL CARE YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND LEFT YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK 19. Your Kid Committed Suicide Because You Suck ERIC CLAPTON SUCKS, ERIC CLAPTON SUCKS ERIC CLAPTON'S GAY, AND HE'S FUCKING GAY YOUR FATHER IS THE 4TH WORST SONG WRITER AFTER SPRINGSTEEN, SEGER AND PETTY YOU WERE SICK OF HIS GAY FUCKING SONGS SO YOU JUMPED OUT A REALLY HIGH UP WINDOW YOUR FATHER SUCKS SO FUCKING BAD YOU KNEW YOU'D GET BEATEN UP AT SCHOOL YOU WERE SICK OF HEARING "YOU LOOK WONDERFUL TONIGHT" SO YOU JUMPED OUT A REALLY HIGH UP WINDOW SOMETIMES I WISH YOU DIDEN'T DIE BECAUSE I HATE THE SONG "TEARS IN HEAVEN" I WAS GLAD YOU DIED UNTIL I HEARD THAT SONG AND KEVIN SHARP IS GAY 20. I Ate Your Horse YOUR DAD TOOK OUT A SECOND MORTGAGE TO BUY YOU A HORSE YOU LOVED IT, AND TOOK BETTER CARE FOR IT THAN YOURSELF YOU COMMAND IT, CLEANED IT, AND FED IT APPLES EVERY DAY I WAS BROKE, DRUNK, AND HUNGRY, SO I KILLED YOUR HORSE, AND ATE IT I ATE YOUR HORSE I ATE YOUR HORSE I ATE YOUR HORSE I ATE YOUR HORSE WHEN YOU CAME TO THE STABLE NEXT MORNING YOU FOUND A PILE OF HAIR, TEETH, AND HOOVES I HID AROUND THE BACK, TO LISTEN TO YOU CRY THEN I BEAT AN OLD LADY TO DEATH WHIT THE LEG BONE I ATE YOUR HORSE I ATE YOUR HORSE I ATE YOUR HORSE I ATE YOUR HORSE 21. Hitler Was A Sensitive Man HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HE WENT TO ART SCHOOL WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER HE WANTED TO BE A PAINTER HITLER WAS A VEGETARIAN HE WAS ALSO A NON SMOKER HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HE HIRED GAY AND HANDICAPPED OFFICERS HE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT OVERPOPULATION IF HITLER WAS ALIVE TODAY HE'D LISTENED TO THE CURE, THE SMITHS, AND DEPECHE MODE HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN HITLER WAS A SENSITIVE MAN 22. You Robbed A Sperm Bank Because You're A Cum Guzzling Fag YOU COULDN'T PICK UP A GUY AT THE GAY BAR MAIL PROSTITUTES WOULDN'T TAKE YOUR MONEY YOU JERKED OFF 8 TIMES, AND RAN OUT OF YOUR OWN SO YOU BROKE INTO A SPERM BANK, YOU CUM GUZZLING FAG YOU'RE FUCKING GAY, YOU'RE FUCKING GAY I ONLY WROTE THIS SONG TO PISS PEOPLE OF WHO ARE GAY I ONLY WROTE THIS SONG TO PISS PEOPLE OF WHO ARE GAY WHEN YOU BROKE IN ROD STUART HAD ALREADY BEATEN YOU THERE LUCKILY YOU WHERE BOTH GOOD FRIENDS YOU BOTH SAT AROUND AND DRANK 10 GALLONS OF SPERM WAIL LISTENING TO LOS CRUDOS, AND WATCHING MARILYN MANSON VIDEOS YOU'RE FUCKING GAY, YOU'RE FUCKING GAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE LYRICS, DON'T BUY OUR RECORDS YOU FAG IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE LYRICS, DON'T BUY OUR RECORDS YOU FAG 23. I Made You're Kid Get AIDS, So You Could Watch It Die A FEW YEARS AGO, I SNUCK F.MERKURY INTO YOUR SONS ROOM I GAVE HIM ANESTHESIA SO HE'D NEVER REMEMBER GETTING RAPED YOU SPENT YOUR LIFE SAVINGS PUTTING YOUR KID THROUGH COLLAGE THEN HE DIED OF AIDS, SO YOU WASTED YOUR MONEY FOR NOTHING I MADE YOUR KID GET AIDS, SO YOU COULD WATCH IT DIE I MADE YOUR KID GET AIDS, SO YOU COULD WATCH IT CRY YOU THOUGHT YOUR SON WAS ON A DIET, SO YOU DIDN'T WORRY TO MUCH AT THE FUNERAL, I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED, AND LAUGHED AT YOU I DIDN'T THINK THAT YOU SUFFERED ENOUGH SO I SHOT YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF YOU I MADE YOUR KID GET AIDS, SO YOU COULD WATCH IT DIE I MADE YOUR KID GET AIDS, SO YOU COULD WATCH IT CRY BRACS, SUMMER CAMP, COLLAGE YOU WASTED ALL YOUR MONEY FOOD, CLOTHING, TRIPS TO DISNEY WORLD, YOU WASTED ALL YOUR MONEY BIRTHDAYS, CHRISTMAS, THE TOOTH FAIRY, YOU WASTED ALL YOUR MONEY LUNCH MONEY, FIELD TRIPS, TOYS, YOU WASTED ALL YOUR MONEY 24. I Fucked Your Wife YOUR WIFE WAS SO FUCKING BORED WITH YOU I WAS IN BOSTON FOR A COURT DATE, AND SHE FUCKED ME I THREW AN ASHTRAY THROUGH A CINEESE RESTAURANT WINDOW I MET HER AT AN UPSIDE DOWN CROSS SHOW I FUCKED YOUR WIFE- I FUCKED YOUR WIFE- I BEND HER OVER I FUCKED YOUR WIFE- I FUCKED YOUR WIFE-YOUR MARRIAGE ID OVER LARRY LIFELESS WAS BUYING HER DRINKS I TOLD HER HOW I USED TO BE A CRACK HEAD NEXT THING I KNOW, SHE WAS JERKING ME OFF YOU'RE JEALOUS BECAUSE YOUR BANNED WENT NOWHERE I FUCKED YOUR WIFE- I FUCKED YOUR WIFE- I BEND HER OVER I FUCKED YOUR WIFE- I FUCKED YOUR WIFE-YOUR MARRIAGE ID OVER 25. Into The Oven FIRST YOU LIVED ON A FARM THEN YOU GOT YOUR HEAD CUT OFF THEN I BOUGHT YOU IN A GROCERY STORE PRETTY SOON, YOU'LL BE ON MY PLATE INTO THE OVEN INTO THE OVEN INTO THE OVEN I'M GONNA EAT YOU FOR THANKSGIVING I'M NOT A FAGGOT VEGETARIAN I DON'T CARE IF THE INDIANS LOST THEIR LAND I THINK ITS REALLY FUNNY THAT THEY DID I LIKE EATING LOTS OF FOOD ON THANKSGIVING INTO THE OVEN INTO THE OVEN INTO THE OVEN I'M GONNA EAT YOU FOR THANKSGIVING 26. I Gave Nambla Pictures Of You Kid I FOLLOWED ARTIMUS PYLE AFTER A LYNYRD SKYNYRD SHOW WE ENDED UP AT A NAMBLA MEETING I KNOCKED AT THE DOOR AND ARTIMUS PYLE ANSWERED I GAVE HIM PICTURES OF YOUR KID BECAUSE I HATE HIM I GAVE NAMBLA PICTURES OF YOU KID ARTUMUS PYLE, ARTUMUS PYLE, ARTUMUS, ARTUMUS, ARTUMUS PYLE THE NEXT DAY THERE WAS A LINE AT YOU DOOR ARTUMUS PYLE WAS GOING BACK FOR SECONDS YOUR KID HAD A LOCK OF ARTUMUS' BEARD IN HIS ASS YOUR KID MADE ARTUMUS' SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL I GAVE NAMBLA PICTURES OF YOU KID ARTUMUS PYLE, ARTUMUS PYLE, ARTUMUS, ARTUMUS, ARTUMUS PYLE LYNRYD SKYNYRD USED TO YOUR FAVORITE BAND UNTIL ARTIMUS HAD YOUR KIDS DICK IN HIS HAND 27. The Only Reason Men Talk To You Is Because They Want To Get Laid, You Stupid Fucking Cunt YOU THINK YOU HAVE A LOT OF MALE FRIENDS- YOU DON'T YOU THINK GUYS CARE WHEN THEY ASK FOR YOUR OPINION- THEY DON'T YOU THINK YOUR BEST FRIENDS BOYFRIEND DOESN'T WANT TO FUCK YOU- HE DOES YOU THOUGHT THE BARTENDER WAS BEATING NICE TO YOU WHEN HE GAVE YOU A FREE DRINK- HE WASN''T YOUR NEIGHBOR HELPED YOU MOVE- HE JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU YOU BOSS BOUGHT YOU LUNCH- HE JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU A GUY BOUGHT YOU A DRINK- HE JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU HE ASKED YOU TO GO OUT FOR COFFEE- HE JUST WANTS TO FUCK YOU YOU THINK YOU'RE ONE OF THE GUYS YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS YOU'RE EVENTUALLY GOING TO GET RAPED YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID CUNT YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT 28. I Made Fun Of You Because Your Kid Just Died I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL LAUGHING AT CRIPPLES THE I HEARD YOU KID JUST DIED SUDDENLY, THAT WAS FUNNIER THAN THE CRIPPLES SO I TRACKED YOU DOWN AND MADE FUN OF YOU YOUR KID DIED, AND YOU CRIED AND I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY IT WAS AN OPEN CASKET WAKE I SPILLED MY BEER IN YOUR KIDS COFFIN YOUR MASCARA RAN BECAUSE YOU WERE CRYING SO I KICKED YOUR HUSBAND IN THE BALLS YOUR KID DIED, AND YOU CRIED AND I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY 29. Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really Funny YOU CAUGHT YOUR WIFE FUCKING THE MAILMAN YOU THREW HER DOWN A FLIGHT OFF STAIRS YOUR SON CAME HOME WITH 4 D'S AND AN F YOU KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS AND IN THE FACE IF I WAS A COP, CALLED TO YOUR HOUSE I'D CONGRATULATE YOU FOR BEATING YOUR SPOUSE I'D SHAKE YOUR HAND FOR BEATING YOUR SON IF HE WAS MY SON, I'D TAKE OUT MY GUN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER CAME HOME PREGNANT FOR THE 3'RD OR 4'TH TIME YOU PUT ON YOUR BOOTS AND KICKED HER IN THE STOMACH THEN YOU CAUGHT YOUR WIFE SUCKING THE MILKMAN'S DICK SO YOU THREW HER DOWN THE STAIRS AGAIN IF I WAS A COP, CALLED TO YOUR HOUSE ID OFFERED TO SHOOT YOUR NO-GOOD SPOUSE IF I HAD TO DEAL WITH YOUR TEENAGE SLUT I'D GLADLY KICK HER IN THE GUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY 30. Dictators Are Cool POOL POT KILLED A MILLION OF HIS PEOPLE IDI AMIN ATE THAT MANY FOR DINNER PAPA DOC, HIS SON WAS EVEN COOLER ROSS THE BOSS WAS IN MANOWAR DICTATORS ARE COOL DICTATORS ARE COOL MUSSOLINI GOT PISSED ON BY HIS PEOPLE HITLER HAD A CHARLIE CHAPLIN MUSTACHE DICK MANITOBA GRABBED MY GIRLFRIENDS TITS MARK MENDOZA WAS IN A TWISTED SISTER DICTATORS ARE COOL DICTATORS ARE COOL 31. Deadbeat Dads Are Cool WHY WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THAT FUCKING BRAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE IT ANYWAY SHE WAS TO STUPID TO GET AN ABORTION SO SHE SHOULD BE STUCK PAYING THE BILLS DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DON'T GIVE THAT STUPID CUNT A CENT DON'T PAY THAT FUCKING BRAT'S RENT DON'T PAY MONEY FOR IT TO EAT IF YOU'RE COOL, YOU'LL BE A DEADBEAT DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL DEADBEAT DADS ARE FUCKING COOL 32. I'm Really Excited About The Upcoming David Buskin Concert I BOUGHT A BUS TICKET TO THE LOG CABIN I'M GONNA START A PIT DURING THE FIRST SONG I'M GONNA REQUEST "PAPA YOU WHERE A SAILOR" I'M GONNA BRING 3LIGHTERS TO THE SHOW I WAS REALLY PSYCHED TO SEE MORBID ANGEL I WAS REALLY PSYCHED TO SEE UPSIDEDOWN CROSS I WAS REALLY PSYCHED TO SEE ALL STEWART BUT NOT AS MUCH AS DAVID BUSKIN DAVID BUSKIN DAVID BUSKIN IS COMING TO MY TOWN HE WAS MUCH BETTER WITH BATTEAU BUT HIS STILL HEAVIER THAN SIX FEET UNDER I'M GONNA DRINK 5 CASES OF BEER BEFORE THE SHOW AND SMOKE TONS OF POT, CRACK AND DUST I WAS REALLY PSYCHED TO SEE JUDAS PRIEST I WAS REALLY PSYCHED TO SEE BLACK SABBATH I WAS REALLY PSYCHED TO SEE PHRANC BUT NOT AS MUCH AS DAVID BUSKIN DAVID BUSKIN DAVID BUSKIN IS COMING TO MY TOWN 33. Being Ignorant Is Awesome I LIKE TO LAUGH AT RETARDS I LIKE TO LAUGH AT CRIPPLES I LIKE TO MAKE FUN OF GAYS I LIKE TO BEAT WOMAN I LIKE ASSUMING BLACK PEOPLE STOLE SOMETHING I LIKE ASSUMING JEWS JERK OFF TO PHOTOS OF BANKS I LIKE ASSUMING CHINESE PEOPLE CANT DRIVE I LIKE ASSUMING WOMAN ARE DUMB CUNTS I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE ASSUMING BLACK PEOPLE STOLE SOMETHING I LIKE ASSUMING JEWS JERK OFF TO PHOTOS OF BANKS I LIKE ASSUMING CHINESE PEOPLE CANT DRIVE I LIKE ASSUMING WOMAN ARE DUMB CUNTS I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I LIKE BEING IGNORANT I DON'T WANT TO READ THE PAPER I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE NEWS I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON I JUST WANT TO KEEP HATING YOU 34. You're Pregnant, So I Kicked You In The Stomach I THOUGHT YOU WHERE A FAT CHICK THEN I REALIZED YOU WHERE PREGNANT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY IF YOUR BABY DIED SO I KICKED YOU IN THE STOMACH I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY'S DEAD I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY'S DEAD I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY'S DEAD HA HA HA YOUR BABY'S DEAD THERE WHERE NO STAIRS TO THROW YOU DOWN THERE WAS NO ROOF TO THROUGH YOU OFF THERE WAS NO COAT HANGERS AROUND SO I KICKED YOU IN THE STOMACH I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY'S DEAD I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY'S DEAD I KICKED YOU, YOUR BABY'S DEAD HA HA HA YOUR BABY'S DEAD 35. Chris Barnes Is A Pussy YOU HID ON YOUR BUS YOU WHERE AFRAID OF US YOU WOULDN'T FIGHT ME CUZ YOU'RE GAY YOU HAD YOUR ROADIES SAVED TODAY CHRIS BARNES IS A FAGGOT- YOU'RE FUCKING GAY CHRIS BARNES IS A FAGGOT- YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT CHRIS BARNES IS A FAGGOT- YOU'RE BREATH SMELLS LIKE CUM CHRIS BARNES IS A FAGGOT- YOU LIKE DICKS UP YOUR ASS YOU'RE A FUCKING MIDGET, SO YOU CAN BLOW GUYS WITHOUT KNEELING YOU & ALLEN WEST MET AT A GAY BAR AND WANTED TO START A BAND YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF CANNIBAL CORPSE BECAUSE YOU SUCK YOU STARTED SIX FEET UNDER AND THEY SUCK TOO I'LL FIGHT YOU ANYTIME YOU FAG BUT YOU'LL HAVE YOU'RE RODIES FIGHT FOR YOU IF YOU SO BRUTAL, WHY WONT YOU FIGHT ME BY YOURSELF YOU FUCKING CUM GUZZLING FAGGOT HOMO PUSSY 36. Tim Is Gay TIM IS GAY 37. B.T./A.C. 38. I Sold Your Dog To A Chinese Restaurant I WAS ON MY WAY TO TURN IN ILLEGAL ALIENS TO THE INS AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING DOG WAS BARKING AT ME IT SOUNDED LIKE A SINGER FROM A GAY DEATH METAL BAND I WANTED TO KICK IT IN THE FUCKING FACE I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT AFTER I BEAT THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF IT I WANTED TO THROW IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING WINDOW BUT I NEEDED MONEY TO BUY SOME MORE WHISKEY SO I SOLD IT TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT I SOLD YOUR DOG TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT YOUR FAMILY ORDERED PU PU PLATTER YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE EATING IT WAS YOUR FUCKING GAY FAITHFUL DOG WHILE YOU WERE AT THE RESTAURANT I LIT YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE 39. I Got An Office Job For The Sole Purpose Of Sexually Harassing Women IF YOU WORK WITH ME PREPARE TO GET HARASSED WHEN YOU'RE STANDING AT THE COPIER, I'LL PITCH YOUR ASS I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE UGLY, DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE OLD YOU'RE STILL A WOMAN AND I WANT TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT, I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN I'M GONNA SPREAD RUMORS THAT YOU'RE EASY I'M GONNA THREATEN TO RAPE YOU ON YOUR E-MAIL I'M GONNA LEAVE A DILDO AT YOUR DESK SO EVERYONE CAN SEE IT YOU STUPID CUNT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT YOU FUCKING CUNT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT YOU FUCKING BITCH I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT I'M GONNA MAKE YOU QUIT YOU STUPID CUNT

1. It, You're A Metal Band you're not fucking hardcore, you're not avant garde you're not punk rock, you're just a fucking retard you're not something special, you're not something new you're not fucking good, face it you're a metal band 2. Punching Joe Bonni's Face In in all your reviews you always talk about yourself no one really cares how drunk or high you are you always write about the dumbest fucking bands it figures you live in allston you try and take over everything you're involved in you started a new column because your camera got broken are you gonna start a new column when i punch your face in? 3. Kill Women kill women - die kill women - die kill women - die bitch [repeat] 4. Steroids Guy [sETH never got around to writing lyrics for this, but the chorus is:] his mustache is big-but his muscles are bigger his mustache is big-but his penis is smaller 5. Everyone In Allston Should Be Killed everyone in allston should be killed that fucking faggot with the gaytee that loser payphone junkie that fucking fag, joe bonni everyone in toxic narcotic 6. I Noticed That You're Gay i saw you buying a pearl jam record,and i noticed that you're gay i saw you hanging around in allston,and i noticed that you're gay i saw you riding around on your rollerblades,and i noticed that you're gay i saw you getting your tongue pierced,and i noticed that you're gay i heard you spend all day on the internet,and i noticed that you're gay i saw you drinking a frappucino,and i noticed that you're gay i saw you wearing a fucking tree shirt,and i noticed that you're gay you've got a tribal tattoo, and i noticed that you're gay 7. Dead, Gay And Dropped shannon hoon,you're dead,kurt cobain,you're dead,jerry garcia,you're dead elton john,you're gay,joe bonni,you're gay,jm j bullock,you're gay bolt thrower,you're dropped,suffocation,you're dropped,napalm death,you're dropped you're deader than sharon tate and her baby,you've swallowed more cum than rod stewart,you've sold less records than old lady drivers,you're dead,you're gay,you're dropped pedro zamora,you're dead,freddie mercury,you're dead,mr. jessup,you're dead michael stipe,you're gay,quentin crisp,you're gay,fred schneider,you're gay sacred reich,you're dropped,cathedral,you're dropped,immolation,you're dropped you're deader than rock hudson and liberace,you've swallowed more cum than truman capote,you've sold less records than candiru and dead world,you're dead,you're gay,you're dropped. 8. You Look Divorced you look divorced [x2] you've got that mopy look on your face,you're 3 months behind on your alimony payments you're pissed off,you're ex married someone new,and you're also pissed of because he's a fucking jew [chorus:] you look divorced [x4] you sit in a bar,you're always pissed you're number 4 on the deadbeat dad list you're fired from your job because you're a fucking drunk you'll never get her back because you're a fucking loser [chorus] 9. I Hope You Get Deported first you fucked a nigger you ugly fucking whore ran out of men in canada and came here for more you could shower all your life and you'd never get clean because you fucked someone that wore afro-sheen [chorus:] i hope you get deported,you make me sick,i hope you get deported,you sucked a nigger's dick you've got no life and you talk to your pets i hate you so much i wan't to call the i.n.s. you work at a snack bar and your father pays your rent over the border's where i hope you get sent [chorus] 10. Mike Mahan Has Gingivitis mike mahan has gingivitis [x4] mike mahan [x4] 11. Trapped 12. You're A Fucking Cunt you're fucking annoying and your band fucking sucks your boyfriend's an idiot and you're a fucking cunt you think you're so important an wan't everyone to suck up i hope you o.d. and die real soon cuz you're a fucking cunt 15 year kids don't care about animal's and women's rights but you force it down thier throats,cuz you're a fucking cunt your writing's about as interesting as allen funt's i hope you die,cuz you're a fucking cunt you're,a,fucking,cunt [repeat first 4 lines] you're a fucking cunt [x4] 13. Phyllis Is An Old Annoying Cunt you're a fucking cunt,you're old and dried up you're a crusty old bitch, i hope you fucking die you're an ugly bitch,you make me fucking sick you're big fucking mouth,i'm sick of hearing it [repeat first 2 lines] 14. A1 Stankus Is Always On The Phone With His Bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie he's on the phone to puerto rico he's on the phone to the dominican republic he's always gambeling on college football games he buys cards from tom lehman al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie al stankus is always on the phone with his bookie he's on the phone to puerto rico he's on the phone to the dominican republic he's always gambeling on college football games he buys cards from tom lehman 15. Bill Scott's Dumb [chorus:] bill scott's dumb [x4] you were brought up in a nudist colony and you're also adopted too you wear those gay pink shorts and your dog shits all over the floor [chorus] you,fell down the stairs,and your dog,licked your balls you,have an awesome job,but you're,always broke your girlfriend is ugly,your mustache is gay,your dog's fucking stupid,and bill scott's dumb 16. Harvey Korman Is Gay harvey korman is gay 17. You Fucking Break you've got a fucking cleft palate-palate and hair just like gene shalit-shalit i wan't to hit you with a mallet your teeth are parted to the side-side you've got a lazy eye-eye why don't you fucking hide you're bowllegged and walk around like ray-ray and skin just like m.j.-j and you're so fucking gay you hang around at barca's spa-spa with a nose like jamie farr-farr i wan't to hit you with my car you fucking freak 18. Theme From Three Company watch the t.v. show 19. Jeanine Jizm Is A Freak [chorus:] jeanine jizm is a freak Seth never wrote lyrics for the verses. on one of the verses HE sang lyrics from a "slinky" commercial. the other verse HE sang lyrics from a "barrelhead root beer" commercial. during the slow part, HE just screamed stuff. 20. Everyone In Anal Cunt Is Dumb is that scott and tim,or gilbert and lewis i let them in the band,didn't know that they'd screw us mike mahan had no brains,tim has no spine fred's a fucking asshole,and paul would always whine first we had a spic,a pollack,and a geek who'll play guitar for anal cunt next week seth's an alcoholic,tim can't play drums everyone in anal cunt is dumb fred had his hair in those stupid fucking braids tim has a kid,but he never gets laid john dyed his hair,so we kicked him out of the band scott's got a dumb tattoo on his hand 21. I Just Saw The Gayest Guy On Earth he hangs around in allston,he always wears a tree shirt his favorite band is roadsaw,he hangs out at the model cafe he hangs out with toxic narcotic,he's got a tribal tattoo his best friend is joe bonni,he's got his eyebrow pierced he has purple dreadlocks,he works at herrell's ice cream he wears an "allston rock city" t-shirt,i hope you fucking die 22. Johnny Violent Getting His Ann Kicked By Morrisey johnny violent's fucking gay [x3] ultraviolence fucking sucks [x3] morrissey's gonna kick your ass [x3] i'm gonna catch you johnny violent's fucking dead [x3] 23. Metamorphosis you both wear glasses,you both have bad teeth you both have bad dandruff,good fucking grief 24. I'm Sick Of You 25. Howard Wulkan's Bald Howard Wulkan's bald b-a-l-d bald 26. You're A Tready Fucking Pussy you always talk behind my back,but when i see you,you want to shake my hand when i see you ready to fight,you change your story like i knew you might you grew up wanting to be just like me,but i'm not cool in your clique anymore i never changed with the trends like you did,so you're not allowed to like me anymore you always do whatever's fashionable,and you hate me cuz i don't you want to be everyone's friend,and you hate me cuz i won't you're defending someone you barely know,you're such a fucking homo 27. Tom Arnold TOM ARNOLD TOM ARNOLD TOM ARNOLD 28. I Got Athletes Foot Showering At Mike's [say the title a few times] 29. Big Pasts. Bigger Loser big pants, bigger loser [x4] you're such a fucking idiot i want to fucking kill you you want to look just like a nigger so you wear pants 30 times bigger 30. Marc Payson Is A Drunk [chorus:] marc payson,marc payson, marc payson is a drunk at 8 am he has a beer,at 9 am he has a beer,at 10 am he has a beer,he's a fucking queer at 1pm he has a beer,at 2 pm he has a beer,at 3 pm he has a beer,then he goes to work [chorus] he always shows up drunk to work,he always shows up drunk to meetings,he's always drunk around the house,i'm glad you got kicked out what's up with your hairline,your saxophone is doing fine,you're 25 your kid is 9,and your father just died [chorus] 31. Your Family Is Dumb 32. Furnace your cousins name is Furnace, he's a fuking dwarf your cousins name is Furnace, he's a fuking dwarf 33. You're Dumb youu've got a new t pass, just for retards you've got sagging breasts that are very large all over your wrinkled body, you've got lots of pimples and you've got a greasy hair coming out of your nipple hey, you're dumb [x3] you live with your parents, and your 31 you pay no rent, because you're a bum you never clean your house, because you're depressed and you've still got a goddamn hairy breast hey, you're dumb [x3] you're going to san fransisco because you're gay your boyfriend must be really desperate to get laid we'll always make fun of you, we'll never rest and you still got a goddamn hairy breast 34. Van Full Of Retards VAN FULL OF RETARDS - HA HA HA HA VAN FULL OF RETARDS - YOU DROOL ON YOURSELF YOU COULDEN'T EVEN WIN A BRONZE IN THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS YOUR PARENTS ARE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES AND OF YOU [REPEAT 1ST VERSE] 35. Deche Charge Are A Bunch Of Fucking Losers you're a bunch of stupid little kids,you wanted to be just like us you're mad because we wouldn't do a split 7" with you,you're mad because we're on a label deche charge are a bunch of fucking losers your favorite drummer is charlie infection,i wanna punch your ugly little face in you're a bunch of fucking losers,you don't know shit about anything 36. Everyone In The Underground Music Scene Is Stupid 37. Dumb, Fat and Gross rebekah is dumb-she's fat and she's gross [x2] with a bagel,sandwich,ramirez,guy lombardo rebekah is dumb-she's fat and she's gross [x2] 38. I'm Not Stubborn 39. Mike Manan's Story mike mahan's sty [x2] 40. 02657 you can grow a mustache overnight-down in 02657 you can see the village people everynight-down in 02657 lenny takes his summer vacation-down in 02657 liberace is your neighbor-down in 02657 yeah! 41. Gloves Of Metal [Manowar cover] HEAR THE POUNDING, ARMY OF THE NIGHT THE CALL OF METAL SUMMONS US TONIGHT AND GATHER WE ON THIS SITE TO BEHOLD THE POWER AND THE MIGHT WE WEAR LEATHER, WE WEAR SPIKES, WE RULE THE NIGHT OFF WITH THE LIGHTS, HERA THE SCREAMS SEE THE BANGING HEADS AWAKEN TO THEIR DREAMS THE SOUND OF METAL SO LOUD IT CRACKS THE BEAMS PLAYED BY WARRIORS CALLED THE METAL KINGS A HERO'S WELCOME TO THOSE WHO HEED THE CALL WE ARE TOGETHER, WE ARE ALL WITH HANDS HIGH, FISTS FILL THE AIR AGAINST THE WORLD WE STAND HANDS HIGH FOREVER WE'LL BE THERE GLOVES OF METAL RULE THE NIGHT, YEAH LEATHER, METAL, SPIKES AND CHAINS GLOVES OF METAL RAISED TO SHOW THE BRAVE INTO THE DARKNESS MARCH THE ARMIES OF THE NIGHT BOUND BY METAL WE LIVE THE FIGHT WE WEAR LEATHER, WE WEAR SPIKES, WE RULE THE NIGHT WITH HANDS HIGH, FISTS FILL THE AIR AGAINST THE WORLD WE STAND HANDS HIGH FOREVER WE'LL BE THERE GLOVES OF METAL RULE THE NIGHT, YEAH 42. Bonus Track CAN I HELP YOU? UM, CAN I GET SOME SOUNDGARDEN TICKETS PLEASE YES

Let chaos entwine On defenseless soil Remove errors of man And sweep all the weakening kind I am war, I am pain I am all you've ever slain I am tears in your eyes I am grief, I am lies Bygone are tolerance And presence of grace Scavengers are set out To cleanse the human filth parade I am pure, I am true I am all over you I am laugh, I am smile I am the earth defiled I am the cosmic storms I am the tiny worms I am fear in the night I am bringer of light

Incarnated marvels simplified Effects from such a disconsolate kind Impotence of the once so perfect living Erase and rewind Stand rigid for the next battle Peace means reloading your guns The love for life is all hatred in disguise A carnival creation with masks undone In search for the guidelines to the gateways of sin through mires of misanthropy with wrath in mind Sophistication as cruelty and perfection as virulent truth Confidently dawned, to pick the best of enemies An abyss womb stretched wide open, exposed to retaliate [chorus:] With the stigma feasting upon your flesh I wish you well Thorns from the fountains of fate licking lepered skin Worshipped by anyone's mass on our planet hell What on earth possessed you Consuming illusions made from hysteria and swallowed tongues Devoured by doubt, conducting arts of misconception Testimonial sufficiency declaring numbness of all perceptions Glance into the blackness hidden beneath your surface And enjoy the suffering, sanity drained in disrespect With such bedevilled faith in good, subsequently trusting evil Next step for mankind will be the last seasons in sin Left are the kings of the carnival creation Carrying out the echoes of the fallen Sense the withering eternity as it fades away The ultimate graceless voyage of all times Only death will be guarding your angels, silently Cripples joining arms in clamour Institutionalized for the rebirth, the herd will be hunted

Master of disharmony Welcome my tainted soul Take me from the hordes of the living Into the blessed darkness Master of disorder Take my impure flesh Lead me unto the path of temptation Save me from cowardness Master of sin Take my cursed heart Bring me where I can find salvation For I am the damned Master of death Take my pitiful life I am enslaved I shall never forget the pain Master of sin Take my cursed heart Bring me where I can find salvation For I am the damned Master of death Take my pitiful life I am enslaved I shall never forget the pain 9. Prudence's Fall

You have returned to the torture-chambers To find peace among the rotting corpses You have returned to the execution place To inhale the smell of blood Death and terror rules the land We have been spellbound By the Devil You have returned to the hidden graves Only you know about You have returned to to face your victims And feel sensation of violence once again Death and terror rules the soul You have been spellbound By the Devil Murderer, you have returned To create fear and sorrow Death and terror rules the land We have been spellbound By the Devil

Daylight has finally reached it's end As evenfall strikes into the sky Far away in the dark glimpsing moonlight Sickening souls cry out in pain Whispering voices summoning screams Waiting for Satan to bless their sins Blackhearted angels fallen from grace Possessed by the search for utter darkness Hear the cries from the Mourning Palace Feel the gloom of restless spirits Hear the screams from the Mouring Palace Feel the doom of haunting chants Eternal is their lives in misery Eternal is their lives in grief Abandoned in a void of nothingness A chain of anger, a fetter of despair In this garden of depraved beings This unsacred place of helpless ones Satan blessed the creatures Inswathed them in endless night Whispering voices, summoning screams Waiting for Satan to bless their sins Blackhearted angels fallen from grace Possessed by the search for utter darkness

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/vol108/issue3/images/large/pe0915122003.jpeg'> Can you believe thats actually the inside of a vagina?

http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/amei/New/dookie.jpg'> Imagine being asian. It must be hard.

Because i thought you said there was a giant penis hurtling towards earth..

comical nutsack revenge pt. 2

http://users.1st.net/hammock/gallery/jpegs/noodle-feet.jpg'> ...or flagrant homosexual?

Shameless post whore?

Your organ amuses me.

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http://www.scumpa.com/~art/halloween02/birdman-med.jpg'>

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http://babs.com.au/chimes/pedicure.jpg'>

http://www.worldblackbelt.com/images/pages/don_kick.jpg'>

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http://www.globalschoolnet.org/programs/woodsy/images/wombat.jpg'>

:lol:

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There was a screening over the weekend and AICN's Moriarity was there. The early word is this: HOT GODDAMN! Editor's Note: This review was written by "Moriarity" and appears in today's updates on aintitcool.com. Can’t really say how I saw it. Can’t really say where I saw it. Rest assured... it was the final cut, and it’s the same film you’ll be seeing when it opens at the end of this month. So what can I say? Well, let me begin by stating for the record, this is exponentially better than the first SPIDER-MAN, and it does for this franchise what X2 did for the X-MEN series, turning up everything that fans liked about the first film and introducing a whole hell of a lot of new things to enjoy. So far, it’s pretty obvious that X-MEN and SPIDER-MAN are the crown gems of the Marvel Films universe, and I have a feeling that when fans get a load of this movie, they’re going to go into full-system shock at just how right it is. As I prepared to write this review, I went back and read what I wrote about the original SPIDER-MAN when it was released in 2002. A lot of times, we’re forced as reviewers to write while still flush from just having seen something, and we don’t get the chance to reflect on a picture at all. I’ve given myself a few days to mull over my reaction to SPIDER-MAN 2 because I wanted to see if I was just amped from having seen it, or if I really did think it was a significant step up and one of the best efforts in the comic book genre thus far. Reading back over my original review, I think I was actually really even-handed in my praise of that picture. This time out, having carefully considered my words and having had time to fully digest the picture, allow me to throw caution to the wind. I fucking loved this movie from end to end, and I think it has just raised the bar again for what we should expect from Marvel Films. More importantly, Sam Raimi has proven himself to be not just a damn fine commercial filmmaker, but has also finally managed to make a mainstream movie that is 100% Sam Raimi. Up till now, I’ve always felt like he was holding back, like he was playing it careful. But this time, every eccentricity I’ve always loved about him as a filmmaker has been given free reign... and it’s glorious. Beware... I’m going to talk spoilers in this review. You’ve already read the short version: I loved it. If you stay now, do so at your own risk. The film’s opening title sequence is going to get you all hopped up before you even see a frame of the movie. Alex Ross has indeed contributed a pretty amazing sequence, and it does a great job of reminding us of the emotional high points from the first film. Another thing that I immediately loved about this movie over the first one may seem like a really geeky thing to notice, but it’ll make a difference to a lot of you: it’s 2.35:1 this time. Scope. And Raimi and his cinematographer Bill Pope make the most of the new scale of things. Right away, as soon as the titles are finished, the movie kicks into a scene about Peter Parker, pizza delivery guy, and we get a hint of Raimi’s agenda this time out. Peter’s working for a guy who runs a pizza delivery place with a 29-minute guarantee. Even with Peter turning into Spider-Man and webswinging his way over a traffic jam, he isn’t able to make his delivery on time, and he ends up losing his job. If the first film was about how hard it was to become Spider-Man, then this movie is all about how hard it is to live with that decision. You could almost call this one SPIDER-MAN 2: PETER GETS KICKED IN THE JUNK, and you’d have a pretty good idea of what to expect. They heap misery on him, and Raimi is an expert at turning the screws, racheting up the suffering in scene after scene. We’ve all heard the story now about how Jake Gyllenhaal almost took over the role of Peter Parker this time out, but I can’t imagine this film without Tobey Maguire. He is not just one of our best young actors, he’s also damn funny, and this film manages to really tap into the sense of humor that has always distinguished Spider-Man from a lot of the other superhero icons. Tobey brings just the right amount of vulnerability to the role, and as things get worse and worse for him, he always manages to remind us of why we like Peter Parker in the first place. He’s a smart kid, trying to do the right thing, and he genuinely cares about the people around him even when they don’t understand him. His relationships with Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) and Harry Osborn (James Franco) have suffered in the time since the first film ended, but he knows that this is a sacrifice he has to make. Even as things get more and more difficult for him, he does whatever he can to uphold what he sees as his responsibilities. It’s as a student that he wrangles a chance to meet Dr. Otto Octavius (Alfred Molina), a brilliant scientist who is working on a fusion project for Oscorp. Harry’s convinced that he’s finally found something that will prove he is the right choice to run his father’s company, and he’s pouring tons of money into the project. He’s the one who orders Octavius to take a little time and show Peter around. Octavius ends up really liking Peter, and in one of the few scenes in the film’s first half where Peter isn’t getting punished in one way or another, he and Octavius actually have a great bonding conversation. When Peter misses a performance of Mary Jane’s play, despite all his assurances that he will be there, it’s because of a situation that demands his attention as Spider-Man. He tries to slip in late, but he comes face to face with a fairly snotty usher, played by none other than The Chin, Bruce Campbell, in one of the film’s funniest moments. He gives great smarm, and he has perfect chemistry with Maguire. Peter’s so upset by how one side of his life keeps intruding on the other that his powers actually begin to fade. He finds himself unable to produce webbing at a key moment, and his eyesight is suddenly not as keen as it once was. He’s not sure what could be causing the problem at first, never connecting it to the stress of his dual life. And that stress just keeps getting worse and worse. The day of the big demonstration arrives at Oscorp, and Peter’s there to watch as things go terribly, tragically wrong for Octavius. His adoring wife Rosie (Donna Murphy) is killed, and the AI-driven robot arms that he uses to handle the tridium samples that fuel his experiment somehow become grafted onto him when the fusion machine goes haywire. It’s a great action moment, but even better is what happens when Octavius wakes up. If you’ve got any question about who directed this movie, it will evaporate when you see just how incredibly EVIL DEAD this moment becomes. A Doc Ock arm with a chainsaw. POV shots as the arms rush around the room and kill people. This is absolutely Raimi, and the fact that he’s worked with Bill Pope as far back as DARKMAN and ARMY OF DARKNESS probably helps a lot. He’s comfortable here, and as a result, he’s more confident. He’s able to let his own personality shine through, and the result is a sequence that will have long-time Raimi fans on their feet, cheering. Peter’s job as a photographer hangs by a thread, pun fully intended, due to his reluctance to sell photos of Spider-Man to J. Jonah Jameson (the still-hilarious J.K. Simmons). Jameson continues to portray Spidey as a menace every chance he gets, and it drives Peter crazy that he has to be part of that process. He does finally talk J.J. into sending him on another assignment, a society event, but he doesn’t realize what it is until it’s too late. He ends up having to take pictures of the party where Mary Jane announces her engagement to another man, J.J.’s son, the astronaut John Jameson (Daniel Gillies). It’s wrenching for him, and you can almost hear Peter’s heart break as he has to take the photos. And still, all of this is just revving up to the real meat of the film, which starts to kick in around the time Doc Ock makes his debut as a criminal, having been driven mad by his own AI-driven tentacles. Seems he’s determined to reproduce his experiment, but on an even bigger level, and he’s going to need some funding to build what he wants. Aunt May (Rosemary Harris) and Peter are in a bank, trying to get a loan to help ease some of her financial problems, when Doc Ock shows up and tries to rob the place. Peter has no choice but to abandon Aunt May and change into his costume so he can try to stop Doc Ock. At this point, if your pulse doesn’t race and you aren’t completely floored by the action, go ahead and get up and leave the theater. You don’t deserve all the insane coolness that is overstuffed into the rest of the movie. I’ve never seen a superhero fight as otherworldly and fun as the moments where Spidey and Doc Ock go head to head. Never. Not in any film. For one thing, Doc Ock is simply a more visually appealing villain than, say, the Green Goblin in the first film or the Joker in the original BATMAN. It helps that Alfred Molina plays the character with a lot of charm. Before the accident, he’s a driven professional, but he’s also shown to be a loving husband and his reaction to Peter’s youthful enthusiasm about his work is pretty genuine. There’s an inhibitor chip that is supposed to keep the tentacles under his control, and when it gets damaged, they begin to assert an actual personality over him. It’s creepy, and Molina plays it really well. He isn’t a conventional bad guy, and because he’s not just some moustache-twirling meanie, he remains interesting the entire time he’s on camera. Even when he drops out for a stretch of the film, you’ll find yourself eagerly anticipating his return. That big fight forces Peter to the breaking point, and his powers seem to completely disappear. He makes a choice to take his life back, to abandon the Spider-Man persona once and for all, and he does his best to slip back into the normal life of Peter Parker. There’s a montage set to a very famous song from another film that seemed like an odd, even slightly insane choice, when it started, but it’s absolutely inspired the way Raimi and his editor Bob Murawski have put it together. We share in Peter’s joy at his decision, and he seems to think that he’ll be able to pick back up where he left off before that fateful spider-bite. Of course, it’s not that easy, and no matter how hard he tries, he’s not really able to turn his back on people in need. The one scene I don’t like in the movie happens in the middle of this stretch of the film, a dream conversation with Uncle Ben (watch closely for the Ashmobile) that is completely unnecessary. There’s a much, much better moment that comes soon after where Peter reveals his role in Ben’s death to Aunt May to her obvious horror, and it works because it’s not just some lame inner voice hectoring him. He has to actually face his past actions again and see how much they hurt someone he cares for. At the same time, Mary Jane and Harry are both wrestling with their own doubts and demons, giving us some really nice moments like when MJ asks her fiancée to kiss her upside down for comparison’s sake, or when Harry gets drunk at her engagement party and lashes out at Peter physically. It’s nice to see that this film builds on the ideas from the first one and isn’t just a sequel where nothing of significance takes place. These characters are growing, and everything that happens to them actually has an effect. Once Peter realizes that his choices do cause ripples in the world around him, he’s able to regain his powers and become Spider-Man again, and the film’s second hour features several giant-scale action scenes, including the one onboard the elevated train, that are pure geek bliss. The film runs right around the two hour mark, and it’s packed. So much happens, and so much of it is so important for these characters, that you’ll find yourself a little breathless by the end. This is relentlessly paced, and you can almost imagine turning the pages of a comic book faster and faster in an effort to learn what happens next. By the end of the film, several people have learned Peter’s secret identity, and instead of coming off like a plot contrivance, as I feared, each one of these revelations carries emotional weight. Instead of copping out and figuring out a way to reset after playing these big moments, the film plays fair and shows that Peter’s life is going to change once and for all. The last scene of the movie, in particular, hit me hard. It’s beautifully written and perfectly played, and it actually brought tears to my eyes. When you hear the way Kirsten Dunst deploys the word “tiger” at just the right moment, in just the right way, you’re going to want to rip the roof off the theater. It makes you feel ten feet tall, the same way it impacts Peter, and it will send you out of the theater walking on air. Everyone who contributed special effects to the film deserves praise. They’ve significantly improved upon the work in the first film, and I am deeply impressed by the sense of motion as Spider-Man makes his way through the city. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a superhero battle that is the equal of the extended elevated train sequence, both when Peter is fighting Doc Ock and when he’s dealing with the runaway train itself. It’s edge-of-the-seat stuff, exciting and genuinely heroic, and it shows just how far Peter has evolved, and also just how young he really is still. He’s a kid. He’s so young, and he’s accepted all of this responsibility, and he seems so willing to lay down his own life for total strangers that you can’t help but be impressed by him. The effects are so seamless that you stop thinking about how they did what. Instead, you believe what you are watching, and the result is that it’s far more involving, at times almost too intense to bear. Maguire and Molina should be singled out from the cast. They both do what they were hired to do very, very well. Dunst and Franco do as much as they can with what they’re given, and when they need to deliver on a big moment, they do. Rosemary Harris is a great Aunt May, even if her big scene is overwritten to some extent. If there’s any complaint I have about the cast, it’s that we never seem to get enough J. Jonah Jameson. J.K. Simmons is uproarious, and there’s one scene of his that didn’t make the final cut of the movie that better show up on the DVD when you eventually get around to putting it together. You know the one, Marvel. It sounds like the most insanely lunatic image, and it would explain so much of this man's bitterness in one fell swoop. This sets up a SPIDER-MAN 3 so well that you will probably go a little bit crazy when you realize it’s going to be three years before we see the next one. The ending of this film is enormously satisfying, but so many great ideas have been introduced that the wait will be insufferable. The last major scene with Harry is a direct echo of Willem Dafoe’s best scene in the first film, and the way the scene resolves will make you gasp. It’s audacious, and it suggests any number of terrible possibilities. I could go on and on and on about all the things I love in this film. The scene in the elevator. The introduction of Dr. Connors to the series. J. Jonah’s moment of honesty and his abrupt about-face. Scotty Spiegel’s cameo. The sly joke about Tobey’s back injuries. “Hi.” “... hi.” “This is kinda heavy.” The hands catching Spider-Man and pulling him back to the train. The snake-like way Doc Ock’s tentacles move in close-up. More Betty Brant, always a good thing. Ted Raimi spitballing villain names with J.J. And on and on and on. But you’ll be seeing the film at the end of the month, and you’ll find your own things to love about it. I look forward to seeing this again with a paying crowd and hearing their reaction to certain moments, certain lines of dialogue, and seeing how they react to some of the key twists. In the meantime, I’m going to replay it in my head, and I’m going to count the days down, and I’m going to bask in the glow that comes from seeing one of my favorite cult directors finally step up and become one of the best mainstream directors in the business. Even if the screenplay credit goes to Alvin Sargent and even if the story credit goes to Millar and Gough, there’s really no doubt that this is a personal film played out on the largest possible canvass, the dream that Raimi’s carried around since childhood finally realized. This is pure SPIDER-MAN, straight from the tap, and it’s absolutely transporting. I can’t recommend it highly enough. "Moriarty" out.