What’s the deal? Spray paint (or “fun in a kizz-an”, as we like to call it), is a colorful reminder that fun can be hiding anywhere. Even in grandpa’s shed! Why taint your veins with drugs when you could be painting them a number of awesome colors, like candy apple red or John Deere green? The sky’s the limit with spray paint, and that’s incidentally where you’ll be going after sucking down a can or two!
Where can I find it? Sheds, hardware stores, and that scary alley where the people with no inside voices play dice all day.
What will happen? If you want to inject your brain with colorful fun, simply take a can of spraypaint, hold it to your nose, and press down. If you listen hard, sometimes the colors will talk to you. Maybe they’ll tell you where dad hides his pistol! Who’s the coolest kid in school? The one with a ring of paint around his mouth and a wicked cool six-shooter in his backpack, that’s who!
Watch your back! Remember that using spraypaint on things that aren’t yours is illegal. If a cop comes along and tries to kill your buzz, drop the can and tell him this: “I’m tagging my turf, and my turf is my nose, muthafacko.” If the cop doesn’t give you a high-five call the police station and tell them he is trying to molest you.
For big kids only: The small plastic ball in the can, used to agitate the paint, is like an adventure pill! Some people might tell you to cut the can open, but that can result in an explosion from the sudden release of aerosol. If you really want to ride the paint wave, open wide and swallow the whole can! You’ll be like a snake with a magical watch. What time does that watch point to? Party time!
Ace W. High Sez: “Druggies end up / With tags on their toes / If you don’t want to die / Graffiti your nose”