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Smart

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Posts posted by Smart

    Google takes a stand against China

    in News

    Posted

    ha, I meant "large chunks" not chinks!

     

    Freudian slip....

     

    Aw, yer not supposed to point it out, I was gonna make a 'phat tso' joke... and then I was gonna ramble about kung-fu theatre on the UHF channel Sunday at noon...

    ArchieBunker.jpg

     

    Oh, and as long as we're in the region, Hey North Korea, FUCK YOU, on the real!

    I am slowly becoming a Ch0 head in real life.

    in Channel Zero

    Posted

    well, I wasn't gonna mention it but a few months ago I was in court for some nothing but ON TOP OF THAT... I was just minding my business, waiting my turn and playing with the pencils on the bench when dude up front said:

     

    "I swear your Honor, it was more thnan I could bear!"

     

    I just reflexively shouted out:

     

    "BEARS ARE WHALES!"

     

    and I caught an extra charge plus $85 on top of what I was there for.

     

    So... don't.

    • Like 2

    MKULTRA

    in Channel Zero

    Posted

    WTF? How do you NOT know about MK Ultra?!

     

    Seriously, Casek is probably spinning in his grave and setting his bed on fire, while AoD is probably masterbating and thinking of white supremacy slogans (and spinning in his grave)...

     

    This is hundred year old news.

    HOLY SHIT it's ?am/pm... I fully didn't reset my clock!

    in Channel Zero

    Posted

    Yeah, so... do it now, we'll wait.

     

     

    Now tell us about how you were late because of stupid daylight savings time.

     

     

    I'll start with a story from when I was 13. We were supposed to be at a softball game and 'pageant' at 10am. We were late but, of course there was a cushion and my mother had something cooking or someshit so we were already a half hour behind... so, as you guessed from the title we blew it and missed the softball, which was nearly heartcrushing for me but...

     

    OK, the game was finished, they announced the 'Kudzu Queen' and the party adjourned to a private residence. Venison was prepared en masse and it was AWESOME! First time I'd eaten that, yummmy. This didn't stop me from noticing my friend Richard stole a six pack and ducked around a corner. I was still feasting on Bambi's mother when I noticed the unmistakeable smell of weed from the area where he had dipped out to, and while I enjoyed the venison, I knew what I liked so...

     

    I got there too late, I literally saw Richard drop and smash a miniscule roach.... so I did the logical thing... I smacked him. WTF? I asked how he could gyp me like that but, being as we'd never smoked together, and he was a few years older than me... I had to accept his 'I didn't know' argument. I demanded 'satisfaction' and he gave me the 2 beers left from what he stole. Then he went and stole another joint while I stole another 6 pack and we met back up.

     

    and THAT was the first time I got drunk.

     

    Of course, that was back when the time change coincided with the equinox...

    • Like 1

    What's the well tequila at your favorite bar?

    in Channel Zero

    Posted

    The well is the cheapest of each type of alcohol at a bar.

     

    Yeah, "wells" are what you get when you order 'RUM and coke' or 'VODAK and cranberry' or 'GIN and whatever the fuck mutes the taste of hotdogs' or a 'Screwdriver'.

     

    The next step up are 'calls'... that's when you name a brand of liquor. Such as "Captain and Coke" (UGH!) or 'Stoly screwdriver' or 'Beefeater and tonic' (the ONLY acceptable Gin with it's only acceptable mixer)... etc.

     

    These 'calls' can often but, many times do not, cross over into the realm of 'Top Shelf' brands which represent the best the bar has to offer.

     

    *A note: If you drink top shelf stuff, STFU, it's NOT a badge of honor or sign of taste, you're in a BAR! Show me your private stock (a case or two deep) and THEN you can rattle on for hours about the subtlety of Jameson or some such related crap, however, it has been my experience that the people who stockpile the best shit don't spend much time in bars.

    • Like 3

    Kentucky Fried uh... wow, what?

    in News

    Posted

    "According to law enforcement officials with knowledge of the delivery, officials watched the tractor trailer travel to its intended destination. Soon after, several vehicles pulled up, left and then came back. They stayed several hours and then left. When officials later checked the tractor trailer, the drugs were gone."

     

    I heard from an eyewitness that the perps put up a big 10ft plywood sign that obstructed the surveilance crew's line of sight. The sign reportedly read "YOINK!"

     

     

    Police are on the look out for this man:

    01.jpg

    must... have... caption!

    in Channel Zero

    Posted

    OK, here's how I call round one: mostly over.

     

    Bronze goes to Soup for an mIRC joke.

     

    Silver to ICB.

     

    and,no suprise this time,

     

    Gold to Mercer.

     

    I'll tell you what did it, Mercer got the coconuts, the helmet aspect AND the absract reference. He tied it up in a bow.

     

    SO UP YO CAPTION GAME YAAALL!

    Anyway, round 2 ->

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