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Wouldn't it beeee nice....

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by ClueTwo, Mar 22, 2004.

  1. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 30, 2001 Messages: 9,030 Likes Received: 123
    Got this email this morning..Someone's dreaming again..

    A little tough, but who's to say they don't deserve it. Well Maybe not Canada and that's only because I have sympathy for all you Canadian 12ozers... ;)


    My fellow Americans:

    As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime is complete. Since Congress
    does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is
    finished. This morning I gave the order for withdrawal of all American
    forces within 30 days. We can no longer force them to be free and have a
    rights. They can kill each other we can do nothing about it.

    It is now time to begin the reckoning. Before me, I have two lists. One
    list contains the names of countries that stood by our side during the Iraq
    conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria,
    Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed.

    The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
    nations are on this list. My press secretary will distribute copies of both
    lists when I finish speaking. Effective immediately, foreign aid to all
    nations on List #2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
    during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the cost of the Iraqi
    war. The American people will no longer pour money into third world
    hellholes and watch corrupt
    government leaders grow fatter.

    Need help with a famine or an epidemic? Call France. In the future,
    together with Congress, I will redirect this money toward solving the vexing
    social problems we have at home.

    Next, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
    down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
    Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

    To Israel and the Palestinian Authoritys, Yo boys, work out a peace deal
    NOW. Camp David is closed. You can go to Russia for negotiations. They
    have great palaces and ! big tables too.

    Further, I order immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
    Germany, and Russia. Thanks for your help, comrades. We are retiring from
    NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
    diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
    to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I
    don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets
    tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to
    some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

    A special note to our neighbors. Canada, you¹re on List #2. Since we¹re
    going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you might want to try not
    pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List #2. President Fox and
    his corrupt government need an attitude adjustm! ent. I have a couple extra
    tank and infantry divisions sitting a round. Guess where I'm gonna
    put 'em? Yep, border security. So do something with your oil. Oh, by the
    way, we¹re brogating the NAFTA treaty -- starting now.

    It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
    Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying ³darn
    tootin.² Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
    the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
    the planet.

    It is time to eliminate hunger, homelessness, and World Cup soccer from

    To the nations on List #1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
    Anyone who screws with you screws with us and will be dealt with swiftly.

    To the nations on List #2, a final thought. Drop dead.

    God bless America. Thank you and good night.
  2. Weapon X

    Weapon X 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 6, 2002 Messages: 14,905 Likes Received: 202
    Yeah, we helped them out in Afghanistan, only to have some of our guys killed by a US pilot. Then the Americans hate us for not joining the stupid Iraq war, which you guys handled pretty well.

    dumb email.