Not quite Rob Brezny

ARIES

You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a funeral.

LIBRA

You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you a doormat for every fuckup this side of the Missouri. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

TAURUS

Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're a simple minded jackass. You will end your days bitter and alone having been betrayed by everyone you ever trusted, or your wife will murder you for the insurance and shack up with your brother.

SCORPIO

You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You have an insatiable curiosity and a strong desire to try new things…probably cause your life is a shit hole in the middle of nowhere. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

GEMINI

Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply put, you're a manic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill his/her own self to win a bet.

SAGITTARIUS

You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Purchasing that packet of condoms shows that you're foolishly optimistic about your chances of a romp in the sack. You seriously need to consider ordering that mail order bride.

CANCER

You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell his Mother's kidneys to make a few extra bucks. People generally detest you. The heavens suggest that you are likely to be murdered…and sooner than you think.

CAPRICORN

You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centred cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably your Mother and you have an unhealthy fantasy about an altar boy, some candle sticks and a priest.

LEO

The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, a dumb fuck without even the common sense of a carrot. You will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare. P.S. People don't really think it's cute receiving photocopies of your hairy butt.

AQUARIUS

You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a complete dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

VIRGO

You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them, but you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually homosexual and the majority of Virgo women are whores. This week is a good time to start that masturbating marathon you want to do record on your webcam.

PISCES

You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least, a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights. Give your Mother back her panties.

LOL…Libras KILL!

hahaha I LOVE IT!

AQUARIUS

You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a complete dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.

GEMINI

Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply put, you're a manic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill his/her own self to win a bet

mine is off the hook....i guess tonight I die.

I liked my rob brezny horoscope better though, good ole robby says I need to fantasize about things more to get them done...aka he is telling me not do what I need to do but to just think about it.