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Enron: How You Can Help

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by alkaline, Feb 20, 2002.

  1. alkaline

    alkaline Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 2, 2001 Messages: 3,097 Likes Received: 0
    Got this in my e-mail today ...

    Dear kind-hearted friends...Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need. Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level...right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.

    But now, you can help! For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large-screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem ...but it's a start!

    Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent sucking ass in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage payments. But to an Enron exec $700 will almost replace his per diem.Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable an Enron exec to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

    HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
    Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the exec you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest his golden parachute. Imagine the joy as you watch your executive's portfolio double or triple! Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive a photo of the exec unsigned (for a signed photo, please include additional $50.00).Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other people's suffering.

    HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
    Your Enron exec will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the exec won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.

    YES, I WANT TO HELP!
    I would like to sponsor an Enron executive. My preference is checked below:

    [ ] Mid-level Manager
    [ ] Director
    [ ] Vice President (Higher cost; please specify which department)
    [ ] President (Even higher cost; please specify which department)
    [ ] CEO (Contribution:: Average Enron janitor monthly salary x 700)
    [ ] Entire Company
    [ ] I'll sponsor an Exec most in need. Please select one for me.

    Send your application and contribution to:

    Vice-President Cheney
    Help for the Victims of Enron
    Washington D.C.

    or call

    1-800-FLEECEME.

    P.S. We can automatically debit your checking account, charge a credit card or take it from your 401k account. Just provide the account number and we will handle the rest.
     
  2. mikro137

    mikro137 Guest

    you cant help em because theyre retards. oh well i have nothing to say of any importance.
    ps fuck ravers
     
  3. YinzerXpress

    YinzerXpress Guest

    hahaha that shit is funny as hell

    fuck some enron
     
  4. NATO

    NATO Guest

    burn in hell scumron i havent a clue what im saying anymore. sing it shitface.
     
  5. Icabod_Crane

    Icabod_Crane Junior Member

    Joined: Feb 20, 2002 Messages: 179 Likes Received: 0
    i'd be more down for a telemarketing scam.

    Yes!!! You too can be on top of the Pyramid!!!!!
     
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