The Devil's Dictionary: Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce is great. Here's some excerpts from The Devil's Dictionary (also known as the Cynic's World Book.).:

ACADEME, n.

An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

 

ACADEMY, n.

[from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

 

ABSOLUTE, adj.

Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

 

ABSCOND, v.i.

To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.

 

ABRUPT, adj.

Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it.

 

ABASEMENT, n.

A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.

 

ACCOMPLICE, n.

One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.

 

ACCORD, n.

Harmony.

 

ACCORDION, n.

An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

If you don't like it, don't post and move the fuck on.

*excerpts taken from http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/a.html

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Originally posted by Skull&Bones

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of course!