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graffsurgeon

offensive jokes..

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you guys fucked this thread right up

 

how can you tell when a muslim boy becomes a man?

 

they take the diaper from his ass and put it on his head

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It was unbelievably frustrating trying to draw my wife using our son's etch-a-sketch today, and in the end, I completely fucked up her face with it.

 

 

Now Billy needs a new etch-a-sketch.

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The shootings at the cinema in Denver have ruined the Batman film for me.

 

All I can see in my bootleg copy is the audience running about.

 

 

 

 

Too soon? Too soon?

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My regular Indian taxi driver picked me up while singing along to his crappy Punjabi music at the top of his voice.

 

He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing.

 

I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nostrils.

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I knocked on my neighbor's door this morning and said, "Your wife kept me awake all night with some seriously noisy sex."

 

"That's ridiculous," he laughed. "My wife wasn't even here last night."

 

I said, "I know, she stayed at mine."

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"Happy 18th son! All these presents are just for you!"

 

After ripping them open excitedly, he said "Dad, all these boxes are empty..."

 

"I know. Use them to pack your things and get the fuck out."

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Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman", or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?

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I was at an S&M party with my cock in this woman's ass and she moaned, "Aren't you going to spank me?"

 

It was at that point I realized I'd forgotten my toys.

 

"For fuck's sake," I thought to myself. "I'm up shit creek without a paddle."

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I was just about to shoot my load in her ass, when the wife burst in.

 

"How can you do this with my little sister!"

 

"It's not what it looks like," I said.

 

"Well, what is it then?"

 

"It's your mother in a school uniform."

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Today, my wife walked in on me and her sister fucking in front of a mirror.

 

I said "I know what it looks like..."

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A couple of dudes tried to get into my car last night so I attacked them with a baseball bat.

 

I'm not cut out to be a taxi driver.

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My mom was raped outside a train station, and nine months later, I arrived.

 

She hasn't asked me for a lift home since.

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I picked up this girl last night, when we got home she said:

 

"I'm a bit shy...I don't want to strip totally, you can see half of me naked. Choose."

 

"No worries" I said, "the front."

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My son asked, "Dad, how come I have brown skin and you are white?"

 

"Well just look at your mom, son." I said.

 

"But she's not black."

 

"I know, you idiot!" I replied, "She's a fucking whore!"

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My wife stuck her foot up my ass during sex last night.

 

To be fair, she did come in and catch me fucking her sister.

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I wish my best friend would hurry up and leave his cheating whore of a wife.

 

Then I won't have to feel guilty for fucking her all the time.

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I was having sex with a bitch last night when she spotted a video camera filming us in the corner of the room.

 

"Is that a video camera that I can see stuck on your wall?" she screamed, jumping off me.

 

"It's dark, your eyes must be playing tricks babe," I replied. "My boy Dave's holding it."

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