dstroyerz Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 sorry had a derp moment:dazed:. i meant ends with an R. anyways a baby seal walks into a club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
griteeth Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 you guys fucked this thread right up how can you tell when a muslim boy becomes a man? they take the diaper from his ass and put it on his head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shameless self promotion Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I asked a jewish girl for her number. She rolled up her sleeve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akrisone Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 What do you call a homo in a wheelchair? Rolaids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Studies have shown that domestic violence usually starts with a dull nagging sensation in the ear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 It was unbelievably frustrating trying to draw my wife using our son's etch-a-sketch today, and in the end, I completely fucked up her face with it. Now Billy needs a new etch-a-sketch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 The shootings at the cinema in Denver have ruined the Batman film for me. All I can see in my bootleg copy is the audience running about. Too soon? Too soon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My regular Indian taxi driver picked me up while singing along to his crappy Punjabi music at the top of his voice. He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing. I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nostrils. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I knocked on my neighbor's door this morning and said, "Your wife kept me awake all night with some seriously noisy sex." "That's ridiculous," he laughed. "My wife wasn't even here last night." I said, "I know, she stayed at mine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 "Happy 18th son! All these presents are just for you!" After ripping them open excitedly, he said "Dad, all these boxes are empty..." "I know. Use them to pack your things and get the fuck out." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman", or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I was at an S&M party with my cock in this woman's ass and she moaned, "Aren't you going to spank me?" It was at that point I realized I'd forgotten my toys. "For fuck's sake," I thought to myself. "I'm up shit creek without a paddle." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I was just about to shoot my load in her ass, when the wife burst in. "How can you do this with my little sister!" "It's not what it looks like," I said. "Well, what is it then?" "It's your mother in a school uniform." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Today, my wife walked in on me and her sister fucking in front of a mirror. I said "I know what it looks like..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 A couple of dudes tried to get into my car last night so I attacked them with a baseball bat. I'm not cut out to be a taxi driver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I find hand jobs are a lot like cooking. I'm better at it, but prefer it when a woman does it for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My wife's suicide note was incredibly touching... Some of my best work, I thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My mom was raped outside a train station, and nine months later, I arrived. She hasn't asked me for a lift home since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 "Don't kid yourself" will be a great slogan for my new abortion clinic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I picked up this girl last night, when we got home she said: "I'm a bit shy...I don't want to strip totally, you can see half of me naked. Choose." "No worries" I said, "the front." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My pubes are like my back yard. Trimmed down so kids can find the balls easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My son asked, "Dad, how come I have brown skin and you are white?" "Well just look at your mom, son." I said. "But she's not black." "I know, you idiot!" I replied, "She's a fucking whore!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 My wife stuck her foot up my ass during sex last night. To be fair, she did come in and catch me fucking her sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I wish my best friend would hurry up and leave his cheating whore of a wife. Then I won't have to feel guilty for fucking her all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I was having sex with a bitch last night when she spotted a video camera filming us in the corner of the room. "Is that a video camera that I can see stuck on your wall?" she screamed, jumping off me. "It's dark, your eyes must be playing tricks babe," I replied. "My boy Dave's holding it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Personally, I think it's more impressive if an Olympic athlete fails a drug test. Not only did they win a medal, but they did it when they were fucked up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 They say.. "If you're good at something, never do it for free." So I took her purse after I raped her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 I called over the flight stewardess and said, "Sorry to trouble you, but I'm trying to relax and this young kid behind me keeps screaming and hitting me on the back." "I'm not surprised," she replied, "That's his seat and you're squashing him." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 To offer a breath mint to a lady is polite. To shove it in her mouth, rude. To stick it in her butt is herassmint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_gacy Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 If the security for the Olympics is done by the armed forces does that mean the security for the Paralympics is done by the unarmed forces? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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