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offensive jokes..

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  • 2 months later...
Guest beardo

A white man and a Puerto Rican are standing atop an apartment building. The white man says "Yo Pedro, check out the updraft on the side of this building. It's like magic!" And then he jumps off the roof of the building and plummets towards the ground until, suddenly, he begins floating back up. He lands back on the roof to the amazement of Pedro. Pedro then jumps off the building and falls to a grisly death as he splats on the concrete below. Two policemen near by are heard saying "Jesus Christ...Superman really does hate Puerto Ricans, doesn't he?"

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  • 3 weeks later...

Jesus walks into a motel and throws a bag of nails on the counter and says .."Can you put me up for the night?"



An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.


"Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter.


"I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man.


St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"

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Originally posted by SPORTO@Jul 17 2005, 07:10 PM

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...


The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."


"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"


"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."



priceless! and good advice

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Mike Tyson and Don King are invited to the vatican to hear the pope give a speech. While waiting for the pope to arrive Mike Tyson decides to snack on peanuts all the while tossing the shells on the floor. The pope finally arrives and to Don Kings surprise motions for Mike to come to him. The pope then appears to bless Mike with the cross action (you know the north,south, east, west thingy). Mike returns to where Don King is now beaming with pride. "My man Mike you just got yourself blessed by the pope, thats great!". "Nah, Don he just said You (up), pick up those shells (down) get your nigger friend (west) and get the .... outta here(east)

The joke works better in person, but I tried

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A mexican, an american and a china-man are standing on the face of a cliff, and as a sign of good will to eachothers country, each one has to throw something their country has in excess over the edge... the mexican says "we have plenty of this" and throws a bottle of tequillia over the edge. Then the china man says "this is all we eat in my villiage" and throws a bag of rice over.. the the american says "i never go a day without seeing thousands of these" and throws the mexican and the chinaman over.


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

-Mace will do that.


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

-Juan on Juan.


What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

-Nothing. You already said it to her twice.


What do you call a Negro who has a regular job, sleeps in the same bed every night, and doesn't rape white women?

-Inmate #3354990


A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wishes, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a minute and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and then beat me half to death."


A guy walks in to a bar and sits next to a man with a shoebox. The guy asks, "whats in the box". The dude with the box opens it up and inside is a man a foot tall playing a piano. "Where did you get that!" the guy asked. "Theres a genie in the back allie, he'll grant you one wish."

So the guy goes back in the allie and finds the bottle, rubs it, and out comes the genie. "You get one wish, and your wish is my command." The guy says "I want a million bucks!" and a million ducks fly over-head and the genie goes back in the bottle.

A bit confused, dude walks back into the bar and tells the piano guy what happened.. the piano guy asks "You think I asked for a 12 in pianist?"

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Why shouldnt you laugh at a gyppo on a bike?


Cause its your fucking bike!!




How many kikes can you fit in a car?


um i dunno, but theres still plenty of room in the ashtray.




What is a Jewish dilemma?


A free hamsandwich.




At a immigration desk somewhere in europe.

- Name?

- Ahmed bogdan muhammed.

- Sex?

- Yes.

- No, I mean male or female.

- Doesn't matter, sometimes even with camel.




Why do all the turkish kids want a mustasch?


Cause they want to look like mom!




How do you starve a black man to death?


You hide the welfarecheck under the soap.





Whats unappropriate to do at a thai sport event?


the wave.




Why are so many sharks stricken with diarrhea?

They've been eating Thai food all week.

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For the English only, unless your a soccer fan, and not offensive unless

you are Calum Best.




So Gerorge Best is on his death bed,

doctor comes in & says, I have some good news & some bad news,

the bad news is you have only 1 hour to live,

'whats the fuck'n good news says Best?'

Its happy hour.

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Tyrones daughter is turning 18 in one week. As he hands her his child-support check, he says "Tell your mother this is the last cent she will ever see out of me! and then watch the expression on her face."


The next week, Tyrone asked "So, what did your mother say?"

"She said to tell you 'You aint my daddy,' and to watch the expression on your face."

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