Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
-Rage-

☠ THE CANCER THREAD - a.k.a. I'm Fucking Dying ☠

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

I've been urged by a few fellow 12ozers to make this post.

 

On December 26th I was diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal adenocarcinoma. This cancer of the lower esophagus was caused by acid reflux, something I never even knew I suffered from. It spread to my stomach, liver, and other spots.

 

Back in the late-summer I noticed there was a pressure and constriction in my mid-chest after eating food. Foolishly I waited until early October to mention it to my physician. I was put on an over-the-counter acid and heartburn reducer. In November I met with a gastroenterologist who recommended an upper endoscopy. Mid-December the endoscopy revealed a 2" growth in my lower esophagus. The biopsy results came back a few days later and revealed it was cancerous. I did a CT scan and met with an oncologist a week later where I was told that the cancer had spread. I was told that without treatment my life expectancy would be 6 months. With treatment, 1-2 years. Surgery and radiation would no longer be an option at this stage. Chemotherapy begins January 6th and I am fucking terrified.

 

This is not meant to be a pity post, but more of an open dialog about cancer and how much it fucking sucks. I'm sure in some way we've all be affected by cancer either personally, or through family and friends. What's your story?

 

Also, I urge all of you to get screened or tested for cancer. Even if you don't show any signs or symptoms. It could save your life.

 

AA01012020.thumb.jpg.46686d5986d9c5b743cd0aa316a1998f.jpg

 

On a positive note, I bought a new digital camera and lens as a "Fuck it, I have cancer" present to myself. My goal is to document what little time I have left. When it's all over my digital archive will go to a trusted friend who will see fit to publish a book.

 

Edited by -Rage-
  • Truth 1
  • Props 21

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This forum is supported by the 12ozProphet Shop, so go buy a shirt and help support!
This forum is brought to you by the 12ozProphet Shop.
This forum is brought to you by the 12oz Shop.

I was really sorry to hear this, a few people on here found out Via your IG, and we didn't want anyone but you breaking the news here if it wasn't you. I've never met you IRL, but feel like you've had a great degree of positive influence me, and many others on here by simply being yourself and posting back in the day weather you realize it or not. Not really much I could say as far as advice or encouragement as this isn't something I have much experience with so I'll just try to keep it positive. Again, just really sorry to hear this, and hope to see what comes out of that new camera.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear this Rage.  I remember back in the early 2000s when we were going nuts on this site posting all the time, staying up late.  Checking it every day.  I think we're around the same age (I'm 37).  The news saddened me greatly the other day to hear this, someone close to me on this site was suffering.

 

Is there anything as a forum that we can do to ease these tough times for you, and if not is there anything that I can do for you? 

Will you make sure that your mate has access to keep us updated here please?

 

Thank you for having the strength to share with us here and you're in my prayers.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Damn Rage.

This news fucking sucks.

If there is anything we can do, please let us know.

fuck cancer, for real

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The second half of the year has been a tough time for me personally there’s been quite few losses as far as family and friends go.

 

needless to say I was pretty heartbroken to read your post but then I saw your username and I felt an overwhelming sadness to see a person who’s post I looked forward to see be in this position.

 

I’m sorry you have to go through this and I know we don’t know each other in person but feel free to message me if you need someone to listen 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rage, I appreciate that you created this thread. Mrs. KoSprueOne was diagnosed with lung cancer this year (2019). That's all I'm ready to post in this thread right now.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jesus Fuck, man. I’ve seen this shit more times than I want to think about but I applaud your ability to be so strong on the matter. It takes a giant amount of balls to stand up to the podium and announce yourself like that. Super saddening and tragic but I’m taking that shit straight to the the check up as I’ve been personally putting it off for too long now. It’s rad that you got yourself a camera too. Peaceful waves sent your way and I look forward to seeing some shots on your journey bro. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear it man.

 

My brother in law passed away last November from brain cancer, he was diagnosed 5 years ago and underwent three surgeries with chemo in the interim. It was his desire to see his children graduate high school, made it for one of them, the other will turn 16 soon. Real inspirational guy too.

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never had to deal with this scourge and can't fathom what you and your family are going though.

 

If you choose to fight, we're there with you in spirit. If you choose to focus on the time you have left and make the most of it, I hope you pack 50 years into a few and have a hell of a time, mete.

 

If it gives you some sense of satisfaction, I suffer from reflux and wasn't aware things could get this serious. Now that I do, I'll not be lazy with it. Thank you for that, your post made some difference.

  • Like 2
  • Truth 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

More evidence of 12oz growing up, fuck.  But onward, you're a brave man posting real life shit here, I applaud you.

 

I've had to have some of these discussions with family & such, lot of it the same.  Bodily ills that were not checked out until too late= Stage 4.  Will share a little of what I've seen/learned thus far.  In all cases I've seen doctors are great at predicting stuff but in reality have no idea what will happen or when.  2 relatives had surgeries that either rid them of it or prolonged their life another 2+ years until cancer returned.  One is fighting a stage 4 cancer now and has been for maybe 3-4 years?  Everything about chemo seems shitty to me but watching someone go through it I didn't see all the stereotypical stuff you see/hear, like they didn't lose their hair.  Also while they were maybe tired and nauseous, these side effects seemed to subside after a day.  Advances in medicine appear helpful.  One relative had to do chemo in order to qualify for immunotherapy (think that's what they're calling it).  Anyhow, I don't expect that it will cure cancer but thus far it seems to have prevented further growth in the least and it maybe shrunk some tumors too.  All very promising.  

 

While it may not cure cancer I will encourage a positive attitude, healthy diet of cancer fighting foods, excercise, and whatever else helps you feel good.  There's a lot of mind/body connection shit that science doesn't understand and I think these extras help beyond chemo and medicine.  After people in my fam started getting cancer I was encouraged by a friend to look into Chaga mushrooms, I guess becuse he had found where a Japanese scientist treated lung cancer with it and claimed it went into remission.  Don't know if it really works but I have fucked w/ Chaga and other mushrooms to experiment, will say that some mushroom skin toner my girl got did make some patches of dark skin I have fade back to regular color.  Not the same as fights cancer, but a step in the right direction that has encouraged me to explore further and eat more mushrooms.

 

Anyhow, fight a good fight for yourself, think positive, and keep pushing forward.  Much appreciation for your sharing this here.

 

 

  • Like 4
  • Truth 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Dirty_habiT said:

I'm sorry to hear this Rage.  I remember back in the early 2000s when we were going nuts on this site posting all the time, staying up late.  Checking it every day.  I think we're around the same age (I'm 37).  The news saddened me greatly the other day to hear this, someone close to me on this site was suffering.

 

Is there anything as a forum that we can do to ease these tough times for you, and if not is there anything that I can do for you? 

Will you make sure that your mate has access to keep us updated here please?

Those early 2000s were the fucking best. I never regret the time I spent on here and the friends I made along the way. Meeting a bunch of 12ozers in person always made the connections seem more real. Every single person had their own badass or chill personality. And yea, 38 here.

I know I've been out of the 12oz loop for years now and not to sound cheesy or cliche, but the sense of community here is has always been humbling.

I'll let my s.o. know where to find this post and hopefully he can update if/when I can no longer do so.

 

 

10 hours ago, Ko SprueOne said:

Mrs. KoSprueOne was diagnosed with lung cancer this year (2019). That's all I'm ready to post in this thread right now.

Please feel free to reach out if you need to vent or just chat. Best of luck to her in the start of a new year.

 

 

8 hours ago, NightmareOnElmStreet said:

I’m taking that shit straight to the the check up as I’ve been personally putting it off for too long now.

PLEASE do. Get yourself checked out. I know appointments and waiting for results can be fucking scary, but the sooner you know, the better. I was stubborn and waited too long. Cancer was the last thing in the world I thought I would be diagnosed with.

 

 

5 hours ago, morton said:

My brother in law passed away last November from brain cancer, he was diagnosed 5 years ago and underwent three surgeries with chemo in the interim. It was his desire to see his children graduate high school, made it for one of them, the other will turn 16 soon. Real inspirational guy too.

Fuck, that is rough. Sorry for your loss. It's good to know he got to see one of his kids graduate though.

 

 

5 hours ago, Hua Guofang said:

If it gives you some sense of satisfaction, I suffer from reflux and wasn't aware things could get this serious. Now that I do, I'll not be lazy with it. Thank you for that, your post made some difference.

Make an appointment to even just chat with a gastroenterologist. Describe any and all symptoms. Tell him if you're taking anything like Prilosec, Nexium, or Omeprazole. You can even request an endoscopy (where they use a scope down the throat) to check for any erosion, abrasions, or in my case, growths.


Also, try sleeping at 20 to 30 degree angle. This elevates the throat and esophagus above the stomach, minimizing the possibility of acid to the esophagus. Use some extra pillows to create a sort-of ramp for the upper part of your body. Avoid eating at least 1 hour before going to bed. If you do, try to sit up for a bit to let it settle.

 

 

3 hours ago, One Man Banned said:

In all cases I've seen doctors are great at predicting stuff but in reality have no idea what will happen or when.  2 relatives had surgeries that either rid them of it or prolonged their life another 2+ years until cancer returned.  One is fighting a stage 4 cancer now and has been for maybe 3-4 years?  Everything about chemo seems shitty to me but watching someone go through it I didn't see all the stereotypical stuff you see/hear, like they didn't lose their hair.  Also while they were maybe tired and nauseous, these side effects seemed to subside after a day.  Advances in medicine appear helpful.  One relative had to do chemo in order to qualify for immunotherapy (think that's what they're calling it).  Anyhow, I don't expect that it will cure cancer but thus far it seems to have prevented further growth in the least and it maybe shrunk some tumors too.  All very promising. 

I think my biggest concern over my condition is all of the unknowns. An oncologist or other doctor can only give you a professional opinion, but will it ever be accurate? No. Thankfully I am in a state with some excellent medial and cancer centers, so I plan on getting second and even third opinions, at least after a few treatment sessions.

 

I agree, I think there have been some excellent advances in treatments and medications along the way. I'm fearful of the nausea and hair loss primarily. The former of which I have already been having for a couple weeks. Having a tumor just above the stomach has completely killed my appetite, thanks to the nausea. I would fucking kill for a bahn mi sandwich or cheesesteak, let me tell you.

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello @-Rage-,

 

Appreciate you posting and I echo what so many others have said in regards to how notable it is for you to come and share something so incredibly personal. Being honest, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Terrifying indeed... Honestly, its rocked me to hear this news as well. Facing your own mortality is certainly a heck of a thing to have to undergo and once the situation becomes real... Man, not even sure how to articulate my own feelings here watching off the side lines.

 

Guess I can only say that you've left an indelible impression on the 12ozProphet community here and I genuinely wish you the very best. I hope you're able to find peace and grace as you continue your path and its my own belief that it doesn't end with death of our physical bodies. 

 

This is certainly a proverbial bucket of cold water over the head to remind myself and hopefully everyone to make the most out of the days we have, because they aren't guaranteed. Be good to yourselves and kind to each other. Obviously we all have our different perspectives and experiences. Obviously we don't always agree with each other. If anything, this thread is a reminder to live life well and celebrate each day and all the people in it. To ultimately set aside petty divisions and all the nonsense that leads to drama and division and instead appreciate and enjoy all those differences as something that makes life interesting.

 

In any case, I applaud you for your contribution to the forum over so many years and appreciate the important lesson your post reminded me of.

 

Unsure if it helps at the present moment, but know you've made a big impact.

 

Best wishes...

 

 

  • Like 2
  • Props 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, misteraven said:

Facing your own mortality is certainly a heck of a thing to have to undergo

Understatement.

 

Let me tell you, hearing a doctor tell you flat out that you may only exist on this floating ball of water and dirt for another year is a punch to the soul. Everything stops.

So much rushes through your head at once.

 

"How do I tell my family that I'm dying?"

"I need to write a will. What the fuck do I put in it? Why do I have so much shit?"

"We just bought a fucking house. Will he want to live in it after I die or will there be too many memories?"

"What happens to my film and digital photography archive spanning 20+ years of personal projects?"

"Will I ever get to see some of my friends again?"

 

  • Truth 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, -Rage- said:

Understatement.

 

Let me tell you, hearing a doctor tell you flat out that you may only exist on this floating ball of water and dirt for another year is a punch to the soul. Everything stops.

So much rushes through your head at once.

 

"How do I tell my family that I'm dying?"

"I need to write a will. What the fuck do I put in it? Why do I have so much shit?"

"We just bought a fucking house. Will he want to live in it after I die or will there be too many memories?"

"What happens to my film and digital photography archive spanning 20+ years of personal projects?"

"Will I ever get to see some of my friends again?"

 

I've been here a long time and you're name has always rang out. I'm sure that's probably reflection of your impact on people in your life. So if you're gonna make the best of it I'm sure you're more capable than most.

 

12oz has always been a family to me even the ones I never got along with were still here for the ride and I respect that.

 

I hope every sunrise is more beautiful than the last. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am in disbelief. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If there’s anything I can do, anything you need? Sending you lots of love 💕💕💕

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@-Rage-This is pretty awful news to hear. I've seen you around here for as long back as I can remember and you've always contributed heavily to the community.

I'm sorry for you and wish you the best, please continue to check back in and keep us updated if you can. also see and do as much as possible with the time you have left. 

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/2/2020 at 8:38 AM, -Rage- said:

 

Please feel free to reach out if you need to vent or just chat. Best of luck to her in the start of a new year.

 

Thank you for that and for your couRage. You reach out to me as well if you need to.

 

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure having to stare down your mortality is a really fucked up feeling. That said, i hope you can spend as much time as possible doing the things you love and with people that love you. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
On 1/2/2020 at 1:44 PM, -Rage- said:

Why do I have so much shit?"

This made me laugh, sorry, haha. 
 

Terrible news, i’m sorry to hear it. My brother had been diagnosed with Leukemia when we were kids, given a Make-A-Wish and all that, beat it. In his 20s shortly after having his son he was diagnosed with stage 4 Hodgkins Lymphoma. A pretty treatable form of cancer but stage 4 cancer nonetheless, and for the 2nd time, he beat that too. I don’t mean to give you a sense of hope, but you never know. Keep your head in the fight and go down swinging if that’s how the cards fall. My apologies if this comes off insensitive or something, i don’t mean to be.

 

Given my brother’s history, my lifestyle through my 20s, recent ailments, and this post, i just scheduled an appointment to get screened. I’ve had a weird tight feeling in my chest the past few days after swallowing (/nh) and eating, so not going to lie, reading this sort of scared the shit out of me. 

Edited by abrasivesaint
  • Like 2
  • Props 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is so incredibly bizarre. I don't really come on here anymore, maybe a fleeting glance every 6 months or so. A few days ago, probably right around your diagnosis, for no reason whatsoever you popped in to my head. For some reason I was reminded of our discussions about music, the CD exchanges, your photography. Then I go and log in here out of the blue a few days later and see this. I am so unbelievably sorry.

 

This hits particularly close to home as I have suffered from acid reflux my entire life. It was only about 4 years ago where it was officially diagnosed as GERD after it got so bad one day it basically stopped me from being able to swallow. I had the endoscopy that revealed my entire esophagus is scarred from it being untreated for 30+ years. I've been on Pantoprazole ever since which seems to do the trick, although I do have bad days every now and then. I've had another endoscopy since, but this has made me realize I should really make an appointment to get another one. What you are going through right now is my worst fear, especially knowing how much the risk is increased with my condition.

 

I know the words of a complete stranger mean nothing with what you are going through right now, but from the bottom of my fucking heart I am so, so sorry. Even though we never actually knew each other, you were a constant presence in my youth thanks to how much goddamn time we spent on this dumb website. I wish you the absolute best in your fight against this, and know that this random Canadian stranger knows you are strong enough to beat this.

 

Godspeed, my dude ❤️

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rage I am so sorry to hear this news. 

 

We're all rooting for you!  Keep fighting the good fight!

 

Fucking Cancer.

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...