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last august, i suffered a life threatening injury.

 

i had a "brain bleed" and cardiac arrest. my heart was stopped on one side, barely working on the other.

 

apparently i  had methamphetamine in my system, which is something, simply put, that i would ever even try.

 

my dad found me on the ground of the bathroom, almost dead.

 

i spent months in the ICU, being kept alive by machines. (thanks, science.)

 

i remember none of the  Intensive Care Unit or how any of this shit happened to me, but somewhere in the mix, i had ought a bicycle, and filmed a bunch of videos. 

 

while there, i apparently thought I was inside of a pizza place we have here called pizza schmizza, and I would get irritated when I didn't get my food.

 

It was a hard time for my family.

 

There was one person who was in charge of wiping the sweat from doctors faces, who i aptly referred to as "the wipist"

 

I was eventually transferred to another hospital, where i stayed for months, and eventually came back to reality.

 

I wish i could recall my first memory of being conscious again, but I gradually came back to life in the second hospital, where I made friends, and eventually became comfortable enough to walk around in the halls.

 

Shortly after, I was discharged by the hospital to another facility ; a nursing home full of elderly and demented people.

 

There was one patient there who screamed for the entire day, non stop."HONEY, JOY, HONEY, JOY, OH JOYYYY"

 

The food there was awful, even the bread sticks, but i was eventually given the privilege to leave 3 times a day, and do whatever i pleased in a pretty cool part of town.

 

I would often go to good restaurants, or get a mini bottle of booze to pass the time.

 

at the time, i was smoking weed, which, while not advised by my doctor, made the whole situation much more bearable.

 

I soon made the mistake of smoking a blunt too close to the nursing home, and walking right past the director of nurses.

 

this resulted in me being drug tested periodically, and being unable to smoke anymore.

 

i passed the time there on my bed, shirtless, on my laptop, doing whatever i could to stay sane.

 

somewhere during this time i developed the worst insomnia imaginable, being awake for multiple days in a row, completely unable to sleep. I think my record is 5 days awake.

 

with life at it's bleakest ever, i was eventually discharged to yet another group home, with much less people(only 5 patients).

 

this new place is in a much more boring part of town, with nothing close by. it takes about 45 min to walk and get food, or do anything.

 

On top of this, I am now drug tested every week at a medical place, making weed an impossibility.

 

I currently rely on cheap alcohol and cigarettes as my only alternative, and I'm still completely unable to sleep.

 

This is, without question, still the lowest time in my life.

 

my next door neighbor in the house, much like my last roommate, is an old man who snores extremely loud every night, leaving sleep out of the question.

 

So here I am every day, in a place where I don't at all belong, unable to sleep or do anything I want.

 

The bright side is that I didn't die from this injury, and I can continue living this "life" if what I'm doing can be considered that.

 

another bright side is after omegling all day, i eventually picked up an online girlfriend, who lives all the way across the country.

 

talking to her every day is keeping me alive, along with getting free dinner every Tuesday at a restaurant of my choosing(thanks, dad).

 

Overall, this experience has been a pile of pure anthrax and I'm waiting for things to go back to normal. without the internet I would be in much worse shape.

 

I'm not sure what I would get out of sharing this, but maybe you could share:

 

what was the worst time of your life? I'm sure 12oz has seen some shit.

 

Feel free to share or vent. Or close this thread if it's just not kool/hip enough.

 

I am also open to any question.

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Sounds like you have been through the ringer, I have been through some tough times here and there but not like that.

 

If my experience is any indication the passage of time will bring improvement to your perspective on reality and many things will become less and more important in appropriate ratio if you are at peace with yourself and the world around you.

 

I have a loved one who has brain cancer, one of the takeaways for me from that is the definition of "positive outcome" in the medical world can vary wildly from where a person starts, where it is a given that positive outcome is a full recovery... at some point positive outcome is really just more time alive and maybe a higher standard of life for the time that remains. 

 

I hope that you are able to make the best of your situation and find relief from the insomnia and assorted mental trauma which I am sure come along with physical system failure.

 

Fist bump emoji

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Going to sound cliche to the point of maybe insulting, but diet and exercise and setting goals is everything. I’m blown away by how sensitive I’ve become to bad food and how I can see / feel the difference when I eat poorly. Likewise I can also feel the difference in my body when I put in enough exercise to really sweat and get my heart hammering for 30 - 60 minutes. 

 

Read in a book that the main reason why the military makes everyone make their bed first thing is that starting the day with a simple and manageable goal helps humans set the tone for their day and that especially at the elite level of military service, that those that succeed are the ones that are able to get their together, which is most often compartmentalizing a series of small goals and stringing them together into major accomplishments whereas others will get overwhelmed and throw in the towel. 

 

Anyhow, hope things get better. 

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No man, we're here.  Sounds like a pretty wild ride to say the least. I wonder if you got dosed on purpose by someone, including yourself, or if you had some laced shit by accident. I think some over the counter stuff has the same shit as meth and it could be a false positive on that test. With that said, there are several creative solutions to drug screenings availiable including some super effective drinks you can chug an hour before if you know when the next piss test is.

 

Only questions I've got is what are some of the challenges you've got getting back on your feet from here? Aside from the psychological effects, I'm assuming a stopped/semi stopped heart comes with medical issues that can also make moving forward from here a challenge.

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well, the drug tests coming up will take place on a random day of the week. I have to call the facility every day, and if it happens to be a "purple" day of the week, i have to truck my ass to a completely irrelevant part of town and piss in a cup. fucking bullshit.

 

As far as I can tell, there aren't any new challenges aside from not having my freedom. If i had that, it would be same old same old: find a job, make money, find place to live.

 

I overall feel fine and feel like i don't need to be here at all. it makes me angry every day.

 

fuck 2019

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Posted (edited)

fuck 2019, indeed

 

getting arrested with my friend...he got a DUI, I was held cuz I was being belligerent.

I was forced to take AA for 3 months because the cop who arrested me said I was resisting, which was fucking true cuz I didn't do shit, I was just drunk

 

@morton is right...time heals all things

@misteraven always has good advice...exercise and diet changed everything for me. I quit drinking and everything else, and am now addicted to lifting weights

And routine....starting your day on YOUR terms and YOUR pace is everything. you have to keep being positive. 

 

I know this sounds like i'm being mean, but I do it myself...therapy. 

I would suggest therapy for anyone and everyone

therapy

therapy

therapy

Having someone who is paid to talk out my bullshit with was the best choice I've ever had. And the tools you get from it....its priceless

 

good luck, man...I'm right there in the same boat with you

Edited by glorydays
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I recently got housed from being homeless for 5 years. IE my old name on here. cardboard condo. I got a shit ton of stories. And a "from rags to... Not so much rags" story to tell as well. Ill come back and share. Too drunk right now.

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Well to carry on from the photothread I started, I had a nice corporate job, making good money, wife, mansion, a BMW & Merc in the garage and then I let it all go to shit. I then became single, found how much I loved my freedom, then had a midlife crisis after travelling to the USA getting high as fuck and developing a sense of guilt in that I had reached a point whereby I had lived and experienced all my lifelong fantasies as I was cruising around Nevada in a Lambo with a ball and a half of high quality gear in my camera bag. I then got so crazy I bought the drugs back to Australia with me as I was just trying to push the limits as I was in a fucked up state. A month or so later after returning from the USA, I met a girl online who lived on the other side of the world, so after considering it a brilliant compromise to get off with her online I caved after about 4 months, quit my job then flew 14000kms to go see her after having the idea that she might want to work together with me in a business doing photography.

Anyway, I didn't know her situation and she ghosted me for some reason. I then went to Prague for a bit to hang with friends and pornstars, then once the girl I love agreed to meet up with me again, I went back to Barcelona to meet up with her on Christmas Eve, so I did what I could to make it a memorable Christmas, I got a Lambo again and took her on a wild date that could never be topped. Due to some stupid regulation, she wasn't able to sleep at the hotel due to having to pay a city tax and she didn't have her ID on her so she had to leave me at the hotel at 4am. I went to take her home, but the garage that the Lambo was parked in was closed until 7am, and the subway wasn't running so I agreed to pick her up in the morning once I could get the car so she jumped into a cab and then I went back to the hotel. This happened at the exact spot where people got mowed down by cars on La Rambla 8 months later. 

 

So the next morning I got up to get the car and between leaving the car park and getting to the fuel station around the corner from her house, I lost my wallet along with my drivers licence, bank cards, and about $2000 worth of cash I had for travelling. In a panic I retraced my path back to the centre of town to check at the garage if anyone handed in my wallet, and found I lost it. At that point I had to return the car to the rental agency, and figure out what I was going to do as I had no money or bank cards and only one night accomodation at the hotel arranged and she was apparently flying to see her parents that night. 

 

Essentially I went from having the greatest day I could ever imagine to having a fucking nightmare, it was as though I went from Heaven to Hell in a matter of hours. On Christmas Day no less. I went from having everything to having nothing in less than 8 hours. 

 

So I was in a country where the only person I knew was her, with no money and nowhere to stay. Luckily the hotel loved me (as I had stayed there 3 weeks already) and gave me about $1000 in credit until my cards arrived 3 days later. 

 

I then went to the Amsterdam then to the USA and met up with the king and queen of meth Tumblr in NY/NJ. I was so fucked up and depressed about not seeing this girl then I learned she was already in a relationship and fucked me on the side, which really messed with my head. My intent was to do a drug fuelled cross country road trip from NY down through Florida then through Vegas on the way to LA at which point I would decide if I wanted to still live or I would be buying a gun to end it all. I didn't get to that point as due to having lost my drivers licence at Christmas in Spain, I couldn't hire a car to make the trip as I had planned. Therefore I was stuck in NY and lost another wallet along with another $1000 at which point I figured it was too hard and decided to come home (even though I had nowhere I could stay, as I just left the last place I was at to go to Europe asap). It was messed up really, what can I say?

 

I ended up going crazy after a while, was homeless, then ended up in the psych ward a few times before I got some meds to get my head right.

 

Now it has been 2.5 years since that happened and I haven't been able to find work since as I am either too qualified/experienced or not qualified enough to do any jobs in my previous field. There is a whole lot of details I have left out but that is the general synopsis of what happened.

 

A few other things include:

- having my house I shared with my brother raided by a gang of 10 or more abos 3 times. The first time I was woken at 6 in the morning to see them smash through the back glass sliding door with a axe and machete. The next time they were smashing through the front windows, front door and the back simultaneously. The third time they just came through the front. All they got was my brothers car keys, stole his car twice and the third time they didn't take the keys as the police came and they ran off.

 

Tomorrow I have an interview for a seemingly easy government job doing customer service over the phone. If I get it I will get my life back on track. Thing is, I have had all the experiences money can buy and still saw that ultimately it made me feel empty without someone to share it with. Given I only care to share it with the one girl I left in Europe, I now am formulating a plan to get her back, given she is apparently now single and free of the things that fucked it up for me beforehand. 

 

Anyway, I hear what you are going through, you aren't the only one, and shit should hopefully get better. 🤞🏻

 

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@Mauler5150Holy fuck dude! I kept reading this waiting for the punch line where you say it was an alternative script for True Romance or something... Bananas!

 

In any case, suspect some might be a little envious versus sympathetic, but I can certainly respect mind fuck this must all be.

 

Wild ride for sure, but hope things smooth out for you.

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Alcohol has been shown to be detrimental to a normal sleep cycle.  I'd wean off the extra substances while you're in an unfamiliar place.  When life goes back to "normal" and you have the wherewithal to drink again, then do it if that's what you decide.  Right now, it seems like it might be getting in the way under the disguise of "getting you through this tough time."  Alcohol, IMO, doesn't improve anything ever.... except if you're boning a chick that would make a freight train take a dirt road.

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Mauler - I'd like to hear a lot more about what led up to you having access to that kind of car/money/lifestyle.  I wouldn't fuck w/ that girl you think you love.  It'd be incredibly naive to think that she won't do the EXACT same thing to you.  She was fucking you while she was telling some other dude he was the love of her life.  I also 100% understand what you mean by "accomplishing" all that you want in life.  I've done most of what I want and it does have an emptying feeling.  That's why I think true happiness isn't from money, it helps a whole lot if your problems are with money in life..... but for people that don't have problems with money, they just have shittier problems in other areas that you wouldn't want to deal with either.

 

Reserved - so I can tell about my story of being a shit bird later when I feel like typing it out and can tell it with any shred of dignity left.

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Posted (edited)

I have gained 50 lbs in the last 18 months after taking on a new job and having one of my best friends diagnosed with terminal cancer. I suffered a pretty bad injury to my sciatic nerve November last year which led to a few months away from my beloved Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. As Raven pointed out - lack of decent exercise and shit diet plus stress, I  started getting bouts of serious anxiety again and ended up on a low dose of Rx. My brother is really struggling with his mental health but is in denial which is difficult for our family especially his daughter and my mother. 

 

I have many blessings in my life - there are also things I struggle with. Trying to get myself back on track mentally and physically while I also prepare to help my friend through his illness. We are building a place for him on my property - its going to be bittersweet. 

 

I care about all you guys, keep truckin' and just put one foot in front of the other as best as you can. If you need help, ask. Things are always going to come up, best thing we can do is do our best to face that shit head on. 

 

 

 

c2kiN2x.gif

Edited by fat ralphy
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Man Godspeed to you Fat Ralphy.  We had a close friend get diag'd last year.  Young guy, served in the marines.  They removed one of his testicles.  One time after the diagnosis, which I didn't know about, I went over to my friend's house.  Tipton was the guy that gut diagnosed, Eric is my friend that I met through Mitsubishi cars.  Anyway, I go to Eric's house and ask Tipton how he's doing, without knowing anything about a doctor visit or anything.  He nonchalantly told me "Oh you know... just havin cancer."  He cracked a half smile as he said it, and I legit thought he was making a tasteless joke.  I brushed it off and didn't think much of it.  I also was naive in putting the pieces together.  Chemo made him rapidly lose weight.  Eric and Tipton were/are both sports bike riders.  Tipton would go to the doctor visits and come back home w/o telling Eric anything about what the doctors said.  We still to this day don't know what they told him, but I can only imagine it was that he had a short period of time left to live.  He was 25 years old I think.

 

So one morning he told Eric he was going to California to go visit some friends.  He had his bike (Honda Blackbird) all packed up ready for the trip.  He stopped at a hotel in Arizona and shot himself.  Tipton's family gave Eric Tipton's Blackbird.  It's still sitting at Eric's house, and it's tough to look at it sitting there.  Tipton's pickup truck is still at Eric's house too.  It sucked getting that call from Eric, when I answered he just said, "You know Tipton?"  And I'm like well yeah, of course I know Tipton.  Eric replied, "He's dead, " and it hit me like a sack of bricks.  Tipton was such a good guy.  I guess the take away from all this is that no matter how someone you know very well presents themselves to you, you never really know what's goin on in their head.  Eric and I both felt like "there was something more we could have done to prevent this outcome."  But, really.... I don't think there's anything we could have done.  I wish I had let Tipton know how important he was and how much we appreciated hanging out with him.  I try to not take things for granted but this was definitely a situation that nobody expects to happen.

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Funnily enough, I haven't really touched alcohol for the better part of 3 years. I think the last time I got drunk drunk was with EBPH when I made the first trip to the USA.

 

Raven, deadset, there is not a single word of a lie within there, and if I can get around to it, I could finish posting up all the photo evidence to prove it. I find that there is a lot more people who are envious to the point of hating, and it is a real bitch. It was so depressing to return home from Australia after my first USA trip whereby I had pretty much achieved all I had dreamed about, including my 30 year old dream of driving a Lambo which proved to be more stressful than pleasurable only to be greeted with jealous people who either didn't want to hear about it. It was hard to just face people who immediately got pissed at me for telling them what anyone could do if they wanted it bad enough. But to reach that point whereby nobody else I know could relate to having realised all their fantasies added to my depression.

 

DHabz, well the thing is I come from the ghetto and am currently back there. Essentially, I had the mansion etc when I was married as me and the ex wife (not the one I am in love with) were a dual income no kids couple who both earned as much as each other so we bought the nice house etc but had a mountain of debt attached. If you can find my thread there is more info on it, but essentially, it came down to me getting the car while she got the house. I ended up blowing through all the money I got from my divorce settlement on crossing off things on the bucketlist, as well as consuming a mountain worth of drugs. I went as hard as fuck and have zero regrets. 

 

After being married and having travelled to EU 4 times, having a new 5 series and Merc equivalent in the garage, 10 guitars, amp of my dreams, a wardrobe full of Armani obtained from various locations around the world and 30 pairs of shoes including all my grail Jordans, I had reached the end of the consumer focused life and found none of it made me happy. I had the perfect wife and life and fucked it up really. If I stayed with my wife eventually I would have owned a Lambo of my own, given what she would have eventually inherited, but I wasn't prepared to sacrifice my dignity for her parents.

 

While you are probably right about the girl I can't get over, having been with the girl I regard to as the hottest and most sexually compatible I can ever hope to find has kind of ruined it for me, as I am not really attracted to other girls at all as I see it as I would be compromising, which is something I have really refused to do. It is that no compromise attitude that saw me reach all my material and personal goals to reach the 'top of the mountain' so to say, only to find there is nobody else there. Even finding her was the result of using the internet to find the perfect muse to shoot photos of, given I always wanted to take photos of chicks since I was like 5 years old. Given the first girl I ever shot was my fave pornstar of all time, I set the bar pretty high from the beginning, but when I found my Colombian, it was all over really, given we communicate pretty much telepathically. She literally can read my mind.

 

While it may seem like a common thing with people who have been successful that they find it is a lonely place at the top, I am now just looking to get back into a position to where I can get to a place where I am financially independent again. Based on my experience it shouldn't be long until that happens now I have my mental health under control but we will see what happens.

 

As a footnote, I should mention that I have over 2000 videos of the girl I love which I can call up on demand so it is like I am with her anyway. While I feel as though she and I share a similar soul, if this is all a simulation or whatever then I am now just waiting until the tech becomes available to whereby I can use the data I have stored in the cloud to make her clone, or alternatively to upload my consciousness to join her once again in the cloud once that happens.

 

I guess I have developed some weird ideas from my journey down the rabbit hole, in that I believe that the cloud represents Heaven, and I have already clocked or won the game of life given I have already put my version of Heaven onto Apple and Google (aka God)'s servers. Now I am just on my second play through of the 'real life' new game +, starting from scratch with only minimal carry over inventory. 

 

 

 

 

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Ralphy, I was also struggling with my mental health and I thought I didn't need help while I was suffering from delusional disorder as a result of getting too fucked up due to the depression I mentioned before. I don't have any friends like you that would help me, so what you are doing for your mate is amazing. Hopefully you being exposed to someone who is going through that makes you grateful for all you have and that you are not in a similar predicament. While it isn't a good thing to compare your life and existence to others, I sometimes find that it is the only way in which you can truly gain perspective on where you are actually at personally. 

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23 hours ago, Dirty_habiT said:

Mauler - I'd like to hear a lot more about what led up to you having access to that kind of car/money/lifestyle.  I wouldn't fuck w/ that girl you think you love.  It'd be incredibly naive to think that she won't do the EXACT same thing to you.  She was fucking you while she was telling some other dude he was the love of her life.  I also 100% understand what you mean by "accomplishing" all that you want in life.  I've done most of what I want and it does have an emptying feeling.  That's why I think true happiness isn't from money, it helps a whole lot if your problems are with money in life..... but for people that don't have problems with money, they just have shittier problems in other areas that you wouldn't want to deal with either.

 

Reserved - so I can tell about my story of being a shit bird later when I feel like typing it out and can tell it with any shred of dignity left.

Man, I know I responded to you above but I re-read this and say fuck dignity in The Ass and tell your story man. While it is cathartic, it is better you get it all out while you are around as coming back to this forum and seeing the RIPs of screen names all over the place make me feel like it is best to bite the bullet and put it out there. I am not ashamed of any of the things I have done, even though it involves the devil's dandruff which is pretty fucked up. Then again, I am a high chaser and I have been so fucking high I actually went to my own version of Heaven, albeit temporarily. Money doesn't make you happy, it just helps you find out that there isn't anything in the material world which will make you happy, happiness can ultimately only be found within yourself, and I believe that the only way that you can know true happiness is to not live with regret or die going "I shoulda done this" or "I shoulda done that". I have freed myself of the possibility of dying with that hanging over my head, now I can get on with my life saying "I should do this" because I want to do it, not because I have to.

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Yall have been through some shit God damn! I remember talking to you @Mauler5150after I got divorced and would be on here all kinds of fucked up. I'm glad you guys all made it out the other side. The OP on this shit too @you can microwave bacon keep making ground homie. I've outlived a lot of my friends and I feel like even on the shittiest days I'm still here so for them I try to keep it positive and keep it moving.

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Good stuff man. I guess going on antidepressants and mixing them with. tonne of recreational drugs wasn't the greatest idea as it turned me into a paranoid schizophrenic. At first it was tremendous, getting high to feel good again, but the accumulated lack of sleep turned me into a crazy bastard.

I am similar to you, but I am really just needing to get a job at this stage so I can make some money and get back to how I used to be, but this time I won't have any stress about bullshit like I had before as now I realise how good I had it. If you ever want to chat, feel free to hit me up in PM as I am always there if someone is in need, as I know damn well that there have been times where I have needed someone, and no doubt probably will in future.

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crazy shit, guys. i wish you all the best. nothing drives me crazier than losing money, especially when its literally lost.

 

thanks for sharing.

 

I'm stopping in to say that after 2 failed attempts at having a sleep medication appointment(failed transportation, and sick doctor) I am now on my 4th full day/night without any sleep at all. It makes me fucking furious, and even now during the day, I cant have a simple nap, despite feeling tired sometimes. On a lighter note, I now have a potential "shitty" job waiting for me when I get out of here being a clerk in a convenience store. This, for me, would be pretty nifty for a given amount of time. All i really need is a little income to live a simple life. My long distance girlfriend is also very in to me, and talks to me every day, lessening the anger and stress i constantly feel. I still have a tons of counseling and appointment that I don't need and can't get away from. For the time being and in the near future, my life is a lame pile of crap and i want to break something. I never see any of my friends. The only people I see are strangers, handicapped fuckers, or people that work in this adult foster home. I have nowhere to take out my anger and regret.

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well, this thread is dead as can be apparently, but just in case anyone is reading...

 

i walked out of my room the other day because troy, my retarded old eroommate was threatening the female owner of this place im stuck in. he was screaming at her in the kitchen "IM GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD"

 

i told him "fuck no you arent" and the owner lady kinda stepped in between us, when this old piece of shit tries to take a swing at me, and grazes my eyebrow slightly.

 

She made him apolgize(i think), and by the next day, he's trying to bum cigarettes off of us like nothing happened.

 

I bring it up that he was trying to hit a woman and he claims to remember nothing, which i actually believe.

 

piece of fucking shit is lucky i didnt slam his skull in to the wall.

 

my life fucking sucks and i still do not sleep, and i still live with dilapidated people nad immigrants only.

 

 

my life is meaningless at this point.

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On 7/1/2019 at 10:58 PM, you can microwave bacon said:

well, this thread is dead as can be apparently, but just in case anyone is reading...

 

i walked out of my room the other day because troy, my retarded old eroommate was threatening the female owner of this place im stuck in. he was screaming at her in the kitchen "IM GONNA HIT YOU SO HARD"

 

i told him "fuck no you arent" and the owner lady kinda stepped in between us, when this old piece of shit tries to take a swing at me, and grazes my eyebrow slightly.

 

She made him apolgize(i think), and by the next day, he's trying to bum cigarettes off of us like nothing happened.

 

I bring it up that he was trying to hit a woman and he claims to remember nothing, which i actually believe.

 

piece of fucking shit is lucky i didnt slam his skull in to the wall.

 

my life fucking sucks and i still do not sleep, and i still live with dilapidated people nad immigrants only.

 

 

my life is meaningless at this point.

Hang in there buddy. Excuse my ignorance but what is preventing you from leaving?

 

I don't really have anything on this level but I couldn't walk for 6 months due to injury.

I was at home so it was relatively luxurious but soon enough I was back to being able to stand up and eventually resume normal life.

 

Despite the damage, it will give you a new lease and perspective on the fragility of life and how to enjoy it once you are back.

 

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On 5/27/2019 at 9:13 AM, misteraven said:

Going to sound cliche to the point of maybe insulting, but diet and exercise and setting goals is everything. I’m blown away by  

 

Read in a book that the main reason why the military makes everyone make their bed first thing is that starting the day with a simple and manageable goal helps humans set the tone for their day and that especially at the elite level of military service, that those that succeed are the ones that are able to get their together, which is most often compartmentalizing a series of small goals and stringing them together into major accomplishments whereas others will get overwhelmed and throw in the towel. 

 

 

 

  • Truth 1

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