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For Mammero

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Why Beer Is Better Than Women





1. You can enjoy a BEER all month.

2. BEER stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine a BEER.

4. Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.

5. When BEER goes flat you toss it out.

6. BEER is never late.

7. HANGOVERS go away.

8. A BEER doesn't get jealous when you grab another BEER.

9. BEER labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a BEER.

11. BEER never has a headache.

12. After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.

13. A BEER won't get upset if you come home with BEER on your


14. If you pour a BEER right, you will always get good head.

15. You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.

16. A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.

17. You can share a BEER with your friends.

18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.

19. A BEER is always wet.

20. BEER doesn't demand equality.

21. A BEER doesn't care when you come.

22. You can have a BEER in public.

23. A frigid BEER is a good BEER.

24. You don't have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.

25. BEER always comes in multiples of six.

26. BEER doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.

27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.

28. After you have a BEER, you're committed to nothing other than

dumping the empty bottle.

29. A BEER never costs you more than five dollars and never

leaves you thirsty.

30. When your BEER is gone, you just pop another.

31. You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain


32. BEER looks the same in the morning.

33. BEER doesn't look you up in a month.

34. BEER doesn't worry about someone walking in.

35. BEER doesn't worry about waking the kids.

36. BEER doesn't get cramps.

37. BEER doesn't have a mother.

38. BEER doesn't have morals.

39. BEER doesn't go crazy once a month.

40. BEER always listens and never argues.

41. BEER labels don't go out of style every year.

42. BEER doesn't whine, it bubbles.

43. BEER doesn't have cold hands/feet.

44. BEER doesn't demand legality.

45. BEER is never overweight.

46. If you change BEERs, you don't have to pay alimony.

47. BEER won't run off with your credit cards.

48. BEER doesn't have a lawyer.

49. BEER doesn't need much closet space.

50. BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.

51. BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.

52. BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.

53. BEER never changes its mind.

54. BEER doesn't tease you or play hard to get.

55. BEER never asks you to change the station.

56. BEER doesn't make you go shopping.

57. BEER doesn't tell you to mow the grass.

58. BEER doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson


59. BEER is always easy to pick up.

60. Big, fat BEERs are nice to have.

61. BEER doesn't pout or play games.

62. BEER NEVER says no.

63. BEER is easy to get into.

64. BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.

65. BEER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other BEERs

66. BEER doesn't wear a bra.

67. BEER doesn't mind getting dirty.

68. BEER doesn't complain about insensitivity.

69. BEER doesn't use up your toilet paper.

70. BEER doesn't live with its mother.

71. BEER doesn't blow you off.

72. BEER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.

73. BEER doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.

74. BEER doesn't mind football season.

75. A BEER won't make you go to church.

76. A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor"

than a woman.

77. A BEER doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because

the guys spit.

78. A BEER doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".

79. A BEER doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other

BEERs around.

80. A BEER will not insist that those odious Michelin

commercials wit babies are "cute".

81. If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good

for a while.

82. A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman"

instead of "doberperson".

83. A BEER won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of

lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.

84. A BEER won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.

85. A BEER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving

the toilet seat up.

86. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a

BEER, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of

vegetable juice.

87. A BEER won't whine that seatbelts hurt.

88. A BEER won't smoke in your car.

89. A BEER won't argue that there's no difference between

shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and

blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.

90. A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.

91. A BEER will actually *support* belching and farting and share

your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration

sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.

92. A BEER is always ready to leave on time.

93. A BEER never fishes for compliments.

94. Some BEERs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.

95. BEER tastes *good*.

96. If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but

then decide to drink it, the BEER won't accuse you of

"date rape".

97. A BEER won't raise any objections to an evening of watching

"John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.

98. An ice-cold BEER will nonetheless let you have your way with


99. A BEER won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to

the grocery store.

100. A BEER won't accuse you of lying when you say you read

Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but

the BEER won't accuse you of it.

101. A BEER won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a

Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the

National Football League.

102. A BEER won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with

the excuse: "But I saved a quarter!"

103. A BEER will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.

104. A BEER will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater"

on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.

105. A BEER won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say

"Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".

106. A BEER won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.

107. When you're through with a BEER, the thought of another BEERdoesn't make you ill.

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Beer Versus Pussy


A beer is always wet.

A pussy needs encouragement.

Advantage: Beer.


A beer tastes horrible served hot.

A pussy tastes better served hot.

Advantage: Pussy.


Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.

Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.

Advantage: Beer.


Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.

Pussy does not.

advantage: Tie


If you get a hair in your teeth

consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.

Advantage: Pussy


24 beers come in a box.

A pussy is a box you can come in.

Advantage: Pussy


Too much head makes you mad at the

person giving you a beer.

Advantage: Pussy.


If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is

still edible.

Advantage: Beer.


If you come home smelling like beer,

your wife may get mad. If you come home

smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.

Advantage: Beer.


6 beers in a night and you better not

drive. 6 pussies in a night and you

have done all the driving you need.

Advantage: Pussy


Buy too much beer and you will get fat.

Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.

Advantage: Tie


It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.

You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.

Advantage: Pussy


If a cop smells beer on your breath,

you are going to get a breathalyzer.

If a cop smells pussy on your breath,

you are going to get a high five.

Advantage: Pussy


With beer, bigger is better.

Advantage: beer.


Wearing a condom does not make a beer

any less enjoyable.

Advantage: beer.


Pussy can make you see God. Beer can

make you see the porcelain god.

Advantage: Pussy


If you think all day about the next pussy

you will have, you are normal.

If you think all day about your next beer,

you are an alcoholic.

Advantage: Pussy


Peeling labels off of beers is fun.

Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.

Advantage: Pussy.


If you try to snag a beer at work,

you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy

at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.

Advantage: Tie


If you suddenly drop a beer, it may

break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,

it may hunt you down like the dog you are.

Advantage: Beer.


If you change to another beer, your

old brand will gladly have you back.

Advantage: Beer.


The best pussy you have ever had is

not gone once you have enjoyed it.

Advantage: Pussy.


The worst pussy you have ever had is

not gone once you have enjoyed it.

Advantage: Beer.


Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.

Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.

Advantage: Tie


Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,

Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.

Good pussy: Almost all but the above.

Advantage Pussy.


The government taxes beer.

Advantage: Pussy.

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Beer Quotes





You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons but at the very least you need a beer.


-Frank Zappa


Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.


-Winston Churchill


He was a wise man who invented beer.




Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.


-Catherine Zandonella


A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.


-W.C. Fields


Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.


-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.


-His reply


If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.


-David Daye


Work is the curse of the drinking class.


-Oscar Wilde


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.


-Henny Youngman


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.


-Benjamin Franklin


If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.


-Deep Thought, Jack Handy


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.


-Dave Barry


The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.


-Humphrey Bogart


People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.


-Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI


Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.


-Kaiser Wilhelm


I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.


-Homer Simpson


Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.


-Dave Barry


I drink to make other people interesting.


-George Jean Nathan


They who drink beer will think beer.


-Washington Irving


An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.


-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.


-Dean Martin


All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.


-Homer Simpson

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Best lists ever. El Mamerro and his partner Jesus Potato wish to thank you for this thread. Beer,


El Mamerro

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Guest bug
Originally posted by bobobi11


Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,

Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.

Good pussy: Almost all but the above.

Advantage Pussy.


i strongly disagree. there's some really bad hairy, smelly pussy that i wont go near. there's so many different degrees of hair and smell that there's huge amount of variations in pussy. not all vagina is created equal.

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