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Kalashnikov

How to get rid of bums outside my window

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So here it is. I live on the third floor. There's this tree directly outside my window with the roots coming out of the ground. The local bums like to use these roots as seats/chairs, and they will sit there all night some nights passing around a pint of Taaka or Skol or your typical $3.99 tequila and progressively getting louder the more they drink. Even on the third floor you can hear them clear as day, with all windows closed. Eventually they all start screaming back and forth at each other, usually about money for coke or other shit, until eventually they fight. Usually the girl in the group gets beat up but sometimes it's one of the guys. Then by the next day they're all friends again, rinse and repeat.

 

The problem is, I need to get rid of them without them knowing that it's me. I work during the day and these bums are just bummin' it up around the neighborhood, if they know what apartment I'm in, it wouldn't be that hard for them to climb balconies and get in here during the day if they really wanted to. I already got into it with one of them the one day because he was using my car as a leaning post and table for his bottle, so I went out there and admittedly flipped out, threw the bottle down the street, said a few choice words and took off. He was screaming some shit as I drove away but I didn't hear whatever it was.

 

I've already tried the following, several times...

 

Cooking some greasy ass fish, then dumping the oil, fish guts, fish skin, etc. all over the tree. It worked for one of the bums who was about to sit down, looked, then kept walking, but the other 3 didn't give a fuck and sat down anyways.

 

Dumping gear oil all over the bottom of the tree. If you know anything about gear oil you know the shit smells rancid and doesn't come off. Bums didn't give a fuck.

 

Asking them to keep it down. Of course they just said sorry and were quieter for about 3 minutes, then back to screaming at each other.

 

Trying to make them feel uncomfortable. Works for the girl, if you just stare at her and don't say anything she'll eventually leave, but the guys ignore it.

 

Honestly I'm almost ready to go out there and try to puke all over the damn tree, or smear dog shit on it, but I highly doubt they'd give a fuck and they'd sit in it anyways. Plus I'd have that whole epiphany of, "I'm really out here smearing dog shit/trying to puke on a tree. This is my life now."

 

My landlord asked about them because I guess a few other people complained, so I said yeah I can hear them and they're annoying as fuck. He gave me "free reign" to do what I need, whatever the fuck that means. I told him I would go get a bunch of nails and pound them into the roots of the tree so they couldn't sit on them, but he said that's no good because if a kid or somebody trips and falls, he can get sued.

 

He gave me the number for a cop friend of his, but getting the pigs involved is against my religion so I'm not trying to do that either. Short of going out there with a fire hose or buying a $300 white pickup and writing "City Bum Eradication Unit" on the side of it, then doing a drive-by pepper spraying every 10 minutes, I'm out of ideas.

 

Help a brother out. Get creative.

 

 

 

 

 

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Actually, scratch that...post some pics of this tree. The root chairs sound bad ass.

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Pounding nails into the tree has the potential to kill the tree. You want to keep it healthy as the leaves add some insulation to their racket. Same with gear oil, etc Don't fuck with it like that. That tree did nothing to you.

 

There are plenty of fish baits that could be smeared, that are in fact not dog shit.

 

Earlier in the year, warmer months, I would have encouraged putting fruit or sugar water to attract wasps and whatnot, it might be too late for that. Just make a gallon of simple syrup or grab a bottle of corn syrup and smear that. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 hours ago, LUGR said:

 

3454575F-B5C4-4311-8D5C-052E20183C3F.jpeg

lol, harsh!

 

 

Some pepper and CS gas leaves a dusty residue (guys I served with would get the powder and put it in ashtrays in bars and watch the place empty as it started to spread). Spray that around the exact area they sit and they'll stir it up. Only prob is that it will also impact others in the area as well.

 

Have you got mates that would be prepared to walk past once a week and mace them until they fucked off?

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I used to have crackheads smoking/chilling in my courtyard below an old apartment of mine. Picked up a small box of those sulfur stink bombs (yellow liquid in a small glass vile) and it only took 2 times dropping them on their little smoke parties to never see them come back. 

 

"You smell that?" "WTF" boom gone.

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I agree with tree hugger @Fist 666don't harm the tree!

 

I know you can catch more flies with honey, can you repel flies with it too?  I think the super nice guy route would be to approach them at the start of the night, explain it's been getting too loud and pissing the building off, and offer them a bottle of cheap liquor to fuck off and go somewhere else for the rest of eternity.  May work for a night, longer, or not at all, but that's a 'nice' route.  Also makes acceptable anything that follows should they not listen.

 

Guess another option is take your tree back... you and neighbors need to be there at the start of the night hanging out there so the bums go elsewhere.

 

Suppose you could get a cheap 'no loitering' sign from the hardware store and put it up temporarily on the tree.  Or one that says something along the lines of poison/the tree having been sprayed with pesticide and put that up.  Guessing the first is more of a deterrent.  

 

Less nice routes... I like Fist's idea about the sugar water attracting wasps and such, but not as effective at night.  Suppose you could use honey to create a sticky mess that will wash away with a rain or 2 but would make sitting/touching uncomfortable in the meantime.

 

Mercer's post reminded me that I had a hood spot for a minute that had some similarity to  yours/his, and that some firecrackers and such dropped out the window helped deliver the message well that you're no longer welcome here.  Pretty aversive too as it's unexpected, loud, and people's first thought is gunshots.

 

Do you have roof access?  

 

As an aside, you're not alone, I'm not into people trying to use the car as a post/bench etc., and have def told some people to fuck off for that before.

 

 

 

 

Edited by One Man Banned

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Vinegar and water balloons are cheap, won't harm the tree too much and could be dropped stealthily from your balcony if you're quiet about opening/closing the door.

 

In Austin, TX we have a huge homeless person population.  The places that will give them service are very crowded/full all the time.  The police don't seem to give much of a fuck that they're here annoying people that are supporting the economy here.  I live in the south side of the city far enough that it used to be considered "the edge" of Austin.  The homeless camps have made it all the way this way now, as of the last year or two.  I'm talking huge bum camps under the bridge of I-35 and Slaughter.  They've been seen shooting up between their toes in plain view.  They fuck on mattresses stacked 3 high under the bridge in broad daylight while people are traveling around in cars.  They sleep in the display sheds that Home Depot has in their parking lot.  My girlfriend went there the other day and looked inside one of the shed/shops that HomeDepot has and there were two people sleeping in the top floor of one and one of the other ones was full of needles.  The HD employees have to go home at some point and I'm sure corporate isn't going to hire a security guard.  The homeless take advantage of the buildings probably every night.  Sweet gig, no working, freedom, no bills, people give you things, you get to stay high or drunk most all of the time, and you just kick it with your friends all day.... fuckin sick.

 

You've highlighted a huge problem that is affecting a lot more places than just your tree.  I'm not talking about this in terms of white knighting a solution for them, it's just an annoyance for someone like me that was raised by a poor family and didn't have much handed to me in life.  This isn't about me but I think it's worth striving to be the phoenix from the flames.

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Alright, so you guys have some pretty good ideas.

 

@Fist 666, it is "earlier in the year" for me. It doesn't snow here. In fact it never gets below 65 degrees and even 65 is a stretch usually (305 holla) So I think I'm gonna give this a shot.

 

@Dirty_habiT I feel you. The homeless population here is out of control as well, I've definitely seen more naked bums than I care to admit. I spent about 6 months homeless almost 7 years ago, in the fucking winter in the Midwest, so it's not like I don't feel for homeless people. I've been there, broke as fuck, not a dollar to eat. But even then, I never bothered anybody aside from getting kicked out of hospital stairwells for sleeping where it was warm. I wasn't out here just using people's cars to sit and drink on and generally being a nuisance. I kept to myself for the most part. This sounds like some "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" Trump shit but you can be homeless without being a total piece of shit. To be fair I'm pretty sure all of them have some type of diagnosed mental illness judging by how they act when they're out there.

 

Thing is, they're RIGHT under my window. If I open the window, they're gonna look up. So dropping firecrackers or vinegar balloons out the window is a no-go.

 

I don't really have roof access. I kind of do, but I'd have to climb there from outside my window. I can get up there but it's not the easiest thing.

 

@LUGR Earplugs help (not completely, but a little), so does taking a diphenhydramine. But it's not some shit I should have to do, nahmean. I ain't even mad if they're out there drinking and having a good time until a reasonable hour. But they're loud all. fucking. night. 3am on Wednesday morning I need to sleep.

 

@One Man BannedI honestly thought about your idea a while back. I bought a bottle of apple Crown Royal that I took maybe 4 shots out of until it made me sick, and I've been sitting on it since. I debated the one day being like "yo... I'll give you this if you move the party down the block", but I know that wouldn't happen. They'd leave for about a half hour and come back. For being out there with the crew, that's not a bad idea. I might try that one of these nights. But I'm not willing to be out there every night like they are, so who knows if that'd work. Also they would not give one single fuck about a no loitering sign. I've seen them sniffing coke off a piece of cardboard on the street before, so yeah.

 

@MercerDamn I forgot all about those stink bombs. That might work actually.

 

 

Edited by Kalashnikov

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get some holy rollers to post up in front of your spot.......but then you gotta figure out how to get rid of them. Hmmmmmmmmm i tried

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@KalashnikovDon't give them anything and ask them to move down the block. Unless, you want to keep playing that game.....over and over.

 

 

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I think the landlord got the better of you when they transferred the responsibility of maintaining an livable apartment out of their hands and on to your piano-wides. 

 

I would not be too worried about retaliation, but that is easy to say from afar. I think that an honest confrontation is a better route than pranking or subterfuge, they already know who you are anyway. 

 

***************************trigger warning: law-enforcement*****************************

 

After fair warning I do not think that involving law enforcement is out of the question, for me personally I will not risk my freedom simply to maintain an arbitrary code of no-cop. Pushing this whole affair back into the owners court might be one way to do it by proxy. My assumption is that the pigs would just move em along unless someone had a bench warrant in which case they should have got the message with the warning. 

 

********************************************************************************************

I got work in the morning and do not have the  time nor interest to get into a fistfight or play tom and jerry with some fiends.

 

 

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Failing that a hose or a bucket of water to the body can be persuasive when a person only owns one set of clothes.

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Just curious, why wouldn’t you call the cops for this? You pay your taxes, what good are they if you don’t call them.

 

Im all for not going running to the cops for dumb shit but I think you’re well within your rights to bug them about this if it’s affecting your life.

 

All these suggestions have been funny but why put yourself at risk of getting in legal trouble when initially you’ve done nothing wrong.

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Yeah fuck it, why do the dirty work yourself?

 

Just get some schmuck in a uniform, that you pay for, to take the heat and fix the problem for you. Why make life harder for yourself by taking needless risks?

 

 

*cue DAO

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Yoooo the bum bot is dope. Maybe I'll go dress up as a bum and chill outside this guy's bar in Atlanta, then cuff the thing when it comes down the block and put my own cameras on it. Change the water gun to bear mace and have a speaker on it that repeats, "Get the fuck off my block nigga" in a robot voice.

 

I don't wanna have the cops deal with it because I just don't like dealing with cops. That's definitely my inner DAO coming out but that's just how it is. Even if that wasn't the case though, to quote the kids in The Wire, somebody's always watching. People talk. This isn't really the hood but it's not yuppieland either. Working class you might say.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Edited by Kalashnikov
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Sword would definitely be out there smashing down MD 20/20 and acting a fool with them talking about how he devoted his life to worshiping Satan and fucking midgets. RIP to the homie.

 

My neighbor told me that a bum was out there before using the trunk on someone's car as a table for his greasy ass food and the owner of the car came out from the building across the street, threw his food all into the street and got in his face. Bum of course yelled back and they got into an argument. You think these motherfuckers would learn.

Edited by Kalashnikov
Can't fuckin Engrish today
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