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Decyferon

Depression

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I know some of you might remember me others not

I've gone through a really shit period of life. A relationship has gone tits up. Been finding it difficult to connect with my son (he is almost 13)

I'm drinking too much and hating life. I've worried about suicide but I don't think I'll do it.

Dunno why I'm making a thread, just don't know who else to talk to

 

It can be tough sometimes, but it helps to talk about it to trusted friends. You can go out together, have fun, relax and forget about your problems. Otherwise, you can take a proactive approach where you try to sort your life out and face up to your responsibilities. It helps to do things right and come clean. It's inspiring and makes you feel hopeful.

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I’ve dealt with depression for the last five years what helps me is eating right and exercise also doing the things that I love to do and hanging out with all my friends that are positive and funny I find that when I hang out with my friends that make me laugh I’m more likely to not be as depressed the next day

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Lol

If I'm depressed I'm not hungry so fuck good food

I don't have any mates so can't hang around with them and even if I did I'm depressed I don't want to go anywhere especially not to fucking excercise

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My little girl died in January, not long before she was due to be born. It was a decision that was forced upon us. It's strange, but dealing with that decision, her dying and then her birth was not as hard as living without her is.

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don't worry about the son thing

 

no son wants a dad or mom. we just wanna do hoodrat things with our friends

 

he does need his dad tho and if you're paying for your kid's life, you should feel very proud of yourself because that's respectable as all hell.

 

I know depression is a shapeshifting monster understood by only the victim, but I applaud all people responsible enough to take care of their kids, let alone be adults.

 

if you deserve your drinks then drink them.

 

if you don't want to feel like something is vaguely wrong- i can't help you there

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I'm doing good. Been focussing on myself and have a week off work next week which luckily falls on half term so I will have my son all week and we are planning a spooky anime Halloween marathon and also going to the Grayson Perry exhibition here in Bristol

Payday Friday so for the first time in months will have some money in my pocket.

Hell even my sciatica isn't as bad.

 

Everything's coming up Millhouse

 

Hey Decy, glad things ended up looking up for you. I've been super MIA from this place, but I can relate. Not the same situation but I've definitely been down that same trench.

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Thanks seyer

 

Thinking of making some changes and leaving my home town and moving back to the same city as my son (Only 40 miles away)

 

Don tend to socialise much where I am now and this town is jus being filled with hipsters n trustifarians. Also it's so expensive I can't make ends meet.

 

Just need to work out what to do for work over there.

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Lol

If I'm depressed I'm not hungry so fuck good food

I don't have any mates so can't hang around with them and even if I did I'm depressed I don't want to go anywhere especially not to fucking excercise

 

This

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Will 1st say people are entitled to feel how they feel, and therefore, it's anyone's right to basically wallow in depression, marinate right in it, and do absolutely nothing. Maybe not healthy or productive, but you can do that for as long as you want.

Exercise and hanging out are good countermeasures (assuming you have positive friends) and very likely something you don't feel like doing, but that's part of why they work. Guessing I've said that in this thread before but stands repeating.

 

Feel like I should also mention that the end goal is not the elimination of depression, it's not constant everlasting happiness, it's about achieving a balance whereby you're able to experience a range of emotions that will likely fluctuate throughout the day (and I mean fluctuate, not rapidly cycle or becomes erratic).

 

@Hua Guofang sorry to hear that, tough on you, and probably tougher on the wife. Be well.

@theprotester you said "if" you're depressed, I'm assuming you're not? Know you follow at least some aspects of Eastern religion/philosophy, was wondering if that helps you against depression since part of that involves the acknowledgment and acceptance of suffering.

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Thought I'd bump this is as kinda fucked up.

Not been doing well, struggling to hold down a job and pay bills and generally just making terrible decisions. 

 

I have no recollection of anything from the last 48 hours. I don't normally fuck with pharmaceuticals but I was eating xanax valium pregablin and even some oramorph and my friend ended up calling an ambulance as I was unresponsive. I have no recollection of this because I woke up in my bedsit having managed to break in as I left my keys at my friends. I don't know if I was discharged or just left the hospital because I woke up with ECG things stuck to my chest. 

 

I need to find something to do, something I can do for work that isn't customer service phone bullshit but also something I can do.

 

I worry a lot about suicide but I don't think I'd do it because my family would be devastated but I need to find a purpose and stop being this piece of shit that doesn't care about living or dying 

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Damn, brother sorry to hear about the rough times.

 

I know it sounds cliche, but remember that everyone has their lows and that nothing is ever truly that bad. The world will keep spinning and tomorrow is a new day. No doubt that it doesn't help your situation and don't mean to trivialize it in any way, but I myself can sometimes lose sight of that fact and truth is I've hit lows myself where I wonder why even bother to wake up tomorrow. Sometimes shit seems so overwhelming you can never pull out, yet given time... You end up past it one way or another.

 

You don't need me to tell you that ingesting shit that throws off your biology or chemical balance is likely going to make things a lot worse, but yeah... Best to not do it man.

 

Take it a step at a time. Focus on what directly in front and then take another step after that. Maybe just trying to cook yourself a nice healthy meal, getting a good nights sleep, perhaps building up to an opportunity to just sweat it out for an hour by going for a run. Changing your routine and seeing if you can engineer a different perspective for yourself...

 

Once you're in a better frame of mind, assemble a manageable plan and then prioritize the tasks that will enable progress. Understand that you'll stumble and take steps back occasionally but its 100% on you to get back up and take another step forward. It's worth it and truth is, most of the joy is the journey, not the destination so rearrange yourself and your environment towards what matters to you.

 

Don't hesitate to post here, to DM and if shit gets real dark, go find help in real life man. 

 

Best days are always aheads of you, because you can actually affect it. Past is behind you so just learn and build from it.

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Yo Decy - I have suffered from chronic depression in the past, it took a big overhaul to change things. You can do it.

 

This is partially the alcohol and drug counselor in me but....you’re doing yourself a huge disservice with the alco/drug bit lad. When we have a tendency to be more depressed/anxiety prone, those things just become fuel for the roller coaster. Trust me when I say that for a long time all I cared about was getting loaded. 

 

Getting sober has really helped me to get traction and clarity in life. Give it a thought bro - it’s a game changer. Everything I have that I really value is a product of my sobriety - believe that it’s all right there it just takes some time to get. 

 

PM me if you want man - I’m here to talk about things.

 

 

 

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Thanks for the words guys

I'm stopping booze and drugs.

I need to find a new job something I can do as I'm living day by day and barely have any money ever.

I'm considering even moving back to my mum's (if she will have me) just to get myself clean and straight in a safe environment. Living in this bedsit is driving me crazy just the same 4 walls on my own most the time.

Just need to try n get some money for food for the next few days.

Got an interview for an office assistant for a footwear company this week, and I love sneakers so fingers crossed. 

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That would be a fresh gig man.....

 

No shame in going back to your moms spot man. You can sort it out there and get a good stable start.

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Fuck, if I could live at my moms I’d be doing it. 

 

Had this conversation recently... If I could go back and redo things, I’d probably have skipped college and instead interned. Would have triple timed the work for a year and gotten a little land somewhere worthwhile and used Airstream. Would have lived on the cheap, worked and setup a business or two. Any extra money would have gone towards buying more property as rental investments. 

 

Could have been stable and likely wealthy by 30. 

 

Anyhow, point is... Fuck social perceptions. Do what you gotta do to put yourself in a position of advantage. Don’t be afraid to lean on friends and family when you need to, but don’t forget to contribute back to those same people when you’re able. Use any advantage you have so long as you aren’t fucking people. Lot of those people you see on your way up, might be the same that you see on your way down. 

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God dammit I hate this shit. It’s so much more of a drag when you’re older and see the impact it has on everyone around you. Especially the close ones. Even worse....Your fucking kids/kid.

 

I deaded medicine for short of a decade. Well 7 years to be exact. Between this shit and being bi-polar I came to the realization I have no other choice but to medicate. 

 

FORCING yourself to get the fuck up and be active is makes a world of difference though.

I personally think it’s the key to not doing anything stupid. Sure, going to work and doing normal shit is something but I’m talking about taking a ride or a good long stroll someplace you wouldn’t normally go. Anything out of the dark shit but still comfortable. 

 

I should keep taking my own advice. Continue therapy. Stay focused. Peace, brehs. 

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@NightmareOnElmStreetThere is no shame in medication. 

 

If you had heartburn you'd take something, right? Imo, same thing. Just chemistry correction.  I know there are trade offs (Zoloft gave me super diarrhea) , but functioning consistently is the basis of everything in a happy life. 

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Zoloft didn’t work for me.  
 

currently take Cymbalta, buzpar and Xanax.  I don’t think the cymbalta is working like it used to.  

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Whole lot of everything is trash right now. I could go on and on about it but I'll spare you all. I'm finding that getting a new therapist, a psychiatrist, new meds, and trying to stay semi productive in this time of unemployed desolation hasn't quite been enough time to see effects. It's a lot at once and only a couple of weeks but I'm still barely getting out of bed in the morning. I have spurts of clarity and energy to go for a hike or clean the house or get in the studio and try to make some shit happen but most of all I still feel trash. Sometimes I wonder if all of my shit isn't based off situational status. I know for a fact it didn't used to be back when I dropped out of college a million years ago. Had a solid life then but went into the darkest of days. These times, shit luck and life shit just add to the pot so much it starts to overspill like a foaming pint pour. Only the glass is full of problems and the head of the beer is internal depression. Feels weird typing this shit out. Feels better even better that I'm typing this shit out to a bunch of fuckin weirdos I don't even know. ✌️

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I suffer from depression fairly regularly but unsure if I have enough context to know whether what I feel is simply part of the human condition or something exceptional to it. Generally, it comes on the tail end of massive anxiety. This leads to a period of depression and I've learned that if it persists it generally transitions to anger that ends up fueling a recovery from all of it. I would guess it isn't an issue since my own experiences are somewhat manageable, but I also put a lot of effort into managing it. I started a couple other threads that relate, so anyone reading this should check those out as well, but a couple things that help, as cliche as they are... Eat properly, try and get some exercise as often as you can motivate yourself to do and try and get quality sleep, even if its not entire nights worth of it. Again, super cliche advise but also helps a great deal, which I assume is why its the first suggestion usually made. I believe that to build something, it needs a foundation and this is the foundation to a healthy life, so put real efforts to tackle those if you can't readily acknowledge you're already doing all three pretty well.

 

Other things that have helped me are taking time to assess your efforts as objectively as you can. Be honest about the good things and the bad things. Consider how you can improve the bad and how you might work the good into a string of events and accomplishments that improve your situation. Start being strategic about the path you're on. Even if its just getting out of bed by a certain time, whether you like it or not. Starts with that. Maybe force yourself to make your bed. Military forces this partly because you got a grip of dudes living together, but more so because they're conditioning people to string together small efforts to successfully accomplish larger goals. Getting up and making your bed starts that process in motion before your brain is even fully awake, which helps you carry the momentum into your day. Same reason some prisons do the same. Also, keep a journal or at least create lists. Goals, accomplishments, pros / cons... Next to talking about things with someone trustworthy and receptive, its pretty cathartic. Sometimes it lends clarity that is otherwise hidden behind the gloom. Other times it allows for closure... And talk to people, or at least a couple someones. Don't bottle that shit up. Pretty awesome if you can afford therapy and actually found a good therapist, but at least find people in your life you can talk to. People that are able and willing to shoulder your ranting, complaining and thoughts as well as provide feedback and occasional suggestions. They don't need to be experts, they just need to be good listeners and have a decent head on their shoulders. Lot of times it's not about unraveling a solution, but just letting out all that negative shit you're bottling up and hanging onto.

 

Most important thing is to remember to not give up on yourself. The idea of it should make you angry. Harness that and fight your way through the obstacles.

 

The power of positive thinking, meditation and crawling out of the pits of dispair

https://forum.12ozprophet.com/topic/87861-the-power-of-positive-thinking-meditation-and-crawling-out-of-the-pits-of-dispair/

 

CBD and other homeopathic remedies

https://forum.12ozprophet.com/topic/87845-cbd-and-other-homeopathic-remedies/

 

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#proud-weirdo-oner

 

The overflowing glass is a good analogy on 2 points.  The mind is like a glass, and if we fill it with emotion without the occasional emptying it will overflow and spill from time to time, likely when we don't want it to.  So it's in our favor to find things that are meaningful/productive/healthy to do to empty the glass on a regular basis.  Sometimes you do have to make yourself go.  I've found that I tend to be rewarded for my efforts more than not.  Plenty of the flix I've posted over time were because I made myself go.  The glass or cup analogy is also a beginning zen meditational to help people learn meditation, mindfulness, and mastery over your emotions.  Basically says your mind is an overflowing cup, how can you learn until you first learn to empty your cup?  Other thoughts are that when a tap is giving a shitty pour you might need to switch to a different beer or wait for the keg to be changed.  

 

Shit's interesting.  You can win all with a shit hand if you play it right, although you may have to bluff a lot to get there.  Shit's also the fertilizer out of which many good things grow.

Edited by One Man Banned
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Definitely getting to that season where depression starts to really kick. Somehow seeing the community here talk about their own struggles gives me a sense that im not alone. Thanks guys

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