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Your best shitty fucked up crap at work stories


ThatDrawingBitch

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I used to work at a grocery store in high school and there was this one particular cashier who was overweight say 300lbs, black (not relevant but adds depth to the story), and always had a distinct smell of B.O. and stank ass marinated cod fish left in the sun for a couple hours. No one every really mentioned this to her because it was awkward as fuck, but you could fully smell her from the other side of the store when she was on cash.

 

Anyway we had employee washrooms upstairs in the lunch room and a private customer one downstairs where you could lock the door and have some privacy which I would always use to take shits.

 

So one day near the end of my shift I thought it would be a good idea to kill the rest of the time on the shitter making dat whopping $8.90/hr. Off to the customer washroom I go and as I open the door, I am greeted with the aforementioned stank but in the highest concentration I'd ever been exposed to, along with the image of said large woman sitting on the toilet with her cottage cheese thighs hanging off either side of the seat. I reacted immediately by yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!" essentially in her face, slamming the door and getting the fuck out of there. Some things can never be unseen.

 

We worked together for a year after this but never spoke about it. I told all my buddies in other departments though, and whenever I made eye contact with her from then on I could tell she was still tripping as hard about it as I was scarred.

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  • 3 months later...

Haha, some amazzing stories in here. Amazing. Thanks everyone.

 

Shit worked out fine. I sat down, spent several brain numbing hours sorting out my CV and Linkedin and then landed a job at an independent streetwear/sneaker store. Yay, no more shitty design and chasing invoices, and I get a staff discount.

 

Holy crap that hep story though. What a fucking bastard.

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  • 2 weeks later...

the things people say when they assume you can't hear anything b/c your headphones are in

 

one of my bosses loves to come in and take floor-clearing, dramatic shits right as the workday begins, every morning. i wash my hands every morning when i come in. we cross paths 3-4 times a week in the bathroom, usually when i'm wading through the poop mist.

 

really hard to keep a straight face when he tries to tell me serious things immediately afterwards.

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On the first day of my first 'office' job I was given a stack of old quotes and was told to call to remind the customer of the quote and see if they want to order.

 

I was given this 80s type office phone and the 1 button stuck so every time I pressed 1 it would dial '11111111111111'. So I had to constantly hang up and start over since all long distance phone numbers begin with 1.

 

Like most offices you have to dial 9 to get an outside line.

 

After about 30 minutes into it the office manager announces over the PA: "The police are outside. Someone in this office has been repeatedly dialing 911 and hanging up."

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one of my bosses loves to come in and take floor-clearing, dramatic shits right as the workday begins, every morning. i wash my hands every morning when i come in. we cross paths 3-4 times a week in the bathroom, usually when i'm wading through the poop mist.

really hard to keep a straight face when he tries to tell me serious things immediately afterwards.

 

Your post reminds me of this pooping at work guide I found and sent around a few weeks back. Said something like when you & the boss enter the bathroom at the same time you should make like your washing your hands & bail. Since I can't find it now, I'll leave this:

fy9GPG1.thumb.jpg.5446dc84d2e9304ffe9ea02ab7798471.jpg

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