injury Posted May 8, 2014 Author Share Posted May 8, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Part 3: So now the entire deltaco is laughing as her/him (from here on out, I will refer to he crossdresser as "shim"). "Shim" is to the point where if "shim" were white, "shim" would be super red in the face from how angry "shim" was. "Shim" was ready to whoop some ass and the only thing stopping "Shim" from going after "D" and "R" was the chubby lispy boyfriend. "Shim" calmed down just enough for lispy boyfriend to let go of "Shim" but this time the laughing was coming from a table of two douchebag fraternity-type bros (think: future republicans) who were sitting with a pretty little college type white blonde girl in the booth next to "D" and "R". One fratbro had his back to Shim and the other fratbro was sitting next to blondegirl and facing "Shim". Facing fratbro kept laughing hysterically..and thats when "Shim" told facing fratbro "and what the fuck you laughing at white boy?!" Well, for some reason fratbro with back to "Shim" turns around and says something to the effect of "don't talk to my friend like that" and turns back around to face his friends.. and next thing I know, "Shim" picks up one of those napkin dispensers (the old metal ones) and throws it as hard as he/she can (full on pitcher style) at the back of fratbros head..well, the sharp corner of the metal napkin dispenser mustve left a huge gash on the top of this guys head....all i know was that it hit the top of his head hard and was actually flying towards my (we'll just call me "CALI") shin. The proudest moment of this entire story happens here....in one quick motion, I raised my leg while sitting in my chair, catch the dispenser with the bottom of my foot and slam it into the ground so that it doesnt fuck up my shin....i seriously felt like bruce lee or some shit with that stomp move right there. Well anyways, I look up and I hear the blonde girl and everybody elses in the place saying shit like "oh shit" and "oh my God! are you ok" I even said "you iight man?" At this point fratbro says something along the lines of im good and bends his head forward like he is looking down at the table and I see the blood start literally gushing out of the top of his head....and when I say blood, I mean ALOT of blood....enough to cover their entire table top....brb...gonna go make some coffee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Coffee break Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Part 4: I guess Shim felt that he/she could do whatever he/she wanted because the deltaco was on K St. which is only about a mile from the other part of K Street which is known as lavander heights...the gay district with lots of gay clubs and bars....well, at this point it seemed like everyone is freaking out...the blonde girl, the facing fratbro...the girls we were with.other people in the deltaco....Shim was being ghetto and yelling shit...gay boyfriend was pushing Shim towards the car so they could make a quick exit...some of the deltaco employees were freaking out and had already called 9-1-1...me "D" and "R" kept saying shit like "ey bro...you should probably call like an ambulance or something...you look pretty fucked up"...the only person I remember who wasnt freaking out was one of the deltaco employees who mustve been high out of his fucking mind because about two minutes after this he calmly walked into the lobby wearing a light blue plastic smock and some rubber gloves with a rag and some disinfectant spray and started wiping down the counter after the blonde girl and the fratbros left (im assuming to take that fool to the emergency room!). Well, Shim and the boyfriend left in some little hooptie car, and next thing we know, we here sirens...grab our bags of food and get the fuck outta there before the cops get there (none of us wanted to give any kind of statements...so we left before the cops got there)...but shit was crazy as fuck...must not have been much for the cops to do because as we got in our cars and left the parking lot, we seen A TON of cops coming...we left and circled the block...came back and counted....i dont remember the exact numbers, but there was something like 10 cop cars, the helicopter, and a few motorcycle cops...at this point it was night time and the helicopter was searching for "Shim"..."J" left with the girls and went to a park down the street...me "D" and "R" circled the block a few more times and saw that the cops had stopped "Shim" and the boyfriend in the parking lot of a bank close by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 End of story? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 so anyways, we basically missed getting interrogated by a ton of cops by like 45 seconds...dont know if any of us wouldve gone to jail for instigating it, but it was a close call....one of the many times ive dodged a bullet from cops (not literally)...but this one wasnt graffiti related at all. by the way....thats just the cop part of the story...theres more to the story after we left deltaco that isnt cop related. Anyone want to hear the rest of the story, or should I just stop here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Not end of the story. Continue on please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Tell us about the slutty sluts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 lol...ok..just cause you asked CIL. Part 5: We're now at the park down the street...really old creepy park at night time..we're chilling with the females and all im thinking is "how the fuck can y'all be eating after seeing that guys head split open like that"....i had gotten a burrito and some tacos but didnt even eat cause I lost my appetite..and for anyone that knows me or has met me off of 12oz, they know that I always have an appetite...nu uh...not after that....regardless, everyone was grubbin on some deltaco...from the park, we watched the ghetto bird (police helicopter) still circling the deltaco with its spotlight on..."J" goes to the liquor store to pick up some alcohol...keep in mind that I'm 21, "J" is 21, "D" is 21 (I think "R" was maybe 19 or 20 at the time) and the girls were 18..."J" comes back from the liquor store with a bunch of bottles of hard liquor and everyone is now drinking in this park...its probably about 9pm at this point....girls go to the playground part of park and we were close by...girls are now drinking and swinging on swings and sliding down slides...."ok, now we are actually doing some chillin i guess" I think to myself. well after about 35 minutes at the park, we notice a group of like 4 or 5 homeless guys off in the distance with blankets and shit hanging out at another wooden bench/table....about 10 minutes after that we start hearing (I hate to use these words, but they fit here) "hootin' & hollerin'"...these homeless motherfuckers had somehow managed to set the wooden bench/table in the park on fire...fuck...what now?!?!....the fire department??..were just trying to hang out and have a good time with some girls and the homeless guys are fucking it up!...we all decide to walk to the other side of this park...so were chillin over there and we see these 3 ghetto shady looking dudes off in the distance...scoping us out. well...they looked shady as fuck and slowly started to roll up on us...not down with getting robbed that night and just wanting to chill with these females, we decided to just pack up and get the fuck out of the entire area all together...we got into two cars and went to a park in a nicer neighborhood, but in the south side of the city. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Part 6: We get to the nicer park and its still cold outside, and for some reason, the sprinklers mustve just gone off in the park, because the grass was wet, but we all parked and trekked our way to the back of the park, where there were wooden benches and a few BBQ pits and concrete so we wouldnt have to stand in the wet grass....finally, we were away from the drama of downtown and we could chill with the girls in peace....about another hour or so of drinking..at this point it was coming up on midnight, and all the girls were pretty tipsy....well...."J's" girl "18yo" was just buzzin, and the mexican and white girl were tipsy, but the chubby white girl "DBWCHHL" was completely fucking drunk. At this point, were all sitting on the benches and "DBWCHHL" (Dumb Broad Who Couldn't Handle Her Liquor) was sitting between me and "D"...next thing we know, she starts feeling up "D's" D....then shes got her hand all up on my leg...im thinking wtf?...what a hoe..haha...well, she turns over to "D" and they start full on making out with tongue and everything and then she turns toward me and I realize this bitch is coming in to kiss me now...i say some shit like "oh fuck no" and get up and dodge that shit...im not trying to get sloppy seconds after she just made out with my homie...fuck that noise...she goes back to making out with my homie "D" and feeling him up and he starts to feel up on her titties. We're all just chillin and conversating when the next thing we know "DBWCHHL" falls off the bench and shes out cold...this fat bitch got drunk and passed out in the middle of this cold ass park....wtf??!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I'll continue with this story a little bit later...im getting tired of typing...lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 Should of had her blow you and homie fuck her from behind. Sounds like that is what she was looking for. Kissing wasn't required. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 bump!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 I might as well finish the story...lol. Part 7: Ok, so where was I? Oh yeah....Dumb Broad Who Couldn't Handle Her Liquor...she fell off the bench and was passed out completely drunk. At this point "18yo" starts trippin the fuck out, saying shit like "Oh my God Oh my God, we got to get her home". At this point my friend "J" was all, relax, she'll be fine just let her sleep it off...the other two girls looked concerned. At this point "18yo" lets us in a little secret: "No, we have to get her home, shes only 17." What-the-fuck?!?!...things just went from weird to worse and 3 out of 4 of us guys (who are over 21 and provided alcohol to a minor and got her completely wasted out of her fucking mind to the point where she passed out in the middle of a dark park) started trippin the fuck out. "J" who has the worst temper of us all, went off on "18yo" (who in fact was 18 at the time...and to my knowledge, so were the other 2 girls). "J's" temper worked something like this: "What the fuck do you mean she's 17!?? Are you fucking kidding me?!!? You better be fucking joking??!!..What the fuck is wrong with you bringing a 17 year old to kick it with us?!? This bitch better wake the fuck up!! On my mom!! [slightly kicking the passed out girl] Get the fuck up!! Wake up!!" My temper worked something like this: "Oh hell no... Fuck this shit...we gotta hurry up and take her somewhere cause this shit doesnt look legit right now." Well, as I mentioned before this chubby "DBWCHHL" who was now full of deltaco and hard liquor was heavy as fuck and "D" and "R" just kept laughing. Me and "J" decided to drag this fat heifer back out through the park...all the way to the front/main road where our cars were parked....did I mention that it was cold and the grass was wet?...yeah...so now this 17 year old bitch (who is white) who we all thought was 18 is now passed out in a dark park covered in grass and mud and being dragged out and taken to the car by some 21 year olds (who are of color)...can you see how this would look bad??!?..lol We get her back to the car and somehow it gets decided that "D" would sit with her in the back seat of my car, and I would drive my car back to the hood to drop her off at her house. "J" would drive his car with "R" and the 3 other girls and follow me...follow me close enough so that a cop car cant wedge between us and pull me over...needless to say, I was buggin the fuck out about this whole situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Part 8: We're driving back to the hood now, and from the back seat I keep hearing. "Yo CALIgula....yo CALIgula"....and Im like "What?!!?" It's "J" and hes all "look"...and this fool had literally pulled a titty out and was showing me. I was all "yo man, wtf?!..stop that shit" and all I really remember saying over and over again is "we better not get pulled over with this bitch in the car."....while I was stressin the fuck out, "J" was putting her titty back and was laughing nonstop. We finally get back to the hood, and park down the street from this girl's house again (this time we knew why we had to park down the street...mrs. 17 year old over here had to sneak out of the house and they needed us to park down the street, so nobody would find out.)...we got to the street and pulled over...we all got out our cars and were like wtf do we do?....my only thought was to get this fat bitch out of the car....it was probably like almost 2am at this point. "18yo" kept saying "we can just leave her here!" and we kept saying "hell yeah we can"...somehow we came up with the idea of dropping her off right there down the street from her house, but were convinced by her friends not too....so we shut the door again with her still in the car and drove slowly up to her house with the headlights off and as quiet as possible and I opened the back door and asked "D" to help me carry the whale out of the back seat which was no easy task. She had some light blue jeans on and when I looked, they were darker than normal...no problem I though, this was just a shadow, but when I grabbed her by the legs, I noticed her jeans were completely wet...and NOT from dragging her through the grass...WHAT THE FUCK MOMENT PART 20 OF THE NIGHT!..."oh hell no....this bitch pissed her fucking pants!!....in the back seat of my car!!"....my blood pressure elevated and i was waaaay more angry at this point than "J" had gotten...thats when I got loud...."yo fuck this bitch...she pissed in my car!" "18yo" said "well shes drunk"....then I replied with "fuck that! im about to piss on her!"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Part 9: Well, they convinced me to keep it down so nobody would wake up. I asked "J" "D" and "R" for help getting this drunk bitch out of my car, and now none of them wanted to even touch her because she had pissed on herself....it was at this point that I just thought "fuck it" and grabbed her by the legs and pulled her out of my car with a lot of force...the back of her head hit the concrete really fucking hard and made a loud sound....at this point I didnt care...once she was out of the car, "J" and "D" grabbed her under her arms and dragged her onto the front step...we all got in the cars and dipped out....we took all the girls to one of their homes and dropped them off....i think I got home around 4am that night. The next day was spent scrubbing out the back seat of my car and febreezing the shit out of it. "J" is still my best friend and we kick it often...every once in a while we catch ourselves telling this story to random people while we relive our younger days..I dont really see "R" anymore and "D" once in a blue moon...but when I do see "D" I always bring up that crazy cold Thursday night in Sacramento. THE END 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 fucking worth the wait Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 lol...thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boodah Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 You know that episode of Futurama where Bender wants to play the blues, but the old robot dude won't let him because he hasn't lived a bluesy life. That's how I feel right now. I need to go make some stories happen. Thanks, CALIgula. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 shine bright like a timbit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Part 8: We're driving back to the hood now, and from the back seat I keep hearing. "Yo CALIgula....yo CALIgula"....and Im like "What?!!?" It's "J" and hes all "look"...and this fool had literally pulled a titty out and was showing me. :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inappropriate_Responder Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Well, let me ask you this Have you ever made love on the back seat of a car I remember one time I made love on the back seat of a car And the police came and shined his light on me, and I said: I'm strokin', that's what I'm doin', I be strokin' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 I got chased off by some security guards when I was full stroke in the back seat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.