DENO Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Whats up 12oz, just needed to spit from the heart. I'm enjoying my existence so much, I am hoping somebody out here can relate (as I feel this story is very rare) Let me explain... I was born in the 80's, in anywhere/nowhere USA. My family was lower middle class. My house was located in a development of mostly older people, with some sparse woods very close by. My first memories are from elementary school and my home life. Im an only child, my father is very frugal, and very frustrated about balancing/tracking the books. I certainly did without. My father would let his frustration spill over and focus it on myself. I remember nights of tears at my house. Humongous fights (one sided), with faces turning color, wanted to teleport to another location, various props used for emotion and occasional corporal punishment (just to keep the threats valid). My mom was more the nurturer of the family, and a lifeline if you will. At a very young age I was embarrassed of some aspects of my home life, and I subconsciously linked being at home to being in trouble. I was such a wide eyed child, I could play for hours with string. I was very happy, and yet I constantly had a lion in my face. I learned at a young age how to 'store' certain emotions. I would get an earful from my old man and then he would cut me loose to go play. Instead of wasting time crying/venting to my friends, I would act as if it never happened and just enjoy the moments of pleasure being outside. MIND YOU, I found a way to actually put the previous emotion in a deep catacomb of my brain that I could tell was there but could in no way FEEL. I would daily be emotionally attacked at home and then go out into the world. I felt solace in burying the emotion and just enjoying every moment out of the house. Around the time I was in middle school it had gotten worse, my mom had decided to divorce my dad and I had agreed to stay with him. It was another potential avenue for pain, but by this time (and this is key) I learned to be selectively cold toward input. I would block the words, put on a stare and just think about something else and then get away and run around the neighborhood happy as can be. I did enjoy moments with my father, he was bipolar in my opinion, and even though i told myself "ill never forgive him" for certain things, I couldn't waste the times he was okay by still being in a mood. So heres the point. It turned me into a rare form of ninja. First off, I was in intense contact sports for over 12 years straight and have lifted weights before that and continue to train to this day. I had never lost a fight yet, I believe I am a true badass, and I dont take disrespect. Around highschool my boy started to blaze. In time I had tried as well. It was the best thing to happen to me. Instead of ending up average in life it put me in a state, it taught me that its okay to feel well, and its okay to enjoy life every second. I felt like I had a past (fights, running away, several arrests) that had deemed me to mediocrity. I graduated high school with poor grades but due to lack of effort, more was on sports and being cool and balancing home stresses. I remember packing a room in my dads house with everything I was going to take with me to college and crossing off the days on the calendar, this was my escape guys. Now dont get me wrong, I was a happy go lucky kid, because I chose to tune out the old man, so i was having fun but my mindset WAS MORE ABOUT PURE SURVIVAL RATHER THAN FLURISHMENT. I was enjoying bud (nothing more) my boys and a bit of graff (never was a huge writer, and still not, but I know enough about it to empathize with the emotion, the takedown, and the rush of the review). It was time for me to be free and go to college. Heres where I can remember vividly how my life blossomed. I went to college with the highest of hopes, I told myself i had a fresh start, a 4.0 gpa (hadn't had any tests yet), i was free from my dad and was able to just develop. Although foggy about future plans I told myself to push hard as Fuck, and have a ton of fun after. Through a blessing all my life experiences were now in my arsenal. I knew how to act. I mean that literally. I felt like a ninja camellion. My brain works differently. I am never fully in the moment (all an effect of the ptsd if you will), ive learned to be able to be a few moves ahead of the other humans. I can have a conversation and you will think nothing strange is happening, i am smooth and i am good. But whats happening is strange, i talk to someone and pick up on cues quickly, miniseconds. I then seamlessly taylor my next sentence/body language to be what YOU want it to be. I can tell (im about 90percent successful at this, and im doing it all day everyday) who you want me to be, and what would make you laugh or feel good etc, and I then become that. I can walk into the next room and be somebody else. And ready... if those two people are talking to me at the same time, I can be both people without one seeing that im being both they thing they are talking to 'me'. Its fucking sick. And I will now give you the proof... the pros... and the cons. Cons first. I cannot turn it off. Its who I am. I am unsure who I ACTUALLY am, and what i actually feel because im always changing. Pros- my woman is beautiful and in so much love with me. People I meet (successful elders) want to be around me, want to reference me, want to introduce people to me, and want to offer me jobs. I was just offered a job for 250k/year starting. Fucking truth. Mentally, I am still that kid in that small town, just trying to survive, not living my life, running my life. I am not a pussy, and I dont like men who are. I had complaining. stfu. I have you beat with sob stories, and i have you beat on brushing it off. I feel I am a true man, big ass chin, and ill knock ur ass out if you disrespect. Also I feel very intelligent. I think thats what allows me to 'computer hack' other peoples brains when i talk to them and then allow them to see what they want to see. I also know how to cover my tracks and think ahead (graff roots). Im now living such a lucious life. I love each day... I am in a fast paced career, kids go nuts, but i eat it all up. I got through undergrad living on couches, stealing pizza for food just to survive, walking everywhere because it was my only option, and mind you I WAS THE KING of a major university. At every party, and number one in each class. THANK YOU DAD FOR SCREAMING AT ME FOR HOURS ON END. Toughen me the fuck up. As long as I can breath and move, ima move and breath. You would like me. You would hire me. You would have beers with me. On such a natural high boys, just needed to share. Hoping someone out there can resonate with this experience. I feel like on this planet I am a true ninja. Self control, i am not aggressive, i simply defend myself, never a bully. Ability to be invisible. Ability to maneuver a crowd or a key 'guard' in life. Ability to capitalize. Ability to push. Never running out of stamina or heart. Never stopping my training. My life is so enjoyable and so unreal I have started filming a documentary about my experiences and specific stories. I will keep creating tapes and eventually, when the time is right, I plan to upload one or two onto youtube. These videos will have some sort of clues to an area in the US where I will bury a bunch of money, and another video tape. Be the first there and claim the prize, the video will lead to another treasure or something of the like. In other words, im not breaking the law, im not doing anything wrong, im not hurting people. What I am doing is choosing never to be sad while I am alive, never to waste a moment. And to always enter each day of my life with a full smile and a full glass. Its a fucking rush. No penalty for no depression. I will do my best to inspire and inject this mentality into many others. I want this for other people, It will make the world a better place. Give me feedback. Have a fantastic life. Someone out there would rather trade places with you, and if they did, how far would they push your body and mind?? Do the same. One Love Professional Ninja 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 So I read about half of that. You had a 4.0 but can't spell and never heard of paragraphs? Come on son Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Port-a-John Enthusiast Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 never heard of paragraphs? Come on son Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I read the whole thing. I can relate to some of your early experiences, almost like I wrote them myself. However I would recommend if you do bury a bunch of money, tell people in the first sentence. They will then read the rest of the wall of text. Im interested to see where this is going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I felt like a ninja camellion. bro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 if you really make 250k we're gonna have to see a tax return and you need to draw the word "steak" trolling aside, manipulating people is fun and profitable. you would be an excellent politician. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Finished reading it. I also relate to some of it, but the presentation fucking kills me. Like, if you can't write something that short w/o being able to break it into cohesive order how are you gonna make an hour long+ documentary that makes any sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I was thinking that it was DD when I was reading it...no mention of the Simpsons however. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DENO Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Definitely didn't proof read sorry guys. Just had to type type type to try and get it across. Also skipped a TON but thats fine for now. Hard to fully put into words concisely, can only really explain it in story form. Like a rapper sometimes I need to share/spit it out, and i need to just let it flow. One Love, Crooks with Castles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Stories are written with the "enter" key, and new paragraphs often being with the "tab" key. If that fucks up your flow... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DENO Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Noted. Ill structure better from now on Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 TY. I do think this thread has potential. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pfffffffffft Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 i couldnt do it. enter key too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Didn't read, but did prop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bed framed Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Whats up 12oz, just needed to spit from the heart. I'm enjoying my existence so much, I am hoping somebody out here can relate (as I feel this story is very rare) Let me explain... I was born in the 80's, in anywhere/nowhere USA. My family was lower middle class. My house was located in a development of mostly older people, with some sparse woods very close by. My first memories are from elementary school and my home life. Im an only child, my father is very frugal, and very frustrated about balancing/tracking the books. I certainly did without. My father would let his frustration spill over and focus it on myself. I remember nights of tears at my house. Humongous fights (one sided), with faces turning color, wanted to teleport to another location, various props used for emotion and occasional corporal punishment (just to keep the threats valid). My mom was more the nurturer of the family, and a lifeline if you will. At a very young age I was embarrassed of some aspects of my home life, and I subconsciously linked being at home to being in trouble. I was such a wide eyed child, I could play for hours with string. I was very happy, and yet I constantly had a lion in my face. I learned at a young age how to 'store' certain emotions. I would get an earful from my old man and then he would cut me loose to go play. Instead of wasting time crying/venting to my friends, I would act as if it never happened and just enjoy the moments of pleasure being outside. MIND YOU, I found a way to actually put the previous emotion in a deep catacomb of my brain that I could tell was there but could in no way FEEL. I would daily be emotionally attacked at home and then go out into the world. I felt solace in burying the emotion and just enjoying every moment out of the house. Around the time I was in middle school it had gotten worse, my mom had decided to divorce my dad and I had agreed to stay with him. It was another potential avenue for pain, but by this time (and this is key) I learned to be selectively cold toward input. I would block the words, put on a stare and just think about something else and then get away and run around the neighborhood happy as can be. I did enjoy moments with my father, he was bipolar in my opinion, and even though i told myself "ill never forgive him" for certain things, I couldn't waste the times he was okay by still being in a mood. So heres the point. It turned me into a rare form of ninja. First off, I was in intense contact sports for over 12 years straight and have lifted weights before that and continue to train to this day. I had never lost a fight yet, I believe I am a true badass, and I dont take disrespect. Around highschool my boy started to blaze. In time I had tried as well. It was the best thing to happen to me. Instead of ending up average in life it put me in a state, it taught me that its okay to feel well, and its okay to enjoy life every second. I felt like I had a past (fights, running away, several arrests) that had deemed me to mediocrity. I graduated high school with poor grades but due to lack of effort, more was on sports and being cool and balancing home stresses. I remember packing a room in my dads house with everything I was going to take with me to college and crossing off the days on the calendar, this was my escape guys. Now dont get me wrong, I was a happy go lucky kid, because I chose to tune out the old man, so i was having fun but my mindset WAS MORE ABOUT PURE SURVIVAL RATHER THAN FLURISHMENT. I was enjoying bud (nothing more) my boys and a bit of graff (never was a huge writer, and still not, but I know enough about it to empathize with the emotion, the takedown, and the rush of the review). It was time for me to be free and go to college. Heres where I can remember vividly how my life blossomed. I went to college with the highest of hopes, I told myself i had a fresh start, a 4.0 gpa (hadn't had any tests yet), i was free from my dad and was able to just develop. Although foggy about future plans I told myself to push hard as Fuck, and have a ton of fun after. Through a blessing all my life experiences were now in my arsenal. I knew how to act. I mean that literally. I felt like a ninja camellion. My brain works differently. I am never fully in the moment (all an effect of the ptsd if you will), ive learned to be able to be a few moves ahead of the other humans. I can have a conversation and you will think nothing strange is happening, i am smooth and i am good. But whats happening is strange, i talk to someone and pick up on cues quickly, miniseconds. I then seamlessly taylor my next sentence/body language to be what YOU want it to be. I can tell (im about 90percent successful at this, and im doing it all day everyday) who you want me to be, and what would make you laugh or feel good etc, and I then become that. I can walk into the next room and be somebody else. And ready... if those two people are talking to me at the same time, I can be both people without one seeing that im being both they thing they are talking to 'me'. Its fucking sick. And I will now give you the proof... the pros... and the cons. Cons first. I cannot turn it off. Its who I am. I am unsure who I ACTUALLY am, and what i actually feel because im always changing. Pros- my woman is beautiful and in so much love with me. People I meet (successful elders) want to be around me, want to reference me, want to introduce people to me, and want to offer me jobs. I was just offered a job for 250k/year starting. Fucking truth. Mentally, I am still that kid in that small town, just trying to survive, not living my life, running my life. I am not a pussy, and I dont like men who are. I had complaining. stfu. I have you beat with sob stories, and i have you beat on brushing it off. I feel I am a true man, big ass chin, and ill knock ur ass out if you disrespect. Also I feel very intelligent. I think thats what allows me to 'computer hack' other peoples brains when i talk to them and then allow them to see what they want to see. I also know how to cover my tracks and think ahead (graff roots). Im now living such a lucious life. I love each day... I am in a fast paced career, kids go nuts, but i eat it all up. I got through undergrad living on couches, stealing pizza for food just to survive, walking everywhere because it was my only option, and mind you I WAS THE KING of a major university. At every party, and number one in each class. THANK YOU DAD FOR SCREAMING AT ME FOR HOURS ON END. Toughen me the fuck up. As long as I can breath and move, ima move and breath. You would like me. You would hire me. You would have beers with me. On such a natural high boys, just needed to share. Hoping someone out there can resonate with this experience. I feel like on this planet I am a true ninja. Self control, i am not aggressive, i simply defend myself, never a bully. Ability to be invisible. Ability to maneuver a crowd or a key 'guard' in life. Ability to capitalize. Ability to push. Never running out of stamina or heart. Never stopping my training. My life is so enjoyable and so unreal I have started filming a documentary about my experiences and specific stories. I will keep creating tapes and eventually, when the time is right, I plan to upload one or two onto youtube. These videos will have some sort of clues to an area in the US where I will bury a bunch of money, and another video tape. Be the first there and claim the prize, the video will lead to another treasure or something of the like. In other words, im not breaking the law, im not doing anything wrong, im not hurting people. What I am doing is choosing never to be sad while I am alive, never to waste a moment. And to always enter each day of my life with a full smile and a full glass. Its a fucking rush. No penalty for no depression. I will do my best to inspire and inject this mentality into many others. I want this for other people, It will make the world a better place. Give me feedback. Have a fantastic life. Someone out there would rather trade places with you, and if they did, how far would they push your body and mind?? Do the same. One Love Professional Ninja[/size] DON'T JUDGE HOW I BROKE IT UP. I DIDN'T READ THE STORY YET SO I JUST CHOSE RANDOM SENTENCES TO BREAK UP THE STORY. WILL READ NOW. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I then seamlessly taylor my next sentence/body language to be what YOU want it to be. I can tell (im about 90percent successful at this, and im doing it all day everyday) who you want me to be, and what would make you laugh or feel good etc, and I then become that. I can walk into the next room and be somebody else. Is that why you're going for that "born in the 80's, anywhere/nowhere lower middle class USA, dabbled in graff but not really, claims to make $250,000 a year (but can't figure out how to type in paragraphs) "Joe Ch0" vibe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 What up Drue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 What up Drue? I like how he has 5 posts with not a single positive response to any of them, but yet he's rockin full bars. Drue does have like 10 different screen names on here that he could be using to prop himself with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inappropriate_Responder Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Didn't read, but did prop. Fixed. Welcome to that oontz My Ninja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DENO Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Morning, I just wanted to clarify. I am still in school. At this point I have 0 dollar income. I am still a kid in my mind. I was offered 250k starting as soon as im out (average is ~90k), all my dreams are coming true guys, its right there and rather than salivate over the steak I am about to reach, I am enjoying the fumes for now. No complaints. Im not rating myself from other names or anything like that... not sure the point. Graff attracts such a wide audience, I know someone must feel this way, and It would be awesome If I inspired someone to enjoy their life more fully. Im hoping to find someone with a similar story, just to ping pong off each others steam and push this emotion until it has nothing left. I hope to die of an enlarged heart. One Love Crooks in Castles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I like how he has 5 posts with not a single positive response to any of them, but yet he's rockin full bars. Drue does have like 10 different screen names on here that he could be using to prop himself with. I maxed him out. IR took them away. Me and IR have the same prop powers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deine Mudder Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 One Love Professional Ninja Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 DAO: its really easy for people w/ high prop scores to give a noob full bars. I don't know the point score it takes to do it, but I think its over 150k in props will max someone green, or, more amusingly, take someone from 1 to several red. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I know someone must feel this way, and It would be awesome If I inspired someone to enjoy their life more fully. Im hoping to find someone with a similar story, just to ping pong off each others steam and push this emotion until it has nothing left. I hope to die of an enlarged heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Definitely didn't proof read sorry guys. Just had to type type type to try and get it across. Also skipped a TON but thats fine for now. Hard to fully put into words concisely, can only really explain it in story form. Like a rapper sometimes I need to share/spit it out, and i need to just let it flow. One Love, Crooks with Castles All right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inappropriate_Responder Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I then seamlessly taylor my next sentence/body language to be what YOU want it to be. I can tell (im about 90percent successful at this, and im doing it all day everyday) who you want me to be, and what would make you laugh or feel good etc, and I then become that. I can walk into the next room and be somebody else. And ready... if those two people are talking to me at the same time, I can be both people without one seeing that im being both they thing they are talking to 'me'. Its fucking sick Nigga you just a ... Professional Liar dont suck sucking your own dick just yet 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nappydugout Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aLBERThOFFMAN Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 It's cool you're confident and what not, but you sound kind of arrogant. dont suck sucking your own dick just yet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I would say more than kind of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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