vanfullofretards Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 http://www.rockcitytimes.com/local-man-coma-eating-413-red-lobster-biscuits/ A local food writer was rushed to UAMS hospital last night after consuming 413 Cheddar Bay Biscuits from Red Lobster. Doctors confirm that he slipped into a coma shortly after being admitted into the emergency room. Kevin Shalin, better known as The Mighty Rib, joined a number of fellow food writers and critics to try the highest grossing restaurants in the metro area. The group chose Red Lobster of North Little Rock to start the journey because of the restaurant’s long standing place atop the highest grossing in the area, despite being unseated in the last few years by Golden Corral. Shalin seen here eating biscuit #4 According to witnesses Shalin spoke about not eating at a Red Lobster since he was 5 years old. “He had no clue what to expect,” local food writer Daniel Walker tells us. “He sat down at the bar while we were waiting on a table and he decided to try one of the biscuits. He thought they were the most wonderful thing he ever placed in his mouth.” Red Lobster’s signature Cheddar Bay Biscuits are given out to guest free with meals in unlimited quantities. The restaurant list the biscuits as 150 calories each and a chef for the restaurant tells us they have approximately 1/8th of a stick of butter in each. UAMS doctors are speculating that it is the equivalent of 51.5 sticks of butter that Shalin ate that is causing the coma. “After he ate the first one he looked at us and asked if the biscuits are really free,” another guest, Kelly Gee, tells us. “I said ‘heck yeah those are free, eat as many as you want’. After about 30 I see him over asking the manager what was the record for most biscuits ate. He just came back and said I think I can do 415, and started really digging in. His beard was covered in crumbs.” Shalin reported feeling dizzy upon consuming #412. Friends encouraged him to stop, but he continued with #413. Immediately after eating Shalin fell on the ground convulsing. Doctors believe the butter from the biscuits have blocked signals coming from Shalin’s brain. In an early morning update hospital officials state that they have drained approximately 2 gallons of butter already and expect him to make a full recovery once the rest is clear. Shalin is expected to be released in time for his visit to Golden Corral’s chocolate wonderfall later next week. WHAAT THE FUCK! You'd think this is like a joke article. Thoughts? I'm speechless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanfullofretards Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 oh... nevermind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..romero.. Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 i think we all know who holds the record.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 damn, he was only 2 away from his goal (despite whatever the record was & whether 415 would beat that or not).. how many do oontzers honestly think they could eat..? personally think id stop after about 30 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Is that the Arkansas Onion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 dammit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Fucking idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
massgraff Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 413!!! Butter giveth and butter taketh away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 shits fake.. if it was real, dude wouldve went down as a "foodie" legend.. however far as that would go Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 DETROIT ROCK CITY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DRUNKEN-ASSHOLE-ONER Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Shit does smell fake as fuck though. 413 pieces of bread??? That's the shit they give you to fill you up so that you don't bitch about small portions. And this nigga supposed to be a food critic and he eating at red lobster? I guarantee there's no way in hell 413 biscuits are fitting in anybody stomach, not even a super fat fucking fat fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Of course its fake, look at the other articles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIPS Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silba Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I will eat some Red Lobster biscuits, they sprinkle crack on them to keep you coming back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
massgraff Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 They wouldn't even serve someone 413 biscuits. pretty sure after 10 they'd be like nah you cut off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vanfullofretards Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 What don't you understand about the word unlimited? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIPS Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 eat as many as you want Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
massgraff Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Aite then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Bill: $183.52 Tip: $2.00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CALIgula Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 <----has never eaten at red lobster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 <----has never eaten at red lobster seconded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddy Mercury Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 only in America.....Red Lobster is the epitome of "Classy White Trash"....I had a friend work there and would always tell me about the white trash wedding proposals that would take place at Red Lobster....CLASS CLASS CLASS.... I love you bitch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I think I have, but I cannot remember when. Cil = does not eat seafood due to growing up near ocean when medical waste was washing to shore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CILONE/SK Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 only in America.....Red Lobster is the epitome of "Classy White Trash"....I had a friend work there and would always tell me about the white trash wedding proposals that would take place at Red Lobster....CLASS CLASS CLASS.... I love you bitch! Speaking of white trash wedding things, I have a redneck friend who went to Afghanistan with me just get married, in blue jeans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silba Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I go to Red Lobster for the biscuits. literally. I don't like sea food that much, except for maybe shrimp. I would like to try Lobster, but something always stops me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tucksoe Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 only in America.....Red Lobster is the epitome of "Classy White Trash"....I had a friend work there and would always tell me about the white trash wedding proposals that would take place at Red Lobster....CLASS CLASS CLASS.... I love you bitch! Ya I saw a super white trash marriage proposal at Applebees when I was traveling through Arizona a while back. Offered to buy them shots of Soco but they declined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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