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publicenemyno.3

Publicenemy's Gonna Be A Dad!

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Yo oontz fucks! My wife and I found out we're gonna have a kid in the spring. It hasn't sprouted horns yet, but there's still time. We're both super stoked to be parents but I'm sure that will change with in the first week or two after my wife pops the little fucker out. Any advice, requests to see my wife's massive tits, general dickheaded comments or disparaging anecdotes about your own child-rearing experiences are appreciated.

 

ultrasound_1-1.jpg

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Wife has massive tits?? (your words, not mine) Post pics

 

 

 

For realz, CIL = 3 kids, if you need some real info, let me know. At the birth point in life, do not go out and try to hook up the clothes and sneakers too much. They grow out of shit really quick and you will be wasting your money. I went and bought a lot of clothes and furniture the first time around, total waste of money. As they get older priorities change. Right now I am worried about their school.

 

BTW congrats!!

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Also, when you are in the delivery room, just chill. Do not freak out and think things will happen quickly. You might be there for a long ass time.

 

Alot of fathers want to take care of things and run around bothering the staff. Just have a seat and relax.

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your lady is fine

 

 

nice dude, congrats. and seriously, good luck with that

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Ok, first off, yes show us dem tittays!

 

Second, welcome to the club.

 

Third,

nelson-muntz.gif

 

Prepare to have little to no control over your life for the next 18-24 months. I hope you don’t like sleep, or doing things.

 

Cil is on point with the clothes advice; they grow so fast it’s crazy. My first kid, I went out and bought everything brand new, tons of clothes, crib, diaper genie etc. I bought a fucking wipe warmer for fucks sake. Ended up with doubles of most of that shit after the baby shower. Huge waste of money.

 

EDIT: Those parenting magazines are just fucking trash. My ex-mother-in-law “gifted” us an 18 month subscription to one of them. I wish she would have just punched me in the nuts instead. The advice and “tips” in those things are utter balderdash, and as about as useful as fucking Cosmo advice. IE: Sex tips, What he’s thinking, but too afraid to say, Are your ankles fat, let us destroy your self-image in three paragraphs. I didn’t know any better, and took that shit seriously. Live and learn.

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Have you ever been so tired and sleep deprived that you know your eyes are open but can not see anything?

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226117_10151031343592810_1590332065_n.jpg

 

“Kids are great, PE3. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves now-a-days, you know, with the Internet and all.”

 

The first one is easy.

The first year is easy.

 

Wait until you have 2, and one of them is three.

For me it's the boy, fucking hell on wheels.

 

Actually he's a total asshole, and keeps trying to kill his younger sister.

 

But at times, he's is so fucking adorable I want to shit eggrolls.

 

Travel now, as much as you can, say goodbye to that shit for a long time.

 

It will change your life drastically, but for the better.

Sure I go to bed at 9, and wake up when they do at 5:30am.

 

I'm going to a happy hour for a friend tomorrow @5:30, I'll have to leave at 6.

6pm on friday is basically 10pm(8pm is midnight.)

Unless you got a parent nearby, you're social evenings are a thing of the past.

You got to be there to feed them, bathe them & put them to bed... and spend quality time with them.

 

Embrace day drinking.

Get ready for postpartum depression.

Watch your wife slowly go insane & turn into a wino.

 

But eventually, you'll wonder how you ever found meaning in life before having kids.

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Another bit if advice, take your kid out to real restaurants a lot. They will learn to act right when they go out. I know of many kids( you will too), that are retarded when they go out. My kids act great, but I always take them out. Other parents stay at home a lot, and it shows when they go out.

 

Also this is a release for you and your wife, which you will need.

 

This advice is easier said then done, but the long term payoff is well worth it.

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Another bit if advice, take your kid out to real restaurants a lot. They will learn to act right when they go out. I know of many kids( you will too), that are retarded when they go out. My kids act great, but I always take them out. Other parents stay at home a lot, and it shows when they go out.

 

Also this is a release for you and your wife, which you will need.

 

This advice is easier said then done, but the long term payoff is well worth it.

 

^^^

and ask for a box and the check right when they bring the food, so you can leave the second they start acting up.

 

 

 

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Also you'll see your woman turn into a super woman.. if she has the right stuff.

 

I try to tell the young-in's these days there is a HUGE difference between a girlfriend and potential wife.

 

Hell, there is even a big difference between a wife and potential mother.

 

Choose, and choose wisely.

 

 

Most of my friends didn't understand when I started dating my wife, she was the opposite of the pot-head, rebellious broads I typically dated. Those were girlfriends. I fucked them and pretended to know what love was.

 

Having kids, bills & a mortgage is serious business, and you need a real woman in your corner to get shit done. If my wife died, there is no way I could ever manage my life & kids. Always respect her.

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Congrats man.

I used to want kids more then anything. Seriously for 5 years I was determined to plant my seed.

Now I've just gotten too selfish and gave that idea up.

 

 

But I always fantasize about getting a call when I'm in my 40's from some 18yr old, saying "i know you dont know me..."

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^^^

and ask for a box and the check right when they bring the food, so you can leave the second they start acting up.

 

This works like a fucking charm

 

 

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Also you'll see your woman turn into a super woman.. if she has the right stuff.

 

I try to tell the young-in's these days there is a HUGE difference between a girlfriend and potential wife.

 

Hell, there is even a big difference between a wife and potential mother.

 

Choose, and choose wisely.

 

Having kids, bills & a mortgage is serious business, and you need a real woman in your corner to get shit done.

 

This is some solid advice, all you young cats should heed this right here. I had to learn this the hard way, loosing half my shit in the process.

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Stopped reading after a bit. 2 main points:

 

1. TITS. Since you appreciate requests to see them, post them up.

2. Forget all this advice about how life is over. As Homer said, let them roam wild & free in the backyard.

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