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KILZ FILLZ

Ever say some shit and wish you could take it back before you're done saying it?

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First day back at work after the holidays, this morning people are talking about Xmas.

 

What do I say?

 

 

 

"I got a pretty cool toaster."

 

 

 

4243313f.jpg

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Something like: Decided to keep it low key this year. With so many people out of work we thought it would be in poor taste to go full Griswald.

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i used to do this all the time

mostly involving stories about my life i should not have been sharing

sometimes opinions or jokes better kept to myself

 

now i think first

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i have done that multiple times

 

while drinking & hanging out with my ex and another couple, a really tall chick walks by. i'm 5'11''

and said: "i would never date a chick taller than me" ...of course my buddies ole lady is taller than

him by an inch or so

 

hanging out with my lady and her friends we talking about bands/music and someone brought up

deftones, i blurted out: "i like them but damn chino is getting fucking FAT!" ...yea you guessed it

about half the people at the table were porkers and gave me a go to hell look

 

at subway i was ordering my sammich and the chick making it started joking about britney

spears(this was right after she shaved her head) to my chick that was with me, i damn near yelled

out: "that crazy bald-headed ass bitch!" ...only then did i realize the girl making our food had a

short buzz cut. she was wearing a hat so thats why i didnt notice right away

 

/kingofsayingdumbshitoner

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i ended up on a 'i hate fat people and fat america' rant while my wife was getting tattooed by a very fat man.

she was not very happy with me.

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admitting im looking down a girls shirt in the middle of a conversation with her... realized last night im just a pervert in general

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was smokin a blunt with a homey and his newly acquired girlfriend.

we go to drop her off, and theres some retarded kid running out into traffic, skipping around with this goofy look on his face.

 

i said, "someone should do that kid a favor and run him over."

 

turns out it was the girlfriends younger step brother who's not quite all there.

 

she wasnt impressed.

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wisetuxedo knows this story but i'll tell it here.

 

there was a female in one of my classes last year who i fell for. she seemed to be alright with me too and asked to come "study" the saturday before the exam. being the gnar bro that i am i assumed since it was 2pm on a saturday that studying wasnt really her intent so i sent a quick victory text out to wisetux: "The jew girl with huge tits is coming over wish me luck."

 

She responded "I'm pretty sure you sent that to the wrong person.. and i'm not jewish."

 

I dated her for 6 months after that B)

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Just about everyday. Making Asian jokes then realising there's one of the little buggers behind the normal size people at the front of the bar. Constant.

 

Luckily I'm an alcoholic so I forget about any bad shit I do pretty quickly.

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i always start talking about midgets and short people when im around these two female twin midgets i catch my self once whats said is said then i just look away.

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I got assaulted on the 23rd ... im still in the fucking hospital with a bleeding brain.

 

Merry christmas

sss

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wisetuxedo knows this story but i'll tell it here.

 

there was a female in one of my classes last year who i fell for. she seemed to be alright with me too and asked to come "study" the saturday before the exam. being the gnar bro that i am i assumed since it was 2pm on a saturday that studying wasnt really her intent so i sent a quick victory text out to wisetux: "The jew girl with huge tits is coming over wish me luck."

 

She responded "I'm pretty sure you sent that to the wrong person.. and i'm not jewish."

 

I dated her for 6 months after that B)

 

 

Shit man I am the fucking worst for this kind of shit. I once picked this girl up at

a house party. We go back to her tiny ass apartment after i am done plowing Im

walking back to my house I txt my friend " Hey cunt just fucked that funny looking

bitch in a shoebox, hid the jimmy somewhere mysterious" I received a a reply

instantly from her "what the fuck" so I just wrote back "Fuck you"

 

#pieceofshitoner

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making a bad taste joke about domestic violence in the company of a woman whose husband beat her on the regular. found out on way home about it.

now my girlfriend has the stop word

i hear "jellybean" in a conversation when i'm not talking about jellybeans I stop.

saved my arse twice so far

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their laughter at your expense should have been followed by a swift toaster swing to the head - that is where you failed

 

nothing wrong with a toaster though - toasters gonna toast

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Done this plenty... A few times when I was really banged up I would accidently say "your mother" etc. to my boy whos mom was killed when he was a kid. Pretty bad.

 

Another time I was at my friends house with a few people, one of our boys comes through and walks into the living room. After a few minutes of him saying whatsup to everyone and whatnot, I say "so ur girl didnt come tonight? Thank god. I dont know how your with that skeefooza, shes so annoying". Not even 10 seconds after that she walks into the living room, she was using the bathroom (which was up the hall behind me from where I was sitting). Very awkward needless to say...

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Great thread idea, I was talking shit about a girl i know about how she made a shitty life choice by switching schools to follow her faggy hipster bf. Right as her mom and her walk by in parking lot. they were packing up to move to said school. LOL doesnt sound bad but i was ranting all assholish

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