KILZ FILLZ Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 First day back at work after the holidays, this morning people are talking about Xmas. What do I say? "I got a pretty cool toaster." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eviltrailer77 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Something like: Decided to keep it low key this year. With so many people out of work we thought it would be in poor taste to go full Griswald. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!@#$% Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i used to do this all the time mostly involving stories about my life i should not have been sharing sometimes opinions or jokes better kept to myself now i think first Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grove rat Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i have done that multiple times while drinking & hanging out with my ex and another couple, a really tall chick walks by. i'm 5'11'' and said: "i would never date a chick taller than me" ...of course my buddies ole lady is taller than him by an inch or so hanging out with my lady and her friends we talking about bands/music and someone brought up deftones, i blurted out: "i like them but damn chino is getting fucking FAT!" ...yea you guessed it about half the people at the table were porkers and gave me a go to hell look at subway i was ordering my sammich and the chick making it started joking about britney spears(this was right after she shaved her head) to my chick that was with me, i damn near yelled out: "that crazy bald-headed ass bitch!" ...only then did i realize the girl making our food had a short buzz cut. she was wearing a hat so thats why i didnt notice right away /kingofsayingdumbshitoner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 It's what keeps me single and alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritably Clean Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 this thread could be good... damnit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i ended up on a 'i hate fat people and fat america' rant while my wife was getting tattooed by a very fat man. she was not very happy with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grd Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Multiple times, daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 There's a fucking edit button DWEEBS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris The Butcher Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_blank_ Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 its the worst. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 yeah, like....probably dude..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOOGLE? Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 admitting im looking down a girls shirt in the middle of a conversation with her... realized last night im just a pervert in general Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayWORD? Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 was smokin a blunt with a homey and his newly acquired girlfriend. we go to drop her off, and theres some retarded kid running out into traffic, skipping around with this goofy look on his face. i said, "someone should do that kid a favor and run him over." turns out it was the girlfriends younger step brother who's not quite all there. she wasnt impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 wisetuxedo knows this story but i'll tell it here. there was a female in one of my classes last year who i fell for. she seemed to be alright with me too and asked to come "study" the saturday before the exam. being the gnar bro that i am i assumed since it was 2pm on a saturday that studying wasnt really her intent so i sent a quick victory text out to wisetux: "The jew girl with huge tits is coming over wish me luck." She responded "I'm pretty sure you sent that to the wrong person.. and i'm not jewish." I dated her for 6 months after that B) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Just about everyday. Making Asian jokes then realising there's one of the little buggers behind the normal size people at the front of the bar. Constant. Luckily I'm an alcoholic so I forget about any bad shit I do pretty quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trap-A-Holic Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i always start talking about midgets and short people when im around these two female twin midgets i catch my self once whats said is said then i just look away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I got assaulted on the 23rd ... im still in the fucking hospital with a bleeding brain. Merry christmas sss 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ipod90 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 wisetuxedo knows this story but i'll tell it here. there was a female in one of my classes last year who i fell for. she seemed to be alright with me too and asked to come "study" the saturday before the exam. being the gnar bro that i am i assumed since it was 2pm on a saturday that studying wasnt really her intent so i sent a quick victory text out to wisetux: "The jew girl with huge tits is coming over wish me luck." She responded "I'm pretty sure you sent that to the wrong person.. and i'm not jewish." I dated her for 6 months after that B) Shit man I am the fucking worst for this kind of shit. I once picked this girl up at a house party. We go back to her tiny ass apartment after i am done plowing Im walking back to my house I txt my friend " Hey cunt just fucked that funny looking bitch in a shoebox, hid the jimmy somewhere mysterious" I received a a reply instantly from her "what the fuck" so I just wrote back "Fuck you" #pieceofshitoner 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armand hammer Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I constantly talk about my hate for people and always make sure they know but for some reason people seem to enjoy it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 making a bad taste joke about domestic violence in the company of a woman whose husband beat her on the regular. found out on way home about it. now my girlfriend has the stop word i hear "jellybean" in a conversation when i'm not talking about jellybeans I stop. saved my arse twice so far Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprotester Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Pics of toaster? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicineCabinet Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 their laughter at your expense should have been followed by a swift toaster swing to the head - that is where you failed nothing wrong with a toaster though - toasters gonna toast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysOverDoinn Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Done this plenty... A few times when I was really banged up I would accidently say "your mother" etc. to my boy whos mom was killed when he was a kid. Pretty bad. Another time I was at my friends house with a few people, one of our boys comes through and walks into the living room. After a few minutes of him saying whatsup to everyone and whatnot, I say "so ur girl didnt come tonight? Thank god. I dont know how your with that skeefooza, shes so annoying". Not even 10 seconds after that she walks into the living room, she was using the bathroom (which was up the hall behind me from where I was sitting). Very awkward needless to say... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+plus+ Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Great thread idea, I was talking shit about a girl i know about how she made a shitty life choice by switching schools to follow her faggy hipster bf. Right as her mom and her walk by in parking lot. they were packing up to move to said school. LOL doesnt sound bad but i was ranting all assholish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsmbfan Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 i used to sell insurance. in a conversation over the phone I had to a lady, I had commented on how quiet it was on her end of the line. and that usually i talk with a lady on the phone and she has a ton of kids screaming in the background. and how nice it was not to have to talk over them. thats when she paused and said, "You know, that would be very nice to have in this house." we had just got done having a conversation regarding her medical history and her fertility drugs. this bitch couldn't get preggers. i lost the sale. /footmouth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsmbfan Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 god i got so many of these... ok so one of the last times i kicked it with one of my homeys, we were walking the tracks at like 2am. there was 4 of us. i was out of shape and realized i was in my late twenties and how big of a piece of shit i must be if i get winded just walking to the yard. thats when i said "Damn, you guys think we'll still be doing this when we're 50 and worrying about testicular cancer?" one of the homeys walkking with me had been battling cancer for a couple years now. testicular cancer. awkward walk home. in my defense it was never discussed, just understood throughout my friends that dude was going thru this shit. i felt like a total ass hat as soon as i said it. and dude if you're reading this, im sorry bro. also, go take care of your spot by the train station. they takin over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrChupacabra Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I once cracked an off color "your mom" joke to Phil Hartman's kid when I was young. Awkward as fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 A handicap man who could barely walk, hit my friend while driving. (he was driving not my friend) Seen him a few days later and he asked how said friend was, I said "It's ok he can walk again" I knew midway it would be insulting but it just came out lol. His look of disgust made me cringe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fist 666 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 i was hanging out with one of my army friends whose mom bailed when he was 11 "going to get groceries." its definitely a demon to him. i'd just gotten my new puppy and she was being a pain in the ass so i told her, "mabel, if you don't get your shit together i'm going to abandon you just like your mother did." i felt like a real asshole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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