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"Surprise Me" -- YEA I WILL.


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SystemFailure kinda beat me to it with the creamed corn angle but...


- buy $30 worth of creamed corn

-use the fog machine for when she walks in so she cant see too good

-tie her up with duct tape (might have to hit her with something a few times before for believability)

-put the bandana over her eyes, stinky ace bandage over nose and mouth

-while shes bound and gagged, mix the creamed corn with the OJ (peroxide too for good measure)

-proceed to use the vuvuzela to pour the mixture into her stinkhole and bagina

-finish off by shooting ur own "creamy mixture" all over her hair, then leave with her left as is




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I just farted like three times.

Outside my window I can hear someone picking through the recycling bags.

I wonder how many dogs peed on those bags.


This is not haiku.


Buy $30 of lube and try to stuff your nuts into her asshole.


Two dogs in a bathtub!

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Just leave me in the room while she walks in...

she'll never expect a random person she doesn't know to be sitting there, with 30.00$ in hand wearing nothing but timbo boots and a black hoody sans balaclava.:lol:


funnel in hand just in case


real talk though my brother from another mother, use thirty dollars to get some shit to cook like the based god and maybe a movie from the red box...and two snicker bars. bitches love when you spend your last dollar on them trying to impress a ho. after she's all mystified and mesmerized by your good guy swag...make her sit on a can of rusto. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh.

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i think she wants you to be all sensual with candles and all that shit...


but go ahead and do this

Beforehand, you will need to do two things: have a friend take several pictures of you looking like you got beat the fuck up, and soak your bandage in hydrogen peroxide. You will need to use the 30 dollars to get some nice prints made of the photos.


Wear the mask, hoody, and Timberland boots. Use the camouflage bandana as a loincloth.


Turn on the fog machine and get some real heavy fog going. When she arrives, tell her the door is open, come on in.


She will be heavily disoriented by the fog when she comes inside. Leap out of the fumes shrieking and blowing the vuvuzela. Use the peroxide soaked bandage like you would use chloroform-- she will probably pass out from the fumes. Once she is passed out, bind her with duct tape. Use the clips to affix the photos your friend took of you to the envelopes, and arrange them so that when she comes to, they will be right in front of her.


When she wakes up, she will be terrified, having thought that the mask wearing nut that just attacked her brutally assaulted you earlier in the day, and by sheer bad luck she was the first person to come visit since. She will get more and more upset, because you will be sitting in front of her in the mask drinking the orange juice. When she is about to reach her breaking point, remove the mask and you'll both have a good laugh about you tricked her.


That's not the surprise though, the surprise will be you stopping the ensuing sex to spray all your shoes with that waterproof stuff.

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