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Airplane stories with the person sitting next to you. . .


cmanb7

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I farted loudly at the beginning of the flight. the extra serious woman with GLASSES and a business suit and laptop next to me did that blinking eye thing that says "I'm visibly upset but I'm not gonna SAY anything"

 

upon which I said to her "it was you"

 

6 hour flight. awkward.

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They're usually all cunts.

Last flight....I get on all good and notice both seats next to me are empty. A bit unusual, but anyway the plane prepares to disconnect from the thing when they make an announcement there's going to be a slight delay because a passenger is running late. Turns out it was a dude thats sitting in my row.

Plane gets ready to go again....another delay....someone running late. It turns out to be some bitch that was drinking at the bar when she got told they were announcing her name on the pa. Bitch sits next to me too!

I was pretty pissed off to be sitting next to these tardy motherfuckers.

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On a flight from NYC to LA I was stuck next to this obese old bucket of sweat and fat. I had the isle seat and she happened to have some sever bladder problem which left her attempting to climb over me for the next 6 hours.

When she wasn't desperately waddling to the toilet she was telling me about the 35 bulldogs she was breeding, between heavy, deep breaths because it must have been very exhausting to speak with lungs crushed by that much fat.

At one point I tried to ignore her by watching a Louis Theroux documentary which happened to be on plastic surgery, she looked over, saw naked women on the screen and proceeded to smack my arm and call me 'dirty'.

 

Got off at LA to change flights to get back to Sydney, made it to the next gate in about 5 minutes. 30 minutes later this bitch comes waddling back and collapses into the seat next to me, SOAKING in sweat, like she'd had a shower on the way. She took her fucking socks off while I nearly lost my guts, then showed me her seat number, and somehow... Some-fucking-how she was next to me again.

I excused myself and hid in the bathroom until the flight was boarding, I asked the attendant if there were any spare seats because I felt extremely uncomfortable with my seat partner (Who actually had to take up 2 of the 3 seats in the row anyway).

 

 

Any other time I've flown I've been lucky and got a row to myself or had my mates with me so we could grab a whole row.

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went to take a piss on the Dirtdog on my way down to socal on my birthday, coming down from acid. i open the door and, still seeing strange shit, this black homeless looking fat bitch in sweatpants and hoody is in there smoking rock or some shit. it's dark because, of course, the light only turns on in there when you LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR. she flips the fuck out, i stumble back down to my seat, annoyed. she comes stomping down the aisle talking about stabbing my white ass or some shit. she makes about 4 more trips back to the shitter, damn near YELLING a bunch of racist, violent shit. each time i had myself cocked and ready to manhandle this bitch if she put her hands on me. nothing happened, she eventually got taken off the bus, but let back on with the (lack of) understanding that she wasn't to be a psycho anymore. even this large ass white supremacist dude was tripping when she walked by and we'd start laughing hella hard once she passed

 

it was fun. definitely one of the best/worst birthdays of my life.

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