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cmanb7

Airplane stories with the person sitting next to you. . .

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Uhhhh female flight attendant tripped on a bookbag and landed on me chest first. that was cool.

 

Stared at while conversating a happily married mom's breasts while the husband slept.

 

Went to the bathroom and drew swastikas with foam soap.

 

Nothing really awesome or extraordinary.

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I farted loudly at the beginning of the flight. the extra serious woman with GLASSES and a business suit and laptop next to me did that blinking eye thing that says "I'm visibly upset but I'm not gonna SAY anything"

 

upon which I said to her "it was you"

 

6 hour flight. awkward.

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Don Cheadle that's fucking awesome

 

---

 

Some one post that bit that David Cross does about wearing an S&M mask on an airplane!

 

Why don't I post it? Fuck you! That's why! :haha:

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They're usually all cunts.

Last flight....I get on all good and notice both seats next to me are empty. A bit unusual, but anyway the plane prepares to disconnect from the thing when they make an announcement there's going to be a slight delay because a passenger is running late. Turns out it was a dude thats sitting in my row.

Plane gets ready to go again....another delay....someone running late. It turns out to be some bitch that was drinking at the bar when she got told they were announcing her name on the pa. Bitch sits next to me too!

I was pretty pissed off to be sitting next to these tardy motherfuckers.

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On a flight from NYC to LA I was stuck next to this obese old bucket of sweat and fat. I had the isle seat and she happened to have some sever bladder problem which left her attempting to climb over me for the next 6 hours.

When she wasn't desperately waddling to the toilet she was telling me about the 35 bulldogs she was breeding, between heavy, deep breaths because it must have been very exhausting to speak with lungs crushed by that much fat.

At one point I tried to ignore her by watching a Louis Theroux documentary which happened to be on plastic surgery, she looked over, saw naked women on the screen and proceeded to smack my arm and call me 'dirty'.

 

Got off at LA to change flights to get back to Sydney, made it to the next gate in about 5 minutes. 30 minutes later this bitch comes waddling back and collapses into the seat next to me, SOAKING in sweat, like she'd had a shower on the way. She took her fucking socks off while I nearly lost my guts, then showed me her seat number, and somehow... Some-fucking-how she was next to me again.

I excused myself and hid in the bathroom until the flight was boarding, I asked the attendant if there were any spare seats because I felt extremely uncomfortable with my seat partner (Who actually had to take up 2 of the 3 seats in the row anyway).

 

 

Any other time I've flown I've been lucky and got a row to myself or had my mates with me so we could grab a whole row.

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I took a Greyhound bus with a guy who was returning to California to turn himself in on a murder bid. He was huge and I woke up with him sleeping on my shoulder, not cool.

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