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Is there a doctor in the house?


what it iz
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If I get into a car accident and an ambulance has to come pick me up I don't have to pay $800 for the ride, and when I get to the hospital I go right into surgery without a nurse rifling through my wallet looking for my Blue Cross card.

 

Hows that recession going for y'all though? Any of you able to get a mortgage yet ?

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Pain in your gut's is serious. . .

 

My Left nut swole up to the size of a softball after the most gnarly single tube ride behind a boat (3 single tubes + drunk crazy boat driver)...had horrible pains that would wake me up in the middle of the night for a year. . . I then went to work one day and lifted a heavy job/tool box over some shit on the ground and POP my gut's emptied into my sack. . . I required emergency surgery, plus the doctors thought they were going to have to remove my ball, lower intestine and lord know's what else.

 

Get yourself checked out Nurga. . . I dont think you have enough E cred to come around and ask for spare change yet so you better ask a doctor what it izzzzz.

 

Wait wait wait. Was your left nut the size of a softball for that whole year?

That is fucking gnar

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Pain in your gut's is serious. . .

 

My Left nut swole up to the size of a softball after the most gnarly single tube ride behind a boat (3 single tubes + drunk crazy boat driver)...had horrible pains that would wake me up in the middle of the night for a year. . . I then went to work one day and lifted a heavy job/tool box over some shit on the ground and POP my gut's emptied into my sack. . . I required emergency surgery, plus the doctors thought they were going to have to remove my ball, lower intestine and lord know's what else.

.

 

 

this sounds so fucked up! explain moar

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:lol: THIS FUCKIN CANADIAN IS ACTING LIKE THEIR COUNTRY EVEN MATTERS.

CANADA IS IRRELEVANT, IT MIGHT AS WELL JUST BECOME A VERY LARGE NORTHERN PART OF NORTH DAKOTA :lol:

FUCK ASS CANADIANS.

 

why you mad tho?

i got mad love for the states.

 

you got some complex because some chill ass country above you engages in healthy trade with you, supplies you with resources, and basically has your back through thick and thin, simply because we possess less military might than you do?

 

were on the same team brah.

 

your backward ass mentality breeds ignorance.

 

metro im 24'd, and dao youre painfully hilarious.

 

the weeds good up here br0s, the bitches are cute as fuck, and we say eh.

 

cry about it faggots.

i love my country.

 

canadaflag.jpg

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why you mad tho?

i got mad love for the states.

 

you got some complex because some chill ass country above you engages in healthy trade with you, supplies you with resources, and basically has your back through thick and thin, simply because we possess less military might than you do?

 

were on the same team brah.

 

your backward ass mentality breeds ignorance.

 

metro im 24'd, and dao youre painfully hilarious.

 

the weeds good up here br0s, the bitches are cute as fuck, and we say eh.

 

cry about it faggots

 

Thou doth protest too much me thinks

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So the story goes like this....

 

When I was born one of my nuts ended up in my lower stomach area due to an infant hernia, the docs cut me open then and put er back in the pouch.

 

Fast forward 26 years or so and I am at the Cabin in the Kootney region for a week with my girlfriends family and their friends. One of the things that they do on this lake is tie 3 single tubes behind the boat and then see how fucking high in the air they can flip/smash/fuck with the people on the tubes. . . the lake gets super chopped up (it's a small Z shaped lake that is fairly shallow and great for skiing/wakesurfing). Anyway I am on the tube and the driver is shitfaced and trying hard, lot's of gnarly landings and what have you. . .

 

That night I wake up from sleeping and I feel like someone has kicked me in the balls very fucking hard and I cannot figure out what the problem is. I think the worst right away and all the baddest shit is flying through my head, cancer, Crones, blah blah blah. . . then the pain resides and I go back to sleep.

 

My left ball starts to grow.... (it was always way bigger then the other and I had it checked out before and I didn't really worry too much about it) and it starts to get bigger, like holy fuck it's like a orange and a strawberry when you are looking at the two together. . .

 

This goes on for a year, I start to get really bad gas pains and cramping in my guts as well but I don't tie it in together really. It's one of those pains like if you don't eat for 24 hours or something and your body is driving a knife through itself telling you to eat.

 

None of this shit really affected my life that much, my one ball was bigger, which was cool I guess, I had random pain at night; which worried me but not to the point to get checked out. And the rest of the symptoms were infrequent at best.

 

This all came to an end while I was at work one day (thank christ), I was doing finishing carpentry in a high rise so most of my tools were in a large tool box on casters to go from floor to floor. see below:

 

B00002269B.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

 

 

The fucking thing was heavy when fully loaded, probably 400-500 lbs and I just had to lift the thing over some debris on the ground and move it to get it rolling. When I lifted the side my fucking intestines emptied into my sack, and I had a fucking horrible pain.

 

I go into a suit and survey the damage and basically my ball fucking grew some more, I could hardly stand/walk/think. I try to go walk it off around the floor because I am not a fucking pussy and years of sports will tell you to do the same. It did not work as I basically ripped a hand size hole in the muscle that keeps your balls and your gut's separated.

 

I head over to the first aid shack and have a chat with the first aid women (who is a smash, at least on a construction site) She tells me she has to see it to believe me that I indeed injured myself so she can write me up a claim. I tell her that in order for her to see my balls she would have to buy me dinner first so I just lift up my shirt and say it hurts everywhere. she releases me with a WCB claim meaning the injury happened at work and I will be paid for all time gone and for the doc visit.

 

I hobble to my truck and drive on home but I google hernia's and the operations as I drive and learn that the bad ones require surgery and time off and all that fun shit...

 

On to the hospital:

 

Once I am admitted the fun starts, I am asked to get into a gown and have a lay down, I am hobbling around like a champ, need help getting into bed and the works. Doc comes in and survey's the ball with a pretty hot nurse, he has the bright idea of pushing my guts back up through the hole in the muscle with two fingers. So he basically fisted my ball with my guts in it, pre-morphine to see if he could make my day that much better. He failed and I almost punched him in the throat. The nurse looked like she was going to cry, I was almost crying due to the worst pain my ball has ever been through.

 

So there I am layed out, balls out to the world, curtain open and people start to walk by, more doctors start having a peek and then the nurses. Some student docs start walking by and asking to see. I feel like a whore, still with no morphine. Another doctor comes by and try's to push my guts back through the hole and fails. This is when the hottie nurse taps the arm for a GucciCondom express, I get the morphine after she pokes around my limbs for a half an hour and then it's all good. Pain gone, morphine in and Im laughing.

 

I faint during my stand up xray the nurses caught me just before my head bounced off the floor. My emergency surgeron comes down and tells me he is operating tonight at around 11pm, he tells me I could possibly loose my lower intestine due to it being estrangulated by my ball. He also tells me my left nut is for sure on the chopping block as they dont know if it has been compromised. So this all mean's there could be more colateral damage but they do just not know at this point until they open me up.

 

My roomate and my girlfriend come by for a minute and give me a high five, I am all smiles due to my morphine cloud that I was surfing on.

 

I wake up in post op higher than a mother fucker, they do the routine and I go into post op care for a day and I am released. My dad of all things comes and picks me up, as I need 24 hour supervision to see if I need to go back.

 

The worst part now was the script they left me with, I had never even known there was T2's (Tylenol 2's) but that's all I got for the pain. As soon as I was at my dad's the morphine wore off and I was in mother fucking agony, I felt like someone bravehearted my guts with a sword and I couldn't stand, sit, walk, think. I couldn't believe the fuckers only let me leave with a T2.

 

My dad drives me up to the clinic and I tell the doc there that they fucked up and I need an actual pain killer...he prescribes me 52 oxy's for one week, and I had never taken Oxy's before. But now that I have, and quite a few I dont know how people could be addicted to them, but anyway. . .

 

I got 2 months off with pay, at the time that was 9k for sitting on the couch. I watched every movie and tv series I owned. I was on the nod for a week and didn't take a shit for a whole week.

 

I have a fishing net sewed in my gut to keep everything separated, it is sutured along my mid back and drapes under the gut's and is sutured along my stomach.

 

Super awesome. You are now informed.

 

Cheers.

 

 

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQnJe5vRDbSFAkxa-zYTxk0yGKxd6m4HTLEdO0z-LEyzHNnDCS3qw

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did not read thread. did you die? was it your vagina after all? also, bumo my neighbors to the east aka canada. only been across the bridge to windsor but everytime I go to canada I feel like I am in some magestic magical no homo land that is 1000 times better than detroit, and the rest of america. then I realize it is, and I cry myself to sleep. bump canada all day.

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Cool hand you are one bad motherfucker.

 

You just single-handedly shot down Pizzy's theory on Canada.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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badmotherucker.jpg.dc474b847516bc9ca254ec6dbdb8f807.jpg

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