boost™ Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 HOW TO TAKE A DUMP AT WORK... We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK DUMPis inevitable. For those who hate 'taking the boys to the pool' at work, following is the Survival Guide 2001 for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and dumping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poo in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee; it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the log hits the water and it is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who dumps at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency dumping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS. Definition: Seldom-used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a dumperof your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELETTE. Definition: A load of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a… FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spitfire15 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Literally read this same exact list 10 years ago. Nice tattoo, faggot. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KINGSHITOFFUCKMOUNTAIN Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 /thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chopsticks Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HELLA LOVE IT Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 getting paid to take a shit.. i see no problem or reason for embarrassment... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pornbooth Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CityonSMASH Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I PREFER THIS LIST. -select a fagget, that creates faggety threads and click link. -read some or none of the firtst line of text and disreguard the remainder. -scroll down underneath his type until you see 5 grey boxes to the right of your screen. -click "props" -select "i disapprove" and fill in the blank area with a random insult such as "your saliva never burned so hard before receiving my neg you crying little bitch" -click the back arrow on your browser window and continue browsing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheoHuxtable.. Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boost™ Posted March 14, 2011 Author Share Posted March 14, 2011 357 UMAD N JELLY br0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milk Grenades Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALLWHITEPEOPLELOOKTHESAME Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 people don't forget Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
injury Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 Bro you like takin shits? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SQUIRREL Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 meh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gat Bush Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 What does his shirt say? I'm trying to figure it out and all I can think is "MEXICO RULES" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swindle Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 how does it feel to wake up every day of your life and go "fuck, try as i might, im really just not funny at all" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boost™ Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 i dont wake up thinkin that.......o.o? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 That explains a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sausage party Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 who has a problem with taking a shit at work? you must be a fucking faggot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devils_Advocate Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 i went to this italian resturant and walked on in who i thought was superman pissing in the urinal,i mistook his red cape for his work apron, which he had behind his back like some kind of lowbudget superhero..so i go in and wash my hands,and you know what this faggot does? he walks right by the sink and leaves without washing his hands...so being the reasonable person i am i promptly followed him out and in a calm voice said "HEY FAGGOT YOU FORGOT TO WASH YOUR HANDS,GET BACK IN THERE BEFORE I TELL YOUR MANAGER YOU GRIMEY FUCK" which he replied in a not so friendly manner "go fuck yourself" and walked off into the kitchen area,no doubt to poison my food with his dirty little piss covered fingers,luckily it was a buffet so i filled up on bread sticks and spaghetti, with a side of those mini corndogs from the kids side,anyways i am almost ready to leave when i see this dude on cleaning duty,so i get the idea of how i am going to exact my revenge anyways long story short i shit in the sink and left it for that guy to clean up,or anyone really.the food and service was subpar anyways..it was quite liberating and i made an effort to clog the sink with my spaghetti shits. true story br0. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jazztechno Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 What does his shirt say? I'm trying to figure it out and all I can think is "MEXICO RULES" Mexside rules Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pornbooth Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Mexside rules reppin the down side Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PROBably Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 my bad i dont read all the thread on this site....:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pornbooth Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 saul good 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devils_Advocate Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 me this thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CancerDancer Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 boost flex your tattoo than ill shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4x4 Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 Boost- Post a pic of your shirt BRAH --- I probably average 1.5 hrs on the toilet at work per day About 25 mins ea, after each break Mostly oontzing and checking blogs SAVE A NICKEL, SAVE A DIME, TAKE A SHIT ON COMPANY TIME. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 (turns around and walks out quietly) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boost™ Posted March 15, 2011 Author Share Posted March 15, 2011 boost flex your tattoo than ill shit no homo been busy so havent finished the sleeve :\ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RUSO Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 I leave this here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cool_Hand Posted March 15, 2011 Share Posted March 15, 2011 BOOSTSKEE DRIVE YOUR CIVIC OFF THE FUCKING HOOVER DAM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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