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charlie sheen


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Thank you, no I'm straight




I meant, are you in here for drugs?




- Why are you here?

- Drugs




- I don't know why I'm here

- Why don't you go home?




Why don't you

put your thumb up your butt?




You wear too much eye make-up




My sister wears too much

People think she's a whore




- You don't want to talk about it?

- With you? Are you serious?




- I'm serious

- Blow yourself




All right,

you want to know what's wrong?




I know what's wrong

I just want to hear you say it




In a nutshell, I hate my brother

How's that?




That's cool Did you

blow him away or something?




No, not yet




He was ditching school When I went

home to check, some guy was there




The cops picked me up

for making a phoney call




What do you care

if your brother ditches school?




- Everybody else has to go

- You could ditch




- I'd get caught

- Yes




You're pissed off because he ditches

and doesn't get caught, is that it?




- Basically

- Basically




- Your problem is you

- Excuse me?




Worry about yourself,

not about what your brother does




- That's just an opinion

- What are you, a psychiatrist?




Keep your opinions to yourself




There's somebody you should talk to




If you say Ferris Bueller,

you lose a testicle




Oh, you know him

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If he hangs out with Mel Gibson and gets a makeover with Britney Spears, Chuck Norris will cower in fear. Charlie Sheen uber alles


You can smell the vodka in that.


In my next life, I want to come back as charlie sheen

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