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shameful/awesome sex story souperthread.


DSD666
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i got a phone line chat story too DSD funny you bring that up my dude, well lets get into it.

 

One night im just chillin, watching some old school dragonball Z smoking a bowl of some chronic just chillin, well i get super bored, its about 1 am, and i have nothing to do, tons of chronic, a flask full of that kickin chicken, nobody to kick it with nothing, everybody was either sleep, at work, already out doing something, well a commercial for one of those phone chat lines comes on, if im not wrong i remember it being "Live Links" phone chat or something like that, said try it free, so im like word, well lets see what this hype is all about and see if i can find some shortys to fuck with, so they give you like 30 free minutes to hear girls adds send em messages and connect live with bitches that live in the same city you live in, or cities near by, well im skipping through the adds (hella old bitches looking for love, and casual disscussions and whatnot well fuck all that) i come across this add, a bitch wanting a guy or two to come over and get bossed up, sounds like shes in her thirties, but sounds sexy though, and even better the bitch said she was residing in Westwood. hell yeah, same hood as me, well she says serious replies only, so i send her a message and say "hey serious reply here, bored horny as hell looking to get sucked up, heres my number 513 bla bla bla hit me up, well like 2 minutes go by and i get a phone call, and its that bitch.

 

So i answer we start talking and stuff, i ask were she stays and she tells me such and such street, so im like cool, only like two blocks from me, bitch tells me shes slim, 31, long brown hair, pretty smile, c cup titties, and i describe myself and whatnot and shes like cool, (im only 19 at the time just thought id toss that in) well i ask her if she smokes weed she says hell yeah, so i start picking a few lil nice size nugs out my stash, and i tell her ill head over shortly give her a ring when im on her street. now Cincinnati is fucked up, not like Detroit but we have a fare shares of robberies, murders and whatnot, so im no dumb nigga, i never get caught slippin so im starting to think..hmmm like what if this bitch is setting me up, what if i get there walk in, and boom theres to masked men beating me down till i give up the goods, so i start thinking to myself, should i bring my burner? then again its late out, and in westwood, cops creep the streets like no other at this time, then i think well fuck it i pack it alot why not now when your meeting up with some chick you never met up with, and then im thinking, well what if you go to smash ol girl, and you have to take the burner off your waist and lay it on the night stand, whats old lady gonna think? gonna scare the bitch, so im having this war with my self on what choice ima make, finally im like fuck it man just leave it here, this bitch sounds legit.

 

since its like two blocks away, i just walk, it feels good out. i get on her street give her a ring, she comes out on the porch, turns out her bitch lives directly across the street from one of my crew mates, im like hmmm..this is ironic. well bitch was 31, and looked 21! omg, fine broad, top notch milf, im thinking to myself, damn gotta fuck with these chat line numbers more often. well we go inside, and right away i notice family photos hanging up, bitch has 2 young kids, and a husband, looked like a pretty swolle dude not the guy you wanted to fuck with or get on his bad size, and i ask her bout the pictures, said her kids are at the grandmas for the night, hubby is at work, so im like ehh cool, but at the same time having images of this big ass nigga coming in the door and beating me down, but i just say fuck it, we sit down on the couch and i ask if she wants to smoke, so i roll up a nice little stoagie, me and her sit there watching tv for a sec puffing this L just talking bout random shit, well i throw the roach in a ash tray, and no lie this chick looks at me and flat out says "well you want your cock sucked or what hun" just hearing a sexy lady tell me straight forward like that gave me a hard on in like 3.5 seconds, so i say hell yeah, i stand up unbuckle the belt slide down the levis and she starts bossin me up. Yo you ever stand there getting head while a girl is toppin you off and your getting tired of holding your shirt up so you just take it off? well thats what i did, i took off the polo and threw it on the floor, (yes another night wearing polo, im a lo fanatic) im just standing there getting bossed up, and i hear the keys hit the door, im like fuck, instantly im thinking oh shit, macho man randy savage is here to beat my ass fuck!, i go to pull up my pants the door opens up and he sees me, i look at him, No lie, homeboy has the Sheriff uniform on, (dude is a C.O downtown at county) i thought dude was gonna pull his strap and tell me to freeze and shit, i run for the kitchen hoping theres a back door, there isnt, i go to climb through this window, this fucking window is tiny as fuck, and as im trying to squeeze through, frank the deputy is grabbing onto my leg, i start kicking as wild as i can i break loose and fall to the ground outside, i jump up, i only have one of my shoes, im shirtless, belt is still unbuckled i grab ahold of my pants and run like the wind, i cut through this back yard, and i come out on a main street were this school is, i run into the playground of this school and duck down by this bush to catch my breath, smoking heavy amounts of weed and ciggs is not a good thing when it comes to having to run for your life, im weezing, feels like my chest is tight, got that lump in my throat no homo, just sitting there like fuck, i see a pick up truck pull of her street im like fuck thats him, i crawl under the bush, and lay there, shirtless, bush is all prickling me and shit, im pissed, breathing hard, my fucking polo is in ol girls crib, and one of my sneakers, im just over all pissed about the whole thing, i lay there for about an hour, dude is circling the blocks looking for me, finally i get up and creep back to the crib.

 

a few days later im over my homies crib, sitting on his porch drinking a couple 40s and theres a uhaul truck out in front of this bitches crib, hubby was packing shit, and i was just cracking up, i told my homie the story, and we just sat there getting weak at the whole thing, to this day i pray if i go to county again, the guy booking me in is not this dude, that would really suck.

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see, and IM the bad one for not reciprocating in anal ?(see purple people eater story)

fuck that..now you see why.

You can call me 'typical' ..' "backing" down on a deal' ..'bitch' or whatever..but the one thing you wont be calling me is 'the person on the recieving 'end' of one of these stories.

 

and that whole siezure bit-scary.

Ive blacked out/passed out a few times during sex-funny thing is the men it has happened with, get all big headed and think they fucked me so good, that i passed out. Then i remind them of my lil brain issue. get over yourself.

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aside from the customary brown liquid funk on the tip when you pull out, i dont really have any amazing doodoo accident stories, at least not that i can recall.. except this:

 

last summer, around the pinnacle of a pretty bad dope habit, my current girl moved in with me. everytime we did a bag homegirl would get horny as fuck, even if we were in someone elses house she would whip my dick out of my draws, pull up her skirt and try to get me to lace her pussy right there in her friends living room while her kids are running around the house (yeah i know scummy as fuck but what can you do?). that being said, at my crib, we would always get high and fuck around. i will tell you first hand that while achieving erection high on heroin is often very difficult, it is not impossible. and for a while i had a pretty good handle on this. sex was still very, if not more enjoyable. her position of choice was usually 69 with me on top, which i didnt really have a problem with because it granted me more leverage to drill her mouth. for some reason though when we would get real into it she would be doing things with her finger to my leather cheerio. id usually just tell her to knock it the fuck off and she would. in retrospect i should have expected that since usually i would be knuckle deep in her ass while i dined on her snapper.

 

one very, very hot summer day we each do five dimes in one shot a piece, and commence to our regular fucking around. once again, its the reverse 69, and she asks if she can lube up her finger and try it on me once, making sure to remind me of all the times she had given up the bootyhole in the recent past. im geeked as fuck and nodding out pretty lovely so i think "fuck it go head" (/nh). its this exact way of thinking paired with the needles sex and feces that puts your typical heroin user at a higher risk for contracting diseases, illnesses and unsuccessful existence aka LIFE FAIL. so anyway this girl is probably working my guts or whatever, dont really remember everything crystal clear but long story short, afterward she pulls her finger out of my ass and its covered in liquidy, tanish brown dookie. she says "ewwwwwwwww" and gets up to run to the bathroom. and im thinking to myself "yup thats what this bitch gets for trying to violate my rump while im incompacitated".

 

and to this day, even in soberdom, has this girl ever tried to finger me again. and thats just the way i like it.

i-put-my-finger-in-your-butt-then-you-poop-on-me.jpg?imageSize=Medium&generatorName=Alice-lookatdat

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and that whole siezure bit-scary.

Ive blacked out/passed out a few times during sex-funny thing is the men it has happened with, get all big headed and think they fucked me so good, that i passed out. Then i remind them of my lil brain issue. get over yourself.

 

The sad part is that the whole train wreck could have been avoided if she would just have mentioned it, ya know? "Oh by the way I'm epileptic. So if your around and I start to have ye ol grand mal seizure, here is a list of things you should and shouldn't do" A heads up is all I ask for.

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I am eating lunch right now, and aint slept since last night when I wrote the last story. stomach feels great right about now. swordfish on some other shit congrats and good luck on the kickin. my best friend in the world/bombing partner has been off it for a few years now, and my other crew mate whom I am with almost daily is rocking a near 12 year habit right now. pops had a 32 year habit, and I grew up in dopehouses. I aint ever had to do the shit, I had reminders daily not to, but I have seen how hard that shit is on cats. stay up dude.

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dammm i love these shit stories hahah i got one. ill keep it short.

 

my now ex girlfriend and i used to fuck alot before we actually started dating. and a couple times when we would fuck, just at the beginning of our fucking, she shit when i fucked her. i would be railing her out hard, not even in the ass. when we would change positions, on two occasions, i noticed that she pooped a little. both times it happened we were drunk and we would just wash off and it wouldnt be a big deal, we would just laugh it off. eh.

 

fuckd the shit outta her. literally.

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man doodoo & pumping aint a good look for me. I'd freak the fuck out if a bitch would shoot a duce on my sheets/dick/carpet/floor whatever.

That being said I applaud all of you who have these great stories to tell. All I have is getting jacked off by a fat bitch on the dance floor of this grimey ass club.

 

 

come hang with me..we can make stories for days.

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Shit had me rolling, anyway im gonna tell y’all the story of the time I thought I fucked a bitch to death.

 

I was living in the Ventura/Oxnard area at the time, and me and the homies would head up to Santa Barbara on Wednesday nights for collage night on State St, the bars would have drink specials and the rich dumb collage girls from UCSB would be out in droves. This particular Wednesday was dead as fuck. Turns out it was spring break and most of the collage kids had bounced to Cancun or some such rich kid shit. So it’s only us and a few sad old drunks playing video poker ya know, so we decide to make it a hard drinkn night. Well about 2 hours in to it a gaggle of chicks showed up and I remember that, but I started “time traveling” right about then. You know waking up in the future? So everything that happened after that is second hand info…

 

One of the homie starts talking to em and finds out that they are up from Ventura too, didn’t get the spring break memo either, so they come over and start drinking w/ us. Blah, blah, blah, I hit it off with this short little blondie named Kim. She was super shy and me being the drunken outgoing train wreck that I am, she thinks I’m funny. I woke up with her number in my pocket.

 

So I call her and we go on a few dates, the standard coffee-movie- dinner progression. About 4 dates in I’m starting to get the hold out vibe, well I start hinting around and 5th date she invites me in and it’s on, we start getting down and she is the stiffest, deadest fuck I have ever had. Well I’m not gonna stand for that, and I pull out all the tricks. She starts getting to it, well, I’m thinking she is really in to it. I back off and tell her to roll over so I can hit it from the back, well she is still grunting and twitching. I’m starting to get weirded out, I try calling her name, shaking her, no response. So I flip the light on, and this bitch is foaming at the mouth and her eyes are rolled back in her head. I freeze up, the only time I had ever seen shit like that before was some junkie OD’ing. So I’m fucking freaking out, trying to get the fuck out of there. I’m going all CSI trying to wipe up DNA and shit, all that is going through my head is this bitch is OD’ing and the cops are gonna pin this shit on me and I didn’t even give anything to her. So I flee in to the night, and head to the crib to wait it out.

 

Well her roommate shows up at like 5:30 the next morning on my porch pounding on my door and screaming at the top of her lungs. “You piece of shit she could have died, you coward, you just left her there!” and of course the standard mother fuckers and fuck yous for good measure. Well turns out Kim was epileptic, and the sex had brought on the seizure. She had to go to the hospital, almost bit her tongue off and shit. Needless to say, I never talked to her again.

 

TLDNR?

 

Cliff notes: Met a bitch at a bar while black out drunk, go on a few dates, end up smashing, she starts having a seizure, I don’t know she is epileptic or whats happening so I panic and bounce. Bitch almost bites her tongue off, and somehow I get the blame for it all

 

 

 

 

Wow.... you're a dick.

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i got a phone line chat story too DSD funny you bring that up my dude, well lets get into it.

 

One night im just chillin, watching some old school dragonball Z smoking a bowl of some chronic just chillin, well i get super bored, its about 1 am, and i have nothing to do, tons of chronic, a flask full of that kickin chicken, nobody to kick it with nothing, everybody was either sleep, at work, already out doing something, well a commercial for one of those phone chat lines comes on, if im not wrong i remember it being "Live Links" phone chat or something like that, said try it free, so im like word, well lets see what this hype is all about and see if i can find some shortys to fuck with, so they give you like 30 free minutes to hear girls adds send em messages and connect live with bitches that live in the same city you live in, or cities near by, well im skipping through the adds (hella old bitches looking for love, and casual disscussions and whatnot well fuck all that) i come across this add, a bitch wanting a guy or two to come over and get bossed up, sounds like shes in her thirties, but sounds sexy though, and even better the bitch said she was residing in Westwood. hell yeah, same hood as me, well she says serious replies only, so i send her a message and say "hey serious reply here, bored horny as hell looking to get sucked up, heres my number 513 bla bla bla hit me up, well like 2 minutes go by and i get a phone call, and its that bitch.

 

So i answer we start talking and stuff, i ask were she stays and she tells me such and such street, so im like cool, only like two blocks from me, bitch tells me shes slim, 31, long brown hair, pretty smile, c cup titties, and i describe myself and whatnot and shes like cool, (im only 19 at the time just thought id toss that in) well i ask her if she smokes weed she says hell yeah, so i start picking a few lil nice size nugs out my stash, and i tell her ill head over shortly give her a ring when im on her street. now Cincinnati is fucked up, not like Detroit but we have a fare shares of robberies, murders and whatnot, so im no dumb nigga, i never get caught slippin so im starting to think..hmmm like what if this bitch is setting me up, what if i get there walk in, and boom theres to masked men beating me down till i give up the goods, so i start thinking to myself, should i bring my burner? then again its late out, and in westwood, cops creep the streets like no other at this time, then i think well fuck it i pack it alot why not now when your meeting up with some chick you never met up with, and then im thinking, well what if you go to smash ol girl, and you have to take the burner off your waist and lay it on the night stand, whats old lady gonna think? gonna scare the bitch, so im having this war with my self on what choice ima make, finally im like fuck it man just leave it here, this bitch sounds legit.

 

since its like two blocks away, i just walk, it feels good out. i get on her street give her a ring, she comes out on the porch, turns out her bitch lives directly across the street from one of my crew mates, im like hmmm..this is ironic. well bitch was 31, and looked 21! omg, fine broad, top notch milf, im thinking to myself, damn gotta fuck with these chat line numbers more often. well we go inside, and right away i notice family photos hanging up, bitch has 2 young kids, and a husband, looked like a pretty swolle dude not the guy you wanted to fuck with or get on his bad size, and i ask her bout the pictures, said her kids are at the grandmas for the night, hubby is at work, so im like ehh cool, but at the same time having images of this big ass nigga coming in the door and beating me down, but i just say fuck it, we sit down on the couch and i ask if she wants to smoke, so i roll up a nice little stoagie, me and her sit there watching tv for a sec puffing this L just talking bout random shit, well i throw the roach in a ash tray, and no lie this chick looks at me and flat out says "well you want your cock sucked or what hun" just hearing a sexy lady tell me straight forward like that gave me a hard on in like 3.5 seconds, so i say hell yeah, i stand up unbuckle the belt slide down the levis and she starts bossin me up. Yo you ever stand there getting head while a girl is toppin you off and your getting tired of holding your shirt up so you just take it off? well thats what i did, i took off the polo and threw it on the floor, (yes another night wearing polo, im a lo fanatic) im just standing there getting bossed up, and i hear the keys hit the door, im like fuck, instantly im thinking oh shit, macho man randy savage is here to beat my ass fuck!, i go to pull up my pants the door opens up and he sees me, i look at him, No lie, homeboy has the Sheriff uniform on, (dude is a C.O downtown at county) i thought dude was gonna pull his strap and tell me to freeze and shit, i run for the kitchen hoping theres a back door, there isnt, i go to climb through this window, this fucking window is tiny as fuck, and as im trying to squeeze through, frank the deputy is grabbing onto my leg, i start kicking as wild as i can i break loose and fall to the ground outside, i jump up, i only have one of my shoes, im shirtless, belt is still unbuckled i grab ahold of my pants and run like the wind, i cut through this back yard, and i come out on a main street were this school is, i run into the playground of this school and duck down by this bush to catch my breath, smoking heavy amounts of weed and ciggs is not a good thing when it comes to having to run for your life, im weezing, feels like my chest is tight, got that lump in my throat no homo, just sitting there like fuck, i see a pick up truck pull of her street im like fuck thats him, i crawl under the bush, and lay there, shirtless, bush is all prickling me and shit, im pissed, breathing hard, my fucking polo is in ol girls crib, and one of my sneakers, im just over all pissed about the whole thing, i lay there for about an hour, dude is circling the blocks looking for me, finally i get up and creep back to the crib.

 

a few days later im over my homies crib, sitting on his porch drinking a couple 40s and theres a uhaul truck out in front of this bitches crib, hubby was packing shit, and i was just cracking up, i told my homie the story, and we just sat there getting weak at the whole thing, to this day i pray if i go to county again, the guy booking me in is not this dude, that would really suck.

 

 

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not really shameful so much as it was akward, but here it goes...

one night a while back (i was 15-16) me and a bunch of the homies n some bitches are all gettin drunk/high/xannied out in this huge park we all lived near. i had been fuckin wit this petite little puerto rican chick (about 5'2 with a nice little cheerleader body). now the kids i was with had been known to get rowdy late at night, which usually always resulted in blue and whites/DTs rollin up on us in the park. so i decide to take ol' girl away from the crowd to try and get good. she starts givin me tops on a bench about 15 yards away from everyone, but of course some of the prudes had to sneak up and try to catch a glimpse. so i take her to this remote part of the park a little bit further away. i see this pirate ship thing for the lil kids to play on, and take her in the lower part of the ship. i take the pants/panties off and go for gold. at that point we were both hammered drunk and whatnot and were really gettin into it. fast forward about ten minutes and i see some of my boys runnin out of the park, i didnt think any thing of it since i was hittin the mean back stroke. another couple minutes go by, im boutta pop my top, and i look over and see about 4 DTs just watchin us, in the dark like 8-9 feet away. i tried to finish up quick, but she finally sees them, she screams, i pull out and wound up busting all over her shirt. these sick fucks just turn around and start runnin to chase some of the other kids and wound up leaving us to get outta there with the quickness...long story short i had never been so creeped out in my life. i mean one of these pigs was like a lumberjack lookin motherfucker, red flannel, chester mustache and all...to this day i never ever doubt wat the NYPD is REALLY capable of doing (basically watching "live kiddy pronz"). :rolleyes:

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Wow.... you're a dick.

 

I ware it like a badge of honor thank you very much!

 

But really, why should I go to prison because this bitch that I had know for less than a month can't handle her drugs? Or so it appeared to me at the time.

 

 

I'm not trying to start a back forth here I'm just saying fuck that, ya know?

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