shameful/awesome sex story souperthread.

[ERSEULA]

I shoulda ate it and slapped her on the spot. she broke my heart.[/size]

 

PROPPED! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Noam Chomsky]

THIS THREAD... lol'd at almost every post. Prop's headed peoples way

[mackfatsoe]

wow...you are officially scummier than frate raper........heavy lies the crown

[mewzer]

had my first threesome this past weekend; it was my 19th birthday. this bicurious lesbian i know from high school sees me at this show, and asks me if i have a girlfriend. i said no, and she asked if i wanted TWO girlfriends for the night. well of course i say yes...

 

so we drive out to her apartment to get it on, and her girlfriend is waiting for us there. im already gone off a fifth of grey goose (its my birthday), and we start drinking more random shit. then we play strip UNO and i win like three rounds in a row. then we watch step brothers while theyre half naked, and im still drunk as fuck. then they just start going at eachother and before i know it im getting double brain. that turned into about 5 hours of on and off fuckin and suckin and touchin. then i pass out, wake up at noon, and do it all over again. i was hungover as fuck so we started drinking.

 

the best part was when i shotgunned a beer while taking a shower with both of them.

 

good birthday, good FIRST threesome.

 

edit- if i had been enough of a tool to bring my camera to the show, i DEFINITELY could have used it during the poking, and i would have proof for you all.

[DSD666]

threesome are the shit, swinger sex parties can be pretty gnarly, been to a few with an ex, always sucked, always fat and old bitches, playing basketball all day, then getting your dick sucked without showering, then going and fucking your girl after cheating on her is pretty awesome to.

[autoteller]

Threesomes are AWESOME. I've had the gift of getting two women into bed for awhile. The most memorable was this girl i met online, we used to hook up quite a bit. So essentially she calls me up one saturday, says she needs to drop her girl off at some bar closeby, and then she's gonna head over to my place and fuck around. So flashforward like 2 hours, buzzer rings, i look outside, and her friend is out there with her, so naturally, i'm pissed, and feel like i'm being cockblocked, so i get pissed off and just pretty much stopped caring. So they come up to my apartment, and i just pretty much entertain them, roll a blunt or two, watch south park with them, nothing really much, but i obviously wasn't happy. So halfway through the episode, they start making out, no warning or anything. So, thinking i'm slick as fuck, i split them up, and act all shocked and pissed "NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE. NO FUCKING WAY" Then i split them apart, and sit in between them. "there. go right ahead now", which ended up working, the friend with the bigger tits ended up blowing me, and her friend followed suit. Toward the end of the night, before she left she was like "you're mine now, if you fuck nikki, expect random threesomes at midnight to stop". Needless to say, i didn't fuck anyone else until i broke her jaw (yes, this was the same girl).

 

Bonus: NOODZ (her)

 

[autoteller]

WAIT how could i forget this shit. I moved into my current apartment almost 3 years ago. This is more a precursor to the obvious, but put me in a REALLY bad spot since my ex was next to me. The day i moved in, i had to bring my ex back to town and head back to my new apt (which i had never been in previous to this, like 11pm, tired as fuck after a drive from nyc). So i'm lugging all my clothes and shit up the stairs, and literally the FIRST time i hit the top of the stairs, the neighbor's door opens up, and there's this mexican girl with nothing but a t-shirt and panties holding a joint that can barely speak english, and the only thing i can manage to understand from her is "LIGHTER?".

 

Pussy has been good to me.

[darkror inferom]

making a sex thread is actually lamer than making a music thread.

 

here how it works....

 

poster: yay boys let me tell you about when i fucked non missionary style,

 

other ooontzer: ya dude thats totally rad i love hearing about other men fucking

 

poster: ya bruh it was so rad dude, you ever done it before?

 

other ooontzer: not yet homie but i jerk off all the time thinking about it

 

poster: dude its so rad it makes your dick look bigger

 

other oontzer: really? fuck yeah!

 

other oontzer.......

 

poster: how you actually think your penis will get bigger?

 

other oontzer: dude i get emails about growing one all the time.

 

ramdom: douche!

[Akrisone]

The tp leftovers ain't too too big of a deal, I've munched some tang and got left over tp in my mouth.

 

This doesn't even compare to watching dude spit shit on his dick

[DSD666]

everything was going good til pornbooth came in.

[hotsauceinthedickholewastaken]

He ruined the internet.

[lambmeet]

speaking of the clap, caught the drips from this one back a few years ago. I was bummed.

 

[mewzer]

making a sex thread is actually lamer than making a music thread.

 

here how it works....

 

poster: yay boys let me tell you about when i fucked non missionary style,

 

other ooontzer: ya dude thats totally rad i love hearing about other men fucking

 

poster: ya bruh it was so rad dude, you ever done it before?

 

other ooontzer: not yet homie but i jerk off all the time thinking about it

 

poster: dude its so rad it makes your dick look bigger

 

other oontzer: really? fuck yeah!

 

other oontzer.......

 

poster: how you actually think your penis will get bigger?

 

other oontzer: dude i get emails about growing one all the time.

 

ramdom: douche!

 

are you a girl? you should know that guys enjoy talking about raunchy and/or lucky situations like these. in the time it took you to think up that dialog, you could've shared at least two stories with us. although, you probably don't have any, because you're a puss.

[Mauler5150]

This thread almost takes the title of the most fucked up thread in Oontz history. Its fucking great though!

[injury]

I've munched some tang and got left over tp in my mouth.

 

[why write]

props for posting that hoes mug wit da clap lol. too bad cause she is kinda hot too. but she does look like a hoe. go wit ur 1st instinct not ur dick instinct. good rulee

[DSD666]

quick one from my teenage years, I had skipped school and went to a friends house that dropped out already to smoke weed. hit up the shitter and next to the toilet was his stepdads hustler collection, so being that scumbag I am, I flushed some babies down the toilet (no homo) real quick. I was wearing those adidas windbreaker pants, but the ones that are mad thin material, and didnt think shit of it. fast foward an hour or so, and I go to take a piss, and had some dried dead babies around my peehole and pissed all over myself. to play it off I just laughed at myself and walked out in the living room like no big deal and his mom had come home. needless to say I felt dumb with no whip to bounce out, and sitting in my own piss for my boy and his moms to laugh at me. also, my girl of 6 years on and off broke up with me today. we live together for a week or so till I dip. first order of business, bust dead babies on her cool side of the pillow. taking requests. happy vd day. wrap your shit fellows. pissing razors isn't as cool as it sounds.

[siks6siks]

so i'm staying at my grandparents house for a bit. this girl i've know for a while comes over. we were watching tv in the basement and one thing lead to another, we got to business. so shes riding me for a min, i pull her up onto my face to eat her box and after a bit o'lickin, i hear my grand mom call my name. we're startled so homegirl jumps off my face and runs to the bathroom with her clothes, i grab mine and run to the laundry room. so i'm rushing to slide up my skibbies and get my shirt on before gmom walks down and i notice some red on my dick. i'm like fuuuuuuuck. i look in the mirror and i look like a fucking clown. red face and lips. bummer. i was super disappointed.

 

that doesn't compare to shit face dick wacker, but thats the only story i had that i felt was worthy of this thread.

[the graff giraffe]

fucking nasty

[DSD666]

I feel like I gotta go get my red wings real quick, what?, being from detroit and all, it's a must. speaking of detroit, let me clue yall into a couple things that bother me about my city that the world thinks it knows. one, yes it is grimy here, and the eastside for the most part looks like a bombed out 3rd world country, but it aint as bad as cats make it out to be. it probably is hands down the worst city in the country, and economically unless you have a family here and just can't get out right now, you're a fucking retard for being here. that said, it's a pretty swell place to live, if you like murder, bums, dope, and crooked cops. 2, eminem. not all white boys jock em here. actually, a lot of us see him for what he is, one of the most overated and wack mc's of all time. now dont get all 7th grade I just got statachory raped hurt on me, it's just an opnion, but if you know, you know that the nigga aint really got shit to do with detroit, and never really did.

 

now that I got that off my chest, another quick one. red wings. my homie. 1997, same old story, lots of acid, and 40's of the 45 mixed this particular night. one of my best friends, my girl laura, and this kid nick I use to kick it with, went to fuck on 5 hits of super strong liquid. nick and I also shared a 5th of popov vodka that night, and I had 2 40's. so nick goes in lauras room, and I am tripping balls in another bedroom with this girl meagan. now meagan weighed a good 400 pounds, and that aint no joke. not only was she super super fat and short, but she smelled like shit and piss. I know this because 2 things, one, the bitch smells like shit and piss, and 2, cause she regularly stayed at lauras house, and laura told me that whenever meagan was sick, she was litterally so fat and lazy, she would shit and piss the bed, which ultimately ended her staying there. anyway, meagan is tripping also, and she is laying in the bed and just grinning, and I am tripping something horrible now, and she keeps looking at me smiling, and the only thing I could think of the whole time was Jabba the Hut. so for whatever reason I start looking at lauras junior high school yearbook, and it just so happens to have a fucking handcapped section!

 

nowI am all for retarded people, my homie once told me that retarded people are the happiest people on earth because, "just look at the niggas, they are always smiling, drooling, aint gotta pay no bills, the niggas are always happy." maybe true, but when you're starting to have a bad trip, the last thing you wanna see looking up at you is a 2 page spread of handicapped kids smiling at you. it freaked me out so bad I shot up off the floor, I was sitting indian style, knocked over my full just cracked open 40, didn't bother to pick it or clean it up, because jabba was smiling at me like she wanted some snacks or some dick, neither she gets from me.

 

so I run home, about 2 miles away, and as soon as I get to the crib my boy I lived with and his family at the time, is standing there saying call laura. I call her and she is sobbing talkin bout come back nick is freaking me out. I asked her what was wrong? apperently my man insisted, tripping the fuck out, to let him go down on her while she was bleeding. both are tripping. she decides to let him have a go, and I guess after a few minutes, my man comes up, bloody as face, and tries to start making out with her, making snorting noises and shit. 100 100 fam. she has told the story a few times and everytime she tells the story I am absoloutely horrified, cause I was tripping balls, I cannot even imagine how she felt. I didnt end up going back but she called me quite a few times begging me to, and at one point she said homeboy was sitting in her dads chair, who passed away in that house, staring at her moms bird in the birdcage talking about jesus and shit.

 

my boy nick, who oftened talked about killing himself, was a whiteboy who went to one of the biggest catholic schools in metro detroit. years later he "converted to islam" and then a few more years later, last time I seen him, in 06 I believe, he was not only a huge converted christian, that had a pocket bible everwhere he went spreading the good word, but told me he has mad ak's and bottled water buried in his backyard for the rapture. good dude.

 

next up, the laura done shit her drawers fucking a "virgin" story.

[shaolinmasta]

Great thread.

[abcs]

aaah only thing i got for my 21 birthday was drunk and the clap. I wanted

to kill the bitch but she moved to chicago before i could put hands on her. Next time i see her

ass she sober and had gained 70 lbs.

When i used to do valet there was this little japanese black girl who lived

in the southfield projects who would come up and hang out with me while i worked.

Now i would get tipped big when ever she was up there She would be sitting

outside the valet booth and nogs would be like thats your girl? here you go. spend it

with her. Anyhow she was ok. Not so bright but easy going and down to fuck. We used

to gets it on inside peoples cars that I parked while i was working. Kinda miss mya

A few days ago i was trolling Backpage and found her selling it

HERE SHE GO

No clue what shes charging. Her add shes sayin she can have intelligent conversation which is

a damn lie. She had that straight black asian hair but insisted on putting african hair wax in it nonetheless.

Shit would get on my pillowcases. Wake up and my face is stuck to the damn pillow.

Part of the reason i stopped fucking with her.

[LUGR]

^

"my caramel skin tops off the perfect desert like experience."

 

:lol:

[ERSEULA]

 

 

[the graff giraffe]

last time i got a BJ I drooled on the girl right after I finished.

 

so I decided to kinda chuckle it off.

 

but she somehow didn't notice that i drooled on her arm and she got all self conscious.

 

:lol:

[sayWORD?]

 

this lil hoe lied about being pregnant when i was 16.

we decided to fuck raw because it didnt matter anymore.

i start fingering her, and then like a fuckin alarm clock she had her period all over my hand.

 

 

this girl gave head with the most teeth i have ever experienced.

it was so bad, i had to start jacking off and nutted in her hair.

bitches hate nut in their hair.

 

 

bitch on the right had the hairiest pussy i have ever fucked.

gives me shivers down my spine.

[DonCheadle]

I smashed it with a "New York 6" on New Year's day and about 25 minutes later I farted out loud. I was sure it was gonna be a silent fart, but no dice br0.

[Newer Bigger Better]

Most of my really hilarious sex stories involve girls on this site.

 

INTERNET!!!!!!!!!

 

+1

[swordfish meatloaf]

ONCE ABOUT A DECADE AGO... GIRLFRIEND AT THE TIME, VIOLENT SMASHING OF THE VAGINUS, THEN WITHOUT WARNING, AND GREAT AIM AND PRECISION IF I SAY SO MYSELF, I PULLED IT OUT AND DRILLED IT IN HER RUMP.

 

WELL AS SOON AS THAT HAPPENED IT WAS LIKE A SHOOTING PAIN FOR HER, SHORTY LOOKED LIKE SHE GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING, YOU KNOW THOSE SUDDEN MOVEMENTS THAT COME TO AN ABRUPT STOP WHEN .... WELL YOU KNOW THAT OLD ELECTROCUTION TYPE SHIT. I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF FROM LAUGHING. UNTIL THIS DAY, I MAINTAIN MY INNOCENCE AND CLAIM "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT"

 

ANOTHER TIME (IRONICALLY THE SAME GIRL) SHE WAS JUST KINDA JOKING AROUND I GUESS, WE WERE DRUNK, SHE WAS LICKING MY TAINT/KNUTS WHILE I WAS LAYING ON MY STOMACH. WELL AN OPPORTUNITY AROSE HERE, I FELT A GASSER COMING, AND LET IT GO. WELL AT THIS POINT HER NOSE WAS BURIED BETWIXT THY CHEEKS, AND THIS FART WENT STRAIGHT UP IN HER NOSE AND SHE INHALED IT. HOMEGIRL STARTED DRY HEAVING AND SHIT, DIFFICULTY BREATHING AND ALL THAT. SHE ENDED UP RUNNING TO THE TOILET AND WRETCHING FOR A FEW MINUTES. I WAS IN A FRENZY OF LAUGHTER. THE TIMING AND POSITION WERE PERFECT, I WAS PROUD. WOULDA GOT MEGA BONUS POINTS IF SOME DIARRHEA WOULD HAVE CAME WITH IT BUT WE CANT ALL BE WINNERS.

[autoteller]

Since i'm free as of a few months ago.

 

I fucked my PO's daughter. One of them at least. Details can be furnished, but honestly, it's kinda pointless. I met her at a party, fucked her rotten, then found out months later that not only is she my PO's daughter, but a lot younger than she said she was. Let's just say, she was a dirty, dirty whore (just the way i like em`).

 

My ex used to love to tell that story to strangers who didn't "know me", not even as some sort of character assassination thing, either. It's weird when overachieving women like your delinquent behavior. Gas on the fire.