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DSD666

shameful/awesome sex story souperthread.

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Call your cock blocking friend and be like "yo, best pussy ever. You gotta sample this."

 

Seriously though, imagine if you had run train? All aboard the LOL Express.

 

lmao, i thought the same shit that next morning, but i told him it was tight and super wet im pretty sure hell fuck her with in the next week, and when he tells me about ill just be cracking up.

 

but yeah, i ended up telling the taxi company to fuck off, that i handed the bitch 20 dollars to get home, not my fault that she skated on em, i told em go ahead, call the police. after that, i havnt heard anything from em, they were just bluffing trying to get there 20 bucks, they know they cant hold me responsible for that shit.

 

but yeah on the bright side, those chicken wings and bread sticks were bangin, and mr cock blocker left his whole pack of cigs and his copper colored krink steel tip in my bedroom. thanks bro!

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dont girls smell their own pussy? like come on bitch really? i had a stank pussy experiance recently too, bitch was good looking she had nice eyes and tan skin, ghetto booty, C cups. but when i hit it that vag was stinkin! like raw crab or shrimp. plus when i hit it from the back i saw a few hairs comin out her asshole. that shit made me loose wood quick, ended up getting head which was subpar. im not calling her again , very dissapointed, i potentially screwed over a friend for this broad. my friend was in love with this bitch for the longest even asked her to marry him, good thing she said no.

 

oh yeah there are some good stories in here, my story sucks. but seriously yall, thanks for sharing. some of these stories make me feel good about myself.

 

 

how the hell do you piss in another girls bed let alone six girls beds. haha some of you guys are crazy as fuck.

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cliff notes - fucked a fine hoe with a lousy pussy, got stuck paying her way home, she fucked me over, and i somehow have to pay an additional 20 dollars.

 

SHOULDA STUCK W/ THE WINGS AND STICKS.

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Ill never know if it was an accident or not, dude was kind of a lunatic anyways so it probably wasn't.

 

I don't know about the ladies you guys are sleeping with... but getting an ass full of cum isn't very fun on my part. Later on I feel like I have to take a crazy poop and nothing comes out but man juice.

You know that feeling after you drank too much the night before and you're about to literally pee out of your ass? It's that feeling but instead of beer shits it's semen. Then there's the occasional awkward walk to the bathroom to clean up and avoid making an ass cum mess all over the carpet.

There's just some things that people don't tell you about anal sex that they probably should.

 

holy fuck i just died. that and the 13 year olds on here talking about their first times priceless.

 

hey laughing girl just whip that fools dick out. stop being scared, girls need to make more moves. sounds like hes a scared little bitch too, what kind of loser has a girl sleep at his crib and not try to fuck her or at least a little slap and tickle.

 

GIRLS WAX YOUR ASSHOLE.

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c00l st0ry br0...

 

i was in vegas late last year. first time. stayed at the aria, brand new, fuckin nice place. so anyways the homey i went down there with had a bit too much to drink the night before. he tried to battle through, but at about 9pm dude was straight done. passed out and before he did, he made me promise to not bring anyone back to the room. he needed his faggot beauty sleep, no homo.

 

so i go down to the bar. im a bit pissed, feel like a fuckin loser all by myself. this decent looking blonde chick, i give her an 8.5, so realistically a 7 in my drunken state. she comes up to me and asks for a light. i give her one and she pulls out a pack of export a cigs. that pack screams canada, so i pull out my own canadian brand and we get to talkin.

 

one thing leads to the next. i thought she was a hooker. i was so naive being in vegas for my first time, so to test this theory i made the bitch buy drinks. i figured if shes gonna buy a few rounds for me, she definitely isnt out for my money. we proceed to get wasted.

 

girl literally carries me to the front desk of this 4 or 5 star hotel and asks where we could buy condoms. im fuckin done. im not the hugest dude, so if i woulda seen the security footage of this bitch dragging me around im sure i woulda laughed my ass off. she was pretty petite herself, so it musta been hilarious. condoms got bought somehow.

 

at this point im so drunk i dont care. i end up muff diving this hoe in the elevator, and it wasnt a direct trip upstairs if you know what i mean. i got walked in on twice. the first time i tried to straighten up with this silly grin on my face and the bitches skirt pulled up past her waist. the second time i didnt even bother.

 

we reached the 11th floor. security was waiting. they were chill enough from what i remember, gave me a minor chastising for lewd conduct in public, but let me proceed to her room.

 

i got a bit overeager. she didnt want to fuck in her bed as she had a friend who was sleeping there as well. we ended up hitting the bathroom. i got a bit rough and pushed her back onto the bathtub in an attempt to do the damn thing. i ended up pushing a bit too hard. girl went flying backwards and hit her head on the faucet. im like shiiiiitttt i felt terrible, but the bottom line is i ate this girls coochie, there was no way i wasnt gettin my dick wet. proceeded to smash this girl. pussy was tight enough, everything was all good, but i looked up and shes got this giant goose-egg protruding from her head. i swear the thing was convulsing. i just put my head down and continued till i finished.

 

she pulled the guilt trip card on me. by this time its 5am and shes like "arent you at least gonna spend the night with me?". so fuckit i pass out for 3 hours, wake up and dip. i was still drunk. somewhere from this chicks place to my room i realize i left my ipod touch there. in my drunken stupor i couldnt remember the room number. so i posted up outside the elevator doors and waited until said hoes came downstairs.

 

here comes the chick, swollen head and all out the elevators and her face was priceless...im like "yo i left my ipod in your room", shes like "i thought id never see you again!".

 

i got my ipod back.

 

epic shit my friend banging abitch while she has a throbbin head wound haha. then stalking her for the ipod.

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I'm negging retarded comments lately.

 

why be such an internet bitch? i admitted my story wasnt gold but damn you are just a fuckin lower.

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why be such an internet bitch? i admitted my story wasnt gold but damn you are just a fuckin lower.

 

If I had 1000 posts I'd neg you too, you're poor punctuation offends me almost as much as your boring internet persona.

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the stories that are shared in here are pure awesome, and ill keep sharing.. like when im with a couple close homies of mine, well share funny ass moments, and crazy moments from our sex lives idk why but it seems like its a guy thing to do, even tho im sure females do it too, so this thread is like perfect.

 

I wanna thank the homie dsd for making this thread, and sharing some of the stories, i know you got more man, ill try to make it to detroit as soon as i can, not just to paint, but to just flat out kick it and have a good time, hollar at me homie.

 

keep on sharing yall, that one about the whore house was prime. ill post a pic of the bitches ass i tagged from my last story tomorrow or something, yes..the stinky pussy teeth using cab ditching bitch.

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Not super shameful but deffo on some mythbusters storybrah.

 

Im about 18. My gf, a good friend, and his gf go camping way up in the woods. We drive up to a campsite way up in forest, not a huge backpacking type trip, anyway.... We drink, eat pills, smoke tron, and not much happens that night. The next morning however...

 

Girlie and I are smashing right out in the open on a layed out sleeping bag. Im goin pretty hard, alcohol and pills still got me alil numb down there nawlmean? During said smashing I look over and see my friends had walked into our campsite to see if we were up yet. Obviously they see us naked and having smashorz so they dip. My gf didn't see them and we never really broke stride. Well I guess I wasn't really paying attention but when we finished we noticed that girl had started her period. Blood on me, sleeping bag, her, whatevs though no real big deal just first time that had happened to me up to that time. So we get up and decide we'll go get our friends and see whats up with today after we pack up our stuff. I honestly can't now remember why the four of us walked back over to my campsite after we were packed up and shit but there we were no more than 10 minutes after I had finished and there was a fairly huge BEAR sniffing IN THE EXACT SPOT WE SMASHED AT. If we had taken just a little longer that story might have ended a lot differently. My friends knew why the bear was there but my gf didnt know they knew so it was a akward kinda denial of 'oh hmmmm why is he doing that?' while the two who saw did know exactly why... we slowly and quietly backed away w/o the bear seeing us and dipped to the car.

 

Cliffnotes: I smashed in woods. Got period blood all over. Almost got eaten by a bear.

 

Mythbuster conclusion: YES. Bears do smell and investigate period blood.

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Here's another one...

 

So I'd been fucking with the straight fish scale. The few peeps Id really talk to about it would have their stories of good shit and how mine couldnt be THAT good. Well it was. I had just started partying again (after a few years of being 'good') and was at a (shitty) pacewon show. Im doin some lil bullets of raw and drinking but not goin too crazy... Show is over and we decide to head to another bar. Peeps are driving but im on my Dee-bo-esqe crusty old schwinn. As Im pedaling down a slow dark street I check my phone for txts etc. Not paying attention I SLAM into a black tahoe/yukon/whatevs and completely CRUSH my pubic bone and man-package into the 'steer tube' of the bike. FUCK! I was dying. I was SO numb from the raw I didn't really know how bad it was. Im hurting for sure but the pain has got to be reaalllly diminished fom the snort. So I keep going to the next bar and need to piss. When I get into the bathroom I realised how blasted I really was. Fuckin torn flesh and blood (but no permanent damage) Im a bit freaked as I try a lil first aid on my junk in a yuppie bar sink (LOLZ). Ok motherfucker WHERES THE SEX STORY? Well I get home (3am or whatevs) and I show my girl what happened and shes all concerned and shit but also MAD HORNY (she'd been partying with snort too) so she does a line off my dick and we start fucking. you would think with the crazy torn skin I wouldnt get hard or she would have been put off by the grusomeness of it. WRONG. Im allright in the man-package dept, but that night my shit was so swollen and super hard that the girlie (who is pretty reserved and not freaky/vocal/adventurous) couldn't help but to go off about how it was bigger/harder/whatevs. Yes I have fucked on snort about a thousand times, this shit was different. Yes, I do have a small scar on my shit now...

 

Cliffnotes: I did coke. I crushed my penis on a steel bicycle. I fucked a girl while I had an unusually large (for me) erection.

 

Conclusion=Chicks Like scars, Chicks like penis, CHICKS REALLY LIKE PENIS SCARS.

 

 

 

Sorry for all the penis mental imagery. NH!!

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ight nigga, im at my pad smoking a fat ass blunt of dro bumpin some gucci mane mixtapes so im high as fuck and that one song comes on stoopid.. "my ring stupid and my chain stupid" any ways i banged my homeboyz girlfriend to that song so i get the sudden erge to jack off.. so i flip open the laptop grab my jizz rag and zone off into MILFHUNTER.COM... anyways im jerkin like a hog to the old skool milfhunter vidz kiana ava devine alicia rhodes etc.. then i get a knock at the door, thinking its just a nothing i keep wackin it..... more knocking .. im like fuck so i throw on some shorts and put my dick in upward position (where the band on my shorts is holding the tip straight up) still with a huge hardon i open the door and see this smoking hot babe holding a package for me, shit it was my muthafuckin white tee's so me bein an obnoxious child im like ohhh shityea my white t'z shawty whuts good homegurl so she cracks a smile and im like im only gonna sign the form if you come in my house for five minutes so she's inside and my milfhunter.com porn is still bumping + the gucci mane cd.. so i take off my shirt (6pack) and shes lookin i throw on my white t halfway(cuz i knew it wouldnt be on long) and quickly and sneakily kickmy jizz rag under my bed and im like tellin her how bad im going thru a tramatic break up with my ex (a lie of course) but suddenly she opens her legs a lil bit and loosens up i rub her leg then comes the kissing so i got her pinned onmy bed (gucci mane still bumping) and i start porkin her face off gaggin her with my inches she lookin like she cant breath but then im like shit ready fo dat pu$$Y u kno.. so i wreck it she strachting my back im just rippin it in half and then i stick it in her ass... man was it warm like a cherry pie fresh out the oven so cum all in her ass and the wierdest thing happens my cat (whose name is fluffy meow-meow) nickednamed mickey .. my cats eyes turn red and his head turns around 360style like on some excersist shit i was like wow trippin out so then mickey starts attacking the mail women i just fucked like when good pets so bad.. so she runs outta my house being chased by my fluffymeowmeow buckass naked and im just like shit i go close my door, lock it .. then i goto my kitchen and make a hot pocket. one of the craziest day of my life.

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This thread is starting to turn in to the ebonics letters to penthouse fourm.

 

So here is another one from back when I was in the Navy, not so much a sex story, but there is a whore, of sorts, involved.

 

Now again I need to describe one of the involved parties so you all can appreciate this tale all the more. Freddy Ray, this guy is one of the dirtiest, scummiest pieces of human filth ever to walk the earth. Dude smoked and dipped and I don’t think he had EVER owned a tooth brush. He bathed on about a weekly basis, and mind you we were on a ship, in the tropics, working 12+hours a day on the flightdeck. So this fucker smelled like ashtray, foot, armpit and jet exhaust, let me be the first to tell you that isn’t a good combo. God forbid you get a whiff of his breath, like hot dumpster and rotten eggs. I was for all intents and purposes trapped in a 12x12 room with him for a good 3 hours out of the day, not awesome.

 

For those of you that have never been, a good chunk of the bars in Asia are “companion” bars, or “by me drink” bars as they are called. Girls that work for the house come sit, dance or generally hang out with you as long as you keep buying them drinks (just like normal women, right?) except their drinks are about X3 as much as yours. At a lot of these places you can just pay her “bar fine” and take her upstairs to the fuck booths, or back to your hotel room for the old slap and tickle.

 

The ship had pulled in to Singapore, cool place btw, and me and a couple of the homies where out and about doing our drunken debauchery thing. We settled at a bar/pub that had an awesome patio. We’re relaxing in the shade chowing down and drinking up, and who should walk in but Freddy Ray. He sits at a table over on the other side of the patio. At our table we get to talking about how much it sucks having him in the shop stinking like that. Then the talk turns to what could be done to fix the problem. Jay Dub (yes the infamous whore smasher) whips out his video camera and says he has a plan. So he fills us in on the details and I have to say it was pure genius. We throw some cash in to a hat, and I head to the bar to talk to mamma-san. I tell her we want to pay for a “surprise” for our supervisor. I explain to her that his tastes are a little different, and she assures me she can accommodate. So I head back to the table mission accomplished and we wait for the lulz to start. This thing comes out to his table and It’s not even remotely convincing, Adams apple like a motherfucker. It tells Freddy that we paid its bar fine for him. He looks over and we wave and give him thumbs up and a couple “whoo-hoos”, he bought it hook line and sinker. We turn the camera on and discreetly point it at his table, to capture the action. He sits with this thing in his lap for about 20 minutes, kissing up on it (who the fuck kisses a whore?) and feeling on its titties before deciding to take it back to his hotel room. Now we were on the move, following the unfolding train wreck like the camera crew from Cheaters or some shit. We trail him and his tranny down the street to his hotel, the whole time he is feeling up on this things ass. We get to the hotel and the dude at the desk almost didn’t let us in. We end up slipping him a US $50 and he tells us what floor and what room dude is in, so we head up stairs. We posted up outside his door and we are hearing the giggles and other assorted muffled noises coming from inside the room. Suddenly all the noises stop for a good 3 seconds then Freddy screams “WHAT THE FUCK, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!” The door opens and out comes the lady boy, buck-neked, in a full sprint, with Freddy right on its heels throwing its clothes and shoes after it. Then he sees us with the camera and freezes. Jay-Dub proceeds to tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t step up his hygiene game that the tape of him making out with a tranny will be put on blast to everybody on the ship. Well it worked, he started showering and brushing his yuck ass mouth. All in all I say it was $100 well spent, split 4 ways.

 

Cliff notes: Dude was a scumbag, got “the trap” sprung on him, we filmed it and blackmailed him in to bathing. Win.

 

On a side note Freddy turned out to be a bigger scum bag than anyboday suspected.

http://www.corrupted-justice.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=8784&sid=b4e7527be31047105a9831ba5cc6735a

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You guys drove him to it after awakening his latent fear that any girl at the bar or supermarket could be a post-op tranny blessed by the wonders of Western medicine.

 

You devious bastards.

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dont beat thatto catch a predator story but...

 

so i met this chick and literlly 6hrs after meeting her i had her in bed and everything was going good but she only new me by my graff name nd kept saying my graff name while i was beatin,nd me nd idk why but it was distracting me cuz i have a imature sense of humor nd all i kept thinkin bout was this chick callin me my graff name nd not knowin my name nd tryna be all serious nd repeatly sayin u got that good dick hu you got that good dick hu ------ ha i dono why but that made my wood as weak as paper nd i ended up setteling with dome and unsatisfying this chick (who turned into an annouyin ass nympho) then going to the homies bday with her and ignoring her and what happen jus an hr ago by playing nba2k10 with the homies,i didnt think guys could have akward sex ha,my only fat chick wasnt even that bad ha ... ha well aint good as the rest of the stories on here but fuck it ....

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Edited at 8:48? Shit, homeroom ends at 8:30, hope you don't get a detention.

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WILL NOT EVER FUCKING READ EVER[/color][/size][/b].. then i goto my kitchen and make a hot pocket. one of the craziest day of my life.

 

 

*****Fixed in case you're lurking you faggot bitch

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