laughslast Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 ^^ha fuck if I know. Post more shameful stories please:) they make me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightmareOnElmStreet Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Dont judge me. Sorry no real sex. But shameful awful Last night i went to this hip hop open mic open bar event with this guy i have a hella huge crush on. We meet some friends and go back to his spot and burn They role out and i passed out there. My homie and i woke up next to eachother and im like god damn.... So i get dressed and my friend wakes up as im putting on my shirt and. You know i gotta a hella huge crush but im like hella down but im nervous. Anyways. I turned around and he was watching me I came and laid down with him It was just super embarrassing how scurrd I am. So that's my story. But I went down stairs to burn and what not and I gave him a minute. Watered the plants did his dishes coffee whatever to pass the time. Womp Womp. everything about this story makes me... and yes. i'm laughing both with and at here. just to clear things up. yer still kewl though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughslast Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 It's ok. Laugh man. That shit is shameful. I laughed.... On that anal tip... Ha this guy I was seeing a few years back hella tried to talk me into it. He was kind of a freak though. He would try and film me and snap flicks of me in the shower. I'm like WTF man I'm just trying to shower! So he asks me and begs me to let him do it. I try not to judge or be an ass. You know its kind of hard to be honest about the shit you like sexually. But I'm not really down for it so I let him ask without shooting him down to hard. So one day he asks me again and I tell him yeah sure..... If you let me fuck you with a strap-on first. Totally joking. The next day I come over and he had a pink spanking new still in the package strap on. Shit you not. Ha made me fucking laugh. I'm kind of an ass though. I never talked to him ever again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbydigital Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 ohh man is that same dude from smxxL's story? i've got a few to add but dont have the time right now.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..romero.. Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 i fucked a black chick once..we made love to the jungle fever soundtrack in the back of her sisters car. that really happened. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheepOrDie Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Ill never know if it was an accident or not, dude was kind of a lunatic anyways so it probably wasn't. I don't know about the ladies you guys are sleeping with... but getting an ass full of cum isn't very fun on my part. Later on I feel like I have to take a crazy poop and nothing comes out but man juice. You know that feeling after you drank too much the night before and you're about to literally pee out of your ass? It's that feeling but instead of beer shits it's semen. Then there's the occasional awkward walk to the bathroom to clean up and avoid making an ass cum mess all over the carpet. There's just some things that people don't tell you about anal sex that they probably should. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 ^:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john brown Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 very appealing, sheep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CannahMontana Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Watered the plants did his dishes coffee whatever to pass the time. best part of the story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 It's ok. Laugh man. That shit is shameful. I laughed.... On that anal tip... Ha this guy I was seeing a few years back hella tried to talk me into it. He was kind of a freak though. He would try and film me and snap flicks of me in the shower. I'm like WTF man I'm just trying to shower! So he asks me and begs me to let him do it. I try not to judge or be an ass. You know its kind of hard to be honest about the shit you like sexually. But I'm not really down for it so I let him ask without shooting him down to hard. So one day he asks me again and I tell him yeah sure..... If you let me fuck you with a strap-on first. Totally joking. The next day I come over and he had a pink spanking new still in the package strap on. Shit you not. Ha made me fucking laugh. I'm kind of an ass though. I never talked to him ever again. ya br0 why you biting xxls story? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eviltrailer77 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 This happened back when I was still in the Navy, and it’s crucial that I describe my buddy Jerry Wayne AKA Jay-Dub, giant goofy Cajun dude. He was from some tiny bayou back water in Louisiana, went about 6’6”, 260 and wore the thickest coke-bottle glasses I have ever seen. You damn near needed subtitles to understand him when he was sober get a few beers in him and he turned in to the Cajun Boomhower. Now that you can picture him here we go… We had just spent about 40 or so days at sea, crossing the “Pac” from San Diego, when we pulled in to Klang, Malaysia. It’s a seaport about ½ an hour by bus from Kuala Lumpur, pier-side by 7 and they started letting us off by 9. A group of us hopped the bus and hit Kuala Lumpur. We grabbed some grub and started a day of drunken debauchery, debauchery and buying counterfeit shoes and clothes. Around 3 Jay-Dub starts in on “Man we need to find us a cat house and get our wicks wet.” I’m not really a whoremonger but I had been drinking for a few hours in the tropical heat with a lowered tolerance, so I said fuck it lets go. The rest of the group wasn’t down, so me and Jay-Dub flagged down a cab and tell the driver what we want. Dude hooks us up with the “massage parlour” action, and we slip him a few ringgit (AKA ring-ding dollars) to wait out front for us. We head up the stairs in to this place and the lobby is like some shit out of Rush Hour, posh as fuck. We picked our whores and head into the back. Walking through the hallway to the back was like walking in to a different world. Shit looked like a warehouse full of office cubicles. It took me a second, but I realize that these weren’t cubicles. It’s a grip of janky-ass “fuck-booths”. At that point I almost bailed on the whole deal, but my dick overruled my booze weakened brain. My whore takes me to her fuck booth, and I start doing my thing. I have the whisky-dick from hell, so I’m just pounding away on this poor little thing for like 15 minutes. Then I here “Hurry up man! Y’all aint supposed to cuddle with ‘em”. I look up and I see two hands and the goofy ass cook-bottle glasses peeking over the partition on the fuck booth. I start yelling at him to beat it and let me fuck my whore; well he doesn’t. What he does instead is start throwing those little snap caps (where he got them I have no idea) at my ass, while laughing like a fucking hyena. I’m mid stroke and I hear *PING* “oh fuck!” *PING* I look up just in time to see the partition come swinging down towards me with him along for the ride. I roll off my whore and on to the floor, just in time to avoid being crushed. My whore wasn’t so lucky, she was still spread eagle on the fuck table. I hear a sound something like “IIIIEEEEEE*WHOOMP*OOOFFFFF!!” I had never heard anything like it before or since. So there I am, bare assed naked on the floor of a janky-ass fuck-booth in a Malaysian whorehouse and all I can think or say is “You smashed my whore”. At that we both just lost it, laughing our asses off. The whores start pouring out of the fuck booths screaming at us, and calling for momma-san. Then it dawns on me what just happened and I realize we gotta get the fuck outta there. I grab my shit and we run for the door, all the while I’m trying to put my drawers on. As we get to the hallway some dude tries to block the door screaming and pointing. I don’t think Jay-Dub even slowed down when he slammed in to dude like a Cajun battering ram and sent him sprawling. He proceeds down the hall, bowling over whores and I think a bartender on the way in to the lobby. By this point I have my drawers and my shoes on, so I’m good to go. We hit the front door and head down the stairs. About halfway down the stairs the first dude Jay-Dub knocked over comes out the door waving a nasty, homemade looking machete, chasing us down the stairs. We get in to the street and we are yelling to our cab to start the car, but he sees machete dude and bails on us. So we had to run 6 or 7 blocks through alley ways and hopping fences till we lost dude. That was the first and last time I went to a whorehouse. cliff notes... went to whorehouse, my buddy breaks the fuck-booth wall, flattening whore, smash our way out, have to run through the streets to ditch machete welding bouncer. Never did get my nut off. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pertplus1 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 hahaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LUGR Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Now that was a cool story br0. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enmity Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 props issued Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sik-TwentyFo Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 No I Said She Was 9 Wen She Left PR, I Had Just Turned 13 Wen We Fucked Nd She Was Going To Be 13 in a month Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sik-TwentyFo Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 so youre 13 and you fucked a 10 year old? :rolleyes: this is why i said that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realism Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Calm down now, we'll get that story appraised real soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 maybe the guy i tried that with isnt the only "curious" one.? Laughs, was his name Johnny? haha ok, so a few years ago..maybe like 6 yrs, i was kinda/sorta talking to this one dude. Some typical Myspace blossomed friendship. A very genuine guy. We talk, we go out, we see eachother..and after a few months he comes over and this would be the 1st time we fuck. Lemme back it up a bit. I had these 2 dogs, 2 bassett hounds. Sassafrass and Ed Earl. Ed Earl was THEEEE most attention seeking dog I have ever known. (also one of the cutest) Typically, when i had 'company' over, he would have to get the boot and get locked out of the room. He was like most dogs, and would sneak up on the bed and try to put his nose where it didnt belong, or you would look up and he would be staring at ya like some creep. He really killed the mood. So, upon being locked out of the room, he would whine, which turned into a howl. I didnt want him waking others up, so the howl wold normally get him access back into the room. When there were times when no one was home, i would let that fucker howl til his lungs hurt. He got wise, and would shit right in front of the door, so as you are opening the door, with the guy you just laid, you both are greeted with a fresh mound of dog shit. Ugh..so embarassing. So back to the story..new dude is over, we are gettin down. Ed earl gets the boot. howls, gets let in room. Jumps on the bed a half million times, and during the act of sex, you are pushing him off the bed..yelling. "ed earl..get down"..it was fucking ridiculous. but hilarious at the same time, especially with this guy, because he had a great sense of humor. Finally Ed Earl decides to calm his ass down, and give me a break. Like a kid who is up to no good, he gets real quiet..but suspiciously quiet. After a few minutes this horrific smell creeps up under our nose..we look over and he is taking a shit right next to the bed. . there was no way to play this off..or try to dismiss it and finish. We had no choice but to laugh..nothing sexier than picking up dog shit while ur naked..and him going around opening windows and spraying air freshener. We decided that sex just wasnt in the books for us..still stay in touch, and are great friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Porcelain Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 this thread reminds of some something. But some years ago someone posted a story about him boning with this chick then falling asleep. shitting himself while asleep then wiping it all over her and inside her crack to make it seem like she did it. i know the full story was more detailed. Anyone remember that one? that shit was so funny i still remember it to this day Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Ferreal Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 yea its funny wen im railin sum a chick and my dog jumps on my bed and starts inspecting. i dont even skip a beat tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMdoubleXL Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 there's a difference between 'inspecting' and feeling a cold ass nose on your ass. And dont lie , I kow one of you sick fucks have not stopped the dog when he wants to taste whats goin on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Yep I also saw 40 year old virgin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deloner Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 My pitbull has seen the naked olympics many many times. My girl thinks dudes a creep, i think its funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BullshitTantrum Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 god worst fucking story ever. i mean that in 3 ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughslast Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 ya br0 why you biting xxls story? Same guy? Idk. He also asked me to pee in his mouth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cro. Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 did you do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 that guy needs to wash his hair... also did you do it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishCarBombs Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 did you do it? also tits or GTFO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newer Bigger Better Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 she posted them in the photohunt thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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