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Drue_Down

Unwanted Houseguests & Worthless People

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I have a rule that I apply for most people (unless you are visiting on vacation for a predetermined ammount of time, which would never be more than 5 days)

 

You can stay every OTHER day/ if you are in a hard spot, you can crash on my couch, or in my sons bedroom (not in his little bed asshole, on the futon we change his diapers on) if I don't have him. Thats the best I can do... every other night. Not 2 nights in a row. Not a weekend. Every other night... you have to wipe your own ass at least half the time no matter what your situation is.

 

I havn't lived with a roomate I didnt fuck (no homo/s) for about 8 years now, and living with girls you date is horrible too. Although you did your part, under no circumstances let her crash on your couch like that again. I knew this one girl who pulled scams and forced her way into homes like this

"hey I just need to crash on your couch for a week, not even that, just 4 or 5 days, Ill give you 50$, you can put it towards the electric bill or something"

 

dude accepts not knowing he legally just accepted rent and has a verbal contract with a sublet tenant. after about a week dude was like "hey, its been over a week, you need to go"

 

she would refuse to leave. she waited for everyone to leave and moved his shit in the living room and tried to take over his room. he called the landlord, who informed him of his horrible legal pitfall, and the landlord had to set through formal eviction proceedings , which take well over a month from filing to eviction... so they had to deal with this psycho bitch basically barricading herself in their bedrooms nd could do nothing about it. even if you take 5$ from a friend to crash for 1 night, if theres no written agreement, its disputable if you admit to taking the money and they are a legally protected tennant/.

 

 

and nobody thought to break into the room she stoled and put a fucking pillow over her face until she stopped breathing?

 

fucking pillows, how do they work?

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Seriously. I've heard stories like that before, and even though I know they're now "legal tenants" blah blah fucking blah, I'd kill a muthafucka for even looking at me like they might wanna pull that shit

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oh, im not saying I would put up with ths shit, the kid whoose room it was was the biggest meth head pussy ever. He always was getting his shit robbed, im just saying it happened

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4018135877_8762233253_m.jpg

 

<Enter the cousin-in law (who my wife barely knows!)

Woman, 42 years old, no looks, no style, no education, no job(just got layed off), no personality, no IQ, no kids, no husband, no boyfriend, ... nothing but 2 cats to go home to.

She has no internet at home, NO E-MAIL ADDRESS, and no credit.

She is dumb as a rock and has no hope of ever getting another job over $7 an hour.

She rents the car, just to park it outside my house since then, broad goes nowhere.

Who the fuck goes on vacation to look for a place to move to, then sits on a strangers couch watching TV all week?!?!?

 

DUDE-

YOU GOT

PLAYED!

 

 

But I'll still prop you for The Simpsons pic.

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There are no pics.

What did you think she did, pose in front of my couch like it was the Pantheon in the background?!

 

It is not like wifey or me felt the need to preserve the moments so we could cherish them for a lifetime.

 

I never want to see her face again.

 

Of course it may have been a different situation if she was remotely smashable.

She was a 42 year old tired ass broad who looked like a thick 55 yr old Kristen Wiig.

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Fuck my story... I was hoping to hear others.

 

I didn't even get into the giraffe smelling ass (word no longer allowed)

 

One was fresh out of the joint, I came home to find him on my bedroom floor crushing cig butts for the bit of tobacco left. He told me that is how they made cigs in county, then asked if I had papers.

 

I even had imm tech on my couch for a few days. He was smellin of goat & thought the Feds were closing in. Tame One also had the scent of alpaca dipped in Cool Water, and smoked my joint by lighting the filter end.

 

But the hippie couch crashers were the worst.

 

Meh but enough shit talking, I'm on the toilet drinking beer, about to shower to kill my own possum funk.

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well you were looking for others... read my story. Im the unwanted house guest that isnt tryin to be there

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Although I obviously HAVE one, I think I'm the only person in the world who doesn't use my email. I can honestly say in the 10 years or so since I discovered the interweb I've sent/received less than 10 emails, not including automatic confirmations, SPAM, forwarded shit I deleted, etc etc

 

you aint the only one nikka

 

i see no point in that shit unless you don't have facebook or something

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i'm a dope house guest

 

 

except for when i got hella hella usad when i got fucked over super terribly by a girl and my brother had to take me in and force feed me

 

 

but i was still pretty funny and cracked hella great jokes to distract myself with his laughter

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Why would you let your cousin in law stay at your house in the first place, with a kid and pregnant girlfriend.. fail. Who can't afford a hotel for a vacation lol.

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^^ broke ass unemployed Detoilet people.

 

I come off as an asshole on the o0ntz, but I'll help anyone.

But by helping people, you should expect a degree of respect.

I wasn't played, walked on, or whatever.

I did my part and got my karma.

 

You are not married (wild assumption) but when you are, sadly her fam is yours now.

I did the right thing, broad did me wrong.

I am okay with the outcome, my life is good, hers is shit.

It is just effed that some people are just so clueless & worthless.

 

I will continue to open my doors to friends, it is just a shame some peoples are lame.

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That's a simple solution. Start pounding beers when you get home from work...pretend your totally wasted at like 11pm...get up and mumble "I iz goan to bed". Stumble to your bedroom, your wife follows and says "I better make sure he's alright, have a good sleep cousin homeless"

 

Then you wait 1 hour, come out to the living room where your Detroit scum bag guest is lying on the couch. You have to look like your sleep walking here, do not respond to anything she says, pull out your dick and start pissing on her face.

 

Problem solved.

 

That's hella money right there.

 

Money, but the problem may not get resolved so easily. I once urinated on a friends girlfriend. Pretty much pissed right on her face while camping, hammered/sleep- walking/zombie mode. You know how it goes. Right? Chea, anyways she fucking loves me. Said friend dropped her years ago, and bitch still be trying to kick it. Always the first one to be telling the golden showers story. She ain't mad at all.

 

I'm fairly sure she wants it to happen again actually.

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Worthless, unintelligent people irritate me bar none. What really shits me are the ones who are completely clueless/oblivious to their own situation and know no higher standards of living. Ive had roommates who ate bags of potato chips for meals, huffed spray paint, starved a dog and proceeded to replace said animal that was set free with new puppy, threaten my life, and just in general lack an education, any motivation, and goals in life. Knew two different girls who had one child with mental problems living with the grandparents, one from Illinois, the other one of which had another child by a sailor from Indiana, and moved out there only to live in a shelter and didn't even have her GED. The dudes parents had the child in their custody and lived in not a trailer park, but a fucking RV park. Why these people come almost exclusively from the midwest is a phenomenon all its own, and the topic of another thread.

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i'm starting to feel lucky that the people i've let stay in my home weren't complete scumbags.

they may have been addicts, or degenerates or whatever, but really it just made for great stories.

i think a lot of them you had to be there for.

this guy passed out in my living room once, it had hard wood floors.

he fell into a daybed kinda thingy and he bounced off of it and directly into the floor, face first. it was sweet.

 

i also used to write on people's faces when they passed out in the house. or go through their pockets haha i think people know better than to pass out around me

 

that said, i'm a great houseguest. i come and buy food, then cook for you and clean it up, take you out for fun times, then you get all my left over paint when i leave.

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ASKIN FOR PICS AGAIN

OF THE BITCH VACATIONIN

FROM MICHIGAN

 

There are no pics.

What did you think she did, pose in front of my couch like it was the Pantheon in the background?!

 

It is not like wifey or me felt the need to preserve the moments so we could cherish them for a lifetime.

 

I never want to see her face again.

 

Of course it may have been a different situation if she was remotely smashable.

She was a 42 year old tired ass broad who looked like a thick 55 yr old Kristen Wiig.

 

5179750884_0ba9bc51fb_z.jpg

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my old man got fed up with me at about 17, and kicked my ass out. he was a g about it and paid for a shitty motel with a kitchen for a week and said after that i was on my own.

 

after the week was up, i had solidified a good paying job, but the problem was waiting the two weeks to get paid to put together a damage deposit. i called up the only kid i knew with his own place and got the blessing to chill there. i crashed on the couch for two nights, chilled with a girl the next, and got the fuck up outta there. never went back to this dudes house, thanked the dude for his hospitality, that was it.

 

fast forward 6 months, i had my own place, steady job, life was looking up. i received a call from the dude who had let me crash initially, saying he got evicted cause of late payment and he was fucked. naturally, i welcomed him into my place, thinkin this was only going to be temporary.

 

this motherfucker. i wasnt even great friends with him. he stayed on that fuckin couch all day, playing my xbox, smoking my cigs, i had to get to hiding my fucking weed, like he was a thirteen year old kid. drinkin my booze n shit. never paid a cent, never even offered to clean the place. the fucking worst was going to work at 5am and seeing him sit up and be like "yo have a good day at work, B", and then nestle in for a good 5 more hours of sleep. shit went on for close to two months, and every fucking day i would blatantly tell this faggot to get his shit together and get out. i guess me crashing on his couch for two days somehow accounted for him being a lazy fuck and thinking he could freeload off me for months at a time. dude would order pizza to the house, have no money and expect it to get paid for, and that half the pie was rightfully his.

 

honestly, i lucked out. i was friends with this homey who was hustling at the time. i guess dude who stayed at my house got mouthy one night at the bar and got all his teeth smashed out by homey with a baton. the nuisance was scared shitless, and never came back, i guess fearing that my homey would show up there and fuck him up again. i never gave him a key, but i sure as fuck changed all the locks once he had finally fucked off. i left his shit outside, consisting of two dirty t-shirts and a chair. someone took it, i never found out if it was him or not.

 

cool story bra, i know.

but it was applicable.

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