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Abracadabra

THE 12oz SAGA

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when i was at school and a teacher didn't bother turning up for class (or we had a teacher we ignored), we would pass a piece of paper around the room and everyone would write a line or two of a story. at the end someone would get up and read the story and we would all laugh. it was fun. so anyway, i thought we could get it going on here, and se what we could come up with. here's the first line:

 

 

there was a young german boy named hans. he was a quiet boy, sometimes sad. he had a dog named ralph.....

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Ralph would often times bite his master, hans, because he was always sad. Hans went to the local pet shop and got a playmate for Ralph...

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.......a cat named fifi , the two got along great and were often seen rolling on the lawn , but one day

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...fifi became a bit chubby and could no longer play in the front lawn with ralph. after a few months....

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...her past would resurface and she would find herself reaching for the marshmallow peeps. Between bouts of anxiety and depression, she felt...

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Guest imported_Tesseract

...She had to breakthrought, so she bought a truck...

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which was mildly entertaining for a few months, but then harsh reality set in- cats can't drive....

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Guest imported_Tesseract

...and then the cat said 'fuck reality' i'll rent a mig29 its faster than this truck

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so, the cat pursued this dream of owning a mig29. this vain dream never became a reality do to a freak accident involving a lawn mower witch left her with one hind leg......how could a cat drive?.....

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Guest imported_Tesseract

so she decided that despite her loss, her spirit was meant to be free. She wanted to reject fear out of her life, she got a dog boyfriend and went to the pool twice a day.

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she decided that going to the pool twice a day just wasnt cutting it..i mean, who likes chlorine and cranky teen life guards? she and her dog boyfriend, sailed in a pea grean boat to the ivory coast, to pursue a more divine, and true beach experience

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Where later in their voyage the came across a tribe of cannibalists. The cannibals met our featured pair with the look of years of hunger in their eyes...

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Guest imported_Tesseract

the cannibals ate the dog but they had a religious thing concerning cats, so fifi became their goddess. They even made a cat shaped ship...

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...it was at this time that raph decided to buy himself a bee bee gun, he went out about the island shooting only what he needed for food...fifi never liked the gun, claiming ralphie would soon shoot his eye out...destruction draws nearer..

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ralphie is dead...tesseract killed him

 

continuing on....

 

fifi was utterly devastated at the loss of her dear ralphie, but knew she must uphold her goddess image, fearing that if the cannibal tribe of cats grew tired of her...they would turn on her with no mercy

she began to plot an escape...

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Guest imported_Tesseract

So with the image of raplhies eyes flashin once in a while (ralph by the way got a liltle airheaded and asked for a lot of money, so i had to kill him) fifi was planning to escape to the alpes where as she read ol'frankenstein had found peace in the past...

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awww..jesus...tesseract beat me agian, damn you!...fuck..aight..

 

 

Upon escaping from her people, and her past, fifi then founded one of the best cat ski resorts in the whole entire world...it was then when she met an new man...

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so everynight, for six months she worked dilligently on building a hot air balloon out of various african wildlife...when the moon was right, and the stars were properly aligned, she would make her escape...as the day drew nearer.......

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...Fifi could smell victory in the air. She was ready to use her hot air balloon made of make-shift, animal skins, twine, hair, and her own feces for fuel. She then got in her balloon and she was pleasantly gliding along, while unbeknownst to her a danger lurked below...

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