JoeyLawrence Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 I am a frat guy. I live in a frat house. I go to frat parties. I fight. I especially like to fight independents. I think if independents were cool they would have pledged a frat in the first place. I know that independents are jealous of my social life. I believe that I am more fun and can party harder than any GDI. I am exclusive. I run dances. I am the brains behind Spring Break. I am the reason road trips exist. I hope you enjoyed my homecoming party last Friday. I can recite the Greek alphabet before the fire of a match burns out. I can rattle off all of my founding fathers as well as my fraternity obligations, but I don't know the words to my school song or my accounting prof's last name. I don't go to class. I never study. I devise elaborate schemes to cheat on my exams. I don't buy books. I have a 1.6 GPA. I have an endless supply of doctor notes from the campus health center. I will take the job you should have gotten. I will be your boss. I can bullshit better and faster. I am thankful that my after graduation. I give more than $1,000 of my parents' money in social dues each year to promote my frat's alcoholism problem. I drink because I am cool. I drink a lot because I am cooler than you. I serve alcohol to minors. I urinate in public. I do keg stands and have keg parties. I am the master at Indians. I own you in quarters. I have never not gotten shitty in the game "I never". If I can't find my beer bong I know I can find one next door. I don't binge drink-I continually drink. I have a pre-funk for the "pre-funk". I can dance. I wear my letters. I billboard my frat on sweatshirts. Most of my T-shirts are sorority T-shirts to show all my brothers how many bitches I have tagged. I wear long sleeved T-shirts under short sleeved T's. I own many plaid button-downs. I tuck in my shirt. I own one baseball hat. I live in my khakis. I wear Timberlands in the winter and sandals in the summer. Sometimes I wear sandals in the winter because I can. I drive a sports utility vehicle with a bike rack. I play with my dog in the front lawn. My hair is a mess yet totally in style. I sometimes don't shave for weeks at a time. I am vogue. Ladies love me, but more importantly, I know ladies love me. I will never commit to just one girl. If I pretend to commit to one girl, it is just so I can have sex whenever I want it (plus I cheat on her). I don't wear condoms because it doesn't feel as good. I believe a girl gives up her right to say "no" if she is in my frat house after 1:30 a.m. I am shady. I am also sketchy. I don't care about what girls have to say. I only care about me. I will say anything to get a girl into bed. I will say even more to get a freshman girl in bed because I know she'll believe it. I am loud and obnoxious wherever I go in public. I live in filth. I enjoy the smell of old beer in carpet. I prefer a dingy frat house to a clean apartment. I think living among rodents builds character. I leave the seat up. I can't clean up after myself. I put on a great front for parent's weekend. No one can see through me. I know every word to every song by Willie Nelson, David Alan Coe, Dave Matthews Band (so I can get laid) and the Greatful Dead. I will sing them for you if I haven't picked up by nights end. I can't remember my parents home phone number, but I do know every digit to their calling card number. I haze my pledges. I make them clean my house. I emotionally scar them for life. I abuse them physically. I make them cry. I then call them wimps. I later call them my brother if they don't de-pledge along the way. I know hell week. I am everything that is wrong in America. I am everything you wish you could be. I am a Frat Guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRAMP Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 uhhh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~KRYLON2~ Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 thats longer than my engish report on "of mice and men" " george can i tend the rabbits" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODW Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 frats are fuckin gay. but oh well, i brush them off and be glad that i dont have to buy my friends like those bitches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chizm Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 my cousin is part of a fraternity. he said thats a lot of frat guys smoke a lot of weed and do a lot of E. doesn't surprise me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrImeY Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Frats are for faggots who cant make friends and they are full of hardcore posers all the frat kids who are at my school are pussies and couldnt beat up a sorority girl one on one unless their frat friends jump in. same goes for you sound like a major fucking loser so go get trendy and remain a pussy. I reallyhope your joking man game over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sectorTVA Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 yeah frats suck...about the 1.6 gpa...they at least need a 2 after 2 semesters to stay in college where im at...im making a 1.9 right now...they (university) gathered up all the students making 2.0 and below and talked shit to us for a few hours on sunday....fuck them and the waste of my time....i know what i need to do.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr. frink one Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 serisouly...i don't think i have used the word faggot in about 3 years... frat boys get the dick... thats all I have to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Intangible Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 yes ummm....uh....yes..uh GLLLYYYYYYVIN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeyLawrence Posted January 8, 2002 Author Share Posted January 8, 2002 Sometimes I wear sandals in the winter because I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASER1NE Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 i think frat boys are cool , beer , weed , women , friends , parties , freshmen:cool: filth .........whats not to like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pistol Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Greek Sex:eek: :dazed: :D :o :( :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shameless self promotion Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 These are the kids that spread disease and conformity throughout the nation... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HESHIANDET Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 a few years ago i watched a frat house burn down. it was fucking great. meatheads were crying, i was reveling.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Good Morning Captain Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 The first college I went to was very frat oriented. Being there I noticed that a large portion of frat guys are the most socially inept people on campus. Alot of them lack any amount of self confidence or social skills to make friends on their own so they get mommy and daddy to pay their dues and whamo suddenly they are in a frat and have friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OPIUM3 Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 frats are just high school mentality for another 4 years... please try to mature. And yes, frats get the dick from each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seven.13 Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 I kicked 3 frat boys asses in a drinking contest when a few days after my 15th birthday. My cousin is still very proud of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobobi11 Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Great little satire piece Popgun, but I take offense at the use of the Dead for your little tale. Have a little respect for us hippies.:crazy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 i dated two frat boys. i should've learned the first time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graffsurgeon Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 Originally posted by GrImeY Frats are for faggots who cant make friends and they are full of hardcore posers all the frat kids who are at my school are pussies and couldnt beat up a sorority girl one on one unless their frat friends jump in. same goes for you sound like a major fucking loser so go get trendy and remain a pussy. I reallyhope your joking man game over. word kid you got it. frats are for highschool faggots who couldent make any friends so they join up with them cats in hope of recovery..fuck frats theyre for mindless fucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODW Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 fuckin pussies, fuck em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeyLawrence Posted January 8, 2002 Author Share Posted January 8, 2002 I just got some abercrombie cargo shorts that come all frayed and cut-off at the bottom...they're gonna kick some ass with my pale yellow polo shirt collection in the spring. ahahaha fratboy life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T.T Boy Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 i dont think we have frats up here, maybe im wrong but ive never seen a frat house in person. although my cousin was a frat boy at harvard.... but he knows hes a bitch, i hassle him all the time about it, and i kick his ass im drinking games every time we meet. but hes a harvard doctor and im jealous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dazzle Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 You need to be in a frat to drink, party, and do drugs?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hipnos Posted January 8, 2002 Share Posted January 8, 2002 frats are only good for taking alcohol from and then leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graffsurgeon Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 Originally posted by hipnos frats are only good for taking alcohol from and then leaving. same with house parties, take the shit, go home, and play some video games by yourself in your room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dBUSH Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 there are a lot of frats around here. a lot of those kids are pretty rediculous. but hey- my hair is jacked up and so is my toilet seat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest L.RonHubbard Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 a frat boy once told me this "i heard you got turntables man...you like hiphop? i heard this one group Jurassic Five. THey are totally WACK!!!!" he was tryin to be down by speakin "my" slang language, except that he thought wack meant good. i i was rollin because he was one of them COUNTING CROWS niggas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Intangible Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 True but Animal House was the shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garcia_vega Posted January 9, 2002 Share Posted January 9, 2002 the last time i was in a frat house, my friend thrasher ben put his head through their drywall, and i slashed the felt on their pool table with a utility knife. hahaha! another time my friend had beef with some frat guy, so he ran into the house in the middle of one of their parties and knocked him out cold with a sock full of quarters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.